For the next few days, I'm on cloud nine. Other than the mild embarrassment of coming back to the cottage the next morning to a giggling Auntie and Oscar pretending to disapprove, but islanders are quite relaxed about sex, so he doesn't really think we're doing anything wrong. Just that we're moving a bit too quickly.
I've all but moved into Petir's cottage. But Auntie insists I at least keep my things with her still since the relationship is so new.
I can still hardly even communicate with Petir, so maybe you would say our relationship is only physical but I'm happy. I like what we do together and I feel safe in his company. Practicing Graboshen with a native speaker is useful too.
This morning I wake up in Petir's arms, we have quick morning sex then leave Petir's cabin to go have breakfast with Auntie and Oscar. Being a bachelor until recently, Petir eats most days with us. I could cook for him now but it's nice to eat together as a group and even if we got married I'm sure we would still come to eat with them. Goblins don't like eating alone. It already sort of feels like I'm eating with my inlaws.
Our conversation is cheerful, no one here has asked about my situation, and honestly, I prefer it that way.
After I help Auntie do the dishes, I go and help the boys work around the farm. We finished planting the beans already and today it's decided we'll begin building their trellises. Petir cuts branches off a line of yew trees growing along one edge of the farm, Oscar cuts them to size and finds any spare sticks from last year in the shed, While I twist flax fibre into a very loose twine. The boys finish collecting sticks first and use what twine I've already made to begin tying up the trellises along the bean rows. We have to enlist Auntie to make the twine fast enough but soon all ten rows of trellises are built. We will need to weed them a few times and Petir will water them each morning until they're established, but otherwise, this patch is finished until harvest 4 months from now.
Our labour went quite fast with the four of us working, it's only early afternoon when Oscar says that we're finished for the day. He's still having some issues with his back and doesn't like asking us youngsters to work while he's resting. However, due to his age, he's very soon going to have to let us take over.
Petir asks me if I'd like to come to have lunch with him, but I tell him I have plans alone today, so I bid my man good afternoon and wander to a secluded part of the farm.
I have something very exciting to experiment with today, magic.
There's been a tingling on my skin and in the back of my throat for weeks now. I thought it was my injuries for a while but my injuries are all healed, my intuition is telling me that what I'm feeling is the energy that I inhaled when Gordon was attacking me. Miasma. That's what I must have breathed in back then. I had originally decided to wait to practice magic until I could find someone to teach me. But I mean, magic.
Could anyone resist?
Honestly, I know very little about magic. I know shaman breath miasma to spellcast though. I also know shamans make a lot of money.
I find a spot to sit under the yew trees Petir collected sticks at earlier. The yews line a stream that marks where the Dirtytoe farm ends. I find a clean mossy patch and sit down cross-legged by the brook where I'm hidden from behind by the yews and hidden by the brush that grows on the other side of the stream.
I take deep breaths. The last time I did this I was panicking and half suffocated, this time I will be calm and ready. I'd also taken in far too much miasma last time, but I know in my gut, in the same way, I feel miasma on my skin and throat, that it's possible to take in less.
I exhale the air from my lungs, then take a sip of magic. Just a drop compared to last time. It's as easy as breathing. I feel the cold drop of energy spread from my lungs and dilute itself into my body. Unlike last time the energy circulates in slow, meandering paths through me.
I still can't breathe though. I try to take in air but pull another drop of miasma instead. Ok, so far this is going well, but if I can't breathe when I have miasma in me, I need to figure out how to expel these two drops before I suffocate. A tiny amount of panic rises up my throat. And the energy responds, its circulation quickens and warms up a touch.
Magic responds to my mental state apparently. That's a good start but I still need a way to expel this energy, and soon. Last time the pathway opened between Gordon and me seemingly automatically, so I try pressing my palm to the ground.
Nothing happens.
I regret going somewhere private to practice magic. I'm not sure what anyone else could do but I would at least feel better if I wasn't alone. I can't panic, I'll just keep trying and hopefully something in the next 30 seconds works.
I calm myself down. My instincts aren't telling me I'm in danger yet. I stop trying to make a pathway in my arm and instead focus on the now warm energy circulating me. I don't need this energy, I let it go.
I exhale.
I inhale fresh cool air.
I exhale.
I inhale cold miasma.
I repeat this process instinctually. As soon as I try to take conscious control of my miasma-breath it gets stuck in my lungs. Well, I can breathe magic now. That's cool, but I want to shoot fireballs or something.
I exhale miasma, take in air, and then exhale. It feels odd to suddenly breathe in a new way but also entirely natural. I inhale miasma. I hold a second, I try to inhale air, but I can't, I give back into my instincts and exhale the miasma.
This breathing practice has become so calming I'm practically falling asleep. But soon I need to go help Auntie with the housework, I stop breathing miasma and go back to the cottage. I haven't figured spells out yet but I'll get there.
The next morning waking up in Petir's arms I feel amazing. I'm safe, I can breathe magic and I'm being fucked every night and morning by a guy I like. I wish I could say I love him, but honestly, I think our relationship isn't going to get past physical. Speaking of physical, I wake him up with my mouth (a trick I recently learnt) and then very vigorously ride him to start the morning right. Once we're finished and I'm dressing myself, he decides he wants another go and takes me from behind. Once he's finally satisfied I quickly clean him in my mouth, which of course gets him going again. Goblins like having sex.
By the time we're dressed and out the door, Auntie and Oscar are already finished eating. After inhaling breakfast I clean up and then help Auntie load the cart, we're going to market today. The cart is especially heavy today as I push it through the dusty road towards Grabosh City.
Auntie decides to break the silence as she walks next to the cart. "I hate to pry, and I really am happy for you. But I just want to know you are safe, is Petir treating you well? Are you sure you're ready for a relationship? After... Well, you know."
Auntie has never asked me what's happened, but I know she's aware I was sexually abused.
"Yes, I'm safe and happy, Petir is nothing but sweet to me. I didn't think I would be ready, but I like where we're at. Even if we can't speak much..."
"Oh? But your Graboshen has improved immensely these last few weeks. It's really very impressive how quickly you seem to pick it up."
She's right that language isn't the problem anymore. Not that I speak Graboshen perfectly or even close, but I already roughly knew the grammar and only needed better pronunciation and more vocabulary.
No, language wasn't the problem. "We don't have anything to talk about. He grew up in the slums, I grew up in Perrifare. Other than farming every conversation ends quickly. I like him but I don't think we're very compatible."
"You'll figure it out dear. Just to be sure, you are using contraceptives?"
"Bleed root."
Auntie nods.
We walk in silence for the rest of the way to the market. Once we arrive we begin to set up the cart, but before I can go fetch the chairs, Paulo, the tile maker gets our attention.
"A magistrate's man is looking for you Pimple. They say you aren't in trouble necessarily, but they want to talk to you. One came yesterday asking for anyone who knew the whereabouts of a silver-haired pink goblin." Says the old orc. "We all knew it must be you, but decided to let you decide what to do. So the magistrate doesn't know where you are yet."
Well fuck. Fuck shit piss. I was really hoping I'd escaped my maybe crimes. At least they aren't asking for my arrest yet. Or maybe they just said I'm not in trouble because they want to catch me off guard.
I turn to Auntie, trying to see her reaction, I wonder if any of her previous strays were criminals. She returns my look but says to Paulo.
"Thank you, Paulo, we'll take care of it." Who nods and then wanders back into the crowd.
To me she says "What do you want to do? If you want to hide I'm afraid that everyone already knows you're staying with me and your appearance is quite distinctive. Or I can get you some money if you need it and you can run." She is far too kind, she still hasn't even asked what I did. "Otherwise if you really aren't in trouble like Paulo said, and they just want to talk to you or for you to give witness I suggest you go to them. The magistrates can be quite reasonable."
"I don't know what to do, I don't know if I'm in trouble or not. Can I go home and think about it?" After only three weeks, I already consider the Dirtytoe farm home. I don't want to leave.
"Ok dear, let's go home, you can tell me about it if you need to." And just like that we're packing up and leaving again. I put my pink hood up, I doubt it makes a difference as everyone knows who I am next to Auntie. I wish my hair wasn't so recognizable.
I decide to tell Auntie and Oscar the truth. Once we're back around the kitchen table in the Dirtytoe cottage and Auntie has fetched Oscar, I begin my story from the start.
I tell them how I left Perrifare to escape my arranged marriage. How we fought the marmaluke, about how I stayed with Gordon, and how my escape from his advances ended with his death by my magic. I also explain how I stole all my Sick Loot from his house.
Auntie and Oscar listen to the end, then sit quietly in thought for a few minutes.
"I think you should go to the magistrates dear. You never did anything wrong! You didn't even know you could use magic! And after what he tried to do!" Auntie begins, but Oscar puts his hand on her shoulder from where he's sitting next to her.
"Think carefully what you want to do next Pimple, the Magistrate's men will come here for you eventually and it'll be better if you go to them rather than them coming to you. But if you want to run, we can get you off Grabosh, you speak Nudraki don't you? The cult can get you set up in Nudrak if you want."
He pats Auntie's arm before continuing, "Magistrates can be very reasonable, but we're goblins and it sounds like Gordon was a wealthy orc. If it's as you say and there aren't very many witnesses, it's very hard to know if they'd take your word seriously. You aren't wrong if you want to run away."
It's my turn to sit in silence for a minute. I don't want to go.
"I'll talk to the Magistrate."
