"Love dares you to change our ways of caring about ourselves." -Queen, David Bowie.
The boxes stacked high, the new home smell hitting me in the face. It’s almost like I can breathe easier now that I’m here. Our new apartment is roomy, sure. But it’s still a far cry from my old one with the leaky roof and the barely attached front door. Going through the boxes, marching around and putting stuff away. We mostly filled my new home with my girlfriend’s stuff. I only have a few things. Some plates, some cutlery, pots, pans… I pause, hands shaking and I pluck the picture frame out of the box. A picture of my family.
Father, glaring at the camera with intense azure eyes and short red hair, muscular and dressed in a maroon dress shirt carrying my little brother on his shoulder with a wide smile. My little brother, smaller than me and having a white patch in his red hair, excitedly grinning and holding onto my father’s arm. Happy. Then my mother, beautiful and kind, white hair falling to her neck and arm wound around my shoulders. Gray eyes shining with the light of life in them.
I remember how cool she felt that day. How she used to hold my hand and look at me with those eyes and tell me she loved me. How we’d make dinner together and how much she used to sing while we went along. I look at the younger version of me. Red and white hair, the roots and main color being red and tips being white, dulled blue eyes peeking out from next to my mother, a shy smile on my face. Elementary school entrance day.
Mother had a baby bump soon after, Father grew colder, Brother went insane and…
Tears dapple the glass over the photo. I stand there, almost wanting to burn it. My flames whisper out of my mouth, bright and blue. My eyes squinted and blurred with tears that softly hiss into steam. The door beeps open and my arms gently let the photo drop onto the table, the glass undamaged aside from the tears. Heels gently clack on the outer floor as my girlfriend sits down. It’s strange, normally she’d have longer hours.
She lets out a soft sigh, “Haaah… it’s good to be home.” her voice is warm and strong, commanding and gentle in equal measure. I stand in my socks, my eyes watching her undo her long boots and I notice her coat. She unties her hair from it’s usual bun and it flows down temptingly right at her waist.
She shakes it out, with it all fluffing up from being kept so tight.
Her head turns, her hair flowing the other way, and her bright azure eyes pin me down, “There he is,” her smile is dazzling, “Gimme a sec, lover boy.” she takes off her coat and there’s her torn bodysuit.
She stands and pads over to me, long dark purple hair billowing behind her and a soft smell coming from her body, eyes becoming half lidded. But then she notices my tears.
“Honey? What’s the matter?” she sweeps closer, kissing me on the forehead like a mother would to a sick child, a slight hum warbling through her body, “You’re hotter than normal,”
“That’s ‘cause I… I had a…” I look at the photo.
“Oh, right.” She smiles and throws her arms around my neck, “Koyurei, look at me.” she puts her velvety soft hand on my cheek and makes me look into her sky eyes. She’s got a beauty mark under her left eye.
“Nemuri, I…” I start.
“You did a good job, baby.” her smile dazzles yet again and here I am being too shy to admit that I had used my quirk. She kisses me and her slender lips still have traces of the strawberry lip gloss she likes.
Her hand grabs my belt, pulling me close and wrapping her other arm around my neck, her lips warm, her tongue deepening our kiss. Yanking me into our room, belt jangling and bare legs hitting the open air.
She whirls me around and sets me on the bed with it creaking under my weight, “Okay…” she sighs, slipping off my jacket and kissing my bare arm, velvety kisses peppering my body and soothing me as she tears off the rest of her costume. Her hands unbutton my shirt, her scent spreading through the room, making my sight blur and flames puff out from between kisses, her hands binding me to her. Nemuri’s lithe form presses to me, muscles like a soft yet firm trap.
“Arms up, baby.” I do so and she slips off my shirt, tossing it aside and hooking her fingers into the soft fabric around my… well… you get it. Heat glows in my cheeks and I cough out a few embers.
She looks up at me, “Koyurei, can I make love to you?” she smiles and I look back down at her, my cock erect but I don’t know what to say. I want to, God knows I want to. But is she safe?
“Did you take a pill?” I fidget nervously and she giggles. Of course she would. Why am I so worried about it? She’s one heroine that advocates for sexual safety!
“Of course, honey. I want to make this time extra special, so you can finish inside safely. Just…” she sits up and pulls me into her arms, “I want you to tell me I can do it, okay?”
Her heart beats against my chest, soft and in the tense silence around us I can hear it. She presses herself into me, a soft giggle piercing the quiet.
“I… I don’t… I don’t know how to… you know.” my cheeks heat up even more and my blue flames shine in the darkness for a few minutes. They wink out and Nemuri laces her fingers with mine.
“So can I?” she looks at me with the sickle of a mischievous smile.
“I… I don’t know.” there’s a moment until Nemuri leans down and kisses me, softly pulling away.
“Alright, then that’s that,” I don’t meet her gaze and I don’t want to disappoint her. She seemed thrilled with me. I almost want to climb up and pin her down, but the thing is… I don’t want to do things like my father. Throw my weight around, conquer instead of come to it as I go. Nemuri shifts a little, but then I can’t stop myself.
“I want to have sex with you!” My voice is rough, yelping, and nervous. And her answer is to kiss me, pushing her tongue into my mouth, a soft coo sounding from me as she pushes me down. Her hands on my wrists, her lips ghosting over mine.
All I want is her, I just want her and her only. Her warm body is close to me and I almost want to wrap my arms around her. We’re one and she bounces on me, her hands buried into her hair. There’s a building warmth in me. Just the familiar warmth of my quirk but also the warmth of her. Leaning in, heat and sweat, the wet and sloppy kisses she leaves on me, the mellow pain on my neck burning and my quirk gently puffing embers through my mouth, whining out a, “Nemuri~!”
Her laugh sounds like summer, her eyes like the sky, her hair flowing down like the night, spreading out and messy. Her lips meet mine, and we match tempo. All I can think of is that I’m so lucky. Just the idea of me finding someone like Nemuri that loves me for me and not hurting me. It feels like it’s all safe and good. It’s all alright. The pressure builds, my thrusts grow faster, the heat releases and it spreads to my cheeks. Nemuri leans back, her hair falling over her eye, hand against my chest and her breath puffing soft. The luxury of her touch spreads through my body.
Looking away towards the window, there’s a warm palm against my cheek, moving from my chest and turning my attention towards her. She’s red cheeked and her summery voice flows like the breeze.
“Aw… did you cum early?” she smiles, “It’s okay, honey.”
“Well uh… is it bad?”
“No, it’s cute. I know you’re disappointed…” she grabs my hand and her lips brush against my palm, “My sweet little baby…” her eyes stare into my own with that same beautiful smile, the one that says, ‘I love you, I’m proud of you.’
That’s when the tears start hot and flooding down my cheeks. Nemuri wraps herself back around me, “Shh… shhhh…” her lips press to my ear, “It’s okay, really. You’re okay, baby…”
“Nemuri, I… I just… why did I…?”
“Koyurei, can I ask you a question?” she rocks me like a child, “Did your father really expect you to be a god at sex?” she giggles at that.
“What? N-no, it’s just… if I see him again he might find it shameful that you topped.” sputtering, hiding my face into her shoulder, her body shaking and her voice raising in the most beautiful sound she could ever make, laughter.
“Shameful that I topped you?! Oh my god what is Endeavor fucking telling you? That's hilarious!” she pushes me off her and touches foreheads with me.
“Baby, I do what I want and all you have to do is tell me if you don't want it. If you wanted to top, you could've told me.” She kisses me on the forehead.
“But something tells me you're that type of boy.” Nemuri and I fall to the pillows, still naked, but she wraps herself against my side, her hand over my burn scar riddled chest. A soft, rising scent comes from her skin as she lays against me, looking at me with half-lidded eyes and a smile that makes my heart go insane.
"Nemuri?" I whisper.
"Yes?" she raises a perfect eyebrow and scooches closer, her chin on my shoulder.
"I might... beat your... haaah... quirk."
"Is that so, Koyurei? You just yawned." she giggles again and my eyesight grows dim, yawning again with the scent smelling like lavender.
"No I..." I hiss, barely heard over her soft humming. Everything is going dark.
She chuckles and kisses me on the forehead, "Goodnight, Koyurei. I love you."
Those were the best words to fall asleep to.
The early morning sun is so beautiful, a drop of fire in the sky. The stiff, heavy wind blows through the trees with the breath of some great beast stirring around us, my brother holds my hand and I realize… we aren’t supposed to be here. This is dad’s mountain, we could get hurt.
Touya’s eyes meet mine, “What?”
“We could get hurt, Touya!”
He shrugs, “So? Dad’s gonna come, you’ll see!” he grins and sits on a rock, his legs kicking and I sit next to him, the day so hot and the morning sun rising into the day… we wait, past five, six, seven. Around eight o’clock Touya’s frustrated stomps sound off in the distance and I dash after him when the smoke starts. Eyes stinging, arms searching for him, the ripping screams, the burnt heaviness of his flesh noxiously stuffing my nose. It’s Touya, bathed in flames turned into blue hell, ramming into me and my own flames mix with his before I throw him off, he lays there, thrashing and burning, screams tearing into me like blades and my own flames eating away at me.
“Touya! Touya, I- I’ll go…” Constant agony, searing, tearing me to shreds and melting me down, running down the slopes, tumbling and rolling, flames roaring and spreading bright blue and into hell. Tendons snap, bones blacken, the snow and ice slowing me down and curled into a little ball, ice sealing me into its icy embrace. Touya’s dead. Sealed into ice and a tiny flame burning in my palms, a warm and almost fuzzy feeling overtakes me, the ice breaks apart, softly melting on my charred flesh with the blue flame still burning there in my palm.
I blink and I’m on the floor of Nemuri and I’s room. The luxurious sheets pooling around the floor and Nemuri laying on her side, rolling over and opening her eyes. She sits up with her hair sweeping down her back and going in every single direction but down. She yawns, her arms going up and she stretches.
“Huuuaaaah… honey? What’re you doing down there?” Jerking up I head towards the bathroom but she walks right after me.
“I had a nightmare. Gonna take a shower.” Opening the door and turning on the light, the bathroom light shines out to me, but before I can go in and forget about my nightmare her arms lock around my middle, sliding up my chest and the heaven of her lips lands just at the back of my neck.
“Koyurei, baby, talk to me.” she sighs, turning me around, “You rarely fall out of-”
Her eyes steady on the scarring. The rough skin crisscrosses my chest and shoulders, as well as my arms and tapers down my legs. Shirking away from her I turn on the water and get in. Standing under the water and shutting the curtains. Nemuri stands on the other side.
“Sorry,” mumbling, grabbing the shampoo, “You can go now.” The door opens, and she steps in anyway. She grabs the bottle from me and helps me wet my hair down. Her hands lather my hair and wash it out. Nemuri stands near me.
“That’s not going to work.” she says, turning me around and kissing me on the forehead, “I love you, but if we’re going to work, you have to talk to me.”
Looking away, I sigh and nod.
“Yeah, just… if I come back even more messed up…” she cuts me off with another kiss. The nerves swirl and twist, turning and churning like a storm. It’s not much of an anchor but I appreciate the sentiment.
“You won’t, Koyurei.” she squeezes me gently, smiling and washing herself next to me. It’s a quiet morning, really. The eye of the storm that’s about to pass and toss me right to the rough shores of my father’s life.
Getting out of the shower, I march over to our shared closet and get out my hero suit. It’s almost like my father’s just with added armor and flame vents to cover myself in similar fire. I stand in front of the mirror and light up, blue flames wreath my shoulders and light up my boots. Nemuri passes me something to eat and blows me a kiss.
“Knock ‘em silly, baby!” she’s far more confident in me than I am in myself. Just the thought of being in the same room as my father has me shaking like a leaf. Driving to the Agency has me sweating since I extinguished myself. Fumbling with the radio, what blasts out is Under Pressure. Everything goes into a tizzy, I almost drift on the turns into the parking garage underneath the Endeavor Agency. A big office building in the wider city, soaring over the rest of the buildings.
It almost reminds me of Mordor. Walking up to the elevator, I hear from behind me, “Koyurei! Hold the door!” a wave of heat washes over me as my best friend almost falls into the elevator, yellow green hair flaming and orange eyes pinpricks as she doubles over and breathes hard.
“Morning, Kamiji.”
“Morning, Koyurei!” she exclaims with a wide smile, “So, you and Midnight, huh?”
Heat dapples my cheeks and flames puff out of my mouth for a bit, “Keep it down, will ya?” I hiss and she squees with me screwing my eyes shut to just try salvaging this.
“Listen, we did… we… well, we DID finally get an apartment together!” Sputtering, I’m losing it. God, I’m already losing it and I haven’t even gotten to my father’s office yet. Kamiji laughs and squeezes me in a hug.
“Aww! Looks like I win~!”
“Win?” I ask, she pulls back and smiles.
“Me and the other sidekickers had a bet on if you and Midnight were gonna move in together. Kido had about a month, Oniman had a week, I had a year.” she grins and walks beside me with a pumped up expression on her face.
“What was the stake?” I look at her almost like she just told me she had some weird health condition. Which is something I pretty much want to say she does but at the same time I can never really be sure I mean you can’t really be-
“Twenty seven thousand five hundred and twenty two Yen to the winner!” she exclaims, making my heart drop into my stomach, “What? Your dad’s been really stingy with the pay lately, might as well gouge!”
“That might lock them into a debt!” I gasp, “What the hell, Moe?!”
“Mama needs the money, Koyu-baby!” she nudges me and grins, laughing happily enough. I shake my head and begin to head towards my father’s office. The resignation in my hands and my eyes on the prize. Just get out, drop this off, go home and relax.
The nightmare is almost over. Just across this door, turn it in, walk out, keep walking until there’s nothing else to do. Get home and you won’t have to deal with the bastard who ruined your life. Easy, right? Well, when I get in there, he’s already there. Muscular, taller than me and his blue eyes burning into me. The office is huge but everything in it is surprisingly small, the desk and the chairs, I wonder why he needs so much space? Dad’s flames turn the back wall and everything around him a flickering orange mess. My blue joins it.
“You’re here. Good.” he rumbles, his voice like a roaring inferno. Panic frost begins to ice up my chest, my flames misting it before he could notice. Just take out the paper and tell him before he piles on the work for you.
“Dad? Can we-”
“You’ll address me as Endeavor, Enavant.” he sighs, and here goes the panic again.
“I apologize, sir.” I say with a shaking voice. He’s just calm, why is he calm?! Keep it together, Koyurei! No, he’s going to freak out! Keep it professional! He stares at me expectantly. I clear my throat.
“Endeavor, I… I’m going to- to ah… re… resign.” My voice hangs in the air, choked by the increase in crackling.
“Out of the question.” he states.
“No… I don’t think… I…”
“Think? Enavant? Is that what you’re doing?” he rises, “Every second you waste thinking more and more innocent people-”
There’s a moment where I shakily answer, “N… No…”
“What?” Endeavor snarls, rising over me and continuing, “Are you broken? Do you realize what you’re doing?!”
“Sign… sign the… resignation, sir.” I thrust it forward and Endeavor laughs, his flames consuming him, his eyes wide and laughing like he’s got the funniest joke in the world.
“Really?! You’re still insisting you’re able to do that?! Hah! You think just because you’re dating Midnight that you can do anything in the world?” he bears down on me and grabs my shoulders, “She’s ruined you.”
“Not ruined me…” I say, “I deserve happiness.”
“You deserve every bit of shame you have about your brother, Koyurei. Your mother broke because of you, our family shattered because of you. All you are is a replacement. An extra. Now…” he smacks the paper against my chest, signed.
“Get out of my sight.” he turns and sits back down, “Don’t come crawling back when she leaves you for another partner.” Walking out of the office, I punch the air. It wasn’t as bad as it was before… then I came out of that scenario. That was wishful thinking. Endeavor looms above me.
“You’re choosing to be nothing? After all I’ve done? After everything I did to put you here, to give you a job, to take care of you, and this is the thanks I get?!” his head and neck all blast and get covered by flames, “You think you can make demands of me?!”
He draws his arm back and there’s the flinch, his strike hits home on my cheek, his flames scathe my skin before frost builds up. Swaying to my feet I bathe my arm in my own flames. But, I let them extinguish, watching him with a measured breath.
“I’m twenty two, Dad. And yes, I can resign. I’m not asking for money or anything else, just let me resign and I’ll be out of your way.” Terror grips me but I stand my ground.
Endeavor shirks back, not expecting it, but here I am glaring at him and making sure he knows it’s all over. I won’t be his sidekick anymore and he won’t be able to mess with me anymore. I watch him go back to his desk and sign it. When he files it, I march out, 'Think about why I left… Would you do the same for Mom?' I close my eyes and can't help but smile.
The institution my Dad sent my mom to is a quiet one, calm. It has to be for their patients. I walk through the automatic doors in civilian clothes, the assistant at the front desk perking up as she saw me. She’s a reedy, bony woman with a literal skeleton quirk, which isn’t bad.
“Ah! You’re here to see Mrs. Todoroki, right?” she asks.
“Mm. Yes, I’m her son Koyurei.” I answer, following behind her to her room. It’s small, a window overlooking the view to a nice lake outside. Mom sits with her long white hair cascading down her back, she turns and her gray eyes meet mine.
All I want to do is cry. To run into her arms and hug her. She’s okay. Tired looking but okay. It wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t my fault. Her mouth opens and I brace for the screams of horror or the look of devastation but it wasn’t there.
“... Touya?” her voice is soft, shaking but then she realizes who I am, “Oh, Koyurei. Forgive me.” she smiles just a little and I sit down by her bedside. She’s slender and she’s got bags under her eyes. Deep.
She isn’t sleeping well, is she? Her hand reaches out for mine and she grabs it, the cool fingers lacing with my warmth, “Hey, Mom.” I say with a stretch of a smile on my face. She squeezes and I can’t stop my tears.
“Koyurei…” she sighs, “You look so tired.”
“I am, Mom. I am.” my voice breaks, “God, I missed you…” she reaches up and tilts my head around, looking at all the age. She still smiles and never lets go of my hand. After my tears calm she still doesn’t let go.
“How are you?” she asks. I chuckle and begin with Nemuri and I getting the apartment, getting settled, conveniently leaving out Dad and anything having to do with him.
“So, you and Midnight aren’t just a rumor they talk about in the papers then?” she nods towards a stack of them, “I save every single one of your articles.”
“Oh really?” I pick up the pile and leaf through them with the rescues and arrests, tabloids too with the pictures of me death glaring whoever is taking them, “Wow… you really like keeping up with me,”
“Why wouldn’t I?” she squeezes my wrist with a wry smile, “Of course when I could get them and if they cut out any mention of him first.” she also looks at my clothes and then asks me the million dollar question.
“Have you been keeping up with your siblings?” Mom watches as I look away, thinking about the last time we were all in the same room. Years ago.
“No. it’s… Ever since you left I haven’t been on speaking terms with them.” I close my eyes, “He pretty much saw to that.”
Mom nods, “Koyurei, don’t let him take away your future. You always did survive. But now it’s time to live,”
“I know. I know. I resigned so I can heal.” I look at her with another somewhat strained smile, “I think you’d really like Nemuri.”
Mom and I sit for a moment in silence, just trying to think of what else to say. The last time I saw her was when she was hauled out of the house, crying and thrashing. My mother who loved us all unconditionally was ripped away and she’s here.
“You’re not sleeping well, Mom.”
“I know. It’s hard when the flashbacks come in.”
Just before I could talk more I remember that Nemuri’s getting home soon. I kiss my mom on the forehead.
“Love you, gotta get home to Nemuri.”
“Right, I love you too Koyurei.”
When I leave, there’s a moment where my heart feels so much lighter. But this is just the beginning. Nemuri calls me and I pick up.
“Hey baby!” she greets, “How’s my little firebug doing?”
“Nemuri, that’s another word for Arsonist. But I did it!” Nemuri gasps on the other end and my heart soars, my flames cheerily burn out of my mouth and I hurry to the car, it sounds like chaos on the other end but Nemuri comes back on.
“That’s amazing! Oh honey, I’m so excited! Boys, keep him steady!”
I cock my head at that but drive on, the carphone taking over as I pull out into afternoon traffic. My girlfriend's got to be in the middle of an important arrest. She comes back on again.
“Could you maybe start dinner? I’m gonna be a little late getting home.” she asks, “Sorry baby, I know you had a really hard- Hey! Hey, get him back in the damn car!”
A snicker bubbles up and Nemuri notices, “Oho! So you wanna laugh, huh? Well just you wait, hon… you’re gonna regret that.” she hangs up and there’s a moment where I really feel light as a feather, like nothing can get me.
Oh how wrong I was.
