[Bonifacius: I AM ON MY WAY!]

[JohnWillStab: It's alright, the hippos didn't figure out how to climb the tree yet...] he replied watching for any tree-climbing attempts, his character was surrounded on all sides by about ten hostile monsters which resembled leathery hippos, with six legs and grass or moss growing on their backs.

The foliage hung low, almost creating clothes for the creatures which displayed their massive tusks which looked strong enough to reduce JohnWillStab to minced meat.

 

  Bonifacius rushed towards JohnWillStab, he was able to find him easily since he was able to track him on the map, once again he replaced his armour with boar-leather armour increasing his speed to ridiculous levels.

[Master Charge] was the spell Bonifacius cast to shoot into the crowd of creatures called mossbacks, the one he targeted with the ability burst into a bloody mess and chunks of meat, the surrounding mossbacks switched their attention to Bonifacius who cast [Collosal Stomp] which made the camera tremble and earth particles appear on the ground as if there was an earthquake. 

The remaining nine mossbacks fell to the ground as JohnWillStab erupted into yellow-white light.

 

[JohnWillStab: What the hell just happened!?]

[Bonifacius: It appears you levelled up!]

 

  JohnWillStab opened his stat-page seeing that he was now level 2 and had received a new ability [Gut Punch] it deals 0.5 of the strength stat in damage and interrupts any casting provided the spell is of a level equal or lower to the user of Gut Punch.

[JohnWillStab: I got a new attack!]

[Bonifacius: Indeed, and your other attacks have become more powerful although the class combination you chose is... questionable, I'm sure you will master it soon!]

[JohnWillStab: Alright! Let's keep going, I want to have fights like that too!]

[Bonifacius: Trust me, it's not worth it to blaze through the experience, slow down and appreciate the world you will one day be a real part of.]

[JohnWillStab: I guess you're right, let's go back and quest in the edgy forest...] agreed John reluctantly.

[Bonifacius: Alright! Let's go, I have already taken more quests for us to do before you were arrested!]

 

  The party proceeded to walk back into the gloomy forest, they then walked up north until they reached a large, flat clearing with houses and large apple groves.

[JohnWillStab: Is this the quest location?]

[Bonifacius: Yes, we must collect twenty apples and visit a grave]

[JohnWillStab: well, let's get onto the apples!]

John walked towards the apple trees only for him to suddenly be attacked by what looked like an amorphous blob, packs of them littered the area, but the one the attacked John was the biggest.

 

[Bonifacius: Watch out! It's an apple slime!]

[JohnWillStab: A what?!]

[Bonifacius: It's made from the several wasted apples which rotted, all their hatred manifested into an apple slime!]

  JohnWillStab used [Stab] causing the slime to take a good bit of damage, the slime changed shape into a whip and whipped John who took considerably more damage, he continued the routine of [Stab] [Kick] and occasionally [Gut Punch], not that the last one did much since slimes can’t cast magic.

 [Bonifacius: Fear not! For limes are incapable of casting magic spells!]

[JohnWillStab: They’re nothing like the boars we fought!]

 

  When the slime died it burst adding five apples to JohnWillStab's quest counter.

[JohnWillStab: Hey it dropped 5!]

[Bonifacius: Indeed, it's more efficient than picking them off the trees!]

  John moved onto the next slime repeating the routine until he had the 20 apples as well as [Cider Slime x16]

 

[JohnWillStab: Alright, what's next?]

[Bonifacius: We must seek out the grave of the innkeeper's uncle's sister's boyfriend for school.]

[JohnWillStab: k, where is it?]

[Bonifacius: There are no map markers for these kinds of quests, but it's meant to be near here.]

  Bonifacius and JohnWillStab split up and searched the area seeing several sheds and about three abandoned houses.

 

[JohnWillStab: I think I found it...]

[Bonifacius: Great, I shall head over!]

  Bonifacius walked up to JohnWillStab seeing where he was looking, a massive graveyard filled with crypts and graves of all shapes and sizes.

Bonifacius places a reassuring hand on JohnWIllStab's shoulder, [Bonifacius: Let's get started...]

With a real-life sigh John replied: [JohnWillStab: Alright, what do we do?]

 

  Bonifacius marched down to the nearest grave and right-clicked on the pile of earth before him - his character started playing the digging animation.

[JohnWillStab: We're defiling graves?!]

[Bonifacius: Fear not, friend - we are looking for the body of a murderer!]

[JohnWillStab: Well, I guess that justifies it... it's not like these are real anyway...]

[Bonifacius: Indeed, let's get going - have a lot of graves to check!]

  JohnWillStab walked over to a grave and clicked on the soil, his character did the digging animation before it disappeared revealing a rectangular hole in the dirt, inside lay a skeleton, tattered clothing still on his thin frame.

 

[JohnWillStab: How do I know if it's the one?]

[Bonifacius: The quest shall become complete!]

[JohnWillStab: Ah. that makes sense...]

Bonifacius wrote the command /piss corpse

Bonifacius pisses on corpse

[JohnWillStab: ...]

[Bonifacius: It's part of the quest, we must aggravate the spirit of the dead boyfriend!]

[JohnWillStab: ...]

[JohnWillStab: What is this game's age rating?]

[Bonifacius: It is ranged from sixteen or above!]

[JohnWillStab: ...that’s a miracle in and of itself.]

 

JohnWillStab wrote the command /piss the corpse

JohnWillStab pisses on the corpse

[JohnWillStab: I'm sorry virtual spirit...]

 

Many... MANY graves and pisses later...

 

[JohnWillStab: We've checked them all!]

[Bonifacius: So it would seem... but it must be here!]

Bonifacius read over the quest text again.

[Bonifacius: Actually, it appears we may have been searching in the wrong place...]

[JohnWillStab: What?! Where else would there be a grave!?]

[Bonifacius: He was buried under an apple tree...]

[JohnWillStab: ...]

[Bonifacius: Well, let's go!]

[JohnWillStab: ...I want this to be over already T_T]

 

  They headed over to the apple trees and saw a little wooden grave standing in the open, Bonifacius clicked on the dirt mound, the soil disappeared and inside was the decomposed looking corpse of a man - it was actually an undead model doing the sleeping animation.

Bonifacius wrote the command /piss corpse

Bonifacius pisses on corpse.

 

From inside of the hole rose up a clear, see-through version of the model but with a green tint and glowing eyes.

[Ghost: Why have you defiled my corpse?!]

Bonifacius clicked on the ghost and went through a whole dialogue tree until the ghost disappeared.

[JohnWillStab: What was that about?!]

[Bonifacius: WE'VE BEEN FOOLED! IT WAS THE INNKEEPERS SISTER WHO KILLED THIS MAN!]

[JohnWillStab: k... what do we do?]

[Bonifacius: we do another quest to defile her grave now...]

[JohnWillStab: alright, where is it?]

[Bonifacius: somewhere in the graveyard!]

[JohnWillStab: T_T]

JohnWillStab cries.

 

The party moved back to the graveyard and saw that the graves returned to their buried state.

JohnWillStab walked over to the first grave, dug it up and pissed inside thinking: “Please don’t haunt me virtual ghosts!”

They proceeded to piss on about fifty graves until JohnWillStab demanded Bonifacius checks the quest details again.

[JohnWillStab: Could you check the quest details again?]

[Bonifacius: Good idea, perhaps I missed something...]

 

Bonifacius read over the quest log and realised he did, in fact, miss something again.

[Bonifacius: so, it turns out she rests at the bottom of one of the crypts...]

[JohnWillStab: One of the three crypts?]

[Bonifacius: Indeed.]

[JohnWillStab: I'm so sorry virtual ghosts! ]

JohnWillStab begs the ghosts for forgiveness.

 

  After going into the crypt they found a fancy looking grave with many candles surrounding it, they dug it up (yes dug up a grave that is already within a crypt) and pissed inside.

[Ghost: Why have you defiled my grave, mortal?]

Another conversation tree later...

[JohnWillStab: And?]

[Bonifacius: THAT SON OF A BI!@H LIED TO US, WE HAVE BEEN FOOLED ONCE MORE!.]

[JohnWillStab: ?]

[Bonifacius: The boyfriend ended his own life, though he claimed she did it!]

[JohnWillStab: Damn, guess we go talk to him now?]

[Bonifacius: Indeed, we shall confront him about his deceptions!]

 

The party walked back to the first grave, he dug the grave up pissed inside.

[Ghost: Why have you returned, mortal?]

Another conversation tree later...

[JohnWillStab: ...]

[Bonifacius: She lied to us! It is true that the final blow was from his own blade, but his heart was sliced by her daggers of betrayal since the start!]

[JohnWillStab: Let's go...]

 

The party headed back into the crypt and pissed on the corpse.

Another conversation tree later...

[JohnWillStab: So is it his or her fault?]

Bonifacius grabbed his chin as he contemplated the answer before stating:

[Bonifacius: Tis complicated, the man claims the woman was unfaithful, but she claims he was the one who kept eyeing her sister...]

[JohnWillStab: Alright... so?]

[Bonifacius: We go contact the sister's ghost!]

 

  The group heads out from the crypt and into the outside graveyards where they look for a fountain and a grave with a single candle, they dig it up and piss inside.

[Ghost: Gross! what the f!#k?!]

Another dialogue tree...

[JohnWillStab: So what happened?!]

[Bonifacius: So she said the boyfriend hated her because she looked like her sister and that made him feel unfaithful, but she said he was giving weird looks to her brother, the innkeeper...]

[JohnWillStab: Right, so the boyfriend was upset because he felt guilty for wanting to bone his girlfriend’s sister so he decided to compromise and settle for the brother, I getcha.]

[Bonifacius: let's make haste to the inn and solve this mystery!]

 

  They travelled to the town, JohnWillStab had to wait outside the walls and instead read the chat to see what was going on.

[Innkeepr: Greetings, how may I help you?]

Bonifacius pissed on the innkeeper

[Innkeepr: What are you doing?!]

[Guard: Halt, trouble maker!]

[Guard: Halt, trouble maker!]

[Guard: Halt, trouble maker!]

[Guard: Ughhh]

Blood sprayed out from inside the inn.

[Bonifacius: We should get going! I was a bit too hasty!]

 

they travel back to the apple trees and piss on the boyfriend's corpse, one dialogue tree later...

[JohnWillStab: And?]

[Bonifacius: It turns out he was giving him weird looks because of the innkeeper not approving of the relationship between him and his sister since he kept eyeing her sister, which as we know is because she looked like the girlfriend.]

[JohnWillStab: Damn, let's go and let her know!]

[Bonifacius: Right, let's go!]

[Ghost: Wait, mortals - please do not tell this to her...]

[JohnWillStab: Doesn't he want to get together with her?!]

[Ghost: If she forgives me she may never be able to rest knowing what happened due to a misunderstanding...]

[Ghost: I beg of you, let her pass away thinking of me as the monster... I cannot offer you anything in return.]

The ghost performed the /grovel emote.

 

[JohnWillStab: ...]

[Bonifacius: ...what should we do?]

[JohnWillStab: I mean... if we don't go talk to her we can't get the XP for this whole quest...]

[Bonifacius: true... you may be right...]

[JohnWillStab: ...]

[JohnWillStab: Maybe we can return it later?]

[Bonifacius: Good idea, maybe it will be worth more experience in the future...]

[JohnWillStab: Yeah, XP inflation, that's definitely a thing!]

[Bonifacius: I agree! I think I might have heard the phrase somewhere before... possibly.]

 

JohnWillStab realised he was getting way too involved in the people of this world...

  They defiled hundreds of bodies, and one living innkeeper and didn't even get any XP for it in the end, but somehow it felt satisfying.