I couldn't exactly describe the way I felt after seeing him again. Knowing he was alive and well sent chills running down my spine. It'd been years, decades since I last saw his face. So why was it that I shook violently at the thought of speaking to him?

What was I to say to him after attempting to take his life?

How could I assure him that I was there to help?

It was this fear that prevented me from speaking one word to him. This hesitation that caused me to hide in the shadows just far enough that I could see him, yet he couldn't see me. I could only hope he wouldn't sense my presence.

Years passed by and I stalked him. Like a cat stalking it's prey, following him, peeking at him through open windows. My mouth shut, my thoughts wandering, and my heart striving to feel him... I wanted so desperately to touch him. To feel what he felt. To say one word, just one.. maybe “hi” or maybe “sorry” but I couldn't figure out which one.

Naturally these emotions weren't normal for just any vampire on the street. We vampires, cold blooded killers, didn't typically hide ourselves away from those we desired, especially older vampyres. A passion grew in us, we wanted to take our victims in our arms in attempt to either make them ours for eternity or to take away their life.

This was probably the difference between them and me. I wanted to hold on to those mortal emotions no matter how debilitating or strange they felt. I wanted to keep them beside me, hold on to those smiles, and pocket them to retain the memory of them.

And it was then I realized why I wanted Mikael so much that it hurt. Not only as a companion but as a retainer of such mortal beliefs. As a half-vampire, he still maintained those emotions with ease. They just came naturally to him. As for me, I battled just to feel happy, sad, or excited in the way a human feels them.

However I couldn't allow him to suffer with his denial much longer. I needed to help him.

And something snapped inside of me. Like a giddy school girl elated about her date, I traveled back to Central. I needed to explain to Chris that I no longer required his company. I wanted to tell him everything.

Yet when I arrived, Chris had other plans.

As soon as I stepped into the mansion, something felt strange. Chris immediately approached with arms open wide.

“Welcome back, Lucious,” he said, happily. “I was expecting you.”

I walked forward a couple of steps. I could sense a disturbing aura around him. It was quite possible he was scheming something.

“I'm not staying,” I informed him. “As a matter of fact,” I sighed before continuing on. “I'm leaving this time... for good.”

He put his arms down to his sides and his shoulders slumped just as quickly as the smile left his lips.

“That's unfortunate, Lucious. I have someone here who's looking forward to seeing you again,” he announced before beginning to walk over to the door.

“Hello sweetie,” I heard her voice behind me. Chris approached her as I turned around to see Nadia standing next to the wall.

“Nadia. What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Well, things didn't go too well for me in Southern so I came back here. Chris said you were out chasing some big dream, but I knew you would be back.”

I rubbed my brow in frustration. She was the last person I wanted to see here.

“She's been looking forward to your arrival, Lucious. Aren't you pleased to see her?” Chris asked. He moved his arm to wrap around her side then traveled down to pat her bottom.

“Chris, what's this about?”

It was as I sensed, this was his plan to encourage me to stay, but it wasn't going to work.

“No, Lucious. I should be asking you what you've been doing this last decade. You left me without a word.. followed some big dream... I'm only shocked that Serena hasn't captured you yet,” he persisted. “So tell me, Lucious, what's going on?”

I lowered my head and closed my eyes. I needed to tell him. He had provided me a sanctuary away from my enemies for so long. He provided me company and life beyond what I possibly could have found on my own, so I felt the urge to tell him why I was leaving.

“I... found what I was looking for.” The words came rolling from my tongue. “I no longer will be staying here.”

Just then, Nadia stepped away from the wall. Her arms wrapped around my sides in attempt to comfort me yet I could only fold my own arms around my chest.

“Oh, Lucious... such the warrior you are. Do you believe you can live without the security of love around you?” she whispered.

“Love?” I shuddered at the word, especially coming from her lips. “What do you know of love? The way you feel love for the taste of blood... it sickens me.”

Her smile dropped.

“Indeed.” She withdrew her arms. “Who is it?”

I looked straight into her wandering eyes. “What do you mean, who?”

“Don't give me that, Lucious. You think I'm stupid. Not a single thing up here.” She tapped the side of her temple. “But I can read you like an open book. So who is she?”

I wanted to laugh. She? How could Nadia think there was a she anyway... but still, Nadia certainly could read me and very well.

“I don't have time for this!” I hollered. “I came to speak to Chris, not to you.”

Chris stepped forward quietly.

“If I find out who it is, Lucious, I'll kill them!” Nadia voiced quickly before Chris pulled her away.

“Nadia, go sit down,” he ordered.

She huffed and walked away. Chris stepped in front of me and drew himself close. So close I could touch him. So close I could almost hear him breathe.

“I've done so much for you, Lucious, and this is how you repay me?” he said quietly. “Tell me what it is that you have found. Tell me what you get from this that I could never give.”

Just then, I felt my heart skip. I should have never come here. Now I understood, if I gave in and told him the reason for my leaving, Chris could possibly be a danger to him... to Mikael. After all these years he never shown such concern as he was showing me at this moment.

“I shouldn't have come here.” I lowered my head once more. “I should go.”

I heard him call out my name as I started walking out the door. I imagined him standing behind me, shoulders slumped down in shame, but I hadn't beaten him. I was leaving... for good.

“I was so close, Lucious. So close.” I heard him say, but I didn't take the time to analyze those words at that moment.

I could only concentrate on helping Mikael now. I needed to announce myself to him. Although I felt uneasy about it all, now that I had released myself from Chris, I knew I needed to make my presence known and soon.

I should do it all so magically. If I could convince Mikael that I was here for him... like an angel of light shining down to relieve his pain and suffering... maybe then he could take me into his arms and embrace me the way I wanted to do unto him.