"Ding, ding, ding" — The sound of a bell reverberated through the room, jolting the messy-haired kid into a struggle to push himself awake.
with a visible struggle, he gradually coaxed his heavy eyelids open
Sitting up on the edge of the bed, looking at the mirror across the narrow room, was a young man, below average high on the skinnier side. Dark circles under his eyes, clearly sleep deprived, a testament to the night's restless dreams.
With a heavy sigh, Khal forced himself off the bed, over to the furnished wooden dresser in the corner of the room.
He opened the wooden dresser to find a school uniform. Dark blue shirt and pants, with a black undershirt, the ensemble complimented his dark blue hair and bright blue eyes nicely.
He buttoned the shirt, and straightened the tie in the mirror.
“Hmm..”
Inwardly disagreeing with something about his appearance, he tries out various expressions in the mirror.
“Too confident”
“Too weak”
After about a minute of trying different faces, he eventually decides on a nervously excited expression, before making his bed and heading towards the door as he grabs his pack filled with various books
Opening the door, a rush of sunlight blinded Khal for a split second before his eyes adjusted
There he could see many identical dorms, leading into a street where droves of students were ambly walking while talking to one another
There was no less than a thousand students walking on the nearly 15 meter street.
Seeing all the students crowding the street Khal sighed
“Should have woken up 30 minutes ago”
Walking down from his second story dorm, Khal entered into the sea of students all walking the same direction, he bobbed and weaved through the students until he reached the other side of the road, and started walking down a rather unconventional sidewalk
“Might take longer but at least its quiet”
Khal continued on the path meant for higher rank students, occasionally being passed by students with more luxurious looking uniforms who shot him looks of disdain which didn’t bother khal all that much
The peaceful few minutes led him to a grand colosseum, an awe-inspiring marvel of ancient architecture, its weathered stone walls bearing witness to the echoes of combat and the resounding cheers of countless spectators.
Khal quickly lost interest in the colosseum, until he heard a whistle being blown by a man adorning tailored leather armor
Just then, as khal peaked through the giant open gate in front of the colosseum he saw many people, around the same age as him
They shot off, leaving the ground vibrating beneath their feet
Some left streaks of lightning in their wake, some left explosions of fire
But one girl in particular grabbed Khals attention
Her dark black hair and beautiful brown eyes captivated the entire stadium.
She was also the fastest to arrive at the non-descript grey ball sitting in the center of the open field.
She delivered a powerful kick
“Woah”
Khal said to himself, amazed her display. Though the power of the kick wasn’t what grabbed is attention, just as she made contact with the ball, it was sent flying in the opposite direction of her kick, seemingly defying the laws of physics
Khal wasn’t the only one entranced by the Dark haired beauty
"Did you see that move? Alina's like a living legend! I wish I could be half as good as her."
“Yeah I heard she managed to make it into the top 15 as a second year”
“What?! No way thats never been done before!”
The murmurs from the crowd played like a chorus everytime one of the members on the field made a flashy play or demonstrated their toned and skillful use of their power
Khal watched the game for what felt like only seconds, but minutes had passed before he looked up at the big majestic clock-tower in the distance
“Ah shit im gunna be late”
Khal said, inwardly cursing himself, he hastily grabed his bag and putting an extra spring in his step as he ran along the side walk
Not long after he arrived at the main campus, at two giant steel gates, about to close as khal narrowly squeezed through
“Hey kid!”
One of the guards yelled at khals back as he rushed off toward the main building, seemingly angry at Khal squeezing through the closing gates
Khal made sure to cover his head with his bag, making sure the guard couldn’t ID him based on his unusual hair color
Arriving at Classroom 307, Khal's tardiness earned a half-hearted reprimand from Mr. Branson, a teacher whose mood oscillated between emotional extremes and complete apathy.
“Nice of you to show up Mr. Laten”
Khal slouched down
“I-im sorry Mr.Branson”
Seemingly losing interest in reprimanding the late student Mr. Bransons voice became increasingly monotone
“just go to your seat”
Each word escaping his mouth like it was taking more and more energy to talk than necessary.
Khal began walking to his seat up the stairs on the far left side of the building
Just then his sleeve was yanked down
Khal suppressed a surprised yelp as he looked at the purpetrator
A girl with black hair, in the tradional school uniform with blue eyes stared toward the center of the room
She whispered in Khals ear.
“3 o-clock, 2nd floor, room 327”.
Khal's worried expression prompted a sly smirk from the girl, leaving an air of mystery hanging in the lecture hall. Then she let go of Khals sleeve
As he walked to his Khal shrugged, his seemingly indifferent attitude did not match his cowardly demenor
“Wonder what she wants now”
He soon reached his desk at the far edge of the room and sat down and pulled out his books, the weight of the day already burdening him
The teacher droned on in his monotone voice, prompting distant contemplation from his students.
"Can anyone tell me what Hyrel the Hero’s power was?”
A girl with auburn-colored hair and bright blue eyes raised her hand.
“Ice magic?”
The teacher shook his head
“Not quite.”
before prompting another student with a raised hand to speak
“Snow magic.”
“Correct, though his control of his ability was completely unprecedented”
“Now, can anyone tell me in which battle Hyrel gained his Hero title?”
“The apparition of Apirel. However, he didn’t reach hero status in the people's eyes until he led a campaign against corruption in House Roster.”
A handsome boy with Black hair and sharp features stated confidently.
Other students rolled their eyes at his answer
Even Khal suppressed the urge to yell “suck up”
“That’s correct. However, on the quiz, you need only answer the Apparition of Apirel, which is where this lesson will start today…”
…
The hero Hyrel
Strong enough to flatten mountains and create blizzards over entire cities, yet he became a beacon of hope for the common people of the kingdom of Celestria
500 years ago, his strength was unparalleled. Though he may not have been as benevolent as he seems.
The story in history textbooks makes him seem like a symbol of strength and heroic justice, who died a martre fighting against creatures of the void. Though thats likely a fabrication
The rest of the class was uneventful, filled with specific details of Hyrel's life and death, likely embellished by the history textbooks
“Okay, class, review the last four sections. Your exam will be held in two days.”
With that, Mr. Branson concluded the class, and after a few moments a sea of students filed out through a small doorway, resembling sand passing through an hourglass.
The rest of the classes werent very interesting to Khal nor very difficult even for the classes of the lowest rank
"If it isn't Shmall,"
Just as Khal was leaving for the day he heard a familiar voice behind him
Khal gasped a heavy sigh before turning around
“M-marise w-what do you want?”
Khal said with confusion on his face as he bit his lip
Before him are two girls, both wearing the same uniform, dark blue with black complimentary colors, the one on the left with dark hair and blue eyes, and the on one the right with blonde hair and brown eyes. Both very beautiful
“You weren’t trying to run were you?”
“N-no i-i just for-rgot was all”
Khal says, stuttering over his words, slouching his posture
“Come with us”
The one on the right says with a frown, seemingly not wanting to be there
They led him up the stairs to the second floor and into a classroom, used for higher rank students
The entire floor is a step up in luxury something Khal, a bottom ranked student, has never experienced
As the door creaked open under the subtle push of one of the girls, Khal's gaze bore a complex blend of trepidation and frustration.
Seated regally on a desk in the heart of the room, a stunning girl adorned the traditional school uniform, yet a striking deviation unfolded in the form of her secondary colors—instead of the conventional black, hers embraced a profound, dark shade of grey, a subtle but poignant departure from the norm that caught Khal's attention.
‘She moved down in rank’
Khal thought to himself with surprise
Carmilla Jaze, a formidable presence hailing from the esteemed Jaze household; her vibrant red hair cascades elegantly down to her slender waist, a fiery mane that seems to echo the power and intensity of her lineage.
Standing up off the desk, she stares at him
"Do you have the rest of my money yet?"
Carmilla Jaze's voice sliced through the air, a chilling melody that sent shivers down Khal's spine. His eyes darted nervously as she approached, a palpable tension hanging in the air.
Trembling hands betrayed the fear that tightened Khal's chest like a vice.
“W-what money?”
Khal stammered, with a questioning look
his voice barely audible, attempting to mask his unease.
“You're protection fee, of course,”
replied one of the ominous girls looming behind Khal.
Silence hung in the air as Khal, fear etched in his eyes, felt both girls tighten their grip on his shoulders, eventually binding his hands behind his back.
“Ah!”
Khal winced in pain
Carmilla, frowned and looked into his eyes, then suddenly unleashed a powerful strike to his stomach.
“Bleh!”
Khal gasped for air, collapsing to his knees with a thud, arms clenched around his stomach in agony.
Carmilla squatted down, leveling her gaze with his, pinching his cheek and forcing his head up. Defiance and submission danced in Khal's eyes, a fragile facade masking the vulnerability he felt.
She shook her head
"Pathetic,"
Carmilla declared, her words echoing with a blend of disdain and anger and she let go of his face, letting his head fall back down to the floor
The girl on the right, who has been silent suddenly spoke up
“Hey Carm, I think that’s enough, he looks like hes out of commission”
She says gesturing to Khal, on his knees, gasping in between breaths
Carmilla, stands back up, not saying a word gestures that they are leaving
As they walk to the door, she looks back at Khal a mix of disdain, but also a hint of pity in her eyes, contradicting her usual bullying nature before exiting the class
Khal remained on his knees for what felt like an eternity, slowly regaining his breath.
“Honestly, wasn’t that bad”
Khal says to himself while struggling to stand up
“If she had gone all out, I’d likely be unconscious right now”
Khal, puts up a relieved grin
That strike hurt, but not as much as khal made it seem. She obviously held back, at her full strength even the disgrace of the Jaze house could easily pulverise the ribcage of a normal human
Khal had a small victory, instead of prolonged torment he made it seem like that one strike brought him to his limit
And not wanting to go any further than that, Carmilla and her goons left pretty early
Stammering back to his feet, Khal clutched his stomach, wincing in pain. Grabbing his bag, he closed the classroom door behind him, navigating the long hallway to the stairs.
Just then
"A-are you alright?"
A teacher rushed over with a worried expression
Forced into a strained smile, Khal nodded,
"Yes, I just tripped and fell."
‘Good thing I put a limp in my walk everytime I passed a classroom’
He thought
“Let me take you to the nurse, its just down the hall”
“No-no, its ok”
Khal says, still gritting through the pain
He hurriedly comes up with a reason not to visit the nurse
‘It would be easy to see this injury was caused by another person, that damned Carmilla does she not think anything through?’
“My family believes healing magic is ‘unnatural’ Ill just let this injury heal naturally”
She looks at Khal with a slightly confused expression, finding the story a little hard to believe
“O-oh okay, well at least let me help you to the door”
She says worry still plastered on her face but not wanting to pry further, she conceded
"Thank you very much,"
She’s a strikingly young teacher for the esteemed position of professor on the second floor, she possessed an air of genuine concern as she helped Khal down the hall. Her features, framed by strands of chestnut hair escaping the confines of a neat bun, behind a pair of wire-framed glasses.
Not long after they reached the main door of the campus
“If you ever need anything, or are in trouble dont hesitate to stop by my room.”
She really insisted on the word ‘trouble’ as if telling khal to seek her out in case what happened earlier happens again
“O-ok”
Khal nods
“Oh I almost forgot my name Pracilla”
She sticks her hand out with a warm smile on her face
Khal looks at her hand then back to her determined face, seemingly confused that a teacher of the second level, someone with authority would treat a low ranked student as an equal
He hesitantly shook her hand
Then turned around towards the main gates and they parted ways
Still struggling to walk, Khal loses himself in idle contemplation
Carmilla Jaze, a deliquent from the esteemed Jaze family, a tale of high expectations met with an unfortunate clash of personality and lack of ambition.
She swiftly descended the ranks of the school, each demotion echoing with the jeers of both peers and family. A vicious cycle ensued, corroding her self-worth until she reached a breaking point.
That pivotal moment occurred when she overheard Khal, who engaged in a candid conversation where an ill-considered insult slipped from his lips while talking to an acquaintance, who has since parted ways with Khal not wanting to get mixed up with Carmilla
He, someone by all metrics that is worse than her demeaning her was her final straw. From that point onward, he unwittingly became her outlet for stress relief.
Returning to the dorm, Khal slipped inside, still nursing his stomach, and shut the door behind him.
With a subtle wince, he peeled off his jacket and made his way over to the bed, his typically feeble personality transforming into an impassive mask as he meticulously folded the coat.
His posture corrected and expression steeled into a vacant gaze, Khal's demeanor shifted as a figure appeared from the shadows in the corner of the room
“Report,”
Khal commanded with a firm expression
The figure kneeled, and then slowly nodded
“Tristan, Pronis, and Lance are making moves on Marsel,”
Pondering the information, Khal brought a hand up to his chin stroking it
“Erase all traces of our attempts to recruit Marsel,”
“Tell Kade to publicly oppose the notion of using Marsel as a Royal risk. I will have the details laid in a letter tomorrow”
“Yes, sir,”
came the obedient response.
“Is that all?”
Asked khal shooting a side glance
A moment of contemplative silence passed before a new inquiry arose.
“That girl, Carmila Jaze, do you want her dead?”
“No,”
Khal responded, no emotion in his voice,
“she’s still of use to me.”
With a nod, the enigmatic voice faded back into the shadows, leaving Khal alone in the room.
I'm sorry. I wanted to be invested in this but I find it really hard to read with all the spaces. You know, sometimes readers need to "re-read" a sentence to make sure they get the message the author is trying to convey, or maybe just to immerse themselves in the atmosphere that the author has built.
Since all the spaces make it hard to do so, I think this book will be A-tier if maybe you learn how to use paragraphs, be patient and work on details, and properly express the feelings of each character either directly or indirectly. For grammar, maybe you can use Grammarly as a starter.
Just my two cents as a fellow author, please don't be discouraged and keep writing, I'd love to see your story progress and learn from it also!
thanks for the advice, I'll work on that for chapter two, I'll also redo chapter 1 to be a bit more readable