Chapter 2: But I Lived ©
(I'll come up with better names in the future, I swear)
How to Flush Out Mind Readers 101: Replay Boku no Pico, all the episodes, again and again in your mind. You might slightly deal damage to yourself, as it is an AOE-type attack, but it works really well on unsuspecting victims.
*Cue Pokémon BGM.* And as expected, the fanfics I read were true!! ROB was hit! It was super effective! The mind-reading ROB in front of me recoiled with a hand on his head and the other gripping the armrest of a beautifully carved marble chair that popped out of nowhere, similar to how I was dressed moments ago.
“I look away for a few millennia, and these mortals have fallen so low; a plague or two should get them back on track.” Although I think I heard some dangerous mutterings from him, I ignore it in favor of finding out my situation. Any further aggravation, and I might just be dumped in that hellscape again.
“So… Is this the afterlife? Given the fact that you prevented me from going to hell, I take it that I already passed whatever judgment I was supposed to experience?” I inquire for more information. It's not every day you die and meet a ROB. I should also fish for the meaning of life while I'm at it...
“That was not hell, you brat. Since you were a Hindu and from a line of ancient Hindu gurus, your soul is tied to the Hindu Pantheon’s cycle of life and death and you fall under Yama’s jurisdiction (basically the Hades and Satan but more managerial and less personification of evil; he’s just doing his job, from Hindu mythology),” was ROB's reply as he gazed at me with reproach, obviously still reeling from the after-effects that affect the unprepared mind against the total onslaught from the (deemed to be) first shota-con ‘anime’ to be released.
“Huh, then why am I here? The golden gates are from Christian mythology from what I remember. Not sure which kind, but yeah. If you were from said mythos, then you’d call yourself the Biblical God, Yahweh, or Jesus and definitely not look like… that….” I say, calling out his fashion choices again. “Anyway, why am I here?”
“*mutter* Kids these days don’t have any respect for the elderly anymore *mutter*” “What was that?” I ask. “Nothing, nothing. Have a seat,” ROB says as he conjures up a marble chair behind me. Although it’s not as ostentatious as his, it feels way more comfortable than it looks.
“So, brat,” says ROB in a more serious tone, “I’m here to offer you a chance at reincarnation.” “Yes!!!” I screech, and he hollers back, “Don’t interrupt me!”
“As I was saying, you have been given the chance to reincarnate in a predestined world that requires help, but I’m unable to do it myself.”
“What can I do that you can’t?” I ask, suddenly becoming very suspicious. “And can I have some context?”
“Yes, now, you see that particular world is very peculiar. Almost every mortal has what you would deem as super-natural or extra-natural abilities, determined by their life code or DNA for your understanding, and is closely tied to the concept of mutation.
But through centuries of said mutation, they have started encroaching upon the mind as well, even the abilities that do not explicitly affect it. Although alarming, it was expected. What wasn’t expected, though, was that two sibling abilities bypassed the stage of the mind and started affecting the soul of the host mortal as well.” As ROB got deeper into the situation at hand, his tone grew more serious.
“Due to the laws of balance, the two abilities would inevitably devour each other, but the resulting monster was one which none could foresee at the time. It would plunder the world of its vitality and do the same to several worlds before it could be naturally stopped.” Here ROB took a break to moisten his throat with some tea he conjured up for us. I picked up my glass as well, mostly on reflex, and followed his lead in sipping the refreshing lemon and honey tea, as my mind drifted back from some rather dark places.
“What you should understand is that each ability encoded in the life codex or DNA draws its resources to function from the host. But for it to exist in the first place, the resources of the planet are drained. In order to combat the threat, the planet would grant the mortals even more power, but it would run itself dry before it succeeds.” I gulped as I dreaded what I was going to ask but had to do it.
“I’m going to be reincarnated there, aren’t I?” “Yes.” Was the resounding reply of the senile old man in front of me. “And I’m starting off as a baby?” I ask, just to confirm what I knew was going to happen. And like a hammer striking the final nail in a coffin, my coffin, ROB answers with a final, “Yes!”
I finally couldn’t hold it in anymore, “You filthy piece of old used goat testicle sac, lazy ass piece of crap! You expect a random nobody like me to go to a doomed world to fix your mistake! Who told you to play God and mess up an already messed up system? Don’t you know what a limiter is?! When you were adding the mutation concept, all you had to do was put in an extra line of work stating ‘do not interfere with the soul,’ and everyone would live happily ever after!!! Learn some programming or something. I’m pretty sure there would be an MIT for ROBs somewhere out there who would be willing to take in your sorry ass!”
“Calm down, you disrespectful brat!” ROB bellowed, but I wasn’t in the mood for listening.
“You calm down! What do you expect when you tell a random guy you met on the street that he should now go and kill a planet-eating abomination that even a ROB can’t deal with!!” I hollered back at him.
“But I don’t require of you to kill it.”
“Merlin’s saggy ball sack, I’m gonna die again, aren’t I… wait, what? I don’t need to kill a planet-eating monster?” I asked back, incredulous.
“Yes, brat, you heard me right,” ROB replied. “Then what should I do?” I ask after taking a moment to catch my breath.
“Your goal, should you choose to accept it, (you have no choice), is far more gruelling and challenging.” ROB says as he places his hand on my shoulder and leans in close.
I gulp and ask with fear lacing my voice, “W-what do I need to do?”
And ROB replies, with a malicious grin spreading across his face as he finally states my purpose, “I need you to… hide.”
“Huh.” I replied intelligently.
Two things:
1. The chapter name can be "But I Lived", like Ice Age 3.
2. ROB is a "Random Omnipotent Being", but he can't fix that issue on his own? Is the Omnipotence allegedly found in his O out on vacation or something? Because not being able to solve your own problems is nowhere near competent enough to be called "Omnipotent"... (I honestly thought that the MC might through this insult at him as well)
About the two things:
1. I agree that adding a 'butt' would legit make it sound and feel better in the mouth (￣y▽￣)╭ and looks better on the table of contents. So I shall humbly 'Aquisition' your idea.
2. Don't worry, I'm not like other writers who write like that. There is valid reasoning behind him being reincarnated in the first place. No spoilers tho Tehee~
I just can’t with how ret*rded and dumb The mc is.
That was not hell, you brat. Since you were a Hindu and from a line of ancient Hindu gurus, your soul is tied to the Hindu Pantheon’s cycle of life and death and you fall under Yama’s jurisdiction (basically the Hades and Satan but more managerial and less personification of evil; he’s just doing his job, from Hindu mythology),” was ROB's reply as he gazed at me with reproach, obviously still reeling from the after-effects that affect the unprepared mind against the total onslaught from the (deemed to be) first shota-con ‘anime’ to be released.
Hades is not evil tho. He is literally the personification of “someone has to do it and I drew the short straw” and most of greek/roman hell is limbo/heaven with the hell part being a place to imprison actual monsters. Dudes gets lot of hate cuz of Disney but the rest of the olympians are complete shit. Even the ones you’d expect to be nicest are complete fiends when compared to Hades.
Sorry about that. This is my first instance of factual inaccuracy. I'll correct it when I finish my first arc. And I'm planning to get an editor so something like this doesn't happen in the future. Ohh and you were right about writing the entire chapter in one sitting. The only thing prepared before hand, was the plot point to be covered in each chapter. This is my first fic so it's not a surprise that my writing skills aren't up to the mark, and I'll do my best to improve the quality in the coming chapters.
Thanks for pointing it out! Hope to see you at the bottom of my chapters in the future!!!