I leaned there, settled against that railing over looking the courtyard for hours. It was peaceful with crickets chirping and frogs croaking. I observed the fish swimming from one corner of the pond to the other. As they glided under the lily pads, I would lose sight of them for a brief second before they appeared again. One fish seemed to enjoy being under the water plant, he would peek his head out into the open water, then hustle back to hide from the rest of the school.

The breeze was calm and cool on my skin. It was fall, but quite warm for an autumn night. Only the small grass on the beach of the pond reacted to the breezes, as the leaves of the trees and plants held still.

I couldn't help but think of everything we had been through from the day we met, again. I've thought of it before, the memories passing through my mind like a movie reel. But this time, I remembered each touch, word, and the look in his eyes during each moment of our journey together. His eyes, they told a lot of himself without him even having to say a word. Anger, sadness, contentment... if only I could read those emotions of his more clearly maybe then I wouldn't have to ask, I would already know.

I particularly examined his look of dismay from earlier this evening. Serena had whispered through the door something to him, something only I couldn't hear. It had to have been something terrible to cause such concern on his face.

As I stood, looking out over the deck, I heard the door behind me open and footsteps draw closer to where I stood. They moved slowly, stepping carefully as if not to disturb me. I failed to turn and look at whomever it was behind me. Somewhere inside I felt a shiver in hopes it was Lucious who was there. Would he come to check to see if I was alright?

“I heard your little argument,” CiCi said behind me.

I sighed, my hopes shattered yet my fear of her came back again creeping up in my throat.

“It's none of your concern.” I croaked.

“I know it's not. I just wanted to come out and see how you're doing.” CiCi took a few steps closer to me.

I stood there silently pleading at her to forgive me. If I hadn't have been so careless, she would not be standing here today and could be with her loved one where she wanted to be. I was fearful of her, not because I was reckless in my feeding but because now she was with Chris, and I had no idea what he could be using her for.

Was he just a simple guardian or much more to her?

“Are you hungry?” she asked me quietly, still poised there.

I promptly turned to look at her. She flashed a smile at me as she looked solidly in my direction.

“Are you offering?” I wondered.

“I could be, only if you are gentle.”

Quickly, I turned away from her and stared down at the deck causing her to stop in her tracks. I lifted up my hands to my face, covering my eyes as I backed up into the bench and sat down. She stood for a second without a word before joining me.

“I can't,” I whispered through my fingers.

“Don't worry, I'm a donor. Chris won't mind.”

“I'm not hungry.” My hand came down on my thighs and I stared at the deck below me.

It was a blatant lie. In truth, I was starving, however Lucious had not awoken me before he went out on nightly feasts, and would never mention a word about it to me. It seemed as if he was starving me for a reason yet I couldn't figure out why.

“Well if you ever are, I'm here,” CiCi said.

I looked up at her for a second. “How is that possible? Are you not a half such as me?”

“I'm not really like you,” she began, digging into her jean pockets. “Chris gave me this.”

She soon held out a small translucent orange bottle filled with tiny capsules. I looked at it, all the while thinking I was right about her all along.

“After I'm bitten, I take one of these,” She explained, shaking the bottle of pills. “It replenishes my white blood cells so the bacteria from the vampire doesn't affect me like it would a normal person. I can only be fed from once a day to allow the capsules time to heal my body.”

“You're being used.” I sighed.

“I love Chris,” she interrupted. “He takes care of me. He would see no harm comes to me.”

She buried the pill bottle back into her pants pocket and continued to look at me, her beautiful smile still gracing her lips.

“I'm sorry,” I whispered.

“For what?”

“I'm just... not hungry.” I shuddered, afraid to tell her what had happened between us.

I remembered that I had once lost my own memory after Lucious first fed on me. It must have been common for someone to lose their awareness after being bitten. CiCi showed it to me now as she had no recollection of meeting me, her husband, or her fight to understand denial. As long as she remained in Chris's possession, she would never again recover those memories.

But, I couldn't help her... I couldn't even help myself. So, maybe, it was best that she was here even if he was using her for his own nourishment.

We sat there without another word to each other until I heard the back door open once more. Foot steps echoed out onto the deck, and a voice called out, “Hey CiCi. Chris is looking for you.”

My heart quivered as I looked at Lucious standing there on the deck. He scratched at the back of his neck, his brows knitted in confusion. His eyes were narrow, lips fastened and drawn back in a grimace. I tried to read his thoughts at the moment his eyes caught mine, but I failed to see through the thick barrier surrounding him.

“Okay,” she said quickly before standing up to walk towards the door.

As CiCi left, Lucious walked silently out onto the deck. I set my head in my hands again, refusing to meet his gaze as I stared at the wood under my shoes. I spotted the water of the pond through the cracks of the boards. How empty it seemed, the fish frightened from the pounding above them, they scattered around the lily pad in a group away from the deck.

“Mikael,” Lucious started before he found the bench. “You've been out here for hours.”

He found the bench and sat down, his eyes not tempted to meet mine as he stared out across the deck.

“Why do you stay out here so long?” he asked. “Serena is bound to sniff us out.”

“I like the silence--”

“You're running again,” Lucious interrupted.

I sat quietly. He was correct. I was running from him. I knew I couldn't leave our sanctuary but I just wanted to be away from him.

“You know, I never cared to see how nicely decorated Chris's courtyard is,” Lucious said.

“Why can you not tell me anything?”

It was frustrating trying to get an answer from him. I wanted to know why he came back for me after all these years, why he kissed me inside Serena's mansion, and why he offered to create this bond in the first place.

All I heard was a sigh float past his lips.

He will still never tell...

He shifted in his seat, drawing closer to me by a few inches.

“I'm sorry,” he began “For being so cold, Mikael.”

I didn't look at him at that moment. Instead, I raised my head and looked out towards the calming waterfall. The crystal blue water cascaded down the rocks, the rush caused foam to bubble through the cracks of the stone causing a white overlay on the blue water at the bottom of the falls.

“The truth is... I came back for you because... I care about you.”

I held back the craving to look at him as he spoke, yet, I listened carefully at his words.

“I've cared for you since the day I took your life.”

“Is that all?” I questioned.

Suddenly, he laid his head on my shoulder. He had crept closer to me while I stared at the waterfall and rested upon my arm. He leaned against me with eyes closed and sorrow upon his lips.

“It's so tiring keeping these feelings to myself for all these years,” he said. “I need someone with me, someone to care for, and to care about me.”

I gasped at his words. He finally was admitting this to me after all of our battles, after all our arguments it finally came down to this. My heart fluttered again at his touch, and I fought the urge to wrap my arm around him and hold him tight.

“And I am that someone?” I asked.

“I saw it in your eyes on that day I took your life. I didn't want to take my own eyes away but for the first time in my century, I was scared to finish. I couldn't continue.”

His warmth on my shoulder was gone now as he stood up and crossed over to stand in front of me. Leaning in, he gently took my hands.

“I should have told you. I searched for you for years to be with you. I will cure your denial, just say you will stay with me forever.”

A shiver ran down my spine as his fingers ventured up to my shoulder.

“Promise you will answer my questions from now on?” I wondered, still fighting that need to wrap my arms around him.

“Anything you ask, I will tell you. No more lies or silence,” he promised as his forefinger found the hair that draped over my shoulder and started petting the strands.

I, too, was a little nervous to tell him what I was feeling but maybe he could see it in my eyes. I only assumed he obtained that ability to read thoughts and emotions just as some vampires had. Hopefully, I would soon hold those same talents in my own hands.

“I will stay with you,” I said.

Soon, his fingers intertwined with mine and he pulled me up from my spot on the bench.

“Then, we should be getting back inside,” he said, grasping my hand tightly as he lead me towards the door.

“It is getting late.”

“You've been out here all night, Mikael.”

“What time is it?” I pondered.

“Four o'clock. Don't want to get caught in the dawn's light.”

“But it's still quite early,” I said, noting that the sun didn't make it's appearance for two more hours.

“You're weak and should be going to sleep early in your condition.”

“And where have you been sleeping?” I wondered.

“On the cold, hard floor in Chris's basement,” he explained. “I really have no use for a soft plush bed, but you do. Why is that?”

I had never thought of it before. Maybe it was just a way for me to hold on to every bit of me that was still human or I just couldn't fathom sleeping elsewhere.

“I'm used to it, I guess,” I said to him as he pulled me towards the door.

“Do you mind if I join you for just this night?”

I remembered when he had told me of his past and how he preferred the frigid stone against his skin to the warm comfort of a bed. And while his question shocked me, I was happy to oblige knowing that things would be different now that we both had our promises to each other. I would stay with him forever, while he would always tell me things I'd longed to know about the vampire world and eventually cure my denial.