While on the other side of the globe, the poor boy was still walking aimlessly. Barefoot in the middle of the lonely night, wondering if he had unknowingly played any part in the death of his own big sister across a faraway city. Whether things would have been different if he had done something earlier… Since Daniel often ignored his sister's calls and he never actually suffered any consequences from it. For Saskia has always been someone who is too kind, even to scold anyone, let alone Daniel, her younger brother. Making the boy feel like he truly deserves the blame, and not anyone else... Which sounded too irrational for the boy even to think about, so at the end, his expression was filled with melancholy, far more than he felt regret for what had passed. That is, Daniel did not dispute her sister’s death, instead preferring to take the fact whole, and his thoughts became silent for nothing but to cease condemning himself.
Then his gaze fell on some kind of a bus stop. A place that seemed to gradually awaken his memories of the past, the place where Daniel and his sister used to wait for their father to pick them up after class while they were still in primary school. Though that only lasted until Saskia started her junior high school at a different, better, and more expensive institute than Daniel’s primary, junior and senior high school… That's where he started training his legs for such long distance walking.
Yet he who sat there at the time seemed to be feeling warmth in mind and soul as he closed his eyes, hugged his knees while muttering a song to himself.
~~~~~
“Daniel! Say cheese!!!”
The boy's mind was taken back to the last time when he saw her…
About two years ago, right before Saskia said her goodbyes and left for the capital city where her college was located. Just right at one point when Saskia was under the impression that they both had never actually been in the same photo ever before; or it wouldn't even be an exaggeration to say that Daniel was never depicted in any form and in any frame throughout his life, except for something very formal like for school purposes as one example.
Aside from his family-related situation, which was at its worst when he’s just a child, Daniel was indeed the type of person who’s troublesome… Very troublesome in fact, to even have his face be captured by anyone.
However, Saskia was able to redirect the boy's attention while he was off guard; resulting in a good shot of the girl embracing her younger brother in one arm. To which Daniel irritably moved away as he sneered, "You do that again, and I'll kill you." Still Daniel waved his hand when the car door closed. "Uh… Just… Take care, sis." Nervously expressed, which Saskia then replied with a smile.
“I will! Anyway, don't you break my old smartphone, you hear? That thing is very precious to me!” As she spent the last remaining time she had, only to threaten Daniel to the point of making him shudder but then wonder.
[“Why did you give it to me in the first place!?”]
Daniel asked the girl only in his own mind, since the distance between them was getting even further away from each other and the boy wouldn't want himself to have to yell in the middle of the road, as he chose to daydream at the smooth and yet functional smartphone screen instead, that previously belonged to Saskia.
And he stared at the thing for quite a long time for him to be thrown even deeper into the past, when the smartphone was still in his elder sister's hands, as she was kneeling on the pedestrian bridge with Daniel, sobbing aloud and covering the screen with her own teardrops…
When the night reached its peak and the deafening sound of trucks passing by beneath their feet drowned out the siblings’ screams of despair… That’s the time when Saskia made up her mind, as she said, “If you die, Daniel… I swear to god I'll kill myself! So I beg you, if you really feel that there is no longer any reason for you to live, then I’ll be the one!”
“That’s right…”
“Daniel…”
“Make me your reason to live!”
~~~~~
The raucous shouts of many people echoed around the empty streets. Echoes that finally managed to jolt Daniel back to the present, his body shivering with cold as he paced back and forth, seeking for the source of the sound. But then a gang of delinquent teenagers was visible crossing the street from a distance, their conversation appearing serious.
“Farell really killed that idiot! I can't believe it!”
“The fuck do you mean me? You all got in on it too!”
“Don't be a coward, Farell. The cops won't have the guts to approach us. They never dare! Just like in the news, carriers weren't something they could ever cope with, so fucking calm yourself down, man!”
Daniel seemed to have heard enough from them and then decided to get up; walk casually into a narrow alley, intending to return home on the opposite route to the one those people were taking, whatever it took to avoid running into each other.
Yet the boy was still able to hear a little more of their voices, “So? How do you feel now, Farell?” As one asked, another answered. “I don’t know, man… But the adrenaline really made me nervous! I feel really wide awake now!" Even though the words sounded wobbly, it was clear that it all came from nothing but his own feeling of excitement, still echo became silent after Daniel had walked quite a distance.
And then he met the guy… Beside an abandoned basketball court, with blood splatters mar the walls as scarlet pools seeped into the sewer drain... Daniel only slowed his steps slightly, asking nobody, “Did that lightning also make you all lose common sense?”
The boy seemed to be struggling, tiptoeing his bare feet looking for a foothold that didn't have any blood on it. Just to look back and continue his rambling, he said, “So in the end, you're just desperate for someone to give you a reason to use the sword, huh? You dumbass.”
Only until he was satisfied cursing did his feet move again to find their way back to home. As numbers on his smartphone screen showed that it was one in the morning when he reached his bedroom window, so it was only natural that he sneezed a few times before opting to wrap himself up in a blanket on the bed.
~~~~~
The girl's death was suspected as robbery leading to murder, with sharp object wounds to the neck and chest. And she died in her own boarding room, which was in such a messy condition as if it had been looted when her friend first found her.
Then just a few days later, the funeral was held in a church with many people dressed entirely the same, all in black… Where Daniel sat within the front row next to his parents, his gaze crossing with Fanya and Deo who were right next to his bench. While the girl appeared to be waving with a look as if she couldn't wait to ask whether the boy was feeling okay or not. Though it would have been obvious even without her having to try so hard to find out the answer, as anyone could see it from Daniel's face, whose mind seemed to be wandering to who knows where. That even after the funeral was over, the boy remained truly the same.
Under the tree near the grave, he appeared to be thinking blankly; while others were walking home, all passing Daniel but one. An adult woman around her thirties, baggy eyes and such an emo-looking face. As her steps came to a halt for a second right next to the boy with her black hair, wavy bob, blowing in the evening breeze… But not a single word came out from either of them.
Long enough for two more people to come into their midst. Both were teenagers, one of them was a boy taller than Daniel but also the fattest than the rest.
Hair combed back with eyes tousled, small silver chain necklace, and hands in his trouser pockets. Other, is a girl who is the shortest of all. Long wavy ponytail hair, thin but with chubby cheeks, black dress but with sneakers on her feet.
“I’m sorry for your loss, Daniel.”
Fanya was the only one who spoke out of everyone under the tree, since Deo looked sufficiently nervous even to say anything. So he decided to just bow, out of a feeling that he really had to, knowing that it was at least necessary. And Daniel seemed to smile as if to say that that was enough, so perhaps there wasn't really anything wrong with it after all.
“Yeah. Thank you for coming, Deo, Fanya.” The grieving one even responded.
But it was the adult woman instead, who left without saying or showing any condolences to Daniel which puzzled everyone.
“Who was that?” Fanya asked.
“That’s just my aunt.”
“Ah… I see.”
“Well then… I should go home now.” Deo seemed to be trying to say goodbye to the two of them and leave on his own. But Fanya mistook it as a suggestion to let Daniel alone for a while, so the girl waved at the boy with her words then followed, “See you later, Daniel.”
~~~~~
“Your friend, Fanya, said that your campus entrance date has been set for September thirteenth. Isn't it just another week and a half from now?”
“Eh?” The spoon stopped in the air, Daniel's mouth which was initially open to devour the chicken, turned to ask back instead.
Because only a few days had passed since the funeral, and Daniel had just been surprised by his parents inviting him to eat together which had never ever happened before… Yet this time, the boy was even more surprised to realize that a conversation was taking place in the midst of the dining table, with him at the center of the discussion.
“You don’t know?” His mother asked again.
“I know, but… Yeah. I know.” Daniel seemed to lower his head.
“She came up to me at that time, so we had a little talk. Anyway, Fanya is such an interesting looking person, don't you think? She also knows Saskia quite well, probably they already know each other.”
“That’s… Right…”
A flick of a spoon was heard quite loudly, scraping against the plate beside the two of them. As if on purpose, the father also seemed to cough a little, making the atmosphere a little less vocal… Yet the mother continued to talk, ignoring all the annoyance that the father clearly showed, “Tell me, Daniel. Are you both close friends with each other?” She asked.
“Y- Yes…? Something like that? Also with Deo, the fat one.”
*The sound of a chair sliding abruptly echoed across the room…
The middle-aged man seemed to have had enough of the talk, as he stood up with the remaining food on his plate. Nonchalantly strolled out of the house through the rear door next to the kitchen, but the mother, again, didn't seem to be bothered by it at all, since she then said, “You know what, Daniel? I've decided to stop this old charade that has persisted for too long within our very own family, my family, as you can see… I’ve decided to stop choosing what I should get, if that makes any sense to you.”
And strangely enough, somehow it actually made sense only to the boy himself… That his mother just wanted nothing more than the happiness of having a husband as well as a child living together with her, the same as how all families in general have it in each of their own houses. Indicating that for some reason, this family doesn't have that feeling, specifically.
“Whether you'll ever be able to forgive me, or if it's too late to change already, I don't care anymore. Because I’ve decided that it’s finally the time to be selfish and without any hesitation, I’ll do everything I’ve always wanted to do, for the sake of my own happiness. And yes, it also means from now on, that… I… I’ll try to make you happy, my dear son…”
The woman’s voice slowly began to tremble while her false strong personality began to crumble as she cried. Just a result of her profound despair; since the pain of losing someone, especially your own daughter really doesn't go away that easily after all… And the same thing applied to the middle-aged man who had been listening to his wife from behind the door until he felt the man had heard everything he wanted to hear. At which point he then walked away for some fresh air in the evening.
~~~~~
