She had been called by Osiris, the God of the underworld as a witness for Dean's guilt. He was being put on trial. The sentence? If he was found guilty he would die. First Jo was called, then her. Allie feared being asked to sit on the bench for rather… tantalizing reasons. After all, she had died once due to the apocalypse and it had been only two years prior. The look in Dean’s eyes… she’d never forget it. It filled her dreams, her bones. That look as Lucifer wailed on him over and over and he looked at her.
He looked at her.
She sat and waited for the questions to begin with trepidation. Sam was defending Dean, acting as his attorney. The situation was... complicated, to say the least.
Osiris gazed over at the blonde with a wry firmness, an air of confidence that permeated the small barn... "Alice Smith. You are friends with Dean, aren't you?" He waited and watched as she nodded.
"Dean taught you how to hunt. Would you say he... impacted your safety? Bringing you on hunts for John before you were ready?" He was careful to keep his tone flat, and objective in nature.
Allie grimaced in return. "Yes, Dean is my... friend." The simple word didn't seem like enough to describe their connection, but it would have to do. "Dean trained me because I asked to be trained and my father thought it was better than me going out on my own and just... learning on the job. Sink or swim. Sinking being...you know, dying." She turned to look at Sam, taking in his expression to evaluate how the younger Winchester was feeling.
"He didn't impact my safety. He taught me how to survive. I offered to join them in searching for their father." Osiris's questions were manipulative. He was accusatory but they needed to be careful. After all, this trial meant life or death for her potentially ill-fated retired mentor.
"So then, Alice Smith..." Sam's tone was professional and he crossed his arms over his chest while eyeing her, hoping to keep her calm under the pressure. "Do you consider Dean to be a good person?" He paused for a moment. He watched as Allie looked at him, their eye contact seemed to ease her somewhat and keep her grounded. "And if he were to be declared... guilty and sentenced... What do you think your father would say, Would he agree?" Sam glanced back over to Dean. "Do you believe that Dean deserves to die for his actions, For the choices he has made in his life?"
Allie straightened up, the non-verbal reassurance from Sam had aided in her confidence somewhat, at least enough to carry on. "Dean's a hero. Regardless of how he sees himself, and he made me a hero." Her best friend was one of the bravest people she knew. "He's better than a good man." Her eyes landed on him, coveying so much in such a small glance. "And he is still righteous. No matter what happened in Hell," She paused to gather her thoughts. "My father would say the same. No, Dean doesn't deserve to die. We all make mistakes, we're all human."
Dean felt his breath catch in his throat at her response. He hadn't expected her to say something so… heartfelt right off the bat. Allie didn’t normally directly open up, she usually took a bit of coaxing. His gaze remained locked on her to avoid focusing on Osiris and giving the God any excess information through his physicality alone.
The things she said were touching. She was so positive, so loving. It was nice. It made him feel... better. Her words made him feel loved and cared about. Even after the hell he'd put her through with the whole thing with Lisa and Ben...
When he'd come back he was a mess and he was a complete dick. He hadn't really been in touch with his feelings in the least, especially since he hadn't had any of his normal coping methods - which mainly included alcohol and sex. He supposed every man had regrets from some point in their life but here they were, still just friends. Why? He didn’t even know anymore. Complacency in their friendship, maybe? One of the only things that was easy. Well, most of the time.
Osiris's expression changed. He became somehow firmer, more adamant of Dean's guilt. See, in the end, it didn't matter what Allie or Sam said. Dean's guilt was his own. The man was stubborn and his negativity and self-hatred were burrowed deep inside of him. "How has your relationship with Dean changed since your training?" He was becoming more personal, leaning closer to her over the bench. "Is it not true that you are angry at him over his involvement with Lisa, and how he treated you upon learning that you were alive?"
That statement had Allie beginning to shift uncomfortably under the weight of Osiris’s sudden depth into their personal lives and pasts. "You're twisting things!" She argued before seeing Sam's expression and forcing herself to calm down. "We..." a pause and Alice looked at Dean subconsciously. "Don't have a relationship. I mean we aren't..." how was she supposed to answer these questions on the spot? "We're friends. Yes, Dean started a normal life after I died but that was two years ago. He was happy. I wanted him to be happy and when he knew I was back..." she sighed.
"I'm not angry anymore for how he treated me. He didn't want to mess things up with Lisa. He was trying to do what he thought was best at the time. That's all any of us can do."
Osiris smiled coldly and shook his head. "So, let me understand this: You say that Dean Winchester is a good person despite having made numerous questionable decisions." He was speaking more towards the invisible crowd of Dean’s guilt than Allie, but then he returned his attention to her.
"Even if he has made a decision to walk away from you after you have both been through so much together…." There was a pause, almost dramatic in nature as Osiris recounted the painful memory to the witness, voice sounding close to empathetic. "Dean is a very negative man. Is it not his fault that you died? He knew that you would follow him to the battle between Lucifer and Michael and that you could die, all in an effort to save his brother. He was willing to sacrifice himself, sacrifice you."
Self-doubt had been a sore spot for Dean since childhood. Some wounds never really closed and John had filled the man with various reasons for self-hatred. When Allie had died he'd been completely devastated. The idea of her being gone had left him a shell of the man he used to be. He had been in a very dark place, which was saying something considering the literal Hellish pit that he had spent so much time in. It was his fault. He was supposed to protect her. That was his whole fucking job! It had been for years, it wasn’t as though he had no experience doing it.
But when she came back, all of that changed. She had brought back a spark inside of him. A light that he hadn't even realized had disappeared from his soul. It was amazing and it made him feel things that he'd never felt before.
Dean was not a man who believed in soul mates or true love, but when he was around Allie it made him wonder if it was possible. If something was possible, at least. Outside of their treacherous, gruesome lives.
Allie was quiet with her body and voice combined. "Dean didn't sacrifice me. I love Sam. I sacrificed myself. I'd do it again for either of them and that's not on them. That's love." The Winchesters were everything to her. Her partners, Her best friends, her family... "He told me to go but... I'd never leave him. Not alone in that cemetery, not anywhere." She offered a comforting smile in an effort to ease Dean and Sam.
Dean felt a bittersweet pang in his chest. He wished that Allie had listened to him. He was grateful that she had decided to stay by his side though, to stay with him until the very end. The woman was one of a kind, truly. He couldn't even begin to put into words just how special she was to him and he had never felt like this before, not for anyone. It was an experience that he was still trying to get used to, but he definitely liked it. Love was a surreal emotion. It clouded everything else. No matter how much they fought, or how idiotic she acted, or how long her showers were, or how she made the dumbest pop culture references…
His eyes met hers, their gazes intermingling. The moment between them was brief but intense. It held so many emotions, so much meaning. For a man that had lost so much and had spilled blood, had hurt people, had hurt himself… and she was there, still. She could have gone. It would have been better for her to have, safer. But she stayed - for years.
Osiris's lips turned up at the corners in an unpleasant sneer. "Dean is the reason why you died." He leaned in closer. "Is it not true that he did nothing to stop you from staying and fighting by his side?" He pressed further on his previous questioning. Another pause and he leaned back again, watching her carefully. "And now he is trying to push you away, to abandon you because he cannot handle the feelings he is experiencing because of you. Because of the connection that you share."
"I know what you're doing, This is manipulative!" Okay, she was avoiding the question but she'd never say that out loud. "He's been... fine. I don't know what you're talking about," She tried her best to remain calm but it was difficult when Osiris was twisting everything around and attempting to make her say something bad. "We're friends! It's not perfect all the time. We fight or bicker but that's normal and honestly... it's us. I love our friendship and we always make up. We both know that we need each other."
Osiris was pushing Allie because he knew that she was weak, emotionally. He could feel her uncertainty and fear, her confusion over what was happening between herself and Dean. He could also sense Sam's frustration at the situation in terms of jealousy and envy but had no interest in trying to provoke the younger Winchester into a fury, that would not work given Sam’s calm demeanour despite the situation. After all, Osiris’s job was partial to reading people.
"So, let's move on to something else." He smiled slightly, turning towards Sam. "Samuel," He waited until the younger Winchester looked up before speaking again. "Did you know that Allie and Dean are soulmates?"
Sam swallowed hard, staring up with his tongue pressed against the back of his teeth, unsure if the words were a play or not in making one of them express emotion that could work against his older brother. "I did not," He answered simply. "I... don't believe that soul mates exist." He spoke slowly. Sure, love. But soulmates? Billions of people were on the earth and typically Gods and angels and demons… they all lied. Common practice within the supernatural world.
"Are you not jealous?" Sure the words were a probe, a means to finding a destination that would aid in his sentence but the results would be interesting nonetheless.
The god leaned forward slightly. "Do you not envy their… profound connection? That it came so easily while you were gone?
The god smiled coldly. "Has this not been a point of resentment for you towards your brother?”
"Why are you asking me about my personal feelings?" Sam demanded angrily. He was getting frustrated, feeling like an animal being forced into a corner. What was the use of the conversation? It had nothing to do with anything in the trial! "What does any of this have to do with Dean being guilty? You're just trying to stir up trouble." He paused for a moment as he tried to compose himself and regain control of his emotions. He had to stay focused on the task at hand.
The younger Winchester glanced over at the stand where Allie sat, then at his brother before looking back at Osiris. "Dean's innocent of those charges. He deserves a fair trial."
Allie smiled at that. Fuck yeah. Sam was the man. "Good job, Sam." She whispered which caused Osiris to grow frustrated. "Listen! You aren't playing fair, okay?! Soul mates? Come on! I know you're just trying to—" She was cut off by him waving his hand to teleport her off of the bench and beside Dean, forcing her mouth closed and unable to speak. "Mmmph!" Her eyes slanted but she shut up in fear of him throwing the trial and condemning Dean as guilty.
Osiris smirked, raising an eyebrow. The girl was still attempting to be defiant. She was lucky he was patient tonight, during other trials, he had given a guilty sentence for a lot less. "Alice, you should know by now that there is no such thing as 'fair'. Not when it comes to me," He watched as she struggled against the invisible force that held her captive and then turned his attention back to Sam. "It is your turn to be questioned, Samuel."
The god raised a hand and pointed towards the stand where Allie sat prior before lowering his palm. He waited for the blonde to open her mouth before addressing her. "You are to sit there quietly unless asked to speak."
The God then looked back at Sam, tilting his head slightly to one side as he studied the younger Winchester's expression.
The trial didn't go to plan. Dean had been lifted of some guilt but suddenly requested that Osiris judge him instead of bringing up the last witness. A look of fear came over Allie's face and Osiris's words fell over the three of them. "The court's reached a verdict. I find you, Dean Winchester, guilty in your heart... and sentence you to die. I'd suggest you get your affairs in order quickly."
That felt like a festering stab wound. All they could do now was climb back into the Impala and hope to find a way of stopping Dean's impending death.
Allie attempted to cut the silence that wrapped around their necks like a noose... "You... believed that it was your fault I died?" Osiris had let them know that he only weighed the guilt that Dean possessed inside of himself.
Allie frowned at the thought.
Dean shrugged as he looked over at Allie briefly before glancing away. He was quiet for a long while before finally answering her question. "I did. I mean, I still do... sometimes..." He hesitated before continuing, "You followed me into battle because I was too stubborn to tell you to leave me alone and let me go out and die alone like I was supposed to." His tone was bitter, full of regret. Sure, she was alive now but the broken state of her body would never leave his memories. Her intestines over the patchy grass, her slacked jaw, her blood soaking into his t-shirt…
"If you hadn't been with me..."
Alice became frustrated at the revelation of him blaming himself as if he had ever controlled her! As if anyone had! "Stop," He always did this. He always blamed himself for everything, as if it was somehow all on him. "I chose this. Me. These are my choices." She leaned forward from the backseat and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "That was not your fault. I don't want you to blame yourself for another second about that." Her eyes fell on Sam and she frowned. "And about the other stuff..." she bit the inside of her cheek.
"He was just trying to manipulate how we all felt." Allie wondered if Dean had taken Osiris's soul mate reveal as truth. Did Sam? No way. Soulmates didn’t exist! That was a fantasy created by young adult novels and television tropes. They fought all the time! Especially the year before. Soulmates didn’t fight, that was well-known. Soulmates… got along on everything, and all was perfect. Because it was fake. Meant to sell.
"I guess you're right, but..." He glanced up at her, meeting her gaze for a brief moment before looking away again, unable to deal with the vulnerability of holding eye contact with her. "Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if you hadn't been there when Lucifer showed up." His voice was soft, almost helpless. A clearing of his throat and Dean continued on. "Anyway, let's forget about all of that for now and focus on figuring out how to save my ass from becoming a ghost." He chuckled slightly but there was no humor behind it.
"I know what he said can't be true, Dean," Sam replied after a long pause, his voice low as he focused on the task at hand. "There's no way that you and Allie...you know." He couldn't bring himself to say the words. "I don't believe in any of that crap anyway." His tone was flat as he stared out the window of the Impala at the passing scenery.
"We should check in with Bobby, and see if he's found anything that might help us with your situation." He glanced over at his brother before looking away again, not wanting to show any emotion that might portray his feelings toward the revelation.
Dean glanced over at Sam briefly before returning his attention back to the road. "Yeah, I know..." He said softly, his tone resigned. He didn't want to admit that there was a part of him that wished what Osiris had said was true. The struggle of his inner feelings had been going for so long, maybe the push would help them move in sync. If he survived could they drown themselves in bed sheets and pillow talk? Dean wasn’t one to ever ask for anything like that. So soft and tender. He just didn’t normally think of it with other women, but he did with her. Probably because they’d slept in the same bed together so many times, shared so many meals, witnessed pure pain together and still rode in the same car, even now.
The rest of the ride mainly fell in silence. Once they arrived at the motel Sam got a call from Bobby stating they needed to stab Osiris with a ram's horn. Allie and Sam left in an attempt to track the God down and take care of him, forcing Dean to wait in the motel room — potentially for his own demise.
Jo was there with a hand gently placed over his cheek, noting that she did not want to kill him. Osiris was making her.
He still had so much to do. Was everything, or nothing ahead of him? In spite of the fate that clouded over him, having Jo so close after so long was soothing. Lost in battle and really she never left his thoughts. Her and Ellen had been a defining moment of loss, a true loss. The trio had suffered many deaths but Jo and Ellen... purposeless. They were gone for no reason at all. Using the Colt hadn't even worked. Looking at the younger woman now he couldn't say the things that he wanted to, there were too many. That comforting hand kept him, held him, grounded him. Karma worked in mysterious ways. The woman that he felt so much pain and over-losing was now going to create his demise. A gas stove fire. How fitting considering what Jo herself had been through, though he supposed that only made sense considering the whole thing had been about what he had gone to others, his failures.
And she had been so strong during her death, so resilient. Jo had grown in only a few years. Allie had grown too. Looking back he had treated the women differently, despite both of them having limited experience. In fact, Jo had been raised around hunters and yet he mocked her naivety. But with Allie, he hadn't. Why? He couldn't say. Now Allie was alive and Jo was dead. Funny how the past teaches you, but is never actually kind.
And then she regained control. Really she had moments beforehand but he was so focused on the physical contact that he hadn't registered it. She offered a small smile, a gift for him to remember and then flickered as so many ghosts did that he had witnessed before. But this was different.
Because it was Jo.
And he missed her. He missed her so much that it ached.
He was guilty. Osiris was right.
No matter what anyone said.
