I was in my apartment hallway. The lights flickered. The hall extended far into the distance. Perspective fading the hall down into a dark point. The walls had no doors. I walked for what seemed an eternity. I turned. The lights behind had stopped flickering and were now completely dark. Nothing for it. I continued down the lighted portion of the hall. Until I reached 303. The only door in the never ending hall. My door. I pushed it open, dreading what I might find. Inside were three figures. The same guy as before. His face clouded by memory, though I could still tell he was laughing. At his feet was Tess. Her eyes were blank. Lifeless. Her head pushed back to make room for the third figure, whose mouth was wrapped around Tess’ neck. Blood poured from the point of contact. The figure released Tess’ throat to turn to me and hiss. It was—it was me. The scene froze. I saw my own face twisted by rage, and covered in blood. The stranger behind the other me frozen, head thrown back mid-laugh. The only movement was the blood that poured from Tess’ ravaged neck. I stared. Frozen myself. Tess’ lifeless eyes snapped to me. Her arm lifted to point a finger at me. She tried to speak. No sound made it past her ruined neck, but the accusation was obvious. My heart sank. Unable to turn away from the scene. I felt a hand slip into mine. The hand squeezed. I felt a thumb caress the back of my hand, the way Tess used to. 

“You weren't yourself,” Tess said.

Not the Tess before me. A different Tess. One beside me, holding my hand. Comforting me.

“You're dead. I saw your body.” I paused, taking in the scene before me. A memory? The fabrication of a grieving mind? “I killed you.” Not a question. A statement. 

“You weren't yourself,” Tess repeated. “Look at your eyes.”

I did. I stared into the face of the other me. Expression still locked in snarling rage. The eyes were mine. 

“Look deeper,” the Tess beside me told me.

“They're my eyes. I killed you.” I felt a hand cup my cheek. Gentle pressure turned my face away from the still frozen, grisly scene. I couldn't see this other Tess, but I could feel her touch. Her gentle caress. 

“Jane. My love. That's not you. Those eyes are filled with hate and rage. The Jane I knew didn't have a hateful bone in her body.”

“I don't know about that.”

“You're a good person, Jane.”

“Am I? Look what—” I coughed, choking back a sob, “look what I did to you.” I turned back to the scene. Forced myself to take in every grisly detail. If reliving this nightmare was my penance, I'd accept it. I deserved so much worse.

The Tess beside me repeated the motion to pull my gaze away, “Jane. I fell in love with you because you care. About everyone. Everything. You care with your whole heart.”

I felt her lay a hand over where my heart no longer beat. “I'm—” I started, “this is a nightmare. Everything here is just a manifestation of my conscience.” The scene faded. I stood in a field of black. Not alone. Tess remained, holding my hand. “You're part of my conscience too. I'm just— my mind is trying to absolve itself. You're not real. You can't be real. I saw your body.”

“Oh? I'm not real am I?”

She laughed. Not a malicious laugh, but the high, tinkling laugh she always did when she found something genuinely funny.

I felt her take both my hands in hers. I felt her lips press against mine. 

She whispered, “good morning, Jane.”

I woke in the pitch black of Juliet's spare room. I felt around the bed for Tess. I was alone. Fuck. It was the night before Tess’ funeral. I guessed that was hitting me pretty hard. The nightmares had been getting worse, more frequent, and ramping up in intensity. Aside from the one incidental occasion I hadn't yet figured out how to wake up during the day, though I could stay awake past dawn if I was already up from the night prior. The funeral was at 1400 tomorrow, which meant I'd be awake all of tonight, and most of tomorrow. I left the room, and checked the fridge to count my blood bags. The last few days in Juliet's house had given me the freedom to test my limitations. It turned out I had been way overfeeding myself. Eating every day out of habit. I hadn’t had a drop of blood at Jules’ place until night four, and I felt like I could go longer. As long as I didn’t do anything strenuous. Like resisting the dawn urge to sleep, which really took something out of me. I had to feed after trying something like that. The meat drawer held five bags. I'd need at least two. Maybe three of them by the following night. But I had to be there for Tess’ funeral. Jules had thrifted some blackout curtains so I could be out in the main house during the day, and we had tested the video call between her phone and tablet. I’d be able to watch the funeral from her TV. Jules had swapped her sleep schedule back to days so I had to keep quiet while I was up overnight, but her house was well built, and I could walk around without worrying about creaking floorboards waking my friend. I grabbed the swiffer and set to work. A bit of cleaning was the least I could do to pay back Jules for putting me up. Besides, my mind worked better if I could keep my hands busy, and I had a lot to think about. Try to parse the meaning, if any, from my nightmares. I felt heavy. The weight of everything that happened the last couple weeks catching up to me. Tess is dead. Gone. How long did vampires live, anyway? Would I have to exist an eternity without her? What kind of life would that be? Or worse, would I forget her if enough years went by? I already felt like I had a Tess sized hole in my heart, and while I had never experienced loss like this before, but I had seen the grief box diagram. What would that look like after centuries? What was it my therapist had said? I had been seeing her about the Renfrue murder, but I guessed it applied here, too. I felt guilty. Like Tess’ death was my fault. The therapist had asked me if I was being fair to myself. I took time to consider that. Relived Tess' murder over and over in my head. I thought of my nightmare interpretation of it. I thought about my fight in the tunnels. Came out on top in a ten on one fight. If the guy who turned me and killed Tess was half the vampire I was now, it was no wonder I had my ass handed to me. I tried to convince myself I had done all I could. Really, I knew I had. I had tried my best. It wasn't good enough. But I did try. I didn't feel much better, but I figured the therapist would be happy I was making the attempt. 

 

—*—

 

I put on coffee when Jules woke up. She gave me an appreciative nod when she poured herself a cup.

“Ready?” she asked me.

“Fuck no.”

“How’re the nightmares?”

“Worse.”

“Well, maybe the funeral will give you a bit of closure.”

“Yeah, maybe. Dunno if I want the nightmares to stop, though. At least Tess is there.”

“Grief has a weird way of manifesting.”

I sat on the couch while Jules got ready for the funeral. Light makeup, and a smart black pantsuit. “Hey.” She interrupted my reverie, “remember how to tie a tie? Haven’t had to wear one since the Academy.”

“Yeah.” I stood and walked over to her. I took the two ends of Jules’ tie in my hands and paused.

“Don’t tell me you forgot, too?” 

“No, no. I’ve got it. Just need a minute.” Like in my dreams I felt Tess’ hands cover mine. I felt her guide my hands through the knot, and cinch it up to Juliet’s neck. 

Jules must’ve seen the look on my face, “Jane?” she asked, “you okay?”

“I— I’m not. No. I feel her. Tess. Like she’s here with me.”

Juliet placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, “Jane. She’ll always be with you. You don’t forget someone that meant that much to you that easily.”

“Not what I meant. I mean— she’s— I felt— nevermind.”

“You’ll be all right. Just give it time, yeah?”

“I guess.”

Jules left for the funeral, and I sat on the couch, waiting for her call. I held my hand in front of my eyes. Gray and clammy. Dead. I supposed I had let my concentration lapse on keeping myself looking alive. I focused, and pushed life through my veins. I wasn’t sure who I was trying to look alive for. Maybe just myself. Grasping at the straws of my former life. The tablet rang, and I stood to answer. The TV showed Juliet returning her phone to her breast pocket with the camera peeking out just enough I could see what was ahead of her. She walked around the wake, exchanging pleasantries with some of Tess’ family. After a while, she made her way to a secluded corner to talk to the phone in her pocket, “It’s an open casket. Do you want to see her?”

I un-muted the tablet mic, “please. Yes. I— I need to see her.”

Jules walked up to the casket, and leaned over the edge. They had dressed Tess in a high necked dress. To cover her ravaged neck, no doubt. I remembered how bad she had looked when I had awoken covered in her blood. The funeral home had done a good job covering up the damage. Makeup made her look alive. A sob broke free, and tears poured unrestrained.

“What colour is that dress? Doesn’t look like anything I ever owned.”

I looked to the side to see Tess sitting next to me. I fell to the floor and scrambled back in shock.

My wife gave a little wave, “thought you would’ve been happier to see me?”

“I— What— How?” I glanced at the TV, still showing Tess, dead in her casket. And somehow also on the couch next to where I was sitting. I pinched myself. I wasn't asleep. 

“I don’t really know myself. Last thing I remember was the guy breaking in. Then you got home, and— I don’t remember much after that. Next thing I remember I was seeing the world through your eyes.”

“How?” I repeated.

Tess shrugged, “Hun, you’re a vampire. Are you really surprised by anything supernatural anymore?”

“I guess not. I just— I—” I stepped forward, and tried to touch her. My hand passed through Tess like she wasn’t there. She raised a hand and rested it on my forearm. That I felt. 

“Far as I can tell,” she gestured at the TV just as Jules turned away from the casket to take a seat, “when I died, part of me stayed with you. Seeing with your eyes, dreaming your dreams.”

“You’ve been seeing my nightmares?”

She nodded, “Jane, love, you’re entirely too hard on yourself.”

“I— How do I know you’re not just—that I’m not hallucinating?”

“I don’t know. No way to know for sure, I guess.” She patted the couch next to her, “come sit down. Let’s watch the rest of my funeral.”

At a loss for words, I obeyed. Tess took my hand, and held it. A few people talked. The usual scripts. Good person. Will be missed. Share a good memory. Both Tess and I scowled when her dad spoke. He had never much liked me, and was using his daughter's funeral to drag my name through the mud. Blamed me years ago for corrupting his daughter, and blamed me now for her death. Jules spoke last, and was far kinder. She talked about Tess and mine's wedding. About how we had both separately cornered her to talk. Apparently we both thought we weren't good enough for the other and both sought out Jules for encouragement. Tess and I smiled. 

She squeezed my hand, “I'm glad she was there for us. I was so nervous!”

I laughed, “you were nervous!? Tess, the dress you wore? I felt underdressed!”

“Well you know,” she looked at me and winked, “mustn't outshine the bride!”

I smiled back, “we were both the bride! But no way I could outshine you.”

We were interrupted by Juliet holding the phone up so the camera captured her face, “sorry Tess’ dad was— like that. I'm sure she would've said something had she been here.”

“You bet I would've! Jerk.”

I looked at Jules. She showed no sign of having heard Tess. “I wasn't really expecting anything less from him. We're glad you talked last, and told the story you did.”

Juliet frowned, “‘we?’ You having guests?”

“I don't think she can see me. Just you.”

“No. Just think Tess would've appreciated it, too.” 

Jules nodded. “I'm going to mingle a bit before heading home. Will you be awake in a couple hours?”

“Yeah. See you then.”

I sat at the kitchen table. Tess sat across from me. She stared into my eyes with that goofy grin on her face. The one she got when she was reading me like a book. We had been staring for two hours. “I'm losing my shit,” I said, finally. “ You're just—” I waved my hand trying to pluck the word from the air, “just a manifestation of my grief and guilt.”

“Maybe?” Tess said, “I don't know how I'm here. All I know is I am.”

“Are you? Jules couldn't hear you. If I'm the only person who can see you, seems like losing my shit is the most likely scenario.”

  Before Tess could respond, Jules gave the knock we had arranged. Just in case I was close to the door when she got home.

“I'm out of the way,” I called out. 

She opened the door. I winced at the shaft of sunlight that shone in, but we had made sure what areas of the house were safe to be in with an open door. Jules walked over to the table and sat in my wife. 

“Ope!” Tess said, as she stood to move out of Jules. Their images bizarrely overlaid. 

“I'm losing my shit.” I said to Juliet as soon as she sat.  

“What?”

“Hallucinating.” I pointed at Tess, who was now standing next to Jules, “she's right there. I see her plain as day.”

Jules looked. A concerned expression crossed her face, “Jane. Are you okay?”

“Do I fucking look okay? I'm a goddamned undead vampire, and now I'm being haunted by the specter of my dead wife!”

“I really don't think I'm a specter,” Tess provided. 

“Jane. We both saw her in the casket. I watched them bury her. She can't be here unless—” Her sentence overran the last words of Tess’

“Both of you stop talking for a minute.” I stood and began pacing the kitchen. “Please. I've only just come to grips with the vampire bullshit.”

Jules had the good grace to watch me pace in peace for a minute.

“Unless what?” I asked. 

 “Said it yourself, Jane. You're a vampire. How big of a stretch are ghosts?” 

I stopped and stared. “How are you taking this so well?”

She shrugged, “benefits of an outside observer, I suppose. None of this is happening to me, so I can stay objective.”

I threw my hands in the air, “how the fuck is any of this objective?”

“You've been on an all blood for how many weeks? If you were a normal human, you would've shit yourself to death by now. You've said you have no pulse.” She started counting on her fingers as she brought up more items, “if you don't think about it, you look dead. Like, dead dead. You can turn invisible.”

“And for my next fucking trick, I'll turn into a goddamn swarm of bats. Point made.”

“As for Tess,” she looked to the side, about four feet to Tess’ left. Tess moved into Juliet's line of sight. She didn't react, “what are things ghosts can do?”

I slumped heavily back into my chair, “I dunno? Slam the cupboards and shit?”

Tess reached out a hand for the cupboard door. Her hand passed through it. 

“Or not,” I said. “Not a ghost. I'm just losing it.” I let my head fall forward and bang against the table.

“Tess?” Juliet asked. 

“Present!” Tess said, cheerily. 

“She says she's present,” I repeated to Jules. 

“So.” Jules said, slapping a hand against the table confidently, “there's two possibilities present.” She pointed a finger in Tess’ general direction, either you're a manifestation of Jane's crumbling psyche—”

“Appreciate the vote of confidence,” I said, muttering, “crumbling.”

Jules continued, “or you're the real Tess.”

Tess nodded. 

“So,” Jules said, “if you are the real you, there must be something you know that Jane couldn't possibly know to prove it to her.”

Tess smiled wide, “I know just the thing! After dark, of course.”

I lifted my head from the table to stare at the visage of my wife, “what?”

“It's a surprise!” She said. 

I looked to Jules, “she says it's a surprise.” I looked back to Tess, “I don't think I've ever seen you this—chipper?”

Tess shrugged, “dunno. I feel—unburdened. It feels nice. How long until dusk? I can't really seem to get a grasp of time.”

I checked my watch, “an hour.”

 

—*—

 

We decided to drive. The weather had quickly turned to rain, and my protestations about Jules being seen with someone wanted for murder fell on deaf ears. We were parked on the street across from a self storage place. 

“One problem.” Tess said, “I don't have any pockets. The gate opens with a QR code on my phone, and I don't have the keys to my  unit.”

“Did you know Tess had a storage unit?”

“Hang on! Hang on!” I said, “You're both talking at the same time again.”

“Sorry.”

“Sorry.”

“It's fine. Tess, you were saying something about keys?”

“Yeah. I don't have any. And need my phone to unlock the gate.”

“Shit. Jules?”

“Just asking if you knew about this place?”

“Not even the slightest idea. Tess says we don't have the keys, though. Might want to let us out here, and park around the corner. Plausible deniability.”

Juliet scrunched up her face, showing the internal struggle between good sense and curiosity. “Fine. But be quick.”

“No promises! Tess won't tell me why we're here.”

Juliet nodded, and drove around the corner after I had stepped from the vehicle. Tess Simply stood, and let the car pass through her. I pulled a balaclava over my face as I walked up to the fence surrounding the yard. Wrapped a hand around one wrought iron bar. I crouched, and yanked myself up at the same time as I extended my legs. I vaulted cleanly over the ten foot fence. 

“This way.” Tess said, simply passing through the fence, leading me deeper into the maze of identical storage units. 

She stopped in front of a large unit. At least 10x10. “Here. This one.”

Thankfully, I had brought my work bag so I had my lockpicks on hand. I made short work of it. 

“Open it!” Tess said.

I lifted the door, and it rattled open. Tail lights poked out of the darkness. “Oh.” Was all I could say. 

“Happy birthday!” Tess yelled.

My first instinct was to warn against the noise, but then I remembered only I could hear the ghost of my wife. 

“Well,” she continued, “it was supposed to be for your birthday in a few months. But then we both kinda died.”

I walked into the garage running a hand along the roof, “you bought me a car?”

“Yeah! It's about as old as your Subaru, but it's in great shape! At least the mechanic said it was.”

I whistled, “Merkur XR4-ti. Where in the ever loving fuck did you find something like this? Rare doesn't even begin to cover it.” 

“From a work friend! He works at an auction house. The car came up at an estate sale.” Tess appeared against the back wall, leaning next to a lock box. “Now the moment of truth! Proof I'm not a figment of your imagination, and you're not going crazy. The code is 6374.”

I punched it in. The lock clicked. The door creaked open revealing a set of car keys hanging from a small hook. I turned to Tess, “Tess. It's— it's really actually you.”

She nodded, stepped forward and embraced me. I tried to return the gesture, but my arms passed through her. Touch was a one way street, apparently. 

“Should we take it for a spin?”

I held the keys in my hand, “people might wonder why Jules has a car registered to a dead woman in her driveway.”

“Ah, fair. Well I don't know how long my credit card will be active now that I'm dead, so we should probably find somewhere else for it before the month is out.”

I nodded, and pocketed the keys. Tess watched as I closed the door, and refastened the lock. Exiting by the fence we walked back to Juliet's car, taking a circuitous route for the cameras undoubtedly around the property. Folding myself into the back seat I addressed Jules, “so ghosts are real.”

“Huh. I feel like I should be surprised. But really I'm not. What was in the unit?”

I grinned ear to ear, “Tess got me a car for my birthday.”