Content Note: Doing Things with Ha-chan. So as a reminder, everyone in this story is over the age of 18, no matter what it implies. Including the fox kits that were born in the last couple years. Don't ask me how that works.
You do your best to tell yourself that you aren't afraid. That you and Ha-chan may as well have already Done It, so there's no need to stress out about any of this.
That doesn't stop you both from just sort of standing there awkwardly, as soon as you shut the door.
"I'm home," you say, to no one in particular.
"Thank you for having me!" Ha-chan giggles, and it feels like nervous giggling is exactly what the situation calls for but you can't seem to bring yourself to.
Actually, you have a hard time bringing yourself to do anything unless it is needed or someone else asks for it. Which is why you just sort of sat there, unsure of what else to do, that first night you got back to your apartment.
What do you need to do right now?
You squirm your legs.
It's possible that that counts as a need. But you can't just Do It right here, can you? From your limited experience with pretending to be one, you're pretty sure that's not how humans roll. You also don't think you are brave enough.
Maybe you should offer Ha-chan something to eat. That is what your human self would have done if she'd ever had guests over, right? But then what if Ha-chan sees that as an innuendo, and-
Ha-chan sniffs her arms. Then she leans in a bit close and sniffs you.
You didn't think that was a human thing, either.
"Eh?" you ask, and keep yourself from sniffing back.
She giggles again. "We both smell like fox," she says.
Your ears flatten. "I always smell like fox."
"Not this strongly. Want to, um, taaaake a bath before we get something to eat?" Ha-chan presses her fingers against each other nervously, drawing out her syllables as though she were afraid to ask. "It's, um, it's okay since we're both girls ... right?"
"R-right."
"I mean, this is yuritopia ... right? Only girls allowed? So I have to be a girl just like you if I'm here, right?"
"Mm." You nod, blushing almost as red as Ha-chan. You still aren't used to seeing yourself that way. As a girl in general, or as a Real Girl that she can benchmark her own validity against.
Or having the feelings that are making you want to press yourself up against her and hug her so tight and Do It.
Do It right now.
"So maybe if we, um-"
Ha-chan can't finish that sentence. That's because your tongue got in her mouth.
Fortunately, Ha-chan is more task-oriented than you are today. You realize that this is unusual, but you suppose that it can't be helped.
It also comes in handy with the next step. The one that she called "mandatory" earlier.
Taking your clothes off and looking at yourself in the mirror.
Or "yourselves," in this case, since Ha-chan took her clothes off too.
You sort of squinted your eyes mostly shut and did your best not to see either of you. Perhaps that is the best proof that you aren't a guy, you think. You're given to understand that a straight guy would find it unavoidable.
Of course, the ones who say that in fiction are always assholes, so-
"Okay, now open them ~ " Ha-chan is standing behind you, with her hands over your eyes.
You are clinging to them, and keeping them firmly in place. "I-I don't know if I can do this."
"Really? Why not?"
"I always kind of ... disassociate, from my body." You can feel your cheeks burn. "I'm used to it being unpleasant. I don't like thinking about it."
"But this one is really pleasant." There is a smile in Ha-chan's voice. "You should take a look, Ai-chan. You're missing out!"
Dear goddess you can't stop blushing.
"T-that makes it even worse," you say. "I feel like I'm ... I'm still just a serial case of fox possession. I've claimed this body and made it sprout ears and a tail, but it's not mine since I wasn't born with it, and-"
"It's your ideal body, Ai-chan! Remember?"
Now that she mentions it, you do remember. You remember seeing your translucent outline in a pool of water, and the abject horror you felt when you realized what you'd been given. Because you knew that you didn't deserve it, so if you had it then something was horribly wrong with the universe.
But what if ...
What if this is how things are supposed to be?
What if it's how they were always supposed to be.
"The forbidden thing is acceptable here," after all.
"O-okay then." You try to keep your legs from shaking.
"Yosh, get ready then! Heeeere goes!"
Ha-chan pulls her hands away, and you open your eyes.
There are two anime girls in the mirror, and one of them is you. But it's the other who catches your eye first, because Ha-chan undid her twintails and let her pink hair down.
She's a couple inches shorter than you, and smaller in certain places. But she somehow looks several years older and more mature, just from letting her almost waist-length hair down.
You want to stare. But she asked you to check yourself out, so. You'd better do that before she notices.
You look ... stronger. More lithe. Like you could have feasibly ran all the way up the hill to the school that night. This feels like a body designed to keep up with those demands, so long as you take care of it.
Its black hair touches your shoulders, long enough to look femme but short enough to tie off when it's time to exercise. Its breasts are big enough to draw the eye -- yours included -- but small enough to stay put if you wear a sports bra.
You have not formally joined the Literature Club yet, have you? Perhaps you should rethink your activities here. Of course, you'd want to make time to be with Ha-chan, but
Oh gosh she just kissed your cheek
"Hee, you're blushing so hard ~ I wonder what's going through your mind right now?" She smiles up at you.
"I look so athletic." You blush and stare down at your anime feet.
"Ooh. Do you like athletic girls?" Ha-chan is grinning eagerly, still holding you from behind and peering around you to see your facial expression.
You try to hide it, but she can still see your blush in the mirror. "Yes," you admit.
"Then I'll just have to work out more! As soon as they get a copy of Ring Fit Adventure in stock, I'll start using it every day! Or maybe I'll do yoga ... for the lotus position!"
She pumps her fist in the air, and you laugh. "That was bad," you say.
"Yes it was." She grins awkwardly. "But you ... you're so good, all over."
Now Ha-chan is blushing harder than you are.
"I want to show you how good you are, Ai-chan. Is that okay?"
You nod quickly, and squeeze your eyes shut.
"Okay. Just sit down here then, and I'll start by washing you off." She takes the detachable showerhead and a bar of soap, from next to the tub.
You sit down on the plastic stool beside it, your bare feet touching the waterpoof tile floor, and try not to panic.
Her gentle touch helps you relax.
You have always experienced sex as an assault on your senses. An unwanted intrusion, that viscerally reminded you how much you needed Girl in your life.
If you have ever hated anything, you hated sex.
Because of how powerless it made you feel. How helpless you were to keep from masturbating, or even from coming when you had gone too long without and were jostled the right way. And how each time you came, it reminded you that you were a Man, and it was God's will that you marry a Woman and make her pregnant. Just like all of the creepy guys around you, who wanted to dominate girls with their penises.
And made sure that everyone knew it.
You hated the knowledge you thought you had, that deep down, you really were just like them. That you had to become them, for a few minutes every so often, or you wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it.
But, like
It's been a few minutes now.
You've Done It for Ha-chan a couple times already. Once as soon as she touched you, and again a few seconds ago.
AND YOU STILL WANT IT.
You are clinging to her arms, breathing hard through clenched teeth, fighting your own instinct to resist. To reflexively pull away, or disassociate, or worse: indulge in a fantasy that you came up with when you believed them. The people who said you were just like the other boys, deep down. Because that would pull you right out of this situation, and give you the worst kind of dysphoria.
Instead, you are trying very hard to accept that this is happening. That you are a girl, and another girl is Doing It to you. To let the feelings she's giving you build up to unbearable levels, and then more, so much you can't stand them, so much that you want it to stop but you need Ha-chan to keep going.
You've never needed anything this badly.
"So hot ... " Your tongue lolls out of your mouth.
"Really?" Ha-chan giggles. "Thanks!"
You actually meant the water temperature there. She's Doing Things for you with the shower nozzle, right now.
But you know what? It's okay. Because she's hot too, and you aren't ashamed to admit that anymore.
You're glad that she knows it, as well. Because she is very Girl, unbelievably Girl, and she should never doubt that about herself, and she just ...
She just ...
You Do It again.
You give up on processing any of this, and let the bliss take you wherever it likes.
Welcome to yuritopia, you think to yourself.
oh my goddess thank you so much Riko
You smile, and mentally hug your older sister.
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