Dear Diary

I believe it is best if I elaborate on what I meant by awoke again after starving to death. I meant it, I thought I was asleep since my head was spinning and my eyes were shut tight not wanting to face any light or conversation, but I remembered that I murdered myself. So someone must have caught me and got me to a hospital, I'm afraid.

Yet it was calm, there was no light, but it was bright, it's... indescribable. There was the brightness in shadows yet the darkness in light, a sanctuary for balance, there, comes a woman who greeted me. Came straight from the pages of a imaginative man or woman, she was. The embodiment of the word "beautiful" that everyone on earth could agreed on, even though I do not remember seeing anything. I just know that if not for divine intervention which I believed occured; I would have been the Polydectes to her Medusa.

"Do not be afraid, I am your guide for then next second. You have lived a... pitiful life, and I am sorry." She said.

At that moment, on my hands appeared a miniture hand-held marker board. What I saw was like a document that you fill your informations in. Name, sex, place of birth, etc... Yet there was a dice cube icon right next to every empty space.

"I am confused." Said me.

"I think you should." The woman answered "In extreme rare cases like yours, we would allow you to pick your next life instead of hitting randomize. But you can still have that option if you wanted to."

She pointed to the dice icon and pressed on the name part, it autofilled the empty space into a random name that was not in English for me to understand. Curious, I hit the button several time, but only male names I've noticed, I took the marker and switched the checkmark into female, then it would start to generate female names.

"...Would I find happiness once again?" I asked.

The woman seems unsure, I can feel her looking at me.

"You could." She answered

"Could." I repeated, in which she nodded.

"Many would choose sin for a change, knowing that there's an afterlife for them to try." She added.

"And I would not be of difference." I answered this time.

I stared into the brightful darkness, hitting the random on a box called "World" and started filling in the rest, like I was on autopilot.

Looking at everything, I gave the marker board back at her. She take a look and widened her eyes.

"I think you're confused, the intelligenate and charismatic level does not collerates. Both can be 100 if you wish."

"Why would that be good in anyway?" I answered, before adding, "I do not wish to learn how to stop arrogancy. And certainly do not want to think about the sadness of reality once again when I'm down there."

"..." The beautiful woman said nothing else, but tried to remind me, "You left the name empty."

"I was hoping you can hit the cube for me." I answered.

As I looked towards her once again, I can see her and her marker not exactly at the top of the board where "Name" is, but rather somewhere in the middle, dragging a scale from left to right. I can suspect that she's raising my levels, out of pity? boredom? I do not know, and I do not want to assume wrongly, but she finally hit the cube, I can feel myself falling into darkness again, just like my last moment on earth.

"Your name is now Tanya... [inaudible]."