*Yun Pov*
Remembering what I’d apparently forgotten felt like walking out of a dense fog that tried to push down on everything it covered. I can remember how I’d acted and felt for the past few hours as easily as any other memory too. The only thing letting me know I was ‘off’ was the very different way I composed myself. Holding onto someone’s sleeve because I was scared? I’d never done that before.
When I woke up earlier, I felt kind of… younger? Maybe weaker and more vulnerable..? It’d be impossible to explain, all I know is I was different.
To get my mind off of that, I tried to explain my side of things starting from falling asleep the night of the dream.
Describing the dream itself wasn’t as hard as I thought it’d be, considering the traumatic events that took place. I did find myself shivering every now and then at certain points during my explanation though, luckily Sena had been cuddling up close to me the entire time so it didn’t become an issue.
Speaking of Sena… I have no idea what came over me to be the one to initiate our snuggle session. I’d never been that close with anyone before, she just felt... safe?
Even now, I’m lying next to her with my head tucked between her head and chest. I’d finished my part of the story without any huge difficulties, though seeing the faces of Lucy and Sam when I described the torture nearly made me break down. I’d ignored the tremors Sena gave off at those parts too, knowing I would 100 percent freak at seeing or acknowledging her reaction.
“It’s a little before noon, do you wanna sleep in some more?” Sena soothingly pats my head while her parents talk with Dr. Grey on their own.
They’d left us out of some of the more in depth conversations since it was obvious I’d much rather rest or relax than talk about theories or help plans.
Rubbing my face further into her neck, I murmur out a response. “Yeah, that’d be nice.”
“Hehe.” A giggle escapes her lips.
“Hm? What?” Nearly rising from my position to see what’s funny, she stops me by hugging me closer.
“Nothing, Yun. Just thought about how cute you snuggling into me was.”
For a moment I’m speechless. Did she just call me cute? I wonder as a blush creeps up my face. How I wasn’t already embarrassed beyond belief baffles me. B-but, how can I be cute? Aren’t I supposed to be strong and masculine? Balls of anxiety stack up within my chest as my mind tries to figure out what I’m supposed to be.
“Yun? Is something wrong?” Sena’s calming voice has a hint of worry in it now.
“N-no? I mean… I don’t know…”
Shuffling down to meet my gaze, my friend tries to look me in the eyes as I try to look anywhere else. W-what’s wrong with me? I’m a girl, I want to be girly. I don’t want to be masculine or strong. I just want to be held, to be protected. I want to be cute… So why did I think I needed to be anything other than that?
“Yun.” More forcefully now, she tries to gather my attention. When I don’t look at her, she gently takes my chin in her hands to force my gaze towards her.
A murmur across the room makes me flinch before a look from Sena quiets whatever made the noise. Probably her parents… That’s right, I’m not alone with her. I-I need to make myself presentable. I can’t be weak- W-why can’t I be weak?
Tears slowly roll down my cheeks as we lock eyes. “I-I thought I was okay…”
“Mhm.” She coos while resting her forehead against mine. “And you aren’t?”
“N-no.” I close my eyes while tears continue to overflow. Just focusing on the contact between us calms me down ever so slightly. “M-my mind… Or, I don’t know what… Ahg! I don’t know what’s happening!” Anger flares up at my inability to put what I’m feeling into words.
“Take your time.” Patient and gentle, she rubs my back with one hand and pets my head with her other.
Taking a deep breath and just laying there for a moment, I connect thoughts together and plan what to say. “I- It feels like I need to be… Strong and dependable? Around others. B-but, I don’t know why.”
“Mm.” Knowing I have more to say, she lets me continue uninterrupted.
“It’s not what I want though… I’m finally free but it feels like I have to be that way. S-she always told me that’s what I was supposed to be like. That I was going to be what brought her back to the top, or something.”
Continuing her caresses, she lets me try to let all my thoughts out. I’d never spoken to anybody about my feelings or wants, so this was all new to me.
“It feels like if I try to be anything but m-masculine, I’m b-bad. B-but I don’t want that! I want to be c-cute and soft! I want to go shopping with you and Yuki, to curl up with you and cuddle on the couch! I… I want to h-have a mother who looks at me with love and calls me her b-beautiful daughter.”
I’m not sure how Lucy, Sam and Dr. Grey react to any of this. Hell, I don’t even know if they can hear me. Who am I kidding… They can definitely hear me. I probably wouldn’t have gotten this far if they’d spoken up though. I can only do this since I’m deluding myself into thinking only Sena’s here.
“That need to be different than how you actually want to be? That’s your… mother talking to you. What she said- What she wanted? None of it matters.”
“I-it doesn’t?” I know it doesn’t matter, I just need to hear more of that. I need to know what I’m feeling is okay.
“It doesn’t at all. You are your own person.” Voice cracking, she continues. If you want to be cute and cuddly? Then be cute and cuddly. If you want to go shopping with us, then come with us! And- And if you want someone to call you a beautiful daughter- Her beautiful daughter, then talk to mom. Because that's exactly what you’ll be. Her beautiful, cute, cuddly, wonderful daughter.” Sena finishes with a light giggle.
“A-and what about you?” My question causes her to pause her petting and caressing for a moment.
With a shaky breath, she continues with a whisper. “Anything you want me to be, and more.”
I try to look up at her, to see her eyes, but she’s keeping my gaze down by setting her head on top of mine. I don’t struggle for much longer as the weight lifts from my shoulders and the truth of her words sets in. The promises she made, the affirmations awarded to me. I-it’s hard to let go of those thoughts… I’ve lived with that disgusting implanted need for so long, I’ll just try my best to get rid of it. To be who I really am.
Before I know it, I’m sobbing into her chest and trying to pull myself even closer towards her. An impossible feat as I’m basically wrapped around her already. She doesn’t complain though, just lets me wriggle and cry to my heart's content. I imagine her shirt’s soaked by now…
Minutes pass while I continue my crying, I can hear small whispered chatter from the other three people in the room while Sena holds me tight. By the time my well has dried, I’m even more exhausted than I was earlier.
“S-Sena, can we sleep now? I-I’ve never slept with someone in a bed together. B-but I want to do that now that it’s okay. You won’t leave me right?” Some of the earlier paranoia comes crawling back to me, fears that I’ll get hurt. Needing someone with me.
“Of course.” She nods before shuffling down again. That’s all we’ve been doing today huh, just shuffling up and down on the hospital bed.
“Hehe.” A giggle escapes my lips.
“What’re you laughing about, hm?” The eyes that peer into mine look like a predators for a moment as a grin spreads across her face. “Did I do something funny?”
“Just thought about how all we’ve done is shuffle around today, it was funny seeing you wiggle down. Pff.” Not understanding what her strange smirk means, I continue laughing.
“Oh~?” A finger pokes my side.
“E-eep!” I let out a noise before clamping my mouth shut with a hand, confusion at the strange sound I’d made.
“My, my! What a cute sound!” Her hands move around my body once more, locking me into place.
Only then do I realize what’s happening, something Yuki’d told horror stories of since the day they became friends. S-sena’s gonna tickle me?! Yuki always said it was the worst but we never believed her! I gotta escape!
“Oh no you don’t!” Both hands clamp onto my sides. I’m still wearing the drafty and thin hospital gown so I can feel everything a whole lot easier than I would normally.
“E-ee! Ah! No!” I look at her with what I hoped was a defiant and commanding look, but her grin only grows larger. I’d set in motion my own doom.
“Be a little careful there, Sena. She still has stitches so you can’t go too hard!” Lucy calls out from the sidelines.
“B-bwuh? S-shouldn’t you stop her?! A-ah!”
“Nope, it’ll be good for you, my little girl.” At Lucy’s words I melt a little and forget the impending danger thrown my way.
“Aww, wasn’t that sweet? Look at her.” Sam and Dr. Grey look at my blissful face with satisfaction.
“No more distractions!” Sena huffs while successfully gaining my attention with a squeeze. “You’re lucky I can’t go as hard as usual, I’m sure Yuki’s mentioned how she turns into a puddle when I’m through with her.”
“... Honey, is there any chance our daughter’s not as pure as we think?”
“S-surely not, you remember how I was back then. She gets all this from me after all.” Lucy lets out an obviously fake laugh after that.
“Yeah… We even thought you weren’t into guys for a whil- Mmmph!” A hand from his wife clamps onto Sam’s mouth.
From where we’re laying, I can just barely make out a rather worrying expression on Lucy’s face. Is my new mom gonna be scary? “I thought we agreed the past is the past, dear~?”
A quick nodding of the head earns Sam’s freedom and Dr. Grey stares at the two with a smirk.
“Wait.” Sena pauses and looks at her mom. “Were you into, uh, girls? Like, before dad?”
Her mom smacks her forehead before noticing an undertone to her daughter's question, one I didn’t pick up on. “Oh? Are you-”
“Waaah! Stop! Stop stop stop! Don’t!” Using her hands to muffle my ears, Sena quickly shuts down whatever question her mom was going to ask.
“Huh. Yeah that tracks…” Sam’s muffled voice slips through the gaps.
With my face shoved into her chest, I’m incapable of hearing any further conversation. The smell of her perfume distracting me from anything else. I wonder what they’re talking about… No, what’s her perfume? She smells so good… Her chest is so soft too, like a pillow. I could fall asleep right here for sure… I might do just that actually…
Love the story!
And congrats author, I think it's really obvious you have been improving your skills a lot since the first chapters!!
Thank you! I've been working on some side products as well and as a result I believe I'm getting closer to my 'style.' I did take a few weeks off recently from this one but the past couple days I've written three or so chapters. Hopefully the wording and flow won't be too jarring after the gap in time. Once I get a little further into the story, there's a chance I'll either do a small rewrite or just go back and edit all the past chapters! The other projects will be released once I've accumulated enough to mass release 10-20 chapters on the first day, then do a weekly schedule like this one has. Though it'll likely be a while until then, project three and four (set in the same universe as each other) will average 5k words a chapter(three has somewhere around 85k words I think, and four has 36k). While project two, despite having over 80k words right now, currently isn't split into chapters but instead arcs. So that one's gonna be a tad bit wacky to figure out. The OTHER reason I'm waiting to post those is the fact I want to release something after having experience. I'd like to post a fully fledged story with as little plot holes as possible, and I may have underestimated how hard that is...
Thank you for commenting, have a good night!
Thanks for the chapter