Stupid jokes?
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As a result of those words, all the criminals who are in my vicinity rush towards me and I immediately start fighting with those five masked men who came forward first while I back to the room where the refreshment was held.

While I make everyone believe that they are putting me in trouble, I keep having those criminals follow me to the other room as I respond to their fists and their attempts to stab me or to hit me with a bat or crowbar.

As in an action video game, when I knock one out, there are two more that take the place of the one I defeated, however it is not a problem even if they all come at the same time to attack me, In fact, it would make my job easier if they all followed me here.

Unfortunately for me, which for once would have been convenient if everyone focused on me, some of those criminals just stood by and looked at me instead of taking advantage of their numerical advantage.

While they watch the fight, they continue to watch over the hostages or make sure they don't get ambushed by someone while most of their forces are trying to steal the painting.

The reason for this is that from the beginning all of them realized that it is not easy to carry out the task that has been given to them, and perhaps they decided to wait for me to make a false move to take advantage of it.

However, that motivation does not seem to apply to all of them, because none of those people dressed as a nun have moved from their position and do not seem at all interested in what is happening.

I don't have much trouble getting rid of those who come to me, especially thanks to my Spider-sense that through a tingling alert me whenever I risk being hit by one of them.

One of those thugs tries to hit me with a kind of baton, however when he lifts it in the air, ready to hit me in the back, in the area between the neck and the right shoulder, without turning around I shoot a web on that baton.

After pulling the web, I manage to disarm it and then, without letting go of the web, I turn around, making sure to hit all the criminals around me with that baton. When I finish spinning, I throw it in front of me, so that I hit a man, who was about to use that moment to shoot me, in the head.

In the meantime, as I continue to push them away from the hostages and reduce the number of their group, I hear their leader speak again and from where I am I can see that he is addressing one of the nuns, the one who was with him and the red-haired woman on stage.

"What the hell are you still doing here? Go get the fucking painting. Come on, idiots!" He screams in anger, as he see that his other henchmen are having no success recovering the painting

"I remind you we're not your underlings, so if you don't want me to slit your throat, you might want to think about the way you choose to approach us. The only person who can give us orders is our madam." The nun answers him after having taken him by the neck of his shirt and having approached the blade of a knife to his neck.

As a result, I see that some of the masked men near them, who have noticed what is happening, immediately go to help him but the remaining nuns are positioned in front of them with an amazing speed.

Each of them now holds a knife, with which they threaten anyone in front of them, to make them abandon the idea of bothering their partner.

During all this, the red-haired woman, who should be the 'madam' of those nuns, stands looking in my direction but her eyes don't seem to be looking at me specifically. She is completely uninterested in what is happening near her.

"The group of nuns is led by that red-haired woman, who is strangely quiet, and it seems that the nuns do not get along with that man who commands this group of criminals. Most of them are simple criminals, those nuns instead seem to be much stronger, as well as used to fighting together. Watch out for them when you move. I'm almost done." I whisper as I duck to dodge a punch.

-Roger that, boss. - replies Black Cat who fortunately managed to hear me despite the noise that is here.

Once I lower myself, I place a hand on the ground and then I make a low spinning sweep kick, with which I bring down both the man who was about to punch me and two other men who were trying to sneak up behind me to take off the bag I'm carrying by force.

"Typhoid, tell this crazy woman to stop and go catch Spider-Man!" The man I spoke to earlier exclaims visibly worried.

"How dare you address the mistress like this?! Filthy worm-"

The nun who has the knife on that man's neck loses her temper completely when she hears him talking to her madam like that. However, before she can make him pay what she considers a disrespect towards the nuns' leader, there is someone who precedes me to prevent her from slitting his throat.

The woman with her face half colored white, which has remained impassive so far, just raise her hand at the height of her shoulder and the nun immediately takes a step back, after removing the knife from the man's throat.

At the same time as that gesture of the woman, the other sisters also return to their previous positions and start looking in their direction, waiting for other orders from their leader. After lowering her hand, the woman goes to position herself in front of the man who is touching his neck in the area where the knife blade was placed.

The moment the man notices that there is blood on his fingers, he is about to rail against the nun but before he can do it, the woman he called Typhoid takes him by the neck with force and, without any effort, she lifts him from the ground.

"A shitty male has the courage not only to talk to me but even to give me orders... Why are you still breathing? I don't understand why you're still alive, but it's okay, I'll fix this problem and I'll end up like everyone else in your sex deserves..." Typhoid says in a calm tone that does not hide her murderous intent, on the contrary, it accentuates it even more.

Following his words, while I am forced to disarm two criminals, she hurls the man towards the wall in front of her with such ease that she seems to have thrown a tennis ball.

After that, she draws her sword from her sheath tied to her belt and then she goes in his direction.

"*COUGH*Shit*COUGH*"

Following that curse, I can't clearly hear what he's saying because, thanks to the blow he took, he doesn't even have the strength to speak clearly at the moment, the only thing I hear are his coughs while he tries to catch his breath.

After a few coughs, I clearly see a few drops of blood coming out of the commissures of his lips. Instead of walking away from the woman who is reaching him, he puts his right hand inside his jacket, perhaps looking for a gun he has with him to defend himself.

Before he can be pierced by that woman's sword or he can possibly shoot her, I decide to leave those criminals, who are now in the room where the refreshment was held, to reach them, using my webs to move faster and more easily.

When I'm in midair, I shoot a spider web at the sword that the woman has raised and another in the direction of the man and then I pull both at the same time.

Fortunately, I only need that moment to be able to save him, in fact, when I pull the web connected to the man he moves in my direction and dodges the blade of the sword, whose tip sticks into the floor where he was before.

"Don't fight each other, kids. Remember that the teamwork makes the dream work. Of course, even if you start getting along now, it won't change the fact that I will send you to prison, but at least you avoid making me uncomfortable in the face of your incompetence. At first it was fun to see you make mistakes or embarrass yourself, but now it's sad... I think even Rhino could handle this better than you." I say while I shoot several cobwebs at the man I just rescued to anchor him to the floor.

"Typhoid, she's in danger. You have to retrieve the painting and kill the damn spider, he's the reason she's in danger. We can't let the mission fail. Do you want people to die because of you? You want your friends to die-" He says but at some point his voice stops coming out because I cover his mouth with a web.

"Why don't you just be quiet? I just saved your life and you keep provoking the person who was going to kill you? I knew you were stupid but not to this extent, man..."

In the meantime as I reflect on what he was saying before I interrupted him, I turn to Typhoid and the nuns, to ask them if they are here because they have been blackmailed, however, when my gaze rests on Typhoid, I notice that there is something different about her.

She returned to having an absent look, just like when she was next to that man, yet this thing lasts only for a moment.

Following this incident Typhoid raised his sword and then she pointed it in my direction.

"We cannot distract ourselves and forget why we are here. It is time for us to complete our task. Let's take that painting and kill the person who's standing in our way."

"At your command, madam." The nuns respond in unison.

Although I am surprised by this sudden change of heart of yours, I cannot afford to remain still to reflect on what happened, because, in a coordinated and organized way, I see that the group of seven nuns sprints towards me and each of them has its own knife in hand.

At that point, since apart from them the remaining criminals are few and they are not as problematic as these nuns from what I have seen so far, I decide to proceed anyway with what I had planned to do in phase two of my plan.

After dodging that combined attack of that group of nuns with a little difficulty, I use my webs to move and I head to the door from which I had entered early in the evening to follow that waitress who, as I suspected, turned out to be Black Cat.

Then I go in the direction of the floor where is the room where Cat and I found the painting while I continue to be followed by that group of nuns and Typhoid, trying to go through narrow spaces to be able to disadvantage them in their pursuit since they are in group.

Unfortunately, although I thought that this would slow them down or at least reduce their attempts to hit me with their knives, it doesn't seem that the lack of space available to them is a problem.

"Cat, move on to the second designated meeting point. I'm in a hurry, and I don't know if I can make it to the first meeting point in one piece. I'll be there soon, can you be there in time?" I whisper as I move the bag with the painting in front of my chest instead of continuing to hold it behind my shoulders.

- Roger, I should arrive on time. Do you need a hand? -

"No, I can do it myself. Once we separate again, you can proceed with the plan as we agreed."

- Okie dokie. See you soon! -

After that brief conversation with Black Cat, I return to focus completely on avoiding those nuns who are gradually gaining ground.

To try to regain some distance from them, sometimes I turn to shoot webs at their feet to block their run or at least slow them down, however they manage to dodge them all, and even if I can hit them, they can get rid of them almost immediately thanks to their sharp knives.

Those few inches of distance between me and that group that I created in this way, however, are enough, since I have now arrived at my destination, the floor where is the room where the confiscated assets of Kingpin are kept.

Instead of going in there, like that group that's following me thought, I turn to my right, and then I walk into a room like that, which Black Cat and I found while we were deciding where to meet when it was time for the exchange.

When I enter that room where there are some tables and chairs, I immediately close the door and together with Black Cat who was already inside, we place a wooden wardrobe and a heavy table in front of it, to prevent them from entering here after me.

Without wasting time, Black Cat gives me a bag similar to the one she gave me to carry the painting with me, with inside it another of the paintings we had found, and I give her mine.

After that exchange, as we hear that the group of nuns outside are trying to get inside the room we are in by force, Black Cat climbs up to get into the air vent of the duct that passes through this room, which she has already opened earlier.

"I'm counting on you, Cat."

"Don't worry Spidey, you're in good paws." She answers, then she closes the air vent and leaves.

After Black Cat's departure, my Spider-sense activates, and after jumping to one of the tables to my left, I see that, at the same time as an explosion, the wardrobe and table that were behind the door and also the door itself crash into the opposite wall, followed by a trail of flames.

Outside the room, there is the author of what has just happened, Typhoid, who only needed a simple fist to do this, and, behind her, there is obviously also her group of faithful nuns.

"You're trapped, spider, you can't escape now." Typhoid says.

"I wasn't running away from you! That was just a tactical retreat, you know? I don't want people spreading rumors that I'm a coward because of this misunderstanding. I have a reputation to maintain after all."

"I don't care what you say, you talk too much for a dying man. Make sure you take the painting from him without it being damaged in any way and then you can shut this chatterbox up."

??? P.O.V.

After I get my mask up to my nose, I have a sip of beer while I watch an episode of "The Golden Girls", so I can see the goddess Bea Arthur while Blind Al is out shopping.

'Maybe I can also take the opportunity to jerk off while I'm at it. Yeah, great idea.'

Just as I drink that sip of beer, I suddenly sneeze so hard that I spit out the beer I was about to swallow from my mouth and nose.

"Leapin' lizards! That sucks!" I exclaim as I pass my forearm to wipe my face while my left hand takes a handkerchief to clean the screen of my laptop that I have absolutely not stolen.

"Who's the idiot who has to say something that makes everyone think of me when I'm about to drink? Given how intensely they thought of me, I was about to spit out a lung with that sneeze. Look, do me a favor and do it at least when-"I say, but at some point, I realize something.

"Wait a second, if maybe someone mentioned me, does that mean maybe it's time for me to appear?!" I exclaim ecstatic as I rise from the couch I was lying on.

After putting down the laptop, the one I absolutely didn't steal which was resting on my chest. on the coffee table to my left, I get up and check the time on my beautiful pink watch, which has several unicorns and stars themed details.

"Umh, it doesn't seem that it's still time for my appearance, the story is going a little slow I see... But it won't be long, so I'd better get ready, so I don't look bad when I meet him. To Bat-wardrobe! Oops, I doubt the people in this universe would understand that joke, but it doesn't matter."

Peter Parker P.O.V.

When Typhoid said those words I just got a shiver, and it wasn't born out of the fear of her threat. The feeling I have is that in the future, I'm gonna have a tough time because of those words, and I don't understand why.

As much as I would like to think about that feeling I just had, I don't have the free time to do so since, following Typhoid's order, the nuns run towards me in unison, and organized in such a way as to limit my movements to avoid them.

The moment that the nun who is precisely in front of me tries to stab me, I take her wrist to change the direction of her knife and at the same time move her, so that I am behind her.

Of course, in the meantime this happens, the other nuns don't just stand by and look at us. In fact, while the one I took by the wrist tries to hit me with a headbutt, the others try to sink their knife in different but specific points of my body, which, if they hit me, the wounds would limit my mobility. For example, one of them is trying to hurt me in the tendon area of my legs.

Instead of continuing to hold that nun by the wrist, I yank her to the ground after I stole her knife and, while I leap back to dodge the attacks of her colleagues, I shoot webs at her hands to keep her on the ground.

"Girls, you can't play with sharp objects like that, you risk hurting someone." I say.

Once I get my feet back on the ground, I throw the knife in the air and then I fix it on the ceiling with a web. As a result, one of the nuns tries to attack me by exploiting the fact that I was looking at the ceiling at the moment I shoot the web, but contrary to what she thinks, I haven't let my guard down.

The hand that I had pointed to the ceiling to shoot the web turns into a fist that later hits her hand that had the knife, and this makes her lose her weapon.

With her knife gone, she tries to engage in hand-to-hand combat with me, and under normal circumstances it wouldn't be long before I defeat her, however, since I also have to watch out for her friends' attacks, It's hard for me not to end the fight right away without hurting her.

Their number and, above all, their coordination is a huge advantage, however focusing only on a skilled person like me in a closed space prevents them from fully exploiting this advantage, so they are forced to not attack in unison as at the beginning.

So they seem to decide to divide into two groups, one part of them attacking me and another that is waiting for an opportunity to exploit or take the place of those I have put out of action.

As I struggle with these nuns, whose bodies are almost completely covered, it sometimes happens that I can see their body parts discovered during our fight, like a hand, a neck or an ankle and I noticed that there is one thing that it seems they have in common with each other.

Each of them, in different parts of their body, seems to have the same tattoo, which I think is a pair of hands joined in prayer with a rosary around them.

'When this business ends, I have to check the police database in case I can find information about them with this detail.'

As soon as I sense that I am about to receive an attack on both the right and left sides, I cross my hands to parry the fist of the nun I have in front of me, and after that, I shoot two webs in the directions my hands point and hit those two nuns who wanted to stab me at both sides.

As soon as I hit my targets, two nuns try to cut the cobwebs that hit their friends, however I precede them by pulling both webs towards me.

This way I make the heads of the two collide, making them both unconscious because of the impact.

Even though I'm doing everything I can to fight them, it's impossible to stop them from hurting me. As the clash goes on, my body begins to accumulate cuts and other types of wounds that however they cannot see, since my costume continues to mend by itself the cuts they inflict on it, thus hiding the wounds.

In all this, Typhoid stands by the door, to prevent me from leaving them again. She's probably using this fight to figure out my fighting style or she's just waiting for her friends to tire me out enough and then she will give me the final blow.

While I'm keeping them busy, Black Cat updates me on the progress of her task of evacuating the people who were taken hostage.

So far it seems that everything is going smoothly, especially since the leader of these criminals, after being freed from my webs, has disappeared together with some of his henchmen for some reason, leaving even fewer people to watch the hostages.

Since those few remaining criminals are all positioned primarily in front of the main entrance that they barricaded, Black Cat takes advantage of this opportunity to accompany a couple of hostages at a time to one of the alternative exits and unsupervised after releasing them.

However, after a while she informs me that she can no longer continue with this method, because those criminals obviously noticed after a while that there is something wrong in the number of hostages. So, in addition to strengthening their surveillance on them, they warned their colleagues about this, so that they could start searching around the building to find them, in case they hid, or to check if there is another intruder besides me.

She reassures me that she would find an alternative method to accomplish her task, and since there are few people upstairs to watch the hostages, her intention is to fight them, However, in the middle of the fight with three nuns, I simply say no and I tell her to wait.

She reassures me that she would find an alternative method to accomplish her task, and since there are few people upstairs to watch the hostages, her intention is to fight them, However, in the middle of the fight with three nuns, I simply say no and I tell her to wait.

Since that is her situation at the moment, I decide to raise my level of commitment in this fight, without exaggerating with force that I will employ in it, to prevent me from hurting them excessively.

It's not long before I make sure none of them can keep fighting me. Some because they have lost consciousness and others because they have been immobilized by my webs and cannot get rid of them.

Once I'm done with them, I do some stretching with my shoulders and neck as I turn to Typhoid, who doesn't seem the least bit worried about the outcome of the fight I had with her subordinates.

Although she is not worried about that, I see that the way she looks at me has changed.

I perceive that something has changed again in her, the look she is giving me, of full contempt and hatred, is similar to what she gave to that person who should be her boss when she was going to kill him.

"For some reason, I intended to go easy on you, but seeing how you treated my sisters, I came to my senses. If you give up now and give me the painting, I promise I will only paralyze you from the neck down, to make you pay for what you did to them instead of killing you like I should. I've never given any man that choice, maybe because I'm still conditioned by my unhealthy thought that I should go easy on you. You should be grateful for that." She says after pointing the tip of her sword in my direction.

"Gee, that's a very generous offer... However, I'm really sorry but I have to refuse." I say and, immediately after, I shoot two webs that attach her sword.

Before I could pull the cobwebs to disarm her, I see that, all of a sudden, the blade of the sword gradually wraps itself in flames, which then burn the ends of the webs attached to it.

After seeing this scene which confirms that she is the creator of those fireballs, I let go the webs, which usually do not catch fire so easily, and then I get into a fighting pose, ready for the upcoming clash with the woman.

If there had remained even a crumb of doubt that she is the person who had thrown those fireballs, what happens afterwards definitely eliminates it.

Along with the sword, her free hand is also wrapped in flames, and after pointing her index and middle finger in the direction of one of the nuns I have immobilized, she shoots a small ball of fire that burns the webs that block her to free her.

"Take our other sisters out of this building and go to our shelter, I'll finish the mission. Don't worry." She tells the nun that she has just freed without ever lowering her sword, which still points in my direction.

"Yes, ma'am." The nun answers and then she begins to free her companions who are conscious, so that they can help her carry those who are still unconscious.

"I don't understand why you talk like that. Are you part of some sort of cult or are you a group of very bored girls who are part of a college sorority? However, your "madam" is right, don't worry. When I'm done with her, I'll come find you so you can continue your group activities within the prison walls, happy?" I tell the nuns as I continue to stare at Typhoid, which responds to my provocation by snorting in a mocking way.

'Another thing I don't understand is why she decided to reveal to me that she is probably some kind of pyromancer, instead of just using the sword to free that nun? If she had only used the sword, I would have thought that only it had powers related to fire and not her. Why did she reveal this card so easily? if she had used it at the right time, it would have really put me in trouble. Is she really so sure she can beat me that she doesn't care that I know this? Better be very careful when I fight with her, maybe she has some other tricks up her sleeve.'

As much as I don't want to let that group of nuns escape, I can't stop them.

The reason for this is not only that Typhoid clearly would not allow me to intrude with their escape, but also because if Typhoid and I fight here with them in the room, they would be indirectly involved and they could get hurt because of us.

So all I can do is watch the nuns leave.

"Bye, bye sisters, say a prayer for good old Spider-Man, I need all the help I can get in this difficult life of mine. I could really use some divine help, so think about this poor, unfortunate spider when you pray." I say when I see that each of them glare at me before leaving.

"Are you done with your stupid jokes or do you say them every time you are nervous?" Typhoid asks while she twirls her flaming sword in her hand.

"Ouch! The fact that you call my jokes stupid hurts me, I would rather you stab me with that flaming sword of yours than this. A lot of people really like my jokes, you know? " I say while I put my hands in the heart area, pretending that her zinger really hurts me.

"Don't worry, soon you'll be pierced by my sword as you wish. When I'm done with you, I'll make sure to leave something of you to bury in the grave where your fans will come to mourn the disappearance of their favorite comedian!" She exclaims and then she starts running towards me.

"Not a bad joke. So you're not a criminal with no sense of humor! Maybe you're actually one of my fans and you're just shy to admit it in front of your idol." I say while I also go towards her.

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