She’s in my first class of the day on Tuesday. Alex. I don’t want to believe her any more. I want yesterday to not have happened. I want her to just be some crazy girl. Or, at least I want to believe that.

That isn’t an option. I know what I know, I can’t unknow it. 

I don’t look at her. I’m pretty sure she’s trying to catch my eye. Let her. I focus on class. I take notes. I file the reading list away in my English folder. I don’t even remember she’s there. Really.

📎 📎 📎

I stop at the edge of the parking lot after school. I don’t see her at my car, but maybe she’s lying in wait on the other side. Or maybe she’s in the car, slouched down. If she is, I hope I don’t get in trouble. You aren’t supposed to leave a god unattended in the car. Especially in the summer heat.

I can see into the car as I get closer. No cute god in the passenger seat. Or the back seat. There is a post-it stuck to the windshield though. It’s on the inside, of course.

“I’m sorry.
I still need your help, though.

Please?”

It’s not signed, but it really doesn’t need to be.

Why would I help her? She’s not even human. She violated my privacy. I don’t want to have anything to do with her. I snatch the note off the windshield. I start crumpling it, then stop. I smooth it back out, pick up a pen from the center console, and scrawl one word across the note. “No.” Then I crumple it up.

📎 📎 📎

I have plenty of homework tonight to keep me busy. I can’t put any of it off until tomorrow night because I work tomorrow night. I get my government homework done first, then my Calculus. I put off English for last. Doing it reminds me of English class. English class reminds me of her. She reminds me that I’m a coward. By the time I finish my homework it’s time to get ready for bed.

📎 📎 📎

There’s an index card in my locker.

“Please give me five minutes.
I’ll be by the tree where we ate.

Then I’ll leave you alone.

If you want”

I crumple it up and throw it in the trash. There’s no way I’m going.

📎 📎 📎

Today I eat lunch in the cafeteria. I just don’t feel like the rush to get off campus and back. And my class is only two doors away from the cafeteria doors, so I’m one of the first there. I eat my bad pizza in peace at a corner table.

Ten minutes before the warning bell is due to ring, I’m standing under the tree. Alex isn’t here. Good. I didn’t want to see her. I just came out to tell her to leave me alone. That’s it.

“Hello,” Alex says, behind me.

I don’t jump. I knew she was there right before she spoke. I don’t like that. It means we’re connected. I turn around and look pointedly at my watch.

“I can explain about the journal,” she says.

“I don’t want to hear it. Just tell me why I should help you.”

“You’re the only one who can.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I need a believer, or I won’t be able to do this.”

“Why not?”

“Without a believer, I’ll go from mostly mortal to almost completely mortal. I’ll be cut off.”

“From what?”

“From the rest of me.”

I don’t understand, but I don’t have time to understand. I don’t want to understand.

“Find another believer,” I say.

“I can’t. I only get to tell one person, and I already told you.”

“Why should I believe that?”

“Because I can’t lie to you,” She says, sounding completely sincere.

“Ha! You’re lying right now.”

“How do you know?”

She looks satisfied, like I just fell into her trap.

“I don’t know. I just do.”

“Exactly. It’s not that I can’t lie to you. I just can’t successfully lie to you. You believe in me.”

“So what is it I have to do?”

“Nothing. Just be near me some of the time. That should be enough.”

“And what’s in it for me?”

I’m angry, but she stands to lose so much. Does she deserve that? I can always change my mind later.

“What do you want?” she asks, “Even with you around I’m pretty limited.”

“Let me think about it.”

She looks sad. “I guess that’s all I can ask,” she says.

📎 📎 📎

I’m going to help her. I already know that. But at least she can worry about it for a little while. She owes me that much. But how could I let her lose, when all I have to do is let her hang around every once in a while? I’m not that guy. I’m not any guy, for that matter, but that’s not the issue here.