I eventually remembered the bowl of food I received from Emrum and got to eat it with that same momentum.

The dwarfs opposed to their own creed decided to make a few fires to cook something tasty after the deadly ordeal at the previous night. They needed some motivation, and the present cavern was judged to be tall enough for the poisonous gasses to be overlooked, at least in moderation.

I have overheard from Emrum’s and Lavacoat’s conversations that there were nine dead on our side. It would have been twelve if I hadn’t interjected with my healing magic.

I also heard that most of the unfortunate casualties were killed silently as the dark elves infiltrated our base. Along with some of the guards being on a night shift.

The nine deaths were a shocking revelation to me… once again, reminding me that this world was not like Earth anymore. Here, people didn’t need elaborate reasons to kill others like they were nothing more than animals for slaughter. And in that regard, this world was absolutely terrifying.

I clearly remember what that dark elf ordered of his men with literally zero hesitation. He wanted to cut out my tongue… so I cannot use it for spell casting… What a vile person… because no matter how much I tried to forget that fact… that those orders were not belonging to another intelligent being. The harsh truth couldn’t be ignored.

And that knowledge was what it turned it into such a terrifying experience.

That and the news that a large part of the dark elves managed to retreat and essentially get away unscathed after causing so much mayhem in our camp.

Well, unscathed was perhaps not the best way to describe it. After all, they have lost about the same amount of people as we did. Seven in all, among them the Spider Knight or whatever I should call that crazed individual who was riding that beast of his own free will.

I was not arachnophobic, as you probably already devised, since in that case I would have most likely pissed myself instead of sending lightning at it. To be fair… I almost did that anyway… but… seeing that thing in person even with a regular mindset was utterly terrifying. So probably you wouldn’t hold it against me even if I did...

Anyway… killing a spider rider was considered a huge thing. Even if I wasn’t the one who actually killed the rider… that honor belonged to Skod, who delivered the final strike while also getting mortally wounded in the process.

He has thanked me personally since then. Right after, the sub-commander Lavacoat left. By the way… he also gave me a tight hug, which was awkwardly long, starting to make me feel slightly uncomfortable. The way my thin body seemed to be swallowed by the wide, muscled man’s surprisingly gentle arms aroused a plethora of strange, mostly unwelcomed feelings inside me.

I received similar, but briefer hugs from the other two men who got saved by my magic… Aside from the little discomfort. The sheer level of gratitude I gained in one day has seemed to fill my withered reserves to the brim end beyond.

I will admit it like a man… well, a woman… whatever! I might have teared up a little. Maybe that was the reason I got extra long hugs, I am not sure... But I was not used to it…

I expected them to leave me to my own devices to gather myself in peace like it happens usually. Instead of that, I got squeezed in a bear hug, by Skod, and then Emrum.

I think I saw a few tears in Skod’s eyes as well… tears of relief and gratitude based on his gentle expression.

After I calmed down from the emotional situation, I decided to enquire about what they were going to do with the dead bodies.

Emrum, winced slightly, as he heard my question, then eventually said with evident discomfort in his voice strained with underlying anger.

“We will leave them here, laid down by the wall… The rock is hard here, not enough soft soil to dig proper graves. Their souls are with the paragons now. Drinking at the same table as their fathers and their fathers’ fathers. The mountain will embrace their remains on its own soon enough.”

There was a moment of silence, then he continued with his words.

“The paragons have blessed them with good deaths. Fighting against one of the most hateful foes under the mountain. The only pity is that we couldn’t take down all of them.”

“Now… they will know of our movements…” — Emrum’s eyes suddenly widened with a new fearful realization. His face slowly turned to look at me, as he mumbled words not meant for me to hear, but I still did thanks to my elven hearing.

“They will know about you…” — Was what Emrum murmured before his already whispered words trailed off completely.

I couldn’t help but stiffen as the underlying meanings of those ominous words seeped into my consciousness.

Next time… I am going to be targeted from the start.

The image of a cold blade pressing against my throat in the murky darkness, or a silent arrow piercing through the thick suffocating tunnels only to find its mark between my shoulder-blades. Just like it did with one of the dwarfs fighting against the spider rider. Someone who was no doubt among those nine dead, which Lavacoat counted.

Before I knew it, I was already shivering slightly as fear grasped my heart. The memories of that goblin attack, and the promise of retribution, sprang to the forefront of my mind once again, along with the new promises of suffering and death.

It was just a bit too much on top of all the other shit I was already handling.

I took a long slow breath, then again… clutching my shivering left hand to my chest. Trying to bring positive thoughts to the forefront of my mind. It was an old coping mechanism that I learned back on Earth. Something that was simple, and perhaps exactly because of that, it tended to actually work.

By focusing on my breathing while thinking about harmless, everyday things, I slowly managed to calm myself.

I looked around, after I deemed myself calm enough, expecting Emrum to be already hovering over me with worried questions on the tip of his tongue. Only to realize that Emrum didn’t even notice my predicament. He was lost deep in his own thoughts, which were clearly similarly dire as mine were mere seconds ago.

His eyes were unfocused, staring right in front of himself with a distant look imprisoned in those dark brown eyes. A sea of contempt and suffering that long since grown numb to the cruelty of this world. And I managed to glance at the man behind the defensive layers of jovial facades.

And I saw that he was like any other, someone struggling with the things life was throwing at his way. Searching for a purpose in the swirling chaos and disorder.

And then, I remembered the purpose I was gifted with in this life. A God given purpose.

I was brought here to help the people of this world. To turn their lives for the better. Doing something like that was pointless, without getting to know the people here, and so, that should be one of my main goals.

And then it hit me…

I was a messenger of God. One that could theoretically live forever… I had the chance to get to know the people of this realm as much as their time allowed. Not mine… it was never my time from here on. I should give as much of my time to the people of Rixa as I could.

Since that was the only thing I had in true abundance.

Time… endless amount of time… The thought felt strange and its contents didn’t feel real to me. I myself didn’t quite believe in what I knew to be true, at least if I wasn’t willing to directly question a God that didn’t give me any real reason to doubt his words.

Alright… I will grow up to be your messenger, Lord Axis… Now that I have seen a small fraction of the darkness that you have described to me, I believe that I can understand the weight of the situation.

Now that I personally saw what this darkness was capable of.

While I am not willing to condemn an entire race based on a single encounter. I believe that based on what the dwarfs told me, and what I have experienced last night. There is a good enough chance that these dark elves are indeed as evil as they sound to be.

I slowly stood up from my little corner and walked over to Emrum. This time, it was my turn to place my palm on his shoulder comfortingly.

He looked up at me, rousing from his thoughts, surprise followed by a wisp of a smile filling out his tired features. We exchanged a long look between us, then got to work. It was time to move on, to continue our ill-fated journey. A journey that has barely begun.

~oOo~

The next two days passed in welcomed monotony. The tensions were still high from the ambush. There were double guards at night, and the vanguard of the army was also similarly reinforced.

The mood was a lot more solemn. If I thought that there was little talk among the men after we left the outpost, now there was practically none outside of the camp, which served as a moment of respite after the strenuous day.

We are supposed to reach our goal in a few hours. Then I will be called forth to make the appropriate changes, closing off certain tunnels and such. I knew that I could do it, as I had already proved that to the dwarfs around me and myself as well.

Alas, I was still getting unreasonably excited about this task. Must be, because of the sheer responsibility that was now weighing on my shoulders. The memory of that nine dead wasn’t something I could simply overlook.

This entire situation was thanks to my presence here. Now, if I failed to do my part, those nine deaths would become my personal responsibility.

Something for which there was no excuse.

We continued our march in the intended direction, while I attempted to prepare myself for the important task waiting for me ahead.

Everything will be alright.