Chapter 2- Accepting ones “self”

Abel let out a tired sigh after carefully washing up and applying the all-purpose ointment left over from before Grandma Meng’s passing. Although Grandma Meng had taught all three children what herbs were needed and the method to make this ointment, Abel had never thought to profit from it. It wasn’t because of a solemn promise he’d made to the old lady that raised them nor was it due to it being a secret family elixir that would be coveted by pharmaceutical giants, it was simply because it was a superfluous action in and of itself. While the ointment did wonders to minor cuts and scrapes or burns, it wasn’t anything revolutionary in comparison to the medical sprays and extravagant medicines available to the rich and powerful. While those that were poorer such as them would simply clean and disinfect the wounds before bandaging themselves up, not caring about scars and such. Even Abel used it simply because it was free and close at hand. He personally didn’t care if he had a scar he or there, what’s the point of being scar-free, it wouldn’t add more creds to his account nor would it give him a higher paying job.

While the Coalition would ensure every human had a roof over their heads and enough food to survive, that was as far as they were willing to go in supporting the poor. Abel never blamed them and definitely never resented them but he didn’t think the PNC were saints either. There could never be a monolithic institution and regardless of how well though out the policies, rules and laws, there would always be cases of favoring some and obvious bias in several situations. The rich got richer every year while the poor either stayed the same or worked hard for their entire lives for a gradual increase in living standards. How can a poor person propel themselves to a higher station in life unless they were an absolute genius in academia. It would usually take several generations of hard work and gradual improvements to barely reach middle class standards.

Sometimes when Abel was younger, he’d wonder about his own parents and how well-off they were but as he got older, he gradually stopped thinking of such things. Now that he thought about it, when he recalled how Xiang Xiawen’s Earth was like and how people over there lived, he couldn’t help but have a much greater sense of goodwill to the Coalition, especially their progenitor- Doctor Octavia. He should thank his lucky stars that he was an orphan on this Earth and not the other.

Perhaps long ago, before the global apocalypse war, his Earth was a similar dystopian society where the many different ‘countries’ were mere figureheads to the large corporations and the world would watch on as genocides took place, natural resources were looted from its indigenous people and orphans starved on the streets. It was no wonder Xiang Xiaowen never felt a sense of belonging to that world, the hypocrisy was too revolting. Abel wondered how this Earth would’ve turned out if there hadn’t been a Doctor Octavia. Would corporations return to their glory, fueled by human greed? Or would the people still learn the truth about history and rectify their ancestors’ sins. Slowly, Abel lost himself in contemplation and wandered from one thought to another without rhyme or reason.

‘It doesn’t matter anymore, just like Grandma Meng used to say.. we can only live on one day at a time and do our best not to disappoint our loved ones’ Abel thought optimistically as he tried to integrate and understand his other ‘self’ better. The world he lived in, how he lived his short life and the experiences ‘he’ went through was a huge contrast to the young orphan boy. Just the fact that Xiang Xiaowen had parents and elders that loved and cared for him was a great distinction. He had always wondered what it would be like to have parents. Although Grandma Meng had told Abel about his father several times, she never mentioned his mother. He was always curious as to why until one day he actually asked the old lady. She had told him that she had never met his mother and she figured she had probably been killed by the rebellious bots. When his father stumbled into her courtyard, he was already covered in blood but still managed to protect the toddler Abel between his big arms. He was badly injured and bleeding from multiple wounds, he clung on for just a few minutes but eventually perished from blood loss. His only concern was his little boy and his only wish was that she could take care of him.

As Abel experienced fatherly concern and motherly love through Xiang Xiaowen’s life, he quickly felt a connection and realized that the attention and care from Grandma Meng, Frankie and Melly was no different from true family. Although he knew this deep down, he couldn’t help but wonder what it was like to have actual blood-related kin. He was quite sure Frankie and Melly had similar thoughts at times but they would never really talk about it. Abel’s queries were answered by ‘himself’ and the many question he has in the depths of his heart were washed away one by one, unburdening the load he had unknowingly been carrying for more than 20 years.

 He didn’t have any memories before Grandma Mengs courtyard, perhaps his little mind had blocked out the tragedies he witnessed, but his first memories was of Frankie tossing him up and down as Melly stood by at the side in anxious concern. He couldn’t help but smile as he recalled his “first” memory and thought about his only family in the world. While Frankie and Melly were only 4 years older than him, they both had some vague memories of their parents but they didn’t talk about it much. Perhaps out of concern of hurting Abel or maybe due to their own personal pain.

Abel’s mind wandered indiscriminately over ‘his’ memories, he felt what it was like to study in University, to go out with friends, to be anxious over exams, to have a crush on a girl, to be tired from forging his first blade, to nervously ask a girl out and to also have his heart broken. These were mostly things Abel never had a chance to experience. Although he went to high school and actually had a good head on his shoulders, he always had trouble remembering static information. Abel was a taciturn child, it carried on into his adolescence and even until today but that didn’t mean he wasn’t smart, in fact he had a very high EQ. After all, those looking on from the outside can often see further and more clearly than those looking on from the inside. Abel embodied the meaning of that phrase to the maximum.

He slowed his breath as he slowly and naturally got into the rhythmic breathing pattern Xiang Xiaowen learned when he was a child in his father’s forge. Although in essence, the breathing exercise was a way to make sure your muscles wouldn’t cramp in the midst of forging, it also seemed to have the side effect of calming ones mind and Abel got into rather naturally as though he’d been practicing it for years. Now with a calm mind and an unburdened heart , Abel slowly examined and self-reflected for the first time in ‘both’ his lives. And he came to an assured conclusion.

‘I’m ME. Whether I’m called Abel or Xiaowen, I should always stay true to my heart. Whatever it is that caused this weird fusion, I can’t control it and neither can I understand it. Perhaps I’ll die again without ever finding out the truth behind this unnatural phenomenon. But I can understand my own heart and I can control my own actions. Grandma Meng was so right, just take it one day at a time and make sure not to disappoint our loved ones.’

Unbeknownst to Abel at this time, he was on the precipice of something that a lot of people could only dream about. Unfortunately, he was just slightly off as though all the constellations were in alignment but he was just missing a telescope to see it. It was at this time a consistent and well-practiced knock came on his door.

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

It was actually quite absurd how the gentle and thin looking Melly could release a force no less than the big boned and tall Frankie. The size and strength difference between Frankie and Melly was great to say the least, yet they both somehow learned to knock on his door in the exact same way. Abel wasn’t sure if Frankie was knocking softly or Melly knocked just as hard as her boyfriend despite her smaller size. It was probably like his current situation, a mystery he’d never be able to figure out. He let out a sigh and slowly got up, he figured he should deal with his ‘elder sister’ before she broke down his door.