Pamela and I are two different answers to Gotham. With her, she makes it look so easy to forget it. I lean against her as she tries to make us dinner, with her soft grin at how I watch her so closely, my eyes focused on what she does. Her hair tied back from her work, a wavy and fluffy ponytail of red.
“I love you, Pamela.” I say.
“I love you too. But what's with that lately? You’re clingier than usual.” she nudges me, “You can tell me, Mr. Too Mysterious.”
“I’m just worried, babe…” I sigh, “I’m worried about you.” I gently grind my teeth against her neck, feeling her jolt and shiver.
“G-Gray!” she giggles, “Honey, I give you enough attention!”
Pamela chuckles at my soft nips and kisses, "Grayson, I have to fix dinner!" she squeals out a laugh as I take it off the burner.
"Later." I say, "I wanna love you now."
"Baby..." she sighs, "Oh my god." she shakes her head and loops her arms around my neck loosely, leaning in and kissing me, "Mm...." she pulls back with a soft smile.
"Gray, I'm gonna... well... I want..." she sputters a little, taking off her glasses and sighing, undoing her hair and shaking it out.
"Is this... is this okay?" she looks away with her cheeks red.
"Yeah, it's fine, Pammy." I assure her, "Look, are you okay with this?"
"Hell yeah, I am! It's just..." she looks down at my legs, "Are you okay with it?" I draw her back in and kiss her light as a feather on her lips.
"Pammy, I can walk, right?"
"Well, yeah?" I gently take off her jacket and it flutters to the floor.
"So I'll be okay with thrusting. If I don't satisfy I'll just give you the money I'm supposed to pay you." I laugh a little and she pulls me into a deep kiss.
"Shut up and kiss me, rich boy." she whispers into my ear, and I do. Our clothes litter the floor as we both ambled our way over to the couch. Desperately holding onto her, tangling myself around her, biting and kissing anywhere I could reach as she lies back and savors it. Her lips soft, her grip gentle, the way she keeps herself tantalizing and absolutely adorable.
I adore you, Pamela. Her soft voice, the way she bites her pens when she thinks, when she excitedly tells me about all the plants she can. When I look at her I don't see hot curves or a backside that'd make most guys melt just thinking about. I loom over her, green eyes filled with sheer want, need even. a soft stinging fills my eyes. Seeing you smile, seeing you. Pamela's hand, soft as a petal, gently cups my cheek. I smile.
"Okay Pamela..." I start, positioning myself, and it's heaven. One with an angel. No, one with a flashing-eyed goddess. Her legs lock around me, her arms too, embracing me with a breathy, heavy...
"Yesss..." she breathes, her body wound around me. Ivy. Tight, but not choking. I thrust the best I can, and she helps by matching my tempo.
"That's it... that's it, Gray... right there..." she moans, pressing herself closer and I grind into her harder, hearing her voice pitch up in ecstacy. She's encouraging me to go wild. To just let go.
Let go of the worry. Let go of the hurt. It's far away. It's so far away. Love settles in like a haze pluming out of a fat cigar all pulling me towards her, to kiss and to bury myself against her soft skin. She's stronger, taller, more balanced. But I feel myself heat up, tighten, almost like a coiled spring.
"Where? Where?" I moan, "Wh-Where, Pamela?!" I close my eyes, it's so hot, so tight! I can barely stand it but her voice rips me out of the haze.
"Inside!" she yells, "Inside me!"
And the spring loosens, and I come undone. When I fall... it feels good. Against her soft chest, her strong arms wrapping around me almost possessively. Her legs loosen but her hold on me is still intoxicating.
"All mine..." she whispers, kissing my forehead, "I love you, baby."
Her words mean everything to me. At that moment I forgot that we're from Gotham. That the dark city looms large over us. The green of her eyes, the soft rise and fall of her chest, the pure red of her hair. She chases it away. Makes that night a distant, hazy memory. We kiss, our hands tangled together, she tries to roll away but I grab her.
"No..." I whisper, "Stay."
"Grayson, what about dinner?"
"We have leftovers..." I sigh, "I wanna cuddle with you!"
She smiles down at me, "Okay, rich boy..." she whispers, kissing me.
I'm far away from them. Far away from the home that hurt me and raised me. Far from the worries of the world. I just want this all to keep going. It’s a good life, a safe life. So why does it sound like it’ll be over?
Pamela shifts and looks up at me, “Are you thinking about Gotham again?” her hands rub my back.
“Well… when am I not?” I sigh, “I just… I try to outrun it. I try to avoid it but everyday it’s a new nationwide news story.” There’s just the cold talons of fear slowly ripping through my stomach, how long until the cowl comes? How long until I fall into Hell?
Pamela kisses those thoughts away, “Baby, remember what I made you promise?”
“I know…” my voice gets quiet, “I’m scared.”
“Aww honey, it’s okay.” she pets my hair, “I know it’s scary.”
“No, no. It’s just… ever since I was ten I was… dealing with crazy things.” I try my best to avoid the fact that I was a Robin but she just holds me. There’s just a simple moment when I can just talk, let it gush out of me like a fountain.
“I mean I know how to fight people, I know how to deal with hostage situations, I know all these things and… well, you’ve seen it.”
“I haven’t.” she shakes her head, “What happened to you?”
“I don’t want to remember. I wanna forget it.” I sigh, “It’s just… it’s hard.”
“Well, I won’t leave you.”
The rain falls in drenching sheets, burning down the spokes on the umbrellas. This dream again. The same one, at my funeral. But everything is different. I’m on the outside this time, not the inside trying to claw my way out of the coffin. It’s not even my funeral. I see the casket lower and everyone around me crying for whoever’s in there, although I don’t know exactly who. Until I hear him.
“Hehehehahahaha… Oh, poor Gracie…” Acid green eyes and a shock of bloodied green hair. Joker stands next to the hole, “Open casket.”
Looking down at the casket, I see red hair, peacefully closed eyes, and my heart drops hard. Almost like it never was attached to anything at all. She’s gone. The ground suddenly falls away and I fall on top of her body.
Jolting up, I look over at the sleeping form of my girlfriend. Pamela’s eyes open and she rises up a bit, “Baby?” she yawns, “What’s the matter?”
“Nightmare. It’s… It’s just a nightmare.” I assure her with a shaky smile, “Just… just go back to sleep, okay?”
“Wait…” she wraps her arms around me, “Don’t go.” she looks up at me and I pull her closer to rest on me. Playing with her hair a little. I don’t even get what the nightmare was about but if it’s about what will happen in the future it…
I kiss her on the top of the head, “Pammy, promise me you won’t leave either.”
“Mm… sure.” she says.
The Joker doesn’t show back up in my dream this time. I’m glad. Because he sucks every dark bravery out of me. Keeps me scared and I hate that. This time… birds tweet softly in the trees, with the bright sun dappling through the leaves. Gotham Central Park, the one place untouched by corruption. My personal sanctuary. Sitting in the middle in a long white dress is Pamela, smiling and turning her head toward where I am. The wind rises and the scent of pansies fills my nose.
“Grayson, come here for a sec.” she says and I join her. The sunshine bathes my cold skin and my bloodied chest, healing it with just a slow heat. The darkness leaves me and I hold her as we watch the clouds go by.
It’s what I want.
When the day finally dawns, the daylight covers itself in rain. Of course I’m no stranger to it. But as I walk to one of my classes, I glance towards the street, a car sits idling. My heart drops a little and my breath stalls. Everything tunnels deep into my mind. The back door opens and stepping out with a whining click-catch is the one man I never wanted to see again. His black hair is graying, his dark blue eyes ringed with bags.
The other people freeze as he lopes his way towards me barely registering that Grayson Kyle is related to Bruce Wayne, or even that Bruce Wayne is still alive, “Grayson, I need to-”
I turn, “I have nothing to say to you. I’ll be late for Biology.” They know who I am now. They know who I am. I hobble away but he lopes after me.
“I need to talk to you, Gray,” he states, “It’s about Gotham.”
“And I need you to stay out of here! What makes you think I care about it?” I snap back, “Just leave me alone before I make you, okay?”
“Make me? Son, what are you talking about?”
“I finally have a life outside of Gotham and you want me back?” I head further on, “I won’t go back. I can’t take it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you blind?!” I snarl, “Look at me! Look at my face, my chest! My body! Do you really think I’m your only option? Your best bet? Did you go to Dick?” At this point I got him somewhere private to hash this out.
Dad considers, “You’re the only one left.”
“Really? Is that right? Did you and Mom have me just so you could make me Batman?” tears well in my eyes, “You’re asking me to leave my girlfriend behind, you’re asking me to almost die every night for just a chance at making a rotten city better, it died the day I did.”
“Grayson…” Dad sighs, “I’m getting old, there’s not going to be a Gotham by the time I’m gone.”
“What? So you’re just going to ask your disabled son to put on the cape and cowl? Risk his life for a city he doesn’t know anymore? Do you even HEAR yourself talking?!” I sit down, holding onto my stick.
“I’m not taking that legacy. It’s not mine.” I huff, “So get back in your little car and go back to your high castle, Dad.”
“Grayson, that’s not why I’m here. I need your help.” he pulls out a file, “What do you know about the Floronic Man?”
“I’m not helping you.” I snarl, “Just stop.”
“Grayson…” he tries to move closer and I shirk back. Remembering how I messed up. How I believed anyone could change and anything could. Just the hope I used to feel.
“No! No, just stop!” I yell, “Stop trying to make me like you!” I jab him with my stick. Pushing him back into the shadows. He huffs softly.
“What if Pamela was in danger?” I freeze and tap my stick on the ground hard, he knows I wouldn’t let anything hurt her. Just like how I’d never let Mom get hurt either. I grit my teeth and relent.
“Who do I have to stop?” I ask.
Dad smiles.
