—

Her eyes stirred beneath their lids, and she rubbed her face against her cushion. Consciousness was a slow becoming, and she waded through the fog begrudgingly. Sleep was just so comfortable where she was.

She stretched, and groaned, and propped herself up onto her hands. Her lovers had let her sleep where she had lain, right there on the floor on her rug, at the foot of the lounge. Judging by how dark it still was outside, she’d fallen asleep fairly early, and woken up in similar fashion. Which worked just fine, as she’d be able to get the boltstone sorted and installed hopefully before everyone was up and about. She would need real clothes, and wouldn’t mind a warm ba-

right. no boltstone, no bath.

And she wanted to leave enough power for her soon-to-be-wife to have a bath if she chose. She roused herself, getting to her feet and stretching herself tall as she let her muscles awaken, and carry her to the bedroom. The door was left ajar, which made it just a bit easier to be quiet. She pulled her clothes from the section of the wall rack dedicated to her. Heavier, thicker pants, a vest, and her thighboots. It would still be cold outside, so warmer clothes were in order. And the pants were softer on the inside than one might expect, so Khi always took the opportunity to wear them out.

As she finished dressing herself, she decided to take her gloves with her as well. It couldn’t hurt, she knew, and while she might not need them, “it was better to have something you needed than to need something you didn’t have”… or, something like that. She understood the message, which remained the same. All she needed was her coat, her pack, and enough money to pay the powerkeep. All three of which she gathered on the way down to the front door, after a quick stop at the stewpot on the hearth to steal just enough to get her through till midday. At the door, she threw on her coat, pulled the hood up around her neck, and fastened the belt around her waist as she fastened the clips and buttons up the front. It was the only real item she had of her people, made for both utility and durability, with the flair of a craftsman who’d spent centuries in their trade. She loved it as she loved her own skin. As she loved herself. And as she stepped out the front door, she was glad she had such a companion.

It was almost frigid, and Khi was surprised there wasn’t frost on the grass outside. Winter was coming, and it was making itself known. Khi was satisfied with her decision to bring her gloves, swiftly stuffing her hands into them. As quickly as she had stepped out, she popped back inside and took her scarf from the coat rack, wrapping it around herself and tucking it into the collar of her coat. Nice and thick and warm and soft.

Off and around to the back of the building, she tracked down the little metal housing that held the boltstone, as well as the mechanisms for the pump and water heater. Sure enough, the glow that let any homeowner know they had power was so dim it was barely visible. Neither the stone itself nor the filament connected to the heating coil were putting off much light, which would be fine in newer models that wasted less energy by putting out less light, but theirs wasn’t new. Khi undid the valves and freed the stone from its housing. Warm to the touch, but only slightly, and that was mostly due to the proximity to the heating coil. Into the pack it went. She put everything back how it was, reconnecting the housing and tightening the valves back into place. She’d gotten a stern talking-to last time, when she forgot to close everything back up before heading off. Not again, though! She wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. She stood, brushing the dirt from her pants, and slung her pack over her shoulder. She had a walk to make, and it would be nice to have it done fast. A brisk pace would help her stay warm, as well.

She made her way into town, as she had both days before, and several days before then, this time headed toward the south end of town. The powerkeep was on the main stretch of road, just past the bulk of the people’s market. As she walked, she passed by the early-risers, already set up, many offering her “the freshest goods” that they could offer, while many merchants were still either yet to fill their stands or setting up as Khi passed by. The light early-morning fog was beginning to burn off as sunlight fell over the town, but the temperature remained as low as ever. The section of the main street past the market was the newer part of town, and yet still old. The buildings showed exactly the same, some featuring the housings and pipes for pumps and heaters, all trailing just under the street to pull their water from the river. And speaking of pumps and heaters, a building just to the right sported one of the most modern-looking setups Khi had seen, and she knew she’d arrived. That along with the illustration of a shining boltstone on the sign swinging from over the door clearly indicated this was the right place. And… they weren’t open. 

Yet, at least. Khi supposed she was early, and she could admit she had just forgotten not everyone was open all the time. She sat on the bench outside, pulling her scarf up over her mouth and tucking herself into her coat as she sunk down into the bench outside the building. As Khi slipped into daydreams, she let her eyes shut and her breathing even out. When she exhaled, her breath puffed up in front of her, and in her mind’s eye she watched waves shower the shoreline with the thin mist, orphaned from its main body, that only manifested when great waves were shattered against even greater stone. She heard the thunder of a far-off storm, and… it started to feel… very real… and she saw a ship, a great vessel, lost at sea, and under the night sky only their lanterns made light. The boat sailed on perfectly black pitch. And then, there was a glow. Under the waves which battered the sides of the ship, a moving, swimming glow. The Lampfish, Khi’Rai’Lynn thought. And no sooner did she think that, than she was on the ship herself, overlooking the side, watching the glow pass under the ship, then back to her side again. Several times, it swam back and forth. To and fro. Khi’Rai’Lynn, orphaned daughter of her tribe, could not move. For the first time she was… frozen. 

And then the light slithered back again, just underneath her. And this time, it stopped. Just under the surface. Yet, it seemed to be getting brighter. Yes, it was, it was getting brighter. Right there, to either side of the light, Khi’Rai’Lynn could see… eyes. Large, opaque, milky-white eyes. Staring up emptily at the tiny, insignificant Khi.

And the light kept getting brighter. So close Khi felt as if she could reach out and touch it. And right there, under the eyes… long, jagged, milky-white teeth. In a wide, horrible, starving grin.

Khi’s eyes shot open, and she took her first breath in minutes. The door to the building was newly open, which Khi took as her sign to rouse herself and shake off the… unsettling daydream. She popped into the building and was faced with the same small, shallow floor plan she remembered. Not much of a lobby. However, there was a tired-looking man standing behind the counter, and that was what counted. Khi flipped off her hood and reached into her pack as she approached him. All he did was watch, with half-awake eyes and an indifferent frown. 

“This one’s just about finished. No issues, just ran its charge.” Khi set the stone on the counter.

“…mmh. So i assume we’re swappin’, then, yeah?”

“Yes please” Khi nodded with enthusiasm. 

“For one this big, hm…” the powerkeep rummaged through the space below the hardwood counter. “…call it three hundred cor.” He produced a boltstone of similar size, a healthy brightness to it, and laid it next to the dead rock.

Khi felt her face drop. She’d brought enough money, but that seemed… steep. The shop wasn’t on the eastern side of town, but she didn’t remember this man from the last time she’d come in. And he hadn’t seemed excited to see her. She couldn’t prove it, but she felt as though the grey skin and pointy ears were working against her. Most didn’t mind the gentle glow of a Vena’s eyes, as long as they were a “human” color. Like green, blue, brown, or a mix. Which Khi luckily had. Yet the gentle blue-green glow of her own eyes couldn’t cover her skin. The angles of her face. The points of her ears. The white streaks in her otherwise dark brown hair. All the things her lovers adored her for were targets for men like this. She assumed. 

Maybe she was wrong, though. Maybe boltstone was just becoming harder to get, and therefore more expensive. And the town she lived in wasn’t exactly the wealthiest little settlement, they only had boltstones because they sat on a road between two trade hubs, and along a river. Both necessary for a non-capital town to have that access. 

Regardless, she needed it. Whether the price was due to prejudice or economics, she couldn't go home without it.

“Okay, that’s fine. Here.” She counted it out and set it on the counter between them. Just as quickly, she lifted the stone and put it into her bag.

“Ahh-ah! Don’t go nowhere ‘til I count it,” the shopkeeper demanded.

Khi stood and waited. He counted it out. He counted to three hundred. He grunted and waved his hand at her, dismissing the girl. She nodded, scowled, and threw up her hood as she stepped outside.

The day was still young, and Khi had her stone. She did need to get it home and install it. That took priority. She started on her way home, taking the same path back, and went through her options for the day, mulling over what she could do. She needed to start distributing her mix, whether she sold the mix or the recipe. She needed to come up with a name for it too, which would be smart to do beforehand. She also-

froze. She knew those banners. The unmistakable sigil of the Man-kin United Coalition. She turned around, and pulled her clothing up over her face. She reached into her hood and tucked her ears in and down, trying to get them as unnoticeable as possible. She covered her hands, tilted her head towards the ground, and turned back around. She could turn down an alley just a bit ahead which should be enough to avoid them, she just couldn’t take any chances. 

The Man-kin United Coalition were the post-war extremists that still carried the hatred of the Vena that sparked the first ‘Realignment War’. The First Realm-Shift had left the Vena displaced and confused, and it left mankind as scared and confused as the Vena. With the devastation it caused to their land, their homes, their people, between the new sicknesses, the Heartblight, the spliced, the overlap of territory, and the dissolution of the Medus-scholars who brought the two worlds together, they were scattered, and afraid, and angry. Rightfully so, the Vena had widely believed. And so the Vena had been surprised when, instead of turning their blades on the intellectuals who wrought catastrophe, they turned instead on the Vena, who sought the same solution to the same problem. The Realignment wars were  the product of that conflict. And even though the wars were long since over, the M.U.C., the “muckers”, still held tight to that hate. 

And now they were making another pass on Brookstead. 

It was hard not to break into a sprint as she made her way off to the side and into the alley, but she managed. Just barely. If they found her, and if no one stood up to stop them, they’d have her killed. And they’d make a show of it. She had seen them execute “sympathizers”, while they dragged carapins in tow, their shells cracking and broken from being dragged across the stone. The wagons, the horses, the men with their sour, hateful, avaricious grins, they never slowed. She still remembered the carapin who hadn’t been able to keep up with the carriage he was tied to. All three chains were still attached to the carriage. And all three chains were still attached to the carapin. One to the collar around his torso, and two fastened to the shackles set in place around the elbows of his larger pincer arms. The issue was that one of those arms… wasn’t connected to the carapin. Khi still remembered the look on his face, the way his eyes seemed lifeless, a trait so rare of his kind. She could never forget that.

Khi felt sick. She found her way back to the main roads and eventually to the path back home. She was gradually shutting down with anxiety. What if they checked houses? Khi went around to the housing for the boltstone and set herself down. What if they came to the shop? She set the new rock in place and closed the machinery. What if they took all three of them out into the streets? She finished tightening everything and stood up, hands trembling. She didn’t bother brushing off her pants. What if… what if she got Robin and Evelyn killed? 

Khi was feeling worse by the second. She didn’t check in the shop. She didn’t bother taking things off in front of the door. She didn’t bother to set her remaining funds back into her stash. She didn’t bother running a water fixture to clear out the cold water. The next thing she knew she was sitting in front of the fireplace, fully clothed, wrapped up in a ball wishing she could not exist for a while. Until the muckers left, at least. Then maybe even longer. Until she could calm herself. 

It was scary. They weren’t a military, they were just people, organized under their shared hatred of her and her people and everything from her ancestors’ world. They didn’t need orders, they didn’t need reasons. They didn’t even need the support of the people, because anyone who spoke out was a sympathizer, and they would just kill th-

“KHIRA!”

Khi yelped, and her nails dug into her flesh through her pants. She looked, and it was just Evelyn, kneeling over, hand hovering over Khi’s own. Khi saw confusion, maybe fear, concern, in Evelyn’s eyes. 

“Thank you for switching the power out. Did you… forget to… take your shoes off…?” Evelyn’s voice trailed off. “Khi? Is… something wrong?” 

Khi watched every awful thing the muckers could do, saw the carapin and the cart, saw the burning of the sympathizers, and felt tears well in her eyes. She was scared. For herself, and for the ones she was putting at risk. Just by being alive, Evelyn and Robin were at risk. Because of her. Because of her. She sobbed, and grabbed Evelyn’s shirt. She pulled her close and heaved, her face pressed into Evelyn’s chest.

“Khi, what is going on with you?” Khi felt her hands take her face and bring it up to look at her. Evelyn’s hands were firm, but soft. Stern, and yet comforting. Immediately, her breathing steadied, and she felt present. 

Their eyes met, and she choked on her words. “There were… muckers, in town, at the market, they-“

“Were you seen?”

“I, I don’t, Evvy-“

“Were. You. Seen?”

“…only by the shopkeeper, for the new b-boltstone, but i, i don’t think anyone else, and th-they didn’t follow me. i, i took a side road…”

“Robiiiiin! Will you come up here?” Evelyn called downstairs as Khi fought through her sentences.

“…and i covered my skin, and i tucked my ears down, and i didn’t stare…”

Robin appeared in only seconds. 

“What’s going on, Evelyn? What… happened?”

Khi could feel his eyes on her.

“The muckers are back in town. Khira saw them in the market.”

“Why in hog’s shit was she at the market if the M.U.C. is out and about?”

“Fate forbid you use your brain, she didn’t see them until she was there you halfwit. She says she didn’t get seen, but this means she’ll-“

“Not be in the shop, nor running errands, til they’re gone. I understand.”

“Alright, Khi, you know what to do. No windows, don’t answer the door, don’t make any noise, ok? Just, shhhhh, breathe, flowerpetal, breathe and stay nice and quiet.”

“C-can you, please, go into t-town and tell Galg-gory…” Khi stuttered, keeping herself from the rising panic, “…i w-won’t be coming i-in tonight…”

Evelyn cocked her head, her lips shifting into an expression of pity and reluctance. “I really don’t think that should be your first priority, darling, but… ok,” Khi nodded her head in thanks as Evelyn spoke. “I’ll head past there tonight while i’m out, I have shopping to do anyways. Just please remember to stay away from the windows, Khira. Please.” 

Finally pulling herself together, Khi nodded again. She pulled her legs into her chest and held herself in a little ball in front of the fire. She wasn’t meant for this. She was meant for a simple life, something quiet, where her biggest worry was making sure her wife was comfortable and happy. This wasn’t what life was supposed to be like. It couldn’t be.

She shook in front of the now-roaring fireplace, trembling as she heard her lovers busy themselves and prepare to depart. Khi slowly stripped herself of her attire as she sat, unable to walk her jacket to the front door due to the windows on the staircase. As she gathered herself, she crawled around the floor and shut the covers to the windows she would need to walk past. Once they were closed and locked, she stood. She felt numb, yet restless. As if she could not move, though movement was all she desired. 

She sighed. Her thoughts raced around the muckers again. She shut her eyes and grit her teeth. She couldn’t keep doing this to her partners. She couldn’t keep getting lost in those thoughts and spiraling. She pulled the poker from the fireplace, closed her eyes, and waited for her thoughts to circle around to the memories again. The second they did, she threw the back of her hand against the hot end of the poker. It seared her flesh, and she stifled a yelp and pulled away, her mind thoroughly distracted by the pain. She set the poker back into the fire, and moved over to their sink. Luckily they still had cold water left over, and she ran her hand under it until it began to sting less.

It was the most prominent scar she had. It was every time she had to force herself out of a spira. It was what she had to do so she didn’t bring everyone else down with her. It was a necessary evil.

In only her underclothes, she paced the room for hours. She laid in front of the fire, on the lounge, and sketched drawing of plants and barnyard animals into a small bound notebook. She was getting particularly good at drawing chickens. Well, not good, but… they were chickens. She liked them. Her hand still radiated a mild sting, warm to the touch. She practiced her handstands for a while, only stopping when she lasted a full minute inverted without toppling over. As she rolled out of the exercise, she-

the door.

Khi heard the downstairs door open. Panic. Her eyes went wide. She dashed into the bedroom, allowing only silent footfalls, opening and closing the door as quietly as she could, and throwing herself under the bed. She waited until she heard shuffling downstairs in the shop through the floorboards. She slid out from under the bed, and crawled over to the door. Peering under it, no signs of movement, no unusual shadows. She slowly cracked the door, compensating for the squeak of the hinges, and scanned the living room…

clear.

Khi sighed. She grabbed a spoon from the kitchen and moved back over to the fireplace. The leftovers-stew was warm as ever, she helped herself to just enough to whet her appetite. A bit to help keep her mind occupied. She just needed to keep busy. She cleaned and polished her boots. She put her funds back in order. She did some stretches.

the door.

In seconds, she was in the bedroom, under the bed, waiting. No new noise from the shop. 

“Khiiiii! It’s just me, come on out…” Evelyn’s voice called out from the other room. Khi let out a sigh of relief. She got out and saw Evelyn offloading herself of what she’d picked up from the market. “I didn’t hear you run to hide at all, flowerpetal. Very good, you’re very well-trained.” Evelyn smiled, and reached up to stroke Khi’s hair, letting her fingers trace the Vena’s ear as she did, before going back to putting away her spoils.

“How did Galgory-“

“He understands, don’t worry. He knows if they find you he’d lose his cheapest worker…” there was silence between the two. “…you know he’s using you, right, Khira?”

“…y-yes, but, he doesn’t mean it like that, it’s just-“

“Khira,” Evelyn interrupted, not taking her attention off her occupation, as she transitioned into preparing dinner. “you shouldn’t let people use you like that. Not everyone is like Robin, and me. You know we wouldn’t take advantage of you, but some others…”

“…I know, Evvy…”

“And besides, you really only need us, anyways. isn’t that right?” Evelyn turned to face Khi, her eyes bright, her smile slight and playful. Khi nodded in assent. “I bet staying inside all day wasn’t even that bad.” She went back to preparing the food. “And now, I’m back, and you can keep me company, right?” Khi nodded again. “If you’re nodding, i can’t see it.” 

“Yes. You are right.”

“Yay! I always am,” Evelyn turned, and stood tall, pulling Khi down just enough to plant a kiss on her cheek. “But it’s still nice to hear you say it. Now, will you rinse the cabbage, please?”

Khi silently set about to work. The two prepared dinner mostly in silence, with the occasional request or command from Evelyn, the even rarer praise, save for when Evelyn noticed Khi’s hand.

“Flowerpetal, did you have another episode?”

“…yeah,” Khi muttered, focusing on chopping the carrots she was responsible for. 

Evelyn sighed. “I do wish you’d figure out how to manage yourself better, so you wouldn’t have to do that to yourself.”

“I know, i’m sorry. I’m getting better about it, and they happen less.”

“That’s true. I remember how you used to be, those first few months with us. You were an anxious mess.”

The conversation trailed into Evelyn reminiscing about Khi’s old anxious habits while Khi tried not to be too embarrassed. 

Before she knew it, dinner was ready. Fresh, steaming vegetables loaded into slow-cooked potatoes, decorated with some of the simmering broth of the stew Khi had snacked from earlier. They called Robin up, ate, talked, put their dishes away, and went back to their evenings.

Khi felt lost. She didn’t really have anything she hadn’t done that day that she needed to do. She couldn’t even look out a window at the evening sky, watch the sunset. Khi sighed. 

Khi cleaned the dishes. She cleaned the counters. She polished the table, and the floor nearby. She rested in front of the fire, and read a bit from one of the books she’d already read several times. She felt restless still, but also exhausted. And as she closed her eyes for just a moment, she felt the book slip away from her fingers, and her body jolted her back awake.

…and it was dark outside. She noticed neither of her lovers were in the room with her, and poked her head into the bedroom. They were both asleep. Soundly so, it seemed. Khi wanted to join them, but she wasn’t tired anymore, not for now at least. She didn’t want to wake them, but she needed to keep busy. The boredom was threatening her sanity. She’d done nothing but clean and lay around since midday. 

An idea hit her. It was night, which meant the shop was closed up. She could go down and pack a few bottles of her Spar-Crackle dust-

keep working on that name. 

-and have them ready for distribution when she was free to move about the town. She excitedly tiptoed downstairs, moving with dead silence, and slipped into the shop. She didn’t even need to light up a torch or lantern or anything, by the time she’d found her way over to the workshop her eyes had already adjusted to the near-pitch blackness. 

Happily, she set about gathering her materials and bottles and setting up her workstation. The most important part would be not accidentally igniting a mixture and waking her whole house up. Over the next hour or so, Khi packed enough bottles to fill her bag, and every time she packed one she got a little faster at doing so. 

As she finally started to mellow out and consider sleep, she hung her pack up in its normal spot, filled with the quiet jingling of filled glass bottles, and slipped into bed. She felt Evelyn’s arm instinctively wrap around her, and her warmth sucked Khi back farther into bed. She smelled clean. Khi was happy, despite the events of the day, that she’d run her errand, knowing she was the reason Evelyn had a good, warm shower. 

For tonight, that would be enough.

It had to be.

Khi closed her eyes, and let herself drift off to sleep.

——