“Thirteen thousand eight hundred and fifty-four, thirteen thousand eight hundred and fifty-five, thirteen thousand eight hundred and fifty-six,”

“What do you keep muttering?” My mother asked while unloading another heavy stuffed parantha onto my plate. “You still haven’t eaten your Parantha? Eat up or will miss your bus.”

She gave my brother a questioning look to which he replied with a shrug.

“He probably wants attention,” Abhey said out loud earning a glare from our mother. She muttered to him to shut up and then hurried back into the kitchen. The parantha cooking on the pan was starting to burn. I could hear its death throes from my seat.

Rani sat right there by my side, eagerly waiting for me to feed her from my portion. We taught her all the wrong things growing up. She didn’t know any of the tricks but she knew how to beg for food. I wondered whom she learned that from because we didn’t teach her that.

She watched me with her big wet eyes, carrying a look that had ‘give me everything’ written all over it. I sighed and gave her the first bite. I blew on it to cool it down, then dipped it into curd and dangled it in front of her mouth. She took a few sniffs, checking to see if she was getting the same stuff that I was eating. Then she warily took the piece and ran away to her bed on the other side of the room.

My mother usually only baked parantha on weekends because it took a lot of preparation. They were heavy and greasy and contained an awful lot of calories. So she was either in a good mood or trying to cheer us up.
 
But even they couldn’t distract me today. The task, the bloody task had all of my attention. Yes, the task said to count numbers until the task was completed, and I thought I would be lucky enough to complete it in an hour at most. How wrong I was. I had been counting numbers since midnight last night and no luck yet. Fuck that! It was a bag full of bad luck.

At first, I thought it wouldn’t be that bad even if I had to keep counting numbers all day. They were only numbers. I blazed through the first hundred digits within a minute. They were so easy to speak. I thought I had the task in my grasp, but the counting slowed when I reached the hundreds. It took me a full six minutes to go from 101-1001. Going further, it took a whole minute to count every hundred numbers.

It didn’t take a long time for my jaw to tire and my throat to start cramping. Then began an endless cycle of me massaging my jaw, drinking water, and moaning about my shit luck. I was stuck and sleepy. There were times when I lost count and had to start over. I definitely skipped a few numbers too. By the time morning struck, I felt like a ghost stuck in an endless death cycle. I wished I had slept, but the fear of failing the task kept me going.

I needed the superpower. It was as simple as that.

I took my first break on the half an hour mark. The breaks were constant throughout the night. Their frequency kept fluctuating over time. My counting speed had slowed to a crawl after four hours of chanting the spell and now…. after counting thirteen thousand numbers, I had had enough.

Did that mean I stopped counting? Well, not exactly. Now I only counted a number every time I exhaled. It was easier and less tiring. I couldn’t say it didn’t get me any less attention from, well, everyone.

Abhey ignored me during breakfast. He acted like it, but I knew he was watching and he was right. It did look like I was looking for attention. Maybe that was what the system was after. To make people stare at me so I would get used to them.

I was tired, mentally exhausted, and now delusional. It was a matter of time before I went crazy.

On the way to the bus, Arzoo looked at me weirdly. “What are you doing?” She asked me?
“Ignore him,” Abhey said nonchalantly, looking straight. “Don’t feed his madness.”
“Abhey!” Arzoo shouted. “Don’t be mean to your brother.”

“Tch,” Abhey wasn’t having it. “He’s my brother that’s why I’m not saying anything. I guess he’s never gonna stand up for himself.” He clicked his tongue again and sped up, trying to create some distance from me.

My cheeks burned as I watched him take off. He was disappointed in me. He probably believed that I was in trouble at school, and chose to hide down another rat hole instead of facing it head-on. I hoped he was just angry.

I called him. “Where are you going?”

Abhey looked back and said sarcastically, “Oh, the robot spoke. Finally! I guess the program fixed itself.”
“Fourteen thousand two hundred and ten,”
“Oh, it’s still going. That’s a shame. Well, to answer your question. Where I’m going is none of your business. You do your thing. Whatever it is you are doing. And I’ll do mine.”

And then silence encompassed us before Arzoo eventually asked,
“Did you start counting from one?”
“Yes,”
“That must have taken a long time then. But why?”
“Because I need to do this,” I said but I didn’t stop counting. The task didn’t suggest I couldn’t stop or take a break or have a conversation. Seeing their reactions, I decided to keep my voice low, a murmur or a whisper if you wish. I didn’t want anyone else to hear me and worry.

 I got on the bus and saw Abhey sitting in the backseat.
“You aren’t gonna sit with me?” I asked. He ignored me.

I felt aggrieved and cold. Was I an embarrassment to him? I thought we were getting closer after the homework task. I didn’t know something like counting numbers would pull us apart again. How fickle was our relationship? I turned over on the way to see what he was doing and found him sitting alone by the window looking outside, ignoring everyone next to him.

At least I got to sit by the window for once. It was the only good thing that came out of the task. We soon reached school. The bugs stopped and so did we. All activities paused for a moment. Waiting for a change.  Abhey didn’t walk with me either. He ran toward another bus that had stopped along with ours to chat with his classmates.

“Oye, freak!” I heard on the way to the classes. The same boys had called me a monkey the other day. They were outside this time, leaning on the bus; and there were three of them. I flipped them the bird and they blew up laughing. It didn’t feel great. At least I did something. Did it constitute me standing up for myself? I wished Abhey were there to tell me.

It was a lonely walk to the classrooms. I found it amazing that walking alone could turn this exercise into a chore, one that took far too long to finish. 

I climbed the stairs and found someone awaiting me in the hallways outside the classrooms.

He was someone from the class next door. I didn’t know him, but since he was offering a hand in greeting, I shook it out of courtesy. We were classmates even though we weren’t friends. He had other intentions, however. He tightly clenched my hand. I was surprised at first wondering what he wanted to do then spurt out anger from somewhere deep down inside me when I saw him grinning.

“Yeah?”  There was no warmth in that spoken word, only anguish.
“I wanted to talk to you about something. Something that happened yesterday,” He said holding a Cheshire grin that made him look like a lunatic.

I couldn’t pull my hand free. He was no pushover. He was an inch or two taller than me, and though not built with muscles, he had a strong grip. I was stuck in the position with my hand caught forcefully and no way out of this conversation.
He wasn’t alone. Another two guys stood behind him. Their expressions told me nothing. They kept a deadpan face, ignoring the conversation and keeping a lookout for a teacher.

Were they planning to beat me up?

“Who are you?” I asked but I had a premonition that he was Anjali’s boyfriend.
I knew she had found another, but I didn’t know who. I didn’t care. I respected her a bit too much and trusted her to solve both of our problems. She handled her problem quite well but forgot to solve mine.

“Come on! We are friends. You don’t need to hide your little secret from me. After all, it concerns me too. I’m her boyfriend, after all.” He said with a sadistic smile.

I felt my heart racing. I was already irritated from counting the numbers for the entire night. I felt like if he didn’t let me go now something would happen. I knew girls liked bad guys because they could say and do things that normal people can’t. But I didn’t think Anjali would say yes to this lunatic. I actually felt jealous of him. He was standing up for her. It was something that I couldn’t do and yet here he was in all of his swagger, ready to get into a fight for her when she wasn’t even looking. My pride couldn’t even put up a fight. It admitted defeat and took the back seat. Then hate and anger took over.  

“Let go,” Even I got a little afraid of the voice that came out of my throat. It was deep and cold, missing the usual inflictions and tones.  
“What if I don’t?” The guy said gripping my hand tighter. The smile just a tad bit wider. His eyes gleamed in a way that told me he wasn’t scared of fighting if it came to that.

‘You are a good guy.’ ‘When will you stand up for yourself.’ The words echoed in my head. My arm moved on its own, swung, and missed.

His face fell just a little. I heard the crack of a fist clenching and knew it was coming for me. I couldn’t move. Strangely enough, the punch had drained all of my strength. Kusum was right. Good guys are punching bags for the bad guys.

He took a step back to create some distance between us to swing his arm only to stop midway when someone yelled his name.

“Yash, what are you doing? Let him go.” I looked and saw Anjali rushing out of her classroom. She didn’t look at me. She didn’t think I had the courage to confront him. She knew he was the one in control. She grabbed his free arm and pulled him away from me. She was saving me.

I had never felt so useless before. So absolutely fucking useless.

“Haha, don’t be angry,” Yash said. “We were just chatting. Look. You are telling me to let him go when he’s the one who’s holding my hand.” I saw her looking at our hands and then she turned to me.
“Please,” She said.

I didn’t understand what she meant until I saw the handshake. He was right. I was the one holding on when he had already let go.

Complete defeat. Nothing left. void.

I released my grip over his hand and my arm fell limply to my side. Anjali grabbed his arm and pulled him away. He kept laughing at something, pulling her closer and she didn’t fight. I stood there until they went inside their classroom. Then I stood there for more, not knowing what to do. I was so lost, so drained, and so… exhausted. We were on the second floor and I was standing next to an open window. The ground was a million miles away. Jump! My inner voice said. It scared me so much that I jerked away from there and ran toward my class.

I still had the sense of mind to slow down and not bolt into the classroom. I checked myself at the door and walked calmly into the classroom. Some classmates greeted me and I nodded to them, but I could feel my face melting. As my vision got blurry, I dropped my head and continued walking until I was standing next to Kartik.

He was smiling, talking to Sonam and Kusum, but his smile faded as soon as he saw me. I told him I wanted the side seat and he didn’t fight me. He stood up and let me inside. I got down to the seat and buried my head in my arms. Tears fell. They hadn’t all day yesterday, but today they fell without stopping. The drops accumulated on the table. One, two, three, and four…

I was so fucking stupid. To think she would care. I had an expectation when I confessed to her. I thought she might change after knowing how long I had been in love with her. She said she was sorry yesterday. I thought she might hesitate after going home. But I was wrong, so wrong. Obviously, they had been together for a while too long.

Soon the tears stopped flowing and along with it the last of my hopes. My first love had ended.

I wiped my face on my arm and raised my head.

“Are you all right?” Kartik asked. He looked concerned. He was a very perceptive guy. He probably guessed something after yesterday’s outburst and today’s this…
 
“I don’t know.” I exhaled out with the breath. It might have helped to share my mind, but I couldn’t tell him.

Behind him, Sonam sat with her head lowered, somewhat depressed. Kusum was whispering something in her ears. I felt no desire to hear what they were talking about. I just wanted to be left alone. Would have been better had I stayed home.  

I might have had a complete meltdown if it wasn’t for the counting. As the day progressed so did my counting. The numbers helped me out of the mood, calmed me down, and kept my mind occupied so I wouldn’t think about her anymore.

The numbers proved to be the perfect distraction for me.