Jonathan Crane sighed as he poured over patient files at his desk, dreading the end of the workday. It was September 4th, which meant only one unfortunate thing - it was his birthday. Every year Jonathan tried to ignore the dreaded date, hoping if he didn't acknowledge it then nobody else would either. But inevitably, someone would remember and force him to endure an awkward celebratory lunch in the cafeteria.
This year, Jonathan was fervently hoping he could slip away early and avoid any acknowledgement of growing another year older. Lost in thought, Jonathan jumped in surprise as a cheery voice cut into the silence of his office.
"Happy birthday, Dr. Crane!" Dr. Leland greeted him with a wide smile that made him instantly suspicious. "I hope you haven't made any plans for this evening, because we're throwing you a special party!"
Jonathan grimaced, his worst fears confirmed. "That won't be necessary, Joan. I'd rather just-"
"Nonsense!" She cut him off cheerily. "We're taking you to Chuck E. Cheese!" Leland declared.
Jonathan's face paled. "A children's pizza restaurant? You must be joking."
"I never joke about birthdays!" Leland said. "Now come on, we made a reservation just for you!"
Jonathan's protests fell on deaf ears as his colleagues ushered him outside and into a waiting car. He rode rigidly in the backseat, clutching his briefcase like a shield. This was absurd. He was one of the most renowned psychiatrists in Gotham, not some child in need of a pizza party.
When they arrived, Jonathan cringed at the garish flashing lights and screams of children. Leland led them inside to a corner table covered in cardboard decorations and pointy paper hats.
"Have a seat birthday boy!" Leland said, placing a hat on Jonathan's head. He frowned, sitting uncomfortably on a tiny chair. How humiliating.
Children at nearby tables stopped playing to stare confusedly at the awkward, lanky man in a suit sitting at the birthday table. Jonathan avoided their gaze, feeling utterly ridiculous.
A teenage server appeared, chomping gum. "Uh, what can I get you to drink?"
"A very strong whiskey if you have it," Jonathan said miserably.
The server laughed. "Dude this is Chuck E. Cheese, I can get you a root beer float or something."
Jonathan resigned himself to a root beer float as his colleagues ordered nauseatingly cheerful drinks like Lemonberry Twist. This was a nightmare.
Soon the table was loaded with greasy pizza, fried mozzarella sticks, and other nightmares. Jonathan nibbled politely, too disgusted to eat. Children kept stopping by to gawk at the strange man.
"Why is that guy wearing a tie at Chuck E. Cheese?" Jonathan heard a young boy ask his mother. She shushed him and pulled him along, but continued peering curiously at Jonathan.
"Let's play some games!" Leland said eagerly. Jonathan declined, choosing to wallow quietly in misery as his coworkers scurried off.
A tiny girl with pigtails appeared next to Jonathan. "Why are you dressed like my principal?" she asked.
"I'm not," Jonathan replied curtly. "Go away child."
She cocked her head. "Is it your birthday? My mom had a party here for my birthday too! But I'm only seven. How old are you?"
Jonathan scowled. "Old enough to know this is foolish. Now leave me alone."
The girl skipped away and Jonathan prayed for this torment to end swiftly.
Soon his colleagues returned, arms filled with cheap toys from the arcade.
"Present time!" Leland declared.
Jonathan watched sullenly as his coworkers piled garishly wrapped boxes onto the table. Leland handed him a messily wrapped gift. Gripping it with distaste, he slowly tore off the paper.
Inside was a colorful children’s xylophone with cartoon animals painted on it.
“Isn’t this fun?” Leland said as Jonathan stared back, aghast.
A few kids playing nearby wandered over to see. “Cool, a xylophone!” one boy exclaimed.
Jonathan forced a tight smile. “Yes...how lovely.” He reluctantly plinked a few notes on it as the children watched, fascinated.
The next gift was even worse - a book titled “101 Science Experiments for Kids.” Jonathan's eye twitched as he flipped through pages of baking soda volcanoes and lemon juice rockets.
“You can do these with your family!” his colleague Amy said eagerly.
Jonathan imagined himself surrounded by laughing children as fizzing lemon juice erupted everywhere. A nightmare.
Another gift was a large box of Legos, eliciting oohs and aahs from the kids crowded around him. “I love Legos!” said a girl with pigtails. “Can I play with them?”
“Absolutely not,” Jonathan sputtered, shoving the Legos away from her grasping hands. Honestly, did they think he was a child?
The last gift was the final blow - a Baby Einstein keyboard mat with colorful light-up keys and simple melodies. The children jumped excitedly as Jonathan reluctantly pressed a key, emitting a twinkling lullaby.
“This is...perfectly unacceptable,” Jonathan said through gritted teeth.
Suddenly, raucous laughter filled the air as the Joker himself appeared, wheeling an enormous clown-faced cake. A parade of children wearing Joker masks followed behind him.
"Happy birthday Dr. Crane!" the Joker announced in his chilling voice.
Jonathan sank down, humiliated as all eyes in the restaurant turned to stare. The children gathered around the table, launching into the loudest rendition of Happy Birthday he'd ever heard.
Jonathan sat rigidly, face burning, as the discordant singing seemed to go on forever. Finally it ended.
"Make a wish!" Leland yelled over the noise.
Jonathan leaned forward to blow out the candles, glaring venomously at the grinning Joker.
As he blew them out, the cake exploded in his face, covering him in frosting. Jonathan stumbled back, wiping cake from his face as laughter erupted.
The Joker cackled wildly. "Got you! A surprise inside the cake - how delightful!"
Jonathan stood there mortified as frosting dripped from his hair down his formerly pristine suit. The children pointed and jeered.
"Look at the funny cake man!" one shouted gleefully.
Jonathan ripped off his frosting-coated glasses and glared around in rage. "You vile, repulsive cretins!" he shouted. "How dare you humiliate me this way!"
The Joker wheezed with laughter. "Lighten up, Crane It's just a joke for your special day."
Dr. Leland tried apologizing over the raucous laughter. "I'm so sorry Dr. Crane, we didn't know the cake would do that!"
Jonathan snarled at her through clenched teeth. "You will rue this day, I swear it. The Scarecrow will make you pay for this disgrace!"
With as much dignity as he could muster while covered in cake, Jonathan turned and stormed out, shoving past the mob of pointing, giggling children. There would be retribution for this unforgivable humiliation.
The next day at Arkham, Jonathan locked himself in his office, fuming. He paced rapidly, formulating his revenge. His gaze landed on the secret cabinet where he kept his Scarecrow equipment...
Yes. It was time to remind them who they were dealing with. The Scarecrow would rise again and deliver a "party" they'd never forget.
Jonathan donned the mask, feeling powerful. He loaded cans of fear toxin into a briefcase. Then he slipped into Arkham's hallways, on the hunt.
He spotted an orderly first and grabbed him from behind, spraying a faceful of gas. The man screamed as terrifying visions flooded his mind. Jonathan left him retching on the floor.
Next was a nurse. Jonathan burst into the medication room and blasted her with toxin too. "No, get away!" she shrieked at imaginary monsters. Excellent.
Jonathan prowled the halls, releasing more bursts of toxin. Inmates and orderlies alike wailed and convulsed in terror. It was music to his ears.
Finally, he reached Dr. Leland's office. He slipped inside soundlessly, creeping up behind where she sat doing paperwork.
"Did you enjoy the party, Joan?" he rasped in his eerie Scarecrow voice.
Leland jumped, gasping as she took in the nightmarish mask leering down at her. "Dr. Crane! What are you doing?"
"Ensuring you never mock me again," Jonathan replied. With a burst of fear gas directly to her face, Leland joined the asylum population in screaming mindless fear.
Jonathan glided from office to office, leaving his colleagues choking on madness. "Happy birthday to me," he muttered with sadistic glee.
Soon the entire asylum was engulfed in horror. Jonathan stood in the lobby, drinking in the symphony of shrieks.
"Thank you for the party," he announced to his quivering coworkers. "I must say this one was infinitely better. I trust we've reached an understanding about respect?"
Leaving them to simmer in their terror, Jonathan strolled out whistling a cheerful tune. The Scarecrow's work was complete...for now.
