-Yo web-head! How's it going brother? You keep trying to live like a loser to not attract attention?-

"Jeez Jhonny! What happened? If you've finally come to understand something like this, does that mean that your single neuron has finally found a similar one to keep him company?"

Johnny and I met towards the end of my first year as Spider-Man, and from that day on, we've developed such a strong friendship that we both consider ourselves brothers who had two different mothers.

After all we've been through together, there's a great deal of mutual respect and boundless trust between us, and I think the climax of that was when, after one of those difficult events that we went through, he and I made a pact. Both of us have promised each other various things among which the most important are that, just as brothers, we will always have looked over each other's shoulders and, above all, that he and I will tell each other only and exclusively the truth, whatever it is.  

Even if we make fun of each other or insult each other, as in this case, we both know that in reality those words have no value or hidden meaning.

-I'm just repeating some of the words you repeat to me like a chant every time I propose you do something cool together. Have I ever told you that your paternals are almost as good as my sister's paternals, right? And she's a first-rate buzzkill.-

"Sue should be blessed for her patience. Not only does she have her children to look after, but she's had to look after an eternal baby like you since she was a child. I hope you're not just giving her only worries as usual."

-Yeah, you got a point. Sue seems a little down lately and you know how I am, I don't really understand how to figure out what she's got without being indiscreet, so I try not to add weight to her load.- Jhonny says in a slightly concerned tone, then after a very short break, he keeps talking,-Unlike you, I don't make her angry, so who is between us the big baby that gives her worries?-

"I would argue that this question of yours proves who between us is the immature one but I will ignore it... Anyway, why is Sue mad at me? We haven't talked in a while, so I don't think I did anything to deserve her supposed wrath."

-She's mad because you haven't called her for a long time bro. You should have seen her face when she found out you contacted Reed about your costume and you didn't even ask about her. Before we moved to Washington, you two had a great relationship, I guess she misses that, and I miss spending time with my sworn Brother.-

"I miss talking to Sue too, I miss everyone, even grumpy Ben. I admit that I haven't been very present, other than the distance, which is already a big obstacle, my life is always a mess, a lot of things have happened lately and I'm sorry if I haven't been a good friend to you, I'll try-"

-Hey, hey. Hold on, hold on a second. I'm not telling you this because I think you're not a good friend to us. We all know what's happened to you lately, how hard you work to do what you do every day, and your notorious bad habit of always putting other people first instead of yourself. I'm only telling you this because deep down, we're just worried about you. I'm not saying that we have to talk every hour, but at least something more than a chat created for one of the memes that we send each other or a few phone calls a month that I make to you in the hope that you answer. I'm just saying, we'd love to hear from you more, even if there's no specific reason. Just to see how you're doing and if we can help you.-

"Got it, Johnny, I promise to bug you more often then."

-Well, I can't always be the pain in the ass here, take this job sometimes ahahah.-

"OK ahah. Listen, how are Val and little Fankie doing?" I wonder as I walk down the street where my house is.

-The kids are fine but sometimes they complain that they miss their favorite uncle... I really don't understand, despite all the things I do for them and the attention I give them, they prefer you to me.-

"You know they do that on purpose because they know how much you want to be their favorite. I assure you, they love their Uncle Johnny, even if he's an idiot who gets mentally played by two children ahah."

-Those two are not just children bro, as they are proving more and more who their parents are. Val is a miniature genius, so much so that I think she's gonna be smarter than you and Reed in the future. She's already learning to control her powers, which seem to be similar to my sister's. Frankie instead, although he is still a child, already proves to be a genius like his sister and every day strives to improve more and more.

Apparently he works so hard because he wants to become a hero like his favorite uncle in the future... Seriously, I don't understand how a half-spider, half-nerd guy can be cooler than me, the damn Human Torch... Anyway, speaking of hero stuff, I called you for a reason.-

"Has something happened or is something about to happen?" I ask worried.

-No relax, the world is not over yet. I stopped by your house to leave a package for you. Reed wanted S.H.I.E.L.D.'s agents to bring it to you, but since it seemed important, I did it myself in the hopes of meeting you, but it turns out you were already out patrolling the city when I came by.-

"No, actually I spent the afternoon in the lab, today was my first day as an assistant to a group of researchers. If you had warned me earlier, I would have asked to leave for a moment to see you, man."

-Don't worry, I couldn't have stayed for long anyway because there was a problem in Washinton so I went straight back to base. By the way, I left a package for you from Susan and Reed at your place near the toolshed. I was like a secret agent on a mission, nobody noticed I was here, so don't worry. Inside there are also two little letters from the kids.-

"Thank you very much Johnny. I'll make sure to thank Susan and Reed as soon as possible, and I'll use that opportunity to talk to my favorite nephew and niece a bit too."

-Hell, this is a low blow... Anyway, let's put aside the nerd stuff you're gonna find in the package and let's focus on the serious stuff. A friend of mine invited me to an exclusive party at the end of the month in Los Angeles, in a new high-end club. Just imagine this, me, you, on a weekend of unbridled fun and  with the company of the most beautiful women on the east coast. Maybe this time you could even let me do the wingman for you. What do you think?-

"Jhonny, you know I can't..."

-Come on, it's on the other side of the state, there's no way anyone knows you there. I promise we won't be too conspicuous.-

"You're not very convincing when you say it like that. Anyway, here in New York there's a strange air. I don't feel like going away and leaving everything " I say as I open the front door.

-There must be some other guy who can take your place, right? I don't know how it works, but can't you ask Fury to send reinforcements to cover your absence? Or else I don't know... Aren't there Defenders acting on New York? Ask them.-

"The Defenders are no longer active, now almost all the old guard of city vigilantes is gradually leaving the scene, while the new guard is immediately taken by S.H.I.E.L.D. or, if mutants, go directly under the protective wing of doctor Xavier. 

At the moment the situation is delicate for the mutants, so Dr Xavier can not send his pupils around before he has concluded everything related to the birth of the state of Krakoa, instead the S.H.I.E.L.D. is not inclined to deploy their forces without a valid reason, so anything that is not in the range "threat global level" is the job of the police and those like me who have decided to remain simple low-league fighters, as "pompous ass Stark" would define us.

Besides, you know, after I turned down Fury's proposal and everything that happened after that, I don't want to ask them anything."

-Yes, I know that. It still bothers me that I couldn't have been there that day to give that idiot a piece of my mind and maybe give him a few corrective slaps to get his brain working again... Anyway, it's because of these things that have happened to you that I think you should take a break, come on, bro!-

"Johnny, I really want to go there with you but I can't..." I say sorry as I sit on the couch after taking off my jacket.

-I really don't get you, man, sometimes I think you like being in this situation where you just hurt yourself. If you're a masochist, tell me bro, I don't judge you. 

In case I know girls who like that stuff. They will take care of this kink of yours, they will give you two lashes, some spanking and other similar things. You will suffer in their arms and then you can live your life normally. Isn't this better?- Johnny jokes, probably to cheer me up.

"Ahahah no thanks. I'm not a masochist like you think, it's just Parker's luck. But you seem pretty knowledgeable about the subject, and you said you know some girls who are in that business, isn't it that you're actually the masochist one? Maybe instead of an emergency in Washinton it was your mistress who called you back to her dungeon that kept you from staying to meet with me." I counter.

-Nothing like that, I would have waited for you if it had been such nonsense. I would never have put a woman before my brother. But I don't deny that I might have done things like this...- Johnny says, lowering his voice when he says the last sentence, hoping I don't hear it.

-Anyway, let's put the party aside in Los Angeles. How about one of these days I come to you anonymously and alone, with a giant pizza, some drinks, and we have an old-fashioned night where we play video games and watch stuff on TV? Maybe we talk a little bit between things, since it's different to talk about certain things on the phone than to do it face to face. First of all, I can see that fucking face of yours as I feel your woes ahah.- Johnny proposes later.

"I see that your little brain has managed to find a workable compromise, I'm surprised. Anyway, yeah, that's great. Let's get together these days to get organized, maybe I could even stop by Washinton for a night, so I can hang out with the others.

Oh, when we meet, remember to tell me more about these alleged SM experiences of yours, I'm curious about what they did to the great Johnny Storm... Or did you think I'd let this go?"

-So you're not a masochist, you're a kind of pervert who likes to learn about other people's experiences. I see, I see. I hope that in the future we do not discover that the friendly neighborhood spider is actually the friendly neighborhood peeping tom ahah.

If you'd like to honor us with a visit, let me know right away, and I'll book you a flight, okay? I don't want to hear shit like, "I buy it with my money" or something like that. Otherwise, you can stay in New York, then when I visit you, I'll make you eat flaming punches until you're full.-

"I doubt you can hit me even once, you never did it after all but fine, I'll do as you say. Thanks again for bringing the package, brother. Please say hi to the rest of the gang for me.

-This is the least I can do for my little brother, see you soon Pete.-

"See you soon match-head"