“I’m nawt even shooah if thiies thing’ll wehk, mite,” the girl looked over the equipment curiously. The woman working on something below the desk sighed irritably.
“It’ll bloody well work,” she snapped irritably. “I’m not some fuckin’ idiot don’t know what she’s doing. But ye’ve got t’ give me some fuckin’ space, Cap’n.”
“Ahh yah syyin Oy gawt a faht ass, Bighnks?” The girl’s eyes narrowed dangerously, her thick dark eyeshadow and mascara making her dark blue eyes stand out even more than they already did.
“I wasn’t sayin’ nothin’ ‘bout yer ass! I wasn’t even lookin’ at yer ass!” Banks protested, moving her head to peer at the captain from where she was working.
“Sao naow moy ass isn’t wohth even looking at, huh? Yaw on thiien fuckin’ ice, Bighnks,” the woman growled.
“Oh, bloody ‘ell,” Banks sighed, returning to what she was doing with a sigh. “Do ye even wan’ me t’ look at yer ass, Cap’n?”
“Oy’ll keell yah if yoah skayvy gyze even brushes ovah my ass, Bighnks, buh’ thaht’s nawt the point, is ih’?” the woman began flipping switches and pushing buttons and turning knobs randomly on the wide console sitting on the desk beneath which Banks was working.
“Oy! What’re ye doin, Cap’n!” Banks’ head shot back out from under the desk.
“Getting’ used t’ the equeepment, Bighnks,” she replied, a rakish grin spreading across her slender, tan face.
“Fuckin’ wi’ my settings more like,” Banks muttered, returning to her work. “Ye sure ye still wanna call it Piratevision? No one’ll be able t’ see ya, ya know.”
“Thaht's nawt the fuckin point, Bighnks. the point is we hahve t' taell the fucks in the Empuyah whaht we knaow and haow we say theengs. Thaht's whoy it's Piruytevoision,” the woman scowled at Banks, her long brown ponytail swishing across her neck and naked shoulders irritably as her arms folded over her chest. “Oy swayuh t' fuck, Bighnks, yah ahh on moy lahst fuckin nuhve tuh-die weeth the why yaw beetchin sao much.”
“I’m not tryin’ t’ bitch, Cap’n,” Banks shrugged, glancing back up at what she was working on with a satisfied nod. “I’m jus’ sayin’ that maybe rather than tellin’ the Empire the way we see things we should maybe jus’ stick t’ bein’ pirates is all.”
“Yaw lahckin voision, heah, Bighnks. Oy've fuckin bayn ovah thiies oolraydy. Theah's nao raysawn we cahn't do bawth. Pirytes boy die, crusuydahs faw truth boy noigh'!”
“Well, you’re the cap’n, Cap’n,” Banks stood and wiped her hands on her loose trousers, short blonde hair disheveled and covered in a thin layer of dust.
“Fuckin a roigh'. Ahh we raydy?”
“Yep,” Banks nodded her head. “Ready?”
“It's nawt gaowin t' blaow up aw anythin, roigh'?” The captain put her small, delicate hand on Banks’ arm nervously, stopping her from flipping the big red switch in the upper corner of the console.
“Uh…” Banks paused, suddenly a bit concerned herself. The principles of the thing they’d liberated from an official-looking Imperial vessel before sending her crew off in lifeboats and sending her careening to the bottom of the Sundered Abyss seemed pretty straightforward.
A pair of despair batteries powering a radio which could bounce signals off other Imperial ships and land-based towers. The wiring had been rather simple to figure out and the damage done in the boarding had been patched up to the best of her not inconsiderable skill. But, still, whenever dealing with some of the strange things coming out of the Empire these days the possibility of explosions was not insignificant.
“Prob’ly no’, no,” Banks finally said. There was a long period of silence as the captain thought things through.
“Good enough faw me. Oy'm exsoited as fuck t' be paht of thiies. Laeh's staht thiies beetch up!” Banks grinned at her and reached again for the switch before the captain stopped her again with her hand. “If thiies wehks, Bighnks, yah cahn look at moy ass.”
“What if i’ doesn’t?” Banks glanced back at her curiously.
“Thaen yah cahn keess moy ass, Bighnks,” The smaller woman scowled.
“Sounds like I win either way, Cap’n,” Banks grinned at her.
“Chayky fuckah,” the captain grinned back. Banks flipped the over-sized red switch and the dials lights and buttons on the panel slowly began to come to life as the machine began to hum. For a few nerve-wracking seconds the hum of the console grew in intensity and both girls backed away from it slowly, but it gradually returned to a low whine, and they stepped back close to it.
“It lives,” Banks whispered.
“And sao do we. Totul wiien, theah,” the captain clapped Banks briskly on the back and maneuvered her way into the chair which they’d found in the Imperial ship’s captain’s quarters. She sighed as she rested her fingers on the console in front of her, running the calloused tips over the metal. “Naow, uh, naow whaht?”
“Didja no’ read th’ manual?” Banks fixed her with an exasperated gaze.
“Whaht mahnual? Whaht ahh yah tohkin abeow'?” the captain blinked up at her and Banks sighed. “Oy was wehkin on the accent loike yah suggested, ya seelly twiieh’”
“’Ere,” Banks snapped, throwing a heavy sheaf of loosely bound papers onto the console in front of the smaller woman. “Educate, yersel’”
“Oh, gawds dahmn ih', Bighnks. Oy daon't hahve the toime t' rayd ooll thiies shiieh',” she leafed through the papers angrily. “Fuck me, Oy daon't even knaow whaht hahf of thaese wehds are. Whaht the fuck...cahp...cahp...cuypahcolah? Whaht the shiieh’ is thaht?”
“Capacitor,” Banks sighed as she glanced over her shoulder at the word her captain was pointing at.
“And the fuck does thaht mayn?” the captain raged, flinging the book angrily onto the floor and glaring at it.
“A capacitor is- “Banks began before the captain interrupted her.
“Look. Yaw the brines and beauty, Oy'm the brawn and beauty. Thaht's whoy we myke such a grite taym. Just...just taell me whaht t' do and laeh' me do ih'. Thiies...” the captain returned her gaze to the book and kicked at it hatefully. “…shiieh' isn't raylly moy mug of booze. Just laeh' me do whaht Oy do and yah do whaht yah do and thiies'll be a totul wiien, Bighnks!”
“Fine, fine,” Banks sighed, pulling up a box and placing it beside the captain and sitting down. “But I’m goin’ t’ need a better seat.”
“Yah've gawt a foine sayt, Bighnks. Buh' we'll geh' yah a chaeh,” the captain grinned at her.
“Now who’s bein’ cheeky?” Banks grinned back at her. The captain smiled her best disarming smile as Banks set about flipping switches and pushing buttons and turning knobs. “Ye’ve been practicing yer accent, right?”
“Yayh, yayh, Oy gawt ih' daown loike a glahss of foine woine,” the captain waved Banks’ concerns away breezily.
“Famous last words,” Banks mumbled, shaking her head. “Ye better hope so cuz yer goin’ on th’ air in 4,3,2,1.”
“Eh?” The captain cocked her head to the side. Banks’ eyes widened and she pointed to the large metal can pointing at the captain’s face.
“Talk!” She mouthed.
“Oy! Ya fucks! This’ your girl, Serafina, broadcasting from the deep blue with our first episode of Piratevision. We’re here to blow the roof off all the dirty little secrets the Empire doesn’t want you to know about. I’m not talkin’ about the Empress’ knicker color here. For the record, she prefers light pink. Or what kind of underwear the Archon’s wearing today. Hint, that sassy bitch doesn’t wear unders. Ever!” Serafina’s voice was like audio velvet, smooth and charming and sultry all rolled into one naturally captivating package and Banks sat back in awe, mouth open in shock.
“The beauty of not being a part of things is that you can still know everything without having to keep it to yourself,” Serafina continued. “So, pet yer kitties and grab yer titties, because Piratevision is coming at ya like a battleship, and we’ve got no brakes on this thing.
“Oh! And a huge shout out to the mighty Imperial 4th Coastal Fleet and especially the good captain Edwin Marks! Sorry about sinking your shit, but this fuckin’ chair is amazing, Eddie! Top tier! I can’t wait to try the booze ya had stored in your personal stash. It looks expensive as hell!
“Not to mention the 200 Aureus you had in the false bottom drawer in your desk. Naughty, naughty, Eddie! Where’d you get that much sumpin’ sumpin’? Oops! Was that supposed to be a secret? Well, anyway, stay tuned, kids, cuz a new day is dawnin’ and we’re bringin’ the truthshine!” Serafina nodded at Banks who flipped a switch, shutting the machine down.
“Waell? Whaht diied yah theenk? Good, roigh'?” Serafina fixed Banks with a broad smile.
“I am so fuckin’ wet righ’ now,” Banks replied dreamily.
Pirate idol Serafina
She's so dreamy