Painful! 

How painful!

My head hurts so badly! 

Hirata looked down at his phone and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, his face tensed up in disgust. The vulgar fanservice of the web novel he was reading seemed too excessive, even for Hirata's taste. His head had started thumping, as if to protest the information being sucked into the pink mass. 

"Just 1 more chapter and I'm finally done with this shitty ass novel," Hirata whined as he put down his phone on the wooden table in front of him for just a minute's rest. His friend had recommended this web novel to him, and being as kind and thoughtful as Hirata was he decided to give it a chance. It wasn't too long, only around 100 chapters. 

He should have known. You can never trust the taste of anyone other than yourself. The name alone was unappealing. 

"How to pick up 100 babes in a fantasy world as a magic newbie." Hirata cringed at the name alone. 

It was as good as it sounded. Meaning it was total dog-shit. The characters sucked, most of them Hirata had long forgotten. They were made to fawn over the main character, an annoying prick who only cared about 3 things. Looking good, Being strong, and Picking up Chicks. What a compelling character, said no one. 

The web novel didn't have anything good going for it, the writing was mediocre and the author was kind of a dickhead. Probably some basement dweller NEET still living at home, Hirata scoffed at the notion. 

He had stalled for long enough. It was time. The final chapter was loading on his phone and he couldn't be happier. After the short wait, Hirata skimmed through the words, mostly because he couldn't wait to leave a hateful comment to the author. It was Hirata's favorite thing to do after reading a chapter. The author always reacted and Hirata could waste 20 minutes a day easily by just arguing with the Author every time he finished a chapter. 

....

On second thought, Hirata didn't partake in any of that loser stuff. He was just delighted he could finish the novel and put it behind him. He just wanted to see the ending. 

His eyes scanned the final words of the chapter, and just like that it was over.... huh. An empty feeling washed over him, quickly being replaced by frustration. What was that ending?! It didn't make any sense! Not like Hirata should have expected anything different from the web novel with 100 different girls that all had the same personality with bigger or smaller boobs.

With the same feeling of frustration still hanging over him, Hirata shut his phone off and placed it on the wooden surface. He stood up stretched his arms up wide and let out a long yawn. He recounted the days since he had taken a shower and came to the sound conclusion that was his next objective. 

A little while later Hirata had stepped into the warm shower. He was humming quietly as he let the water clean him. He rubbed his body with a floral-scented soap and washed his short, black hair with shampoo. That was the good thing about having short hair, it was easy to take care of. He didn't have time or energy to put on a bunch of fancy products. 

Hirata closed his eyes as he washed the shampoo out of his hair. He felt the warm water and shampoo run over his eyes and wiped it away, still keeping his eyes closed. 

Feeling satisfied, Hirata turned off the water and stood idle for a while. Just letting the water run down his body. His chest moved up and down, and for a minute the world seemed silent.

.....

.......

Let there be light! Hirata opened his eyes after feeling satisfied with his solitude. He opened the shower doors but he quickly froze.

This was not the bathroom he knew. It was entirely different. Was he kidnapped? Drugged? There was no logical explanation for what had just happened. The toilet Hirata had taken numerous dumps after indulging in too much spicy food had been replaced by something that- sure, resembled his beloved poo seat... but wasn't. He took a step from the shower and felt a soft carpet-like texture on his feet, something very pleasant that soaked the water like a sponge. 

There was no denying that he was somewhere completely different, he hadn't the slightest idea of where the fuck he was. He decided to check near the sink for any kind of towel when he noticed something odd. 

Perfectly messy brown hair, that reached down to just below his ears, even while wet? Green eyes that rivaled the vibrance of grass and a toned body with rock-hard abs, he had put a finger on them to make sure they were real. A handsome face with a sharp jawline? God, he was handsome now. But he knew very well that these traits didn't belong to him. Even though he wished. They belonged to the shitty protagonist of the shittiest web novel he had ever read. Hirata knew his name. He knew it but didn't want to confirm it. If he did it felt like this would all be too real. So far it was just a nightmare. 

A knock on the door filled his ears. 

-"Dray..? Are you ready yet? We gotta go to school you know. I can't leave you behind." 

That's right. I am Dray Junestar. Full name Dray "Draystroyer" Supernova Junestar. And I am this world's protagonist scum. 

God fucking dammit GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!! GOD, ARE YOU LISTENING? I'LL DO ANYTHING. PLEASE JUST MAKE ME WAKE UP. I PROMISE TO PRAY STARTING NOW. HELP A GUY OUT COULD YOU?

But Hirata's silent prayer was never answered.

airgonaut

thank you for reading the first chapter of my first ever novel. don't expect something mind blowing, but do expect something funny. especially if we have to same humor!