Just moments ago, before Ulan had left the Lunas Medical Ward, he took a few herbs that he knew were to be poisonous when eaten raw.
Now, Engel had seen right through Ulan. Ulan hated how Engel could just tap into Ulan’s mind whenever he wanted! It was horrible. Engel could keep secrets, but Ulan couldn’t.
Why did he eat the poison? Why? Why why why? Ulan was sure Engel wanted to know— or, rather, he already knew.
Looking at it, there’s no way Ulan could get his title, honor, or life back. It was a spike of optimism in that very moment that Ulan accepted Engel’s request in a heartbeat. He had a hope he could get it back, but that hope was gone. It was short lasting, and was never meant to be.
Three years ago, in the year 3018, Ulan was shunned and imprisoned. Today, the year 3021, Ulan was out. Yet, he didn’t have any hope anymore. It was all gone.
Engel ruined it all. He ruined it.
Ulan could never be the same again. He had all of eternity left, but he was done with it all. Engel stopped him from killing himself once. Ulan wanted to just end his suffering, his suffering that Engel caused.
Stop the demons. Defeat them. Destroy them.
Can I start with you? Destroying you? You’re the reason I’m like this. Doesn’t matter how much you try to change. You’re still the same as you were three years ago. I hate you. I fucking hate you. I hate you. I hate you so much. I just want you to die. I want to die. I want to kill you. I want to kill myself. You’re a demon. Maybe not literally, but you act like one.
Engel, you’re such a fucking hypocrite. You say that you’re changing, you act like you’re changing, but you’re a liar.
Maybe, I’m a liar too.
It’s over. It’s all over.
Life is over. Suffering is over.
Ulan didn’t have to suffer anymore, right?
Right?
It’s all black.
***
Engel looked down at the unconscious prince in front of him. His lips quivered slightly, and he narrowed his eyes.
Ulan, Ulan, Ulan.
He caused this. He really did. Engel knew he did. He knew how much Ulan hated him, how he’s lost all hope. Yet, Engel was trying. He was trying to better himself, he was trying to change.
But he just can't.
Engel sighed. The herb Ulan ate was a poisonous one, but it wasn’t extremely fatal. It could kill, yes, but in rare cases.
Ulan should be fine. At least, that’s what Engel hoped.
He couldn’t exactly bring Ulan into the castle, courtesy of Engel’s own fault. He got detained, and then broke out. He’s most likely being hunted down as the seconds ticked by.
He can’t just let Ulan be left like this outside. Engel gently put the hood over Ulan’s head, and buttoned the cloak up again.
So peaceful. Engel thought Ulan looked so peaceful. If only it could have only been like this.
“Schatz…” Engel whispered softly, “...I’m so sorry.”
Engel looked down slightly. He was talking to an unconscious person, Ulan couldn’t even hear him. Yet, this was the only time he could truly apologize.
It’s not enough. Engel knew that. Just apologizing wouldn’t be enough. He knew that. Ulan had suffered so much because of Engel’s planning and schemes.
“Schatz,” Engel spoke again, and he gently picked Ulan up, carrying the unconscious man on his back, “I know you’ll never forgive me. I’m such an idiot.”
Ulan was light, and Engel’s breath hitched.
“You weren’t treated right, were you?”
Ulan was too light. Under the thick robes Ulan wore, Engel wondered just how much weight Ulan had lost.
It was all because of him. Engel knew that. If he hadn’t…
The past is in the past.
Engel shook his head as he walked away from the forest, eyeing the palace before turning away. What happened in the past shouldn’t have happened at all.
“The past can’t be changed, but today can.”
Engel held onto Ulan, hauling the man on his back for at least half an hour. Despite Ulan’s lightness, after a while, Engel really was getting tired.
“Schatz, you can’t hear me, but I promise,” Engel’s voice was shaky as he opened the door to a small house in the street, entering and quickly placing Ulan down, “I promise I’m doing my best.”
After taking a breather, Engel picked Ulan back up and placed him on the bed in the room.
Engel couldn’t physically see it, but he knew that his eyes weren’t shining bright. If anything, they probably weren’t shining at all.
Luminescent eyes. Engel had them, but he wasn’t proud to have them. They were the reason he did the things he did. If only they could just go away, maybe he could control his emotions, everything about him.
At least, if he didn’t have them, he wouldn’t be a Remnant of Sin.
Engel sighed, watching over Ulan for a few minutes before standing up.
“Schatz,” Engel whispered quietly, and he bent down again, “I’ll be back. Please don’t die on me.”
With that, Engel reached a hand out to touch Ulan’s hair, but he hesitated. Engel shook his head, and turned around.
“I wish time could be reversed.”
The room went silent, the last thing heard being a door closing, and then being locked.
Engel, an elf who was supposed to be the embodiment of chaos, didn’t want to be that.
Engel put the key into his pocket, and sighed once more as he remembered he left Ulan his linen cloak.
“Schatz, I don’t know what to do.” Engel spoke to himself, looking out at the bustling city street in front of him. “How do I change?”
Why can’t time reverse? Why can’t we go back?
In fact, are we going down?
Engel sighed once more, and went out into the city street.
If only things could have stayed peaceful.
If things stayed peaceful between us, could we have been friends?
If any of this never happened, would we have ever met?
***
Ulan woke up with a headache.
He sat up on the bed, rubbing his head as he gritted his teeth. He looked around the room, his eyes scanning every little detail.
Fuck, what the fuck? What the hell?! Why am I here?! Why am I back?!
Ulan threw the blanket that covered him off, and he stood up before immediately sitting back down.
“Fuck!” Ulan cursed, covering his mouth with his hand. He felt so nauseous, it was unbearable.
Engel peeked out from behind a corner and hummed before speaking. “Schatz, don’t get up! Rest!”
“Fuck you! Don’t tell me what to do!” Ulan responded harshly, clicking his tongue in annoyance, “Can’t you just let me die?! Every time! You’re the one saving me! Two times now! I could’ve finally…!”
Ulan’s voice trailed off.
Those eyes Engel had. Why were they so dim? No— they had no shine in them at all.
What… What the fuck..?! This fucking bastard is a demon! A devil! Hah?! Why!?
Engel sighed, and he immediately went over, pushing Ulan back into a lying position, and placed a cold wet rag on Ulan’s forehead.
“Schatz, you’re sick,” Engel said with a smile. He took a chair from the kitchen table, and sat down by Ulan.
Ulan narrowed his eyes. “Fuck off. Don’t baby me.”
“You have a fever,” Engel responded with a slight pout.
“Why do you care?!”
The room went silent.
Ulan stared at Engel, and those dim eyes weren’t so dim anymore.
What the fuck… What kind of fucking witchery is this? Witchcraft? A demon! A fucking DEMON!
Luminescent eyes aren’t supposed to fluctuate, but it was seemingly constant with Engel. Ulan wanted to know, he wanted to know what the hell is wrong with them.
Why they’re always changing, he wanted to know.
Fuck.
As the two stared at each other, Engel laughed slightly and stood up, walking away. “You’re right. I shouldn’t care.”
“Wait,” Ulan called out, quickly grabbing Engel’s sleeve. “I didn’t…”
Engel hummed softly as he turned around. “You weren’t saying to go away?”
Ulan nodded. “I—”
Why do you care, though? It’s been killing me. I need an answer, Engel.
I hate you so much, but I have to know. You’ve saved my life two times now. You’ve done so much. So why do you care? WHY DO YOU CARE?! YOU HYPOCRITE. SUCH A LYING BASTARD.
Still… why?
Ulan let go of Engel’s sleeve. “Nevermind! Just go!”
“Schatz…” Engel sighed.
Engel simply brushed off his sleeve, humming softly.
Ulan was stunned. The Engel in front of him— was it real? Fake? He didn’t know, and he didn’t know if he wanted to know.
If it was fake, Ulan would be disappointed. If it was real, Ulan had more questions than he could keep track of.
“We need to get back into the palace,” Engel said as he tapped his foot on the ground. “However…”
He looked back around at Ulan lying on the bed.
This place, was it Engel’s residence? House? Home? Ulan would think that Engel would have a nicer place, because this looked really shabby and dusty.
“We’ll need to find someone else to do it. Sorry, schatz, I can’t trust you to not reveal yourself,” Engel stated, turning around with a spin to face Ulan. “Lucky for you, I have just the right person for the job!”
Ulan saw through Engel’s fake enthusiasm, and rolled his eyes. “What the hell are you achieving with this? Bituin isn’t harmful.”
Engel’s smile returned, and he bent down to Ulan’s face. “It doesn’t matter if she’s harmful or not. I don’t care.”
Ulan was silent.
“I don’t care. I really don’t. My mission is to end them all. It doesn’t matter. If they are harmless, harmful, whatever. And guess what? I will do it. I can, I know I can, and I will.”
“What use is me in this fucking plan?!” Ulan rolled his eyes as he tried to pry for more details. “Seriously! What use do you get from dragging me along?!”
Engel flicked Ulan’s forehead, “Stop talking. You’re sick, rest yourself. To answer your question, I… need your magic abilities.”
“Then get someone from the fucking battalion, bastard!” Ulan hissed.
Engel shook his head, “After you’ve been gone, we’ve lacked an actual tactician and strategist. Xevia and Cecilia are at each other’s throats right now, and the Cecilian Army is being commanded by another one of those… demons. Everyone at the battalion and other battalion divisions are on edge because Cecilian forces have been constantly attacking.”
Another demon.
The only reason he bailed me out was because of this one demon.
“Ah, schatz, and also, it’d be nice to have your help in defeating these demons with me! You know?” Engel chuckled, and smiled. He leaned back, and hummed.
Ulan wasn’t sure if he could understand Engel. Engel was so unpredictable, but he was so stuck up in believing he could do anything. He had no real plan, yet he believed he could defeat these demons.
That’s only natural when you fall into the clutches of sin.
“Aye… Schatz, you stay here and rest, right? I hope you don’t mind it too much,” Engel spoke, “but when I get back, I promise that I will keep my promise.”
The promise being, to give Ulan’s life back.
“Take a breather, alright?”
I should’ve died today.
***
“Engel.”
A small smile was on Engel’s face as he stood in front of the throne, a woman dressed in lavish blue robes sitting upon it.
This was the same room all those years ago, the place where now Engel was facing the same fate that Ulan did three years ago.
Only this time, there was no one accusing anyone. This time, it was one turning in themself.
Did Engel regret it? Did he regret it all? That was something even Engel was having a hard time with figuring out. Did he really regret placing his own crimes over Ulan’s head, because Ulan was the only one able to manipulate people’s bodies, specifically their blood, which Engel could do too?
That day Engel killed was the day he changed the entire course of his life. He didn’t know if it was guilt, or if it was euphoria. Was he happy? Did he feel bad? Did he feel any remorse at all?
He simply feared what could happen to him, if the same thing that happened to her happened to him.
“I should have known, Engel,” the voice came from where the throne sat, and Engel looked up. “I sent my child, my own child I loved because of you. Do you know how that feels? As a parent? Having to exile— abandon someone you love so much because they might end up harming others? Only to find out it never was true? Someone lied?”
The someone who lied, Engel.
“I’m restraining myself from snapping, and I’m sure I would have ages ago.”
“Yes, your highness. I’m aware.”
The queen’s eyes narrowed.
Engel thought her self control was almost unnatural.
Maybe, if Ulan hadn’t been the Crown Prince, he would have had a less harsh punishment instead of an eternal exile.
Queen Alon. Engel knew more stuff about Alon than Ulan did his own mother.
“Sc— Ulan was really sad to see the tree cut down, your highness.” Engel spoke again, remaining calm.
“Engel, I’d like to ask you not to change the subject,” she said in a commanding tone. “I am going to focus on just what your punishment would be.”
“Yes… your highness.”
Punishment, what punishment would it be? Worse than Ulan’s that’s for sure.
Ulan was sick, lying down in his own residence right now because the prince just lost all hope. That was the second time Engel stopped Ulan from dying. He didn’t know if he could even be shocked. In just three years, Ulan had turned hateful.
Who could blame him? Engel couldn’t.
“Your highness, allow my punishment to be delayed until the second month.”
“Engel, do you think I’m stupid?” The Queen asked, her voice becoming more agitated. “You’re going on the death penalty. That’s final. You’ll be restrained, and your abilities will be taken away.”
A mother’s love for a child is strong. That Engel knew.
Alon, Queen Alon… she weeped and weeped, sending her son into exile. Engel, behind the scenes, pulled and manipulated the strings.
“No, your highness. I just want to participate in the war.”
The war. Between Cecilia and Xevia.
“Engel…” Alon’s voice trailed off slightly. She wasn’t expecting this. “I apologize, I just don’t know if I can trust you with your abilities, and your…”
Engel looked up at her. Daring Alon.
Daring the queen to say it.
Say you don’t trust luminescent eyes.
I won’t hold it against you.
He held his hands behind his back, making a circular hand motion with one of his fingers. Engel tilted his head slightly as he looked at Alon.
My queen, Queen Alon. What are you thinking about at this moment?
The one downside to Engel’s mind tapping, is that he could only hear the person’s thoughts for 10 minutes before he had to redo his hand signal. During this time, if he wanted, he could transfer his own thoughts through to the recipient, but it’d be painful for both Engel and the recipient.
“I need to get Ulan out. Tell him I’m sorry, tell him I never wanted to do this. That I know who the real killer is.”
Interesting. Engel wasn’t surprised, though. This was normal, and Engel knew how much Queen Alon actually loved her son, the Crown Prince.
This was all a part of his plan though. As much as Engel hated to do it, he had too. Queen Alon can’t refuse Ulan anything, especially after they meet again. Alon will be too apologetic, and will listen to Ulan’s every word.
“Of course it’s Engel. I should have never let him join the battalion.”
Harsh.
“Those bright eyes only bring chaos, and they did so with my son. Oh, Ulan, I’m so sorry… I promise, I’ll make it up to you.”
Engel looked back up at Queen Alon. “Your highness.”
Queen Alon was snapped out of her trance, “Engel…” she trailed off. “I’ll let Ulan decide. Only fair. You caused his suffering.”
Engel hid his smile. “Yes… that sounds good.”
“However, you’re still on the death penalty. You can beg him for mercy, but I don’t think he’d do that.”
Foolish, foolish queen. Foolish Queen of Xevia.
I, Engel, Hahahaha! That’s not even my real name! Yet, I, Engel, have my ways! I take pride in my abilities. I take pride in all my amazing glory!
…Is what I would say if it was me 1,000 years ago.
Engel closed his eyes.
The me of today still struggles with ridiculous self pride. The me of today will lose himself, yes, the me of today will manipulate and threaten, yes… but I’m not proud of it anymore.
“As you wish, your majesty.”
That day, Engel felt the same isolated feeling that he was sure Ulan did when he was imprisoned.
Locked up, and powers taken away. The only thing lighting up the room were those eyes that shined.
***
Take a breather, Engel said. Rest, Engel said.
“What if I don’t wanna fucking rest?!” Ulan shouted out, talking to himself. Fucking hell! Engel ran off to the palace, or whatever, doing fucking what?
Getting his life back? Maybe in a million fucking years.
ENGEL, I’LL KILL YOU AND THEN MYSELF.
Ulan felt like he was going crazy. He was going insane. He can’t help it, he can’t help but go insane! Three years of nothing but darkness! Three years of suffering!
Three years of fucking pain.
It was all Engel’s fault! He should die! Die! Just fucking die! Ulan would be happier, no, the whole world would be happier if Engel just fucking died!
What the hell is that bastard doing? Ulan didn't know. He wanted to know but he also didn’t. That bastard offered him the opportunity to get his life back, and Ulan accepted within a second. Yet, Ulan quickly realized that it was all just a dream and it would never come true.
How annoying. So annoying.
Ulan laid back down, his back hitting the bed. He sighed, placing the back of his hand over his forehead.
Engel, if you can prove to me you’re changing… Does it even matter? Does it even matter if you change? Become better? No matter what, you’re the person who destroyed everything I could have had.
And I hate you for it.
“Engel…” Ulan’s voice was raspy, and slightly irritated. “...I hope you get what you deserve.”
Destroying the demons. 7 of them.
Ulan remembered Engel telling him that 2 of these demons have already been purged around 2,000 years ago, and Ulan felt suspicious knowing that the demons were stationed in Elyve and Cecilia.
Because, when Ulan was younger, around 14, he had been infatuated with these tales that both depicted demons, and the phrase Remnant of Sin. One of the tales was set in Elyve, while the other was in Cecilia.
Demons, sin, are they connected?
Ulan wasn’t dumb, he knew he wasn’t. Yet, this matter made him feel like he was below average in intelligence.
These tales… if he reads them again, can he figure out a pattern in identifying these demons?
I don’t know if it’ll work, but it’s worth a shot.
Why do I even care? It’s not like I want to help Engel. I just… feel curious.
What could the tale of Elyve’s Lost Voice and Cecilia’s Dining Hall have in common? They’re two entirely different premises, but they have so many similarities with Engel’s words.
Ulan wanted to find out.
