How long I slept, I’m not sure.
Don’t know if I need to sleep anymore with this magical “not-a-body”, but at least I can still sleep if I want.
Looking up through the opening in the flower, all I see are stars, so I slept the rest of the day away at the very least.
This pollen smell is starting to get to me, I think, so I try to get up.
Yeah, sure, why wouldn’t that water fairy be laying on me still, she seems to only exist to irk me.
Carefully, I squirm away from her, making sure not to wake her up, until I can sit on the edge of the bed.

“Ah, finally awake.”

It’s one of the green fairies who was explaining all that stuff.
Although now she has a subtle green glow about her.

“What do you want?”

I am in no mood to talk, especially with someone who helped abduct me.
And apparently assisted in detonating my frickin body!
This kind of thing can cause a bit of a grudge.
On the other hand, I just can’t bring myself to blame Miep.
She is clearly a child and isn’t even able to understand why I would be mad at her.
Sensible behavior is too much to expect.
Yet, those fairies I spoke to are certainly capable of reason, allowing me to aim my hostility at them.

“Oh, just keeping watch. Never know when you’ll do something stupid.”

“I’m a prisoner then?”

“Pfft, no! Though if you’d try to get up and walk away, I’d tell you it’s rather dumb to go out at night at your size, without having learnt how to fly or use your magic. Would I be wrong?”

For now, I have no intention of going outside, but it dawns on me that she’s right.
Even bugs could prey on me right now, and I’m terribly ignorant of things these fairies must consider to be common sense.
Miep is a better fairy than I am.
I really know nothing.
I’m completely inept and just a nuisance to everyone.
It’s probably better that I vanished into the woods.
Without a job, I would’ve just burdened my mother more and dragged my family down even further.
Maybe sis can bloom now and prove herself more capable then her stupid big sister.
Hah, big…
Tears stream down my face once again.
I’m useless, just getting played with by bitches and falling for the most predictable playboy and-

“You should cut it off!”

That fairy rudely interrupts my musings.

“Yeah, sure! Just leave me alone! I’m not even worth talking to.”

My life is in ruins!
I really, really don’t want to talk right now!

“You’re taking in gloom! Now, I won’t tell you what kind of energy you should have, and some fairies actually enjoy being all dark and moody, but if you continue with this, you’ll be rather unpleasant to be around.”

*Sniff*
“…gloom?”

She points at my wings, and truly, there’s an extremely dark violet filtering into them.
The golden color from earlier also seems to have completely disappeared.

“Now gloom isn’t necessarily bad. If you don’t feel down sometimes, you lose your sense of being happy, but if you’ll pardon me, I don’t think it’s what you need in your current situation.”

“…This stuff is making me sad? How could it… I thought…”

“Why do you think we specialize?”

“Huh?”

“Whatever kind of energy we absorb directly affects our emotions. Given enough time, it can alter one’s personality. To find the correct energy and emotion, a fairy takes in from different sources till they find one that feels right, then avoids the others. Someone who enjoys being calm wouldn’t want energetic fire energy, yet what do you think would happen if they soaked in it long enough?”

*Sniff*
“…what?”

“Eventually, they’ll grow to enjoy being energetic and instead start disliking calm. Their personality will shift to accommodate the energy.”

“It could alter my mind!?”

“Not if you find the energy that suits you.”

Yeah, sure, of course I’ll lose my personality too.
I already lost my human body, now I’ll lose myself, drowning in foreign energy.
Slowly losing track of who I am until I’m completely g-

“Like I said, you should stop taking in gloom for now.”

Huh?
Oh.
These thoughts are because of this energy…
What am I supposed to do about things that mess with my head!?

*Sob*
“…how!?”

Panic sets in, as my wings turn darker and darker, and I can’t tell if my thoughts are truly my own or caused by this energy.

“Just focus on what you’re taking in. All fairies can feel it. Close your eyes and try to sense your surroundings. If you compare what you feel in your wings to what’s around you, it shouldn’t take long for you to identify it.”

Not having much of a choice, I quickly do as she says.
Starting with my wings, I sense something like a…ominous haze inside of them.
From there, it flows inward, and forms an exceptionally dense, sticky fog when it enters the rest of my body.
When I close my eyes and try to perceive anything outside of myself, I identify something that feels like… a clingy mist, which is slowly drifting into my wings.
There are faint traces of other things around me as well, but this one overshadows them all.
This must be it.
This is gloom.
I need to stop any more from entering me!
Which it does as soon as I will it to do so.

“Seems you’ve stopped the flow. Good for you.”

“I still feel awful!”

Between this gloom, my situation, and my panic, I can’t stop my tears from running down my face.

“Obviously! It’s still inside you. You could wait until you naturally utilize it, which could take a while, use it to fuel an idea, or fill yourself with something more to your taste. I may be biased, but energy from plants might do you some good.”

“Wouldn’t…*sniff*…wouldn’t that just take control of me instead?”

“You would only get affected according to how much you took in. Besides, it’s not like the energy you have is all there is to you, otherwise you wouldn’t have felt so down earlier today with all that sunlight you had. That type should have lightened your mood and lessened your worries.”

Ah, that’s why I took a good portion of the day to tear apart and recreate an outfit for myself while wearing nothing but my birthday suit…or whatever I have now.

“Although since you were already distraught with that energy in your wings, when it dissipated and the gloom entered…”

*Sniff*
“…so plant energy?”

“Not necessarily, but it’s one of the more basic types. It will make you more aware of yourself and is rather positive, simply pushing you to keep living in some way, whatever you may associate with that. There are many other alternatives though.”

“Such as?”

“Water, but that’s too far away if you can’t fly, and it would be too hard for you to grab enough from the air. Fire, but I don’t feel like joining those fairies in their flames. Earth isn’t bad, but it’s a bit too static to counter gloom like you need. There’s no storm to provide its namesake energy right now, and I doubt you feel up to trying to fly at the moment to gather wind energy. Sunlight would be best for what you want, but it’s dark out. The only other possibility available currently may be moonlight.”

“Moonlight?”

This gloom and my stupid never-ending waterworks saps my energy and prevents me from saying much.

“It will certainly lighten your mood. A bit like sunlight, but it makes you feel light-headed and dim.”

This sounds awfully similar to how some describe drinking alcohol.
I know I swore never to touch the stuff, but apparently I didn’t actually get any.
No, I hurt because I was filled with magic energy and exploded, then was put together as this.
Maybe I should try it?
But do I deserve any?
I haven’t done anything to earn it.
I’m just a jobless crybaby.
All I deserve is to sit and cry in the dark.
Eventually, this useless me will learn to enjoy it and-

“Hey, hey, hey. Come on, you need to get something else in you. I’ll take you to some easy plants to absorb if you don’t decide on something quickly, and afterwards if you decide you’d rather be dreary and tiresome, there’s plenty of gloom around.”

Ack, no!
No, I don’t want to enjoy this!
I want to stay me!
As much as is left anyways.

*Sniff*
“…just stand in the moonlight?”

“If that’s what you want to try. But if you want to take it in, it would be better if you did what you managed before with the gloom earlier, except the other way around. Instead of cutting it off, draw it in.”

I’m an adult now, I’m allowed to drink.
People say it helps with sadness for a time, and with the way I feel, I desperately need it.
So I push past this fog in my head and get myself off the bed, after slipping away from the sleeping fairy that creeped up on me again at some point, then jump onto the top of the flower.

I can see the larger of the two moons shining down into the glade from here.
Closing my eyes, I again focus outside of myself.
Besides the sticky smoke, there’s another feeling now.
Hard to describe, it’s like a…silvery, cool drink and a soft, warm hug at the same time.
It feels nice.

Well…

Happy birthday Akari, you’re a fairy now.

Bottoms up!