I wish I worked tonight. Then I wouldn’t be heading home right after school. I could maybe even have dinner out. I wouldn’t have to face Mom.

I’m at my desk, doing homework, when I hear the front door open. I think I’ll stay up here for now. When dad gets home, I’ll have backup. Except, crap, It’s Friday night—the night he gets together with his gaming friends. I might as well head downstairs now and get it over with.

“Hi, Mom,” I say as I walk into the living room. “How was work?”

She’s taken off her shoes and is hanging her coat on the hook by the door.

“It was fine,” she replies. “How was school?”

“It was good. I had lunch with Alex and Gina.”

“Isn’t Gina that girl you used to have a crush on?”

“Yeah. To be honest, I still sort of do.”

She looks vaguely confused for a moment.

“Is she gay? Is that why you want to transition?”

Where did that come from? I hadn’t really thought about that. When I made my deal with Alex, I thought I wasn’t going to transition, so it wasn’t an issue. Now, though? 

“What? No,” I pause. “I mean, I don’t think she’s gay. It hasn’t really come up.”

“Then why are you doing this to me?”

“Doing what to you?”

“Insisting that you’re going to throw away everything your father and I have done for you to chase some foolish dream.”

“Mom, me transitioning isn’t about you, or Dad, or Gina, or anyone else. I need to do it for me.”

“Is it Alex? Are you gay and you think you need to be a girl to be with him?”

She throws herself down on the couch and covers her face with her hands.

“You know I’ll love you even if you’re gay, right?”

Even if I’m gay. 

“I just told you. It’s not about anyone else. That includes Alex. It’s about me. I don’t want to be a guy. I’m not a guy. I want to be me.”

“I changed your diapers for two years, young man.”

Ouch.

“I gave you baths for longer than that. You are a boy.”

I will not yell.

“Sex and gender are more complicated than that, they—”

“I don’t know where you’ve gotten those ideas, but you need to forget them. I won’t let you butcher yourself.”

“Who said anything about butchering myself? I’m just going to take hormones for now. If I have surgery, that’s a long way away.”

“No, you are not!”

“What?”

“You will not be taking hormones. Those are almost as bad as surgery. You’d wreck your body.”

I can’t deal with this.

“I have homework to finish,” I say in a completely flat tone. “It’s going to take me all evening. I’ll make myself a sandwich for dinner.”

I turn to the stairs.

“Don’t you walk away from me, young man.”

I turn back to her.

“Please don’t call me that. It hurts.”

“Oh, so now I’m hurting you?”

“Please?”

“I want what’s best for you.”

“May I please go do my homework now.”

“I don't want you seeing Alex or Gina anymore.”

“May I please go do my homework.”

“Daniel—”

“Please.”

“Fine. Go to your room and do your homework.”

I walk upstairs to my room.

📎 📎 📎

Dad gets home around ten. There’s a knock on my door a few minutes later.

“Come in,” I say.

I’m sitting on my bed, reading a book. Or trying to read a book. All that my brain can do right now is replay that conversation over and over. Dad sits down on the edge, leans over, and gives me a big hug. I cry onto his shoulder for a minute.

“How’d you know I needed that?” I ask.

“Your mother called me on my way home.”

I was surprised she’d call on my behalf. Or . . .

“What did she say?”

“She gave me her side of your conversation earlier.”

“Oh.”

“I’m so sorry, kiddo. I knew she might have a problem with it, but I had no idea how bad.”

“She said I can’t transition.”

I’d cried myself out, so I was able to say that without crying, for the moment.

“You only need one parent’s signature.”

“Wouldn’t that cause problems with you and Mom?”

“My most important job as a parent is to keep you safe and help you grow up to be the best you you can be. Nothing is more important than that.”

“But—”

“Do you still want this?” he interrupted.

I nod.

“Then we’re going to make it happen. I’ve got an appointment for us for next Friday.”

“That quickly?”

“Is it too much?”

“No! I just didn’t think you could do it that fast.”

“Informed consent is a thing. I’m going to forward you a bunch of information on the effects of HRT. Promise you’ll read them?”

“Yes!”

“That’s the informed part, then. Assuming you still want this once you’ve done the reading, that will be the consent part.”

I hug him this time.

“Now,” he continues, “once you’ve read all that, you need to start thinking about everything else.”

“What everything else?”

“Are you going to come out while you’re still in high school? If so, when? Right away, or once the effects start showing? How about clothes? There are things you can do in the meantime to help you feel a little better before you’re ready to be you in public.”

I sit there, dazed. He’s really thought this stuff through. It’s so very him, though. He doesn’t do things by half measures. When he’s in, he’s all in. I hug him again.

“Thank you so much, Dad.”

“You’re welcome, Maggie.”

These tears are different.

📎 📎 📎

It's eleven, and I hear raised voices coming from my parents’ bedroom. No, I hear a raised voice, Mom’s. I assume Dad’s talking, too, but I don’t hear him. I put some music on and try to go back to sleep.

📎 📎 📎

Mom is gone when I get up. I know it doesn’t do her any good to get into work this early. She’s avoiding me. I hate that, but, based on yesterday afternoon, I’ll take it.

I eat breakfast and pack myself a lunch. The whole time, I’m thinking about what Dad asked last night. When do I come out? I also think about what Mom said about Gina. I realize how dumb it is to try to date her while I’m planning to transition.

📎 📎 📎

“Hey, Daniel!” Gina calls out.

It’s lunch time. I’d hoped to have lunch with Gina again, until I had my little realization this morning. Now I’ve decided to back off. I’m not going to be rude, though. Or a coward.

“Hey, Gina,” I reply. “What’s up?”

“Want to eat outside? It’s a beautiful day.”

“Sure!” I don’t have to not hang out with her, after all.

We manage to claim one of the picnic tables for ourselves. There aren't as many kids out here as I expected. I guess it is a little chilly. Gina must like the chill as much as I do.

“You okay?” she asks.

I shrug. “I guess. Why?”

“IYou’d seemed a lot, I don’t know, happier, the last few weeks . But you seem a little off again.”

That would have been after the camping trip. I’m surprised she noticed.

“I’ve got some stuff going on at home.”

She nods. “If you want to talk, I’m here,” she says.

“Thanks.”

We don’t talk about that, though. Not right now. We don’t even talk about Alex, much.

I saw that she had The Golden Enclaves in her backpack, and we ended up spending most of the time talking about the series. I was careful not to spoil the ending, since she was still reading it. That led to talking about other books, and I ended up with a couple of good recommendations for my reading list. It was really nice.

📎 📎 📎

When Alex shows up at work that evening, I’m almost surprised. They’ve barely been around the last couple of days. I’ve wondered about that.

I tell them about having lunch with Gina.

“That’s nice,” they say.

I expected a more positive reaction from them.

“But I probably won’t be asking her out,” I say.

That gets their attention.

“Really? Why not?”

“Well, I’ve been talking to my dad, and . . .” I trail off. It’s hard to say.

“Yeah?’ they prompt me.

“I’m going to start transitioning.”

“Yes! That’s amazing, D—” they stop themself, “Wait, can I call you Maggie now?”

I hadn’t thought about that. I bite my lip.

“Yeah. When it’s just us.”

“Congratulations, Maggie!”

They hold out their arms for a hug and I step into them. It’s a good hug.

“Thanks, Alex,” I pause, “And, thanks.”

They step back and give me a questioning look.

“It was still an asshole move, but I wouldn’t have gotten here without what you did. So, thank you.”

They look away.

“I’m sorry it hurt in the meantime.”

“I’m over it.”

They give me another puzzled look.

“But what does this have to do with asking Gina out?”

“Uhh, I’d be asking her out under false pretenses.”

“How?”

“She doesn’t know I’m trans.”

“And?”

“That’s it.”

“Uh huh.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Anyway, I’m so happy for you!”

I finally start doing my actual job. These cages aren't going to clean themselves.

📎 📎 📎

When I get home, Mom’s already retreated to her bedroom for the night. Dad’s downstairs though, and we talk for a while. Not about anything special, just the usual stuff. It’s good to feel normal around him again.