Zeke

24 Hours Earlier

I walked down the aisle of a RadioShack in Northridge. I’d meant to come here earlier to scavenge for parts, but I’d let myself pass out on the couch again texting with Kate all night. It was like… The third night in a row where that had happened. She sent me a meme, then I sent her one back, then she sent me another one… 

This had been happening basically nonstop since we hung out earlier in the week. And it was… It was… 

It felt great. 

But there was a part of me that wasn’t okay with how great it felt. Kate was part of the competition, and besides… Part of me felt like I was betraying Faith by hanging out with Kate so much, by starting to… 

The other night we’d been watching Gundam and laughed at the same profoundly stupid bit of unintentional comedy. She’d laughed first, as if she’d stumbled upon her favorite sort of inside joke, and it was just infectious. She giggled, and I started laughing with her, and it fed into each other, and we wound up having to pause the show so we could both laugh. Her dad wound up knocking on the door and asking if we were both okay, and that just made us laugh harder. 

The night had worn on, and she kept stealing glances over at me. I don’t think she knew I noticed, but… She was looking at me with these great big puppy dog eyes, sparkling blue even in the dim lighting of her bedroom. 

She’d done all this for me. She’d invited me into her home, into her bedroom no less, and gotten gussied up for me. I never used to notice stuff like that, until Faith came out and she started dressing up more, had us start doing that as part of our gimmick. Now I… I realized that Kate didn’t have to dress up and put on makeup and do her hair for me, but she had. And she couldn’t stop staring at me, smiling whenever I smiled. 

When she stopped laughing, she was leaning against my shoulder. I didn’t do anything to correct that. She was… Not what I’d expected. She was warm and soft and sweet, with a beautiful smile and a beautiful laugh. We found the same stupid stuff funny, and talking to her was… Easy. 

Easier than talking to Faith. 

I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. 

Objectively, I knew I’d been repressing some latent attraction to Faith for a while now, but she didn’t like guys, and besides, we worked together and lived together, so it would just be awkward if anything went wrong. 

And when I looked at Kate that night, I… I felt something, and I was worried it was stronger than what I felt for Faith. But that’s ridiculous- I had to be projecting my feelings for Faith onto Kate. I didn’t know her nearly as well, and… 

That was when my phone rang as I walked down the sterile white tile floor of the RadioShack, combing through shelves of electronics. It was Kate. Because of course it was. 

“Hey,” I said. “What’s up?”

“Well… I… Ran into Faith today,” she said, in her practiced, high-pitched voice. She was getting better at it, and I was proud of her for working at it so consistently even when she still wasn’t ready to completely admit she was trans.

I stopped dead in my tracks. “Did you?”

“Yeah. She came into my parents’ shop,” Kate said. “I was, uh, in girl-mode.”

“How… Did that go?” I asked, choking on my own dread. 

“Really well,” Kate said. “She gave me some pointers on my voice. We talked about work, clothes, and cute girls.”

“Oh!” I said, a massive surge of relief going through me. “That’s great!” 

“Yeah, we both decided that she and I should try to get along if you and I are gonna…”

She trailed off, and I swore I heard my pulse racketing up with each second I waited for her to finish that sentence. Finally, I bit the bullet and said, “Gonna what?”

“... I’m not sure yet,” she replied. “What do you want me to say?”  

The words nearly choked me, but I managed to spit them out: “I’m not sure yet either.”

“That’s fair,” she said. “Well then… We can figure it out together.”

I smiled. “I like this plan.”

“I’m excited to be a part of it,” she finished for me.

“Yeah,” I said. “And hey- if nothing else, I like having you as a friend.”

“Same,” she said. 

And honestly, in that moment, it was all she needed to say. 

***

I noticed Kate’s hands trembling as she left the battle box, and I leaned forward inside the dugout as she walked- practically ran- back into the pit. 

“We should check on her,” Faith said. 

“Yeah,” I said. 

We both stood up and rushed after her, dodging Team Flipper wheeling their bot through the tunnel for their match with Team Jolly Roger. We made it to the end of the tunnel before I heard a familiar voice call out, “Guys, wait up a sec!” 

I froze, and so did Faith. 

I turned around slowly, and so did Faith. 

Olivia was walking towards us down the tunnel. 

My eyes went wide as I put myself between my best friend and her ex-girlfriend. “What do you want?”

Olivia was taken aback, but she stopped in front of me and said, “I just-”

“Actually, I don’t care,” I snapped. “Just get out of here-”

“Let her talk,” Faith said in a hollow voice, slowly walking forward with her eyes aimed strictly at the floor. 

I heaved an angry sigh through my nose, and then moved aside and let Faith face Olivia. 

“Hi, Faith,” Olivia said. 

My eyes bulged with shock at the sound of Olivia using Faith’s real name, and Faith’s head snapped up and she locked eyes on Olivia instantly. “Hi, Liv.”

“I just wanted to say,” Olivia said, “That it was a good fight. And I’m sorry for how I acted before. And how I acted tonight. I didn’t mean to go all ice queen on you, I just… I froze up when I saw you, saw how… Beautiful you looked. I felt horrible. And I was too cowardly to face you, to say anything to you. I guess… I dunno, I guess hearing Calloway decide to put a target on my back made me realize I’d gone too far. Like, if that idiot thinks I came off as a heel, I probably came off as a real heel. And I’m sorry. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but… I hope eventually that maybe you will.”

Faith was too stunned to speak. She let her jaw hang loose while she stood there, but eventually, she managed a gracious nod. 

Relief surged through me once again, to an almost incomprehensible level. 

“That’s all I had to say,” Olivia said. “Like I said, good fight. I’ll see you both around.”

And with that, she walked away. 

Faith still didn’t say anything, but once Olivia had vanished from sight, she turned around, and I saw the happiest, purest smile I’d ever seen from her spring to life on her face while tears of what had to be joy leaked out of her eyes. 

“You okay?” I asked. 

“Yeah,” Faith said. “I think… I think I’m okay.”

“Good,” I smiled. 

“Let’s go find Kate,” Faith said. 

She darted off down the tunnel, and I chased after her. 

We scoured the pit looking for Kate, doing a full circuit before we came back to the empty swath where her workstation had been. We looked, and looked, and we couldn’t find her. 

“Excuse me? Zeke? Faith?” came another familiar voice. 

I heard Faith mutter ‘milf’ under her breath as Mrs. Calloway came up to us. 

“Have you seen… You know?” I asked. 

“Yes. She’s in a state, though. I think you should talk to her, Zeke,” Mrs. Calloway said. 

“Uh… I… I dunno if I’m qualified,” I said. “Faith though-”

“Both of you, then,” Mrs. Calloway said. “Please, come with me.”

Faith nodded, and so did I. 

We followed her out of the arena, and into that side parking lot once again. It all came back to here. A damn parking lot. Wasn’t sure what to do with that information, but I had more important things to worry about. 

Mrs. Calloway guided us over to Kate’s black pick-up truck. Mr. Calloway was there, leaning against the back of it. Kate sat in the trunk, curled into a fetal position, head on her knees, not moving or saying anything. 

Mr. Calloway walked up to me and put an arm on my shoulder. “She asked for you specifically. Please be careful with her, young man.”

I nodded, the unspoken implication of ‘if you hurt her, I’ll kill you and make it look like an accident’ ringing loud and clear. 

“Same to you, miss,” he said to Faith. Fair enough- Kate must have told them about her and Faith’s… More antagonistic relationship. 

I leaned against the back of the trunk and looked at the person… The girl curled up inside it. Her eyes were wide and glassy. “Hey.”

She grunted.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. 

“I…,” Kate trailed off. “I did it again.”

“What do you mean?” I asked. “You won a fight- isn’t that a good thing?”

“Not that,” Kate said, finally blinking and making eye contact with me. Those eyes, those beautiful eyes, they just… Looked so defeated. “I went too far. I… I did what I always do, but I went too far this time.”

“But you hate Haverfield,” I said, furrowing my brow. 

“Yeah, but when I did what I did, I felt like… I felt like somebody else. And I didn’t like that person,” Kate said. “It felt like someone else’s skin was on me and it felt disgusting. I felt disgusting. It doesn’t make sense- I used to do this all the time and felt nothing.”

“Nothing?” Faith said, climbing into the trunk with Kate and sitting down next to her. 

“Yeah, it was just… Something I did. I would go hammy and act all tough and antagonistic and… And…”

“Macho?” Faith offered. 

“... Maybe a little.”

“A little?” Faith cocked an eyebrow. 

“... A lot,” Kate said. 

“And now when you do that, it stings, doesn’t it? Like you’re putting on a mask that doesn’t fit you anymore?” Faith said. 

“Yeah,” Kate said. 

That was when it clicked for me- just how much of an act Kate’s heel routine truly had been, and that maybe… She hadn’t actually enjoyed it that much, she just didn’t know how to stop. Like there hadn’t been any other options she’d been aware of, but now… 

I climbed into the trunk too, and Faith and I flanked Kate on both sides. An instinct, and impulse, ran through me, an electric understanding that I needed to put my arm around her. Every part of me wanted to, but… Something stopped me. Like it was a line I was too afraid to cross, that now wasn’t the right moment, that-

Kate tilted to the side and leaned against my arm. My eyes bulged and I blinked rapidly, unsure of what to do. Faith’s face went through an identical journey, and I could see gears turning inside her head. 

Then she nodded at me, and gestured to my arm, the electric sensation came back, guided my arm around Kate’s shoulder and brought her close, held her tight. She was warm, and she was big, but she felt so damn small. I knew she was strong, but at that moment, I knew she was letting herself be fragile and vulnerable. 

It was crazy, how much she’d opened up to me, and so quickly, but the more I thought about it, the more sense it made. She needed someone outside her family, someone who she could trust implicitly as she figured out her true self and started showing it to the rest of the world. Faith had known me for years when she’d come out, but Calloway and I… We’d mostly just avoided each other. I’d kept to myself last season- Faith and Olivia were the power couple face of our team, I was just a weirdo hanger-on. But Kate had been alone. 

And she’d opened up to me. Not entirely on purpose, but… The real her, underneath the surface, was a lot more delicate than the rough and tumble exterior would suggest. Showing that to someone, let alone someone who’d cursed you out in this exact same spot, must have been terrifying. But as far as she was concerned, I’d done everything right, and she’d made a friend. She trusted me. 

I had to do everything in my power not to betray that trust. And I had to do everything in my power to keep that beautiful, fragile girl who was finally stepping into the light after a lifetime stumbling around in the dark safe and happy. 

“What’s going through your head right now, Katie?” I asked. 

Her cheek was pressed into my ribcage. Her parents had stepped away, her dad looming with his back turned a dozen yards off while her mother had darted off somewhere else. For practical purposes, it was just the three of us. “I feel like I don’t deserve to go by that name.”

“Don’t be ridiculous- of course you do,” Faith said. 

“But I… I’m not good at being a girl. I act all and angry and aggressive and loud and obnoxious to get attention-”

“I hate to break this to you, but none of those are inherently masculine traits,” Faith said. 

“And it served its purpose for you,” I said. “It got you where you needed to go. But you don’t need to be that person anymore.”

“Then why did I fall back on it like that?” Kate whispered. “Why did I fall back on being an asshole without even thinking?”

“You were… You were upset,” I said. “Haverfield got under your skin. It happens.”

“It shouldn’t happen.”

“So, what, you expect to be perfect all the time?” I asked. “That’s not how it works.”

“He’s right,” Faith said. “You’re… Look, you’re never going to be a perfect picture of femininity all the time, but neither is anyone else.”

“Maybe I… Maybe I want to be,” Kate said. “Do I deserve to be? To have that opportunity? Why should someone like me get to be that, ever?”

“Because it’s what you want,” I said. “And you’re good at it. Look, I know you’re not… A hundred percent convinced yet, but you’re really good at being a girl. It comes naturally to you. And you’ve just gone right for it. It’s the same with this job- you told me you had to put yourself through community college and save every penny to build your robot, and you did all that yourself.”

“I had help.”

“Everyone always does,” I said. “What’s important is that you went for what you want on your own terms. That’s who you are and I… I admire that about you.”

“You… You do?” She said, looking up at me with those big, hopeful, sparkling blue eyes. 

“Yeah,” I said. “I… I spent my whole childhood doing whatever my parents wanted me to do. If I didn’t obey them completely at all times, they came down on me like a ton of bricks, always telling me how I’d only be good enough to hack it if I did exactly what they said. Even when I finally disobeyed them and joined the robotics team in college, it wasn’t even my idea- Faith and Olivia asked me to join because they wanted someone else to help out. You’ve got a drive that most people don’t, Kate. And it’s really something special. So, if you want to be Kate, I know that you’ll go for it. And you’ll be…”

“... What?”

“Even more amazing and beautiful than you are already,” I said, astonished at my boldness. When the hell did I get this articulate? I believed every word I was saying, but I usually had more of a filter than this.  

That was when I noticed Faith had scampered off somewhere. It was just Kate and I in that trunk. Her father had gotten even further away, giving us… 

All the time and space we needed. 

“I… I think I don’t want to be Keith anymore,” Kate said. “I thought I did, but he just feels… Like someone I don’t need to be anymore, and like someone I don’t know why I ever wanted to be.”

“So, what do you want?” I asked. 

“I want to be Kate, even if I don’t deserve to be her.”

“You deserve it,” I said. “You’re not a bad person. You just get a little carried away sometimes. Everyone does.”

“Thank you,” she said, snuggling my chest.

An iron spike of shame tore through my heart, shattering the bliss. There was a part of me, an irrational one, that felt like I was betraying Faith. But Faith wasn’t into me like that; if she was, she surely would have told me by now. There was nothing to betray. And she’d given us space just now to… 

To… 

“There’s one other thing I want,” Kate said. “But I’m not sure if I should go for it.”

“I feel like you will anyway,” I said, my heartbeat skyrocketing. 

“I really wanna kiss you,” she said. 

I gulped, my chest tightening and fireworks going off in my mind. “I… I wanna kiss you too,” I said, the words slipping free before I could stop them. “But I’m not sure… I don’t think now’s the time. You were just having a panic attack, and I’d feel like I was taking advantage of you.”

“Okay,” she nodded. “That’s very reasonable. I understand completely.”

“Thank you.”

“But… I think I’m catching feelings for you, Zeke,” she said. “I didn’t expect to- I didn’t even realize I liked guys until pretty recently. It’s all so new to me still, but… You helped me realize who I am. And you’re so kind and respectful and goofy and laid-back and… And handsome and it… And you…”

My impulses betrayed me, and I kissed her on the top of her head, the lavender scent of her shampoo wafting through my nose. “How’s that for a compromise?” I said. “Because I think I might be catching feelings for you too.”

“And you’re smooth, too,” she said. “Dammit. That’s perfect. This is… For right now, this is perfect.”

 “We can figure the rest out together,” I said. 

She smiled at me, as if it were all I’d needed to say. 

“Can we stay here like this a little longer?” she asked. 

“As long as you want,” I said, holding her close. 

I knew I needed to get back to Faith, but… Goddammit, in that moment, I never wanted to leave this spot, never wanted to let Kate go.