We have rested in the cavern for a few hours, but we were reluctant to make a permanent camp there. On the other hand, we couldn’t just leave, with all the injured.

The reason we didn’t want to camp there was pretty obvious. The entire place was filled with death, and so was the inside of the inner cave, which we intended to turn into a base of sorts.

The sight of the deceased was both sobering and disturbing at the same time. Even as most of them out here were goblins. What was the worst, however, was the smell of blood and scattered intestines filling the air. It was the real cause for worry.

There were simply too many dead and splattered goblins to easily clean them up, and the ground of the cave was impossible to dig up by normal measures to make graves for that purpose. Therefore, nothing stood in the way of the slowly spreading stench of death.

I contemplated the idea of burning the dead, but I realized that doing that would most likely only quicken the spreading of the stench, along with a vast amount of suffocating smoke.

I have been told by the dwarves multiple times that setting large fires in a cave environment wasn’t a wise decision. So I dropped that idea silently.

In the last few hours of rest, I managed to regain a bit of my mana. I decided to help a little with the most serious injuries. This time, I didn’t even attempt to heal them completely. I didn’t have that kind of mana. I just gave them a push in the right direction and it seemed to be enough. Turning the injury from a lethal one to a survivable one.

Alas, that was the extent of my mana.

I still needed to spare a fraction of it for the golem, but I just couldn’t simply stand by and watch the soldiers suffering. I had been bound to a bed more than enough at the late stage of my previous life, and I knew what it meant to be suffering silently, helplessly watching your body deteriorating overtime.

It was not something I could simply ignore, not while having the power to give them at least a chance. However slim it might be.

Either way… Our situation was dire.

We needed to do something with the dead, and do that quickly.

The smell of blood was bound to lure more dangerous creatures right on top of us. Our spotters have already reported a few sightings of dangerous beast lingering in the shadows surrounding the perimeter of our impromptu campsite.

It was not the news one was hoping for after a day of marching and fighting. I can tell you that much, as it could be plainly seen on every dwarf's tired expression as they stubbornly stared into the occasionally moving shadows.

It was bound to develop into a flight or fight situation if we don’t resolve the issue around the dead bodies.

Retreating from here was a possibility but, it would leave many more soldiers vulnerable in case of an ambush.

We would have to bring the injured with us, and I was starting to understand that in the deep roads every encounter was an ambush.

Aside from that, it wasn’t wise to expect soldiers that fought a battle after marching half a day and were currently beaten, shocked and tried to carry their brothers along into the depth of the unknown.

Especially that the area surrounding the would be second base was less ideally mapped than the caves we used to get here.

It was on the far edge of the scout’s patrolling range. Which is partly the reason it was chosen as an effective base location to expand the area of patrolling.

Alas, the biggest reason why we still didn’t leave this place, even though various beasts have begun to appear, was the fact that the golem couldn’t come with us.

With the help of the golem, it was likely that we could eventually repel anything small enough to get to this section of the cave. This knowledge gave us a sense of safety, which one could rarely experience so deep in the deep roads, days away from any dwarven outpost or fortress.

In the end, I have realized that the golem magic I utilised was probably a high level defense magic. Which was likely impractical to be used for offense.

The summoning process was extremely taxing on the caster and took time. Moving the golem with magic consumed a lot of magical power as well, therefore one that is summoned is bound to be only effective near the area it is summoned. It was a great thing that I could easily recreate my connection with the golem at will. Otherwise, the spell would be immensely unpopular, seeing how it wastes a day’s worth of mana in minutes.

However, if golem’s of such destructive powers are premeditatedly placed in key positions and activated at the threat of incoming enemies. I could see this kind of magic being some sort of ultimate defensive magic.

~oOo~

While I was lost in my thoughts, sitting by the barely burning campfire. Well, yes, the dwarfs decided to once again broke their sentiment of no fireplaces. I wasn’t surprised, though. They needed to boil water for the injured both to clean their injuries and to keep them warm.

I blinked heavily as I stared into the fire. The spontaneously dancing flame tongues had a calming effect on my mind.

The events of today were not something I could easily make peace with. I didn’t regret my choices. That’s true… and part of the problem. I couldn’t help but play around with the thought.

Would I feel nothing if I killed people as well?

Or is this lack of emotion caused because I killed goblins? Goblins that were believed to be fantasy creatures in my understanding therefore I wouldn’t feel guilt about eliminating things that were not even supposed to exist?

What about elves, then? Elves aren’t supposed to exist either, nor dwarves, not as an entirely different race at least.

While I was contemplating, I felt a presence walking up to me. I left those dire thoughts where they belonged in the deep recesses of my mind and looked up, welcoming the distraction.

I was slightly surprised when I saw Tum standing a few steps from me, evidently waiting for me to offer him a seat. Which I did, waving at the blanket covered spot right next to me.

The man gladly accepted my offer and took a seat beside me. We sat like that for a while in comfortable silence, neither of us willing to break it.

Eventually, I seemed to spy a cruel smirk on the man’s expression, barely blinking through the thick layers of dark brown facial hair. There was a glint of glee in those brown eyes as the man began to speak.

“So… you and Reg…” — I saw the slight curve at the edge of his smile, and I instantly knew that the bastard was purposefully annoying me with this topic.

I cut him off immediately before he could finish those thoughts.

“Just shut your trap, Tum… seriously… before I activate that golem and throw you out of the camp for good.” — I said in mock seriousness. — “Who was that fool who came up with that idea to begin with?! It’s ridiculous.” — I complained aloud, unable to believe that such rumors already existed among the dwarfs… No… that’s not quite true, I even expected it at some point, what I was unwilling to accept was the fact that such rumours were aimed at my person.

While being forced to experience them from the perspective of a girl, that is.

Tum attempted to swallow down his chuckle, and only half succeeded in the process. I stared at him, feeling quite unamused for once.

The man somehow managed to straighten his expression, raising his arms defensively. — “Hey, calm down, girl… I will stop…alright?” — He smirked once again, then added, with a more serious expression.

“Anyway… I came here to apologize about the… well you know….” — The man said with some embarrassment and a bit of shame.

My eyebrows shot up for a second, unsure what he was getting at, then the memory blinked into my mind, and my expression morphed into that of understanding.

“Ah… I see… Well, it’s alright, just don’t try to force me into any sort of deadly melee combat with notoriously dangerous races in the future and we will be fine.” — I said with a humorous attitude, but was dead serious about it behind the sarcastic facade, and I knew from Tum’s serious nod that he also understood this.

“Yeah… well, that wasn’t the best of my ideas…” — He chuckled while scratching the back of his head with his right arm.

I shook my head lightly, a sense of amusement coming back to me. — “That’s definitely one way to put it… Well, all is good in the end, so let’s just clean the slate.” — I offered with a smile and a stretched out hand.

Tum chuckled at the sight, shaking his head in amusement, then grasped my offered hand and shook it.

“You are a strange elf, Selora, but… that is not a bad thing, I believe.” — He thought for a second, then added with a hesitant smile. — “Say… could you tell your golem to dig a large hole in the cave ground? It is too tough for us to manage, but your golem shouldn’t have trouble with it, seeing what it did to those goblins and all…”

I listened to his words thoughtfully, quickly connecting the dots.

I looked up at the man with a dark expression and asked. — “Is that an inquiry from the commander?”

Tum looked into my eyes and said. — “Something like that… yes.”

I took a deep breath and answered honestly. — “I can’t see why not… that’s actually a good idea. I should have thought about that.”

~oOo~

Death… death, as so many of us hoped and still hope somewhere in the distant realms of the vast universe on a planet called Earth, is not the end of everything… I have witnessed it, crossing through the unmeasurable distances, across the silvery realms of stars and galaxies all in but a few heartbeats.

I had the pleasure of receiving an audience with a god, a god among many, who referred to himself as the God of Creation, and who, for some reason, seemed to entrust me with a task.

A task to help the races of his favoured planet unite against the so-called darkness, growing and threatening to destroy the world of Rixa.

This task, or so-called divine duty, had currently brought me to uphold a strange occupation, one that I definitely not expected to ever become, especially after my own passing.

It seems… that I have become an undertaker.

It was not that bad as it sounded… since I wasn’t actually required to personally do anything, only command my golem and watch over its work while providing the necessary mana.

I mean… yes… aside from the danger of beasts being lured on top of our heads. The presence of unburied bodies wasn’t desirable by anyone. They may contain diseases and sicknesses, not even mentioning the smell.

Since we intended to make an outpost here from the beginning, it was not a battlefield that could be conveniently left behind.

And so the slow and monotone process of gathering the dead have began.

Luckily, with the help of my golem, that had easily dug out two large mass graves, one for our soldiers and one for the goblins, the task was at least doable.

Even so, it took several hours to accomplish it. Even with our combined effort.

In the end, we have lost twenty-four men in this battle alone. The numbers were quite sobering to us all. Adding that to the nine dead in the previous skirmish against the dark elves, and it turns out that we have practically lost a third of our army in a few days. When we left the outpost, we counted ninety-five people, including me. Now it was only sixty-two. Not even speaking of the eight more seriously injured and about twenty more that were with moderate injuries, most of those could still fight but were obviously not so effective.

“This is terrible.” — I voiced out my thoughts, standing at the edge of the grave made for our fallen.

The dwarfs standing close enough to hear my words grunted in agreement. I noticed that aside from rare exceptions; they remained calm and collected. Even as the last of the fallen soldier’s body was placed into the grave.

They must have been used to such scenarios. Which was a telling sign of how dangerous the deep roads were...

When the last body was lowered into the grave.

I ordered my golem to bury the remains with the shattered combination of rocks and earth that it dug out previously and was currently towered up by the edges of the graves.

It followed my order with silent motions.

Giving the entire process a solemn atmosphere.

I stole a few glances at the mostly unfamiliar faces of dwarfs surrounding the place. Saw as they watched on with their stony exteriors. Watched as their long time companions vanished under the accumulating layers of earth and rock, shoved over their lifeless bodies like a cold, dark blanket engulfing them for eternity.

I glanced down into the dark hole as my thoughts wandered back to Earth.

For the first time since I came here, I entertained the thought of what might have happened with my original body. I was most likely long since buried similarly as these warriors were. That or maybe my body was cremated?

I guess I will never know…

One thought, lead to another, and many of my memories from Earth, along with my family, or what was left of it, came to mind.

I felt myself tear up. Those memories, memories which I intentionally avoided in the last two weeks, were unwilling to stay ignored anymore. They burst at the surface, breaking through the shock and trauma of my death, and seemed to come at me with a force never before witnessed.

I stayed there, among the circle of grieving dwarfs, and couldn’t quite stop my flowing tears. I raised my arms to dry my tears, only to realise that my arms were once again trembling.

My eyes widened slowly, as a realisation came over me.

I should have expected this… The overaccumulation of stress in the last few weeks began to show its effects. I might be on the verge of a nervous breakdown. All because of the immense tension my mind was exposed to.

Dying and being reborn in a different world as a different race and opposite gender wasn’t so easy on the mind in the end… Even if I didn’t feel the mental strain, it was still there, and its effect couldn’t be ignored forever.

I definitely need rest, and a lot of it.

I shouldn’t have accepted this task to begin with… I am not of this world, and need time and effort to adapt to it. However, I couldn’t quite turn their request down since I didn’t tell the dwarfs the truth, nor do I intend to. Aside from that, I am a part of the company now. Which is kind of necessary since I need money and they offered me a generous amount.

It was a pity that I couldn’t just go and visit the local psychologist. Even if I could, I believe that it would be unwise to share the exact nature of my problem… It would likely only achieve to provide me a ticket to the loony wing.

I sighed…

Then I felt a hand being placed on my shoulder compassionately. I turned towards the owner of that hand, and couldn’t help but offer a serene smile as I saw that it belonged to Emrum.

“… You shouldn’t be walking around yet.” — Was the first thing that came to my mind and I spoke it without a second thought, lightly admonishing the stubborn man who was the closest person to me in this new and terrifying world.

He took in my appearance, giving a light squeeze to my shoulder. — “It is not your fault.” — Emrum said matter-of-factly. No doubt believing that I was crying because of the fallen dwarves and what the young man said to me back then.

Maybe… I was, in a sense.

Thinking about that young dwarf, I realized that I could see him.

His eyes were red from the tears and his expression dark, but there was no longer that startling frenzy filling his gaze.

Our eyes met accidentally. I might have stared at him a bit too long…

I saw his eyes widen seeing my state, then his expression was overcome by shame. He eventually gave me a slow, hesitant nod, then looked away, avoiding my gaze.

He was not in his right mind back then. I knew that… and easily accepted his subtle apology.

Emrum silently watched our exchange and gave another brief squeeze to my shoulder before lifting his hand. — “He is a good lad, don’t hold it against him… Terror, grief, but among all guilt could drive a man to do unprecedented things. His father died to save the boy’s life. The old crook took the blade in place of his son willingly. I asked around a bit. It turns out there was nothing for you to heal to begin with. He died almost instantly.” — Emrum whispered in my ear.

I nodded, a bit surprised by this statement. Maybe I shouldn’t have been, since the man was clearly in shock, he might didn’t understand or wasn’t willing to accept that his father died.

I accepted Emrum’s words and nodded while the grave was slowly filled to the brim. Then the golem went over to the other hole and started to fill it, too. After all… even goblins deserve to be buried if there is an opportunity to do so.

I tightened my grasp around my staff. Gathering the courage to share a knowledge about what lays beyond the last exhale of man. My palm felt a bit sweaty, tensing around the magical staff.

Then I spoke up.

In the silent, almost suffocating atmosphere, my unusual feminine voice started to softly echo through the cave. — “Up, on the surface… and even above that, there is a strange thing which we call the sky… In daytime, it has a soft blue color stretching above us as far as the eye can see. At the hour of dawn and twilight, it turns to many shades of red and orange. While at night, it becomes black, filled with countless twinkling lights. Lights that we call stars.”

“The sky is not the end of things, however. Far beyond the sky among the curtain of twinkling lights, a Silver River flows, connecting everything with creation”.

“Death may be the end of one journey, but there is another already waiting beyond the horizon. We just cannot see it until we step over the boundaries of our mortality.”

As my speech ended. It left behind an exalted atmosphere lingering inside the dark cave. The dwarfs appreciatively nodded to my words. A sense of warmth returning to those stoic expressions.

I believed that most of them didn’t take those words for more than my way of expressing sympathy.

I didn’t mind it… I myself have searched for the truth for so long, and I couldn’t just believe whatever people said, not until I could experience it.

Words, after all, no matter how flowery or powerful they were, were unable to carry the true essence of those same experiences which they struggled to describe.

There was a limit to human empathy.

When both of the graves were buried, I silently ordered the golem to move back to its original place, as its actions were quickly draining my reserves.

I, along with my golem, quickly excused ourselves. It was high time for a long awaited rest.