‘Daughter mine,’ she cooed, summoning the most cloyingly sweet voice she could muster for the unwanted child, ‘daughter mine, do you see what I see?’ She did her best to inquire delicately, unwilling to expose her future-sight if the child could not see as she did. If her daughter was unaware, how lovely to have something all to herself, but if not, it would be best to know. ‘I know!’ Yanus’ heart fell hearing the awed voice of her daughter, ‘I see them! I see my siblings in your belly, content. And later, I see how they suffered when the god-blood coursed through them.’ She turned to her Yanus, looking at her as best she could while connected at the neck, ‘you selfish old hag,’ she said viciously, the rage and betrayal making her voice raspy. ‘You killed them! Killed them all, in your pursuit for power. Your hubris killed my siblings.’ She turned her head, a conflicted Yanus now seeing only the back of her head and her daughter’s ears as she did her best to give her mother her back. Past-sight then, a fitting balance to her own.
She hadn’t known she was pregnant. But if she had, well, it probably wouldn’t have made a difference. The wolves had been released from the moral code the wolf god had held them to, Tva’s grief driving him to alcohol and ignorance, neglecting his godly duties. His children took that as acquiesce to their wild behavior, and they slaughtered their way through the fluffle, rabbits scattering, fleeing or else torn apart between their teeth. But Tva drank on, either unaware or uninterested in his past devotees. How silly it seemed now, for a wolf to take rabbits as his followers, but they hadn’t questioned it at the time, too grateful for the protection to worry about the consequence later down the road, if he ever lost interest or turned on them.
Yanus had known then what she must do to avoid her inevitable fate at the tooth of one of Tva’s other children, so she had taken her god hood by force. It was her due, she thought, she deserved this last unwilling gift. He had taken his protection from her so she would take another kind of protection back. It wouldn’t even really hurt him, he would continue on unknowing of how his blood had altered the entire course of her life.
She looked at the back of her daughter’s head now, thinking of how ungrateful the child was. With her past sight, couldn’t she see the wolves nipping at her mother’s heels? Couldn’t she see the fate of so many other rabbits? That would have been her fate, the both of them, if Yanus hadn’t done what she did. They were both of them alive because of the choice Yanus had made. And Yuno instead chose to hold Yanus accountable for the lives she didn’t save. She looked the other way, disgusted. There would be no apologies.
She flexed her eyelid muscle once more, the moribund sheath flicking out to cover her lens. She watched, happily, a time when she was alone once more, where her daughter was just a scar on her shoulder. Rabbits danced happily in her future, white clover flourished beneath her step. Her future was heaven.
What else did her daughter see, she thought, suddenly paranoid once more. Was it only the history of their shared body? Or was it beyond themselves? Her own visions were limited to her own future thus far, and from what Yuno had revealed there was no reason to think otherwise for the child. But she didn’t trust her. Didn’t trust that the brat didn’t have her own secrets. Could she see the future instead, was she just guessing about the past to torment her mother? Or maybe Yuno seeing a different future entirely. Maybe the future Yanus was seeing was just a fantasy, her eyelids giving her false hope instead of an eventuality. Would she have to fight for this future, would there be some critical thing she had to do to make it a reality? Yuno would fight her, if she ever found out, Yanus realized with a burst of protective anger. She must hide the truth from her at all costs.
She should fake it. She should fake her apology. There was no sense in revealing her hand prematurely. Lull the girl into a false sense of security, make her believe in a mother’s care and then when the time comes, well. When the time comes Yuno would be no more. Yanus could hardly contain her delight.
And all she really had to do to apologize was tell her daughter the truth. It wasn’t that hard, really, she had made the right choice, no one would disagree, she reassured herself. ‘It was a certain death to not become a god, there was no other path,’ she said horsley, willing herself to act as if Yuno’s accusations provoked some time of pained reaction from her, rather than the homicidal rage she was currently feeling. Yuno might be able to feel it if she lied, she chastised herself, recalling the way her body flushed with anger and ached with sadness. She carried so much of her feelings bodily, she must be careful not to give herself away, she thought, trying to pour false emotion into her performance.
‘Our god abandoned us to the wolves, let his acolytes rip us apart without conscience for the generations of worship our people had granted him,’ she rasped, voice thick with emotion, recalling the pain of the betrayal, the rage, letting her current rage reinforce the memory. ‘I would have died, and you and my kits in my belly, we would have all perished but for my decision.’ Yuno turned back toward her, a flash of her crimson eye in Yanus’ peripherals. ‘Better we had died, together, as a family. Instead we’re, we’re this,’ she emphasized the word with a hiss, her feelings at the attachment clear. ‘Whatever we are now, an abomination,’ Yuno said, voice suddenly exhausted, as if releasing all her unspoken thoughts had drained her. ‘We were supposed to die. I wish we were dead. Why do you keep persisting when it is clear what we are should not exist.’
Yanus paused, at that, surprised at her daughter’s inner thoughts. She had never guessed that she might feel that way.
How dare she. How dare she think Yanus ought to give up her body entirely. This was her body and she would be the one to make the decisions for it. How glad she was that Yuno had been granted no control beyond her own neck. The little brat might have tried to destroy them. Unforgivable, even the thought of her holding these thoughts about Yanus’ body made her burn with animosity. She would never allow it. She would never allow Yuno to destroy them. She thought back to the future she had seen for herself. Well, only Yuno would die. The thought made her a little sad for her daughter. Leaving the world unaccompanied. Alone. But, she would be joining her siblings in her after life, she comforted herself, trying to rationalize away her feelings of sympathy. She didn’t want to feel for the child. Refused to, really. This was what Yuno wanted.
