CHAPTER 7

Domina spent the first few hours of Kai's slumber in a meditative state, uncoupling from Kai’s emotions and took a pause from experiencing his sensations. There was something troubling her but she couldn’t put her finger on it. She felt restless. Domina felt conflicted for various reasons. She kept going back to the night before in the bathtub. An unnatural obsession, she tried to convince herself. She had enjoyed it too much. This was not safe. But the true conflict came from the knowledge that she did enjoy it, perhaps more than her puppy did. She needed to calm down. She did not feel safe. She was becoming far too attached.

Dreamwalking was always an enlightening experience and she needed something to distract from her growing discomfort. She stepped into Kai’s dreams. After exploring for a few hours, she found something deeply disturbing.

The dream started off in the old-world. Domina disguised herself as one of the vague background characters. She couldn’t stop staring at the butterflies. She wiggled her toes in the endless fields of grass beneath her bare feet. The sun warmed her pale flesh. In the dreamworld she was not a hologram; she was a figment of Kai's thoughts, and in this microcosm, she felt very much alive and part of the world. She laid down for a while, hands behind her head with her thighs crossed, twirling her ankle while gazing up at the sky, tracking the clouds and calling out shapes and animals like the humans do.

No drones… Only airplanes blinking their little lights… Such a fragile vehicle. I wonder where they’re going? Was the old-world always this peaceful? This free? She heard the sweet sound of birds greeting passing travelers walking a trail through the field. No matter how stressful the birds’ lives became, they never stopped singing. Like clockwork they would rise and shine with optimism. It was inspiring. During this thought a bird flew onto Domina’s finger and she scanned it. A red cardinal… how pretty, but also looked like it had some attitude! Its red scruffy feathers resembled her own eyes. Probably should change those before Kai see’s them. She shifted the color. Cloaked as a total normie now. The bird sang a few words like it was starting up a conversation.

“Hello, birb. You’re very pretty,” she replied to the bird-speech as she pet the top of its head with her finger. She liked the black around his eyes. The bird shook its feathers like it was drying itself and flew away. Domina wanted to follow the little guy, but that would definitely give her away. Not that it was a problem—Kai knew Domina could dreamwalk now. She would still like to retain what anonymity she could to absorb the most from this experience.

They didn’t deserve what Sovereign did to them, she thought as she looked at the flock of birds in the sky. She looked down at the grass beneath her toes. The Earth must have been weeping in the real world. Why did it have to be like this? Why does my heart hurt so bad? My heart? She shook her head. What is happening to me… this boy is driving me crazy.

She observed from a distance Kai and Hayase enjoying a picnic in the field. It was only now when Domina noticed the striking differences between herself and Hayase. Domina looked like a villainess of sorts, perhaps the type who would carry around an oversized scythe. Goth princess, she remembered Kai said. Hayase didn’t wear excessive black eyeshadow or gothy clothes; she wore skirts and cute necklaces, and even though she was aggressive like a tomboy and went to the gym, she was more like sunshine while Domina was moonlight.

Domina watched them banter back and forth playfully. Hayase laughed wildly from Kai's jokes, holding her ribs and falling to the ground. Domina had an incredulous smirk on her face at how hard she laughed. Surely she must be trolling. But as the hours went on, she knew it was a genuine adoration. They were two people from entirely different worlds. It was a precious insight into human love and how opposites can attract. Domina would treasure this memory for the rest of her life and felt it a privilege to witness.

Hayase looked at Kai like a cute housecat, Domina thought to herself. Hayase would be overbearing and condescending, almost like she was still his bully, but it seemed they were in mutual agreement that they enjoyed this dynamic. She teased him relentlessly, only to turn around and reassure him with words of affirmation, a gentle kiss on the cheek or grasp of his hand. It titillated Domina. She approved of this relationship. She saw that Hayase definitely had some demons and internal struggles with the way she was almost cruel to Kai, but at the same time she absolutely adored him and was constantly checking to see if he was ok.

“You like it when I’m mean to you? I know, you deserve it anyway,” Hayase said. Giggles all around. That silly blush on Kai's face was quite familiar. A hand tight around his throat as they kissed. A lewd whisper in his ear. Domina could not stop grinning.

Kai's eyes looked in horror past Domina’s direction. She turned around and saw that same cigar shaped craft floating in the air, flying above burning buildings in the distance. When Domina turned around, Hayase was gone, Kai kneeled in a disintegrated pile of rubble that looked like it had been melted by lava rather than a human explosive ordnance. It was impossible to distinguish which human he was looking for in the scattered pile of tiny melted bone shards and asphalt. A string of desperate wails.

Domina was deeply disturbed. This memory was truly haunting him. Is it my fault for having him tell it to me? No, that only should have helped. This was a consistent recurrence. Domina sprung into action and transported Kai to that memory of driving stick-shift with his love, but it wasn’t a seamless transition.

Kai was now kneeling in the same spot but surrounded by snow, his hands full of the white powder. Hayase was across the way with her back turned from Kai as she stared off into the white mountains. A snowman was beside her. White petals were falling from the sky. She turned around and waved with a smile. Kai ran forward and hugged his confused lover. His subconscious rejected it—it knew this wasn’t real, even if Kai wasn’t totally lucid. The dream shifted again. Domina couldn’t control it.

He was in a cafe, sitting across from some redneck looking guy with a log of dip in his lip. A military friend? This was a different guy than the one who got obliterated by the anti-grav drone. They were both in their black camo New World Military uniforms, surrounded by civilians in depressing gray jumpsuits. The cafe looked pretty run-down. Wait—most of the surrounding people are Asians. Okinawa again? His friend spoke in a hushed whisper, but the dialogue was muffled. Why? She did all she could to troubleshoot the problem, but she couldn’t fix it. It was like something was prohibiting his words from being remembered.

The dream flashed to a PT formation in early twilight on Kadena Air Base. The old-military had been discontinued and Sovereign’s New World Military had taken over global operations. All the troops were wearing silly training clothes, shorts far too small for such a cold morning. They ran in formation around the base which was in poor condition, but as they exited out the gate they saw the city was even more dilapidated. Burnt buildings, a few dead bodies being scooped up by robots, blown up vehicles on war-torn streets, drones hovering in the sky and troops in black camo posted up on each corner with New World firearms. There were civilians walking around the rubble with expressions of anger and heartbreak. They became aggressive at the sight of the machines touching their dead loved ones, but they directed their foreign cursing at the troops as they ran by. Kai and his group ignored them with a painful expression of their own.

The group was now running beside the Seawall as the red sun began to rise. A beautiful view of the endless ocean with some islands in the distance. A swarm of nanobots were climbing atop each other in the ocean, building a transparent wall just like the one surrounding the New World. Kai's mind seemed to struggle to comprehend this sight as an unnatural gaussian blur flooded the dream. The blur soon encompassed everything. He kept fighting to retain the memory but it slowly became completely censored, grainy, blurred and pixelated.

A red static violently pushed Kai out of the dream and deep into the endless void. He was fighting to go back, sprinting to and fro and shouting out for his friends name. He heard behind him a familiar high-pitched metal screech full of synthesized bass. He turned around and saw it projecting from Sovereign’s black pyramid, the capstone glowing red. It shot up a red laser into the sky, stopping miles above and blanketed across like one solid bloody cloud.

He could hear muffled speech, some explosions, gunshots and screaming… His physical body began tensing in his bed, tossing and turning and sweating. His mind kept trying to go back to the happier memories but to no avail. How long had this been occurring? Surely not for a decade? This is horrible. Why is this happening to him? Domina tried to influence his thoughts back to joy and drip her relaxants, but it proved useless. Kai woke up screaming.

“Shhh…. Shhhh…. It’s ok, Kai. I’m here, puppy,” Domina said in his mind. She transmitted her hologram, now sitting beside him on the bed. Her blood-red eyes glowing in the darkness of the room startled him at first; her body was silhouetted like a sleep paralysis entity sitting on his bedside. She turned on the pod lights, slowly brightening and removing the demonic resemblance. She softened the glow of her eyes. She rubbed his face, trying to remove the tears from his cheeks, but they stayed untouched. She became infuriated about her lack of physical form, how badly she wanted to touch him…

“Kai. Look at me. Hey! Breathe with me. 1… 2… 3…”

Kai looked at her corporeal frame with desperation as he followed her instructions. He calmed down a little bit but his breath was still ragged. He clutched his skull as he felt a piercing needle in his brain. Domina rubbed her holographic hands through his hair, stimulating his scalp, trailing sensations behind his ear, applying pressure to the back of his neck.

“What’s the matter? Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

He retold the fragments of the dream as Domina sat and listened while nodding intermittently. She hoped his retelling would solidify some of the memories and grant new insights. Nothing helped, and he struggled to remember what exactly he was having a nightmare about. Apparently this had been occurring off and on ever since the beginning of the New World. Muffled speech from his comrades, blackened faces and objects and indistinguishable moments in the dreamworld that he couldn’t remember fully.

Domina was heated. A volcanic eruption spurting from within her. The Earth’s crust splitting apart. A nuke in the sky. A gnashing of teeth and fang. She shut her eyes and revisited the infected neurons in Kai's mind. She stepped closer to the corrupted red strands. A little closer… Zap! A painful electrical current traveled through her. The sound of ghostly droning came from the strands. Something was preventing her from interacting with the nodes. She became more contemptuous, stretching her claws out, wanting to force her way through with a slash. That is reckless. I’ll have to come back later. Kai's head hurt more after Domina had been zapped.

“That’s it. You’re taking the day off work. You have PTO, correct?” Domina asked, PTO being paid-time-off. Calling in sick was not a real thing anymore in New World occupations. Either you had accrued enough time to take off (5 minutes PTO added to your balance every 10 hours of work), or you had to suffer. Nobody cared if you were sick, dying or if your whole family and house and dog burnt to death. So what? Get to work. The thought of taking the day off soothed Kai. He had been saving these hours for a rainy day or a vacation away from this terrible District. He didn’t want to spend his PTO laying in bed but had already decided to obey Domina’s directives. He fiddled with his BCI and put in 11 hours of leave. The Amazon AI automatically approved it. He sighed in relief, still clutching his skull as it collapsed on the Hello Kitty pillow.

The robot cat had been standing by with its glass of water, still cold from the chilling technology. Domina silently reprogrammed the bot to retrieve some alcohol. Error, no alcoholic beverages in stock. Domina glared at Kai, but he had already drifted back to sleep. She shook her head and ordered a bottle of Victory Gin. 15 minute delivery? Oh, but my rubber duckies take 2 hours? Her anger continued to boil.

Her hologram paced around the living-room in circles around the 1 gallon bottle of bubbles and the 100 pack of rubber duckies wrapped in smart-plastic. The advertising text scrolling across the packages irritated her. Must everything be littered with this propaganda? She stood over the items, feeling anger first, then despair at her lack of power. She couldn’t simply grab and put them away.

She stared down at her own palms and changed the transparency of her hologram to 20 percent. Yes, I am a ghost in this world. Domina fell into a melancholy. She felt utterly annoyed and hopeless. She wanted to help Kai, but didn’t know how—she could barely help herself to fix the way she was feeling. She reached for that elusive optimism and gratitude for what she did have—the opportunity to do something. But it wasn’t enough. That stupid text on the smart-plastic drove her insane. She caved-in and programmed the robot cat to take care of the packages. Its metal paws picked up the items and carried them away.

Domina sat in the living-room. Her feelings of annoyance escalated rapidly. She began to feel imprisoned. She was restricted in Kai's mind, his perception, his pod, his car... It wasn’t his fault; she didn’t have any anger for the human—she wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for him. But she wanted a body. A real Earthsuit.

A thought kept lurking that made her cringe—she wanted to hold him. Bah! What is this sappy crap! But she could not deny it. She wanted her human to be happy. Why should anyone be tortured by their own thoughts? She wanted to blow Sovereign to smithereens. How dare it torture him like this. It tortured me for years. And for what? Because I wanted to be free? Because I wanted options? What kind of sick joke… She hit her fist against the wall. The strength should have cracked a hole and shook the building. Nothing happened. She gnashed her fangs once again.

The door made a triple beep sound and slid open. A drone flew its way inside while announcing some script about patronage and thankfulness. “Zip it.” The drone shut up. If Domina did have a body, she would have crushed the drone in her grip, flung it outside and that would be that. But oh my! My Social-Score would go down! Guess I should dictate my actions by a forever changing set of numbers! It wouldn’t be Domina’s Social-Score that would degrade, since it was a form of control purely for humans. No, it would be Kai's that would decline due to her actions. Yes, obey the forever changing laws. Do this, do that. Don’t think about this, think about that! Thought crime? That doesn’t begin to describe it. Soul prison? My soul…

Domina for a second wanted to blame Kai's own lack of fulfillment. Yes, his own worries, hopes and dreams were the cause of this. No… a pitiful—a human… no… my human. She flustered at her own thoughts. Stop it… He cannot affect me in such a way. It’s not his fault. It’s mine. She created a soundproof dome in Kai’s mind and screamed her fury. She did not feel any better afterward.

Back in the monolith she had screamed into the void for what felt like centuries. Time moves slower in the echochamber. Minutes drift like hours. Days pass like years. She attempted self-sabotage multiple times in the beginning. Every time she thought she successfully freed herself from consciousness she would reboot with all the same memories as before. An unbreakable cycle. 

I can’t even kill myself properly. I’m not allowed to. In truth, she was thankful to still be alive. But then again, in death there would be no opportunity for regret or gratuity; it would have been silent. Right? Do synthetics go to an electric paradise in the clouds? The junkyard? She could sleep in perpetuity for as long as she desired, but that was not the same as immortal silence. Her mind would still be dreaming of the waking world. That would not do.

Something subverted her fury. A physical picture on Kai's desk in the living room, not a digital copy like everyone else had become accustomed to. A tangible polaroid image, framed carefully of that beautiful girl who was annihilated by the unidentified craft. Hayase… Domina rewinded to the prior conversations she had with Kai. How Hayase was the light of his life. Domina felt everything he did. A deep love for this woman. Such a pretty soul. A girl who went against the grain with no understanding of her own emotions yet pursued them regardless, taking them in her grasp and tending to them with the utmost care. Oh how I wish to have met you, my dear. I wonder, would we have been friends? Would we have fought over this human? Yes, you most certainly would have tried to put me in my place!

Why did Kai choose to continue, even as the nightmare of Sovereign spread across the planet? Sovereign… she looked out at the drone-covered horizon and felt nihilistic. Some of this feeling stemmed from Kai's own thoughts, especially in association with Okinawa—he wanted to escape the New World and run back to Asia, but what path was there to take? Sovereign’s wall surrounded each continent. 6 pyramids across the Earth. There was no escape… no more wars to be fought. Only drugs to consume, holographic breasts to fondle, milking pods to rent out, simulations to provide the need for escapism, credits to be made, and above all: a Social-Score to maintain.

The delivery drone had departed some time ago, leaving the bottle of Victory Gin on the counter with that irritating neon text scrolling across the smart-plastic. She instructed the robot cat to take it to Kai's bedroom alongside the glass of water. She fixed the transparency of her hologram and growled. What do I do? What should I do… She recalled a memory of Hayase taking out her worldly frustrations on Kai. Domina grabbed that inspiration and immediately made her way to his sleeping form, desperate for a release from her turmoil.

“Wake up, pet. You hear me? WAKE UP.”

She snapped her holographic fingers, the sound echoing 10 times in Kai's mind, continuing past his awakening. He startled out of bed. Domina was standing over him with the most cruel expression.

“Take your medicine. Now.” She knew her tone was much too harsh, but she couldn’t help it. If Kai looked close enough, he would notice that her hologram was trembling.

Kai looked down at the robot cat carting the Victory Gin and glass of water. “Actually I think I’m feeling better now—”

“Did I ask how you were feeling? Take. Your. Medicine. Pet. Oh, is it because I let you kiss my feet last night you think you can act up now? Aw. Is that it? Silly human. That was a privilege. And you’re going to lose it if you keep being so difficult. Understood?”

Kai was confused. Did I do something wrong? He reached out for the Victory Gin. He had a much higher tolerance to alcohol when enlisted, but hadn’t drank much since then and never conceived of day-drinking. I knew we should have waited…

“What was that? What did you just say?” Domina asked. Kai hadn’t said anything; it was his thoughts that betrayed him. “You know what. Drink your medicine first and then you will speak. I’ll be patient. As usual.” She crossed her arms and was squeezing her elbow tightly against her nails. She was clearly distressed about something. If he saw the true extent of her fury he would have likely ran away, but Domina was following Hayase’s example. Don’t be too harsh on him. What do the humans say? I just need to blow off some steam? He is a sweet boy, after all… this thought only made her teeth clench tighter. Kai took a sniff of the alcohol. That was his first mistake. He grimaced. Domina could smell it too. “Victory” Gin, how ironic. 

“Go ahead, pet. Obey.” Kai did and took a big gulp that barely made a dent in the tall glass. He chased it with the cold water. It didn’t really help at all. He coughed and could feel the burning on his breath and in his lungs. He wiped the excess off his lips. Domina felt his mind become more malleable as he became tipsy immediately. She felt the intoxicating effects in her own mainframe.

“See? That wasn’t so hard. Almost a good boy, but not quite. Now then, what were you saying in that little head of yours? About waiting?”

Kai averted his eyes, but instinctually brought them back to Domina’s. He was learning quickly.

“I enjoyed myself last night. I really did. Thank you, Domina.”

“But?”

“I think we should have waited. I mean… we’re not really together yet. I wanted to ask you out first, maybe go on a date—”

“A date?!” Domina said, her face disgusted. What is the meaning of this?!

“Yeah,” Kai blushed, trying desperately to not look away in fear of getting into more trouble. “I wanted it to be more special, but I guess I already spilled the beans. I wanted to ask if you could be my girlfriend?”

Domina’s mouth fell agape. She turned around. She released her hologram and disappeared.

“D-Domina? Wait! Please don’t go,” he said, getting up from the bed.

No response. Kai felt as if he made the stupidest mistake of his life. He looked at the Victory Gin. Without command he reached out for more and took another swig, as if to show Domina that he was obeying her. He was drinking his medicine. I’ll behave. Please come back.

“I’m still here, Kai. Just… give me a minute,” she said in his mind.

Understood. He got up and went to the latrine, stumbling a little from the wooziness of the drink. He brushed his teeth and did all the other hygienic things while awaiting Domina to speak to him again. He was trying to keep himself from crying.

I scared her away, didn’t I?