The sound, produced when I stumbled into the lamp, was so loud in the silence of the night that I thought I'd go deaf. Oh, my mistake; that's because I had gotten so nervous that the beating of my heart was muffling everything else.
In moments like these, the number one priority was keeping it together. Do you hear it, legs?! Stop shaking!
A normal functioning person might be able to handle this situation with calmness. I hadn't heard any signs of anyone awakening, and I couldn't be certain if there would be consequences for entering a random house, especially since I hadn't taken anything—I didn't need a reminder, I knew this was merely wishful thinking. However, I hadn't adopted the role of a normal functioning human since eighth grade, for heaven's sake! Facing the prospect of talking with a stranger, the anxiety crept in, and maintaining composure seemed like an impossible task.
Wait… Was I always this terrified of talking to people? Well, Dara never had contact with anyone, so it would make sense for him to be scared, and if you add my predisposition to harbor suicidal tendencies whenever a conversation lingered for too long, everything seemed to fall into place… Except that it did not! I thought that I hadn't been corrupted by his memories.
A sound reached my ears, akin to someone sitting on prickly weeds—the exact material our beds were cushioned with.
“Eek!” How lucky! In the grip of complete terror, my voice got stuck in my throat, sparing me from alerting them any more than I already did. Truly, a wonderful outcome! Stop it! Get it together! Embrace the absurd and all that jazz!
Some might wonder what that talk about ‘school presentation mode’ was all about. So allow me to shed some light on my meaning:
Apathy is a powerful weapon. Okay, I know! Just hear me out. Take wars, for instance. How would one go about engaging in a war if they cared about the life of the enemy? No one is going to sign up for a video game where every NPC you kill has a consciousness, a family, and dreams.
Similarly, the only thing that made me able to eat food that was an insult to my taste buds or use a bathroom straight out of a horror movie was pretending it didn't matter. I just convinced myself that it was all a part of the background noise of my sacrilegious existence.
And, if I were to do just that, but consciously, it would be possible to see even my own self as white noise. Considering my body as something that didn't belong to me has never been a great source of comfort, but it does keep me from feeling distressed. So, everything is fine.
But, say, what would happen if suddenly, I lost the grips with my only weapon? Simple, I'd lose my shit.
For better or for worse, being six years old didn't put Dara on the pinnacle of intellectual brilliance. Choosing to depend on the body's automatic reactions couldn't have been a worse idea. After all, what is a child's typical reaction to sudden danger? They cry.
Identifying the problem was the first step toward resolution. I might not have been able to precisely pinpoint the root cause, but I did have a pretty good hunch. The moments where a person's emotions are strongest are the moments they unveil their true nature. So it was relatively straightforward to deduce the current situation. Dara's overwhelming terror, in this instance, meant the questionable control I held, at best, over my mind was being wrested away by his stupidly powerful emotions.
In a nutshell, in this body, my tendency to let things go on autopilot whenever things went awry translated to me leaving all the responsibility to a child.
So I bit the inside of my cheeks with all the strength that I could muster. Moments later, the metallic taste of blood filled my mouth. Usually, this act would simply jolt me with pain and realign my thoughts, but a child's teeth are small and sharp, and the cheeks are thin and fragile.
Returning to reality, I took the first step with my shaky legs. The outline of the mission was simple, and a minor mishap wouldn't stop me from completing it. So I took the entire lamp and dashed out of the house as silently as possible. It was heavier than I thought, but then again, everything felt heavy with this body. Thus I registered the information with a grain of salt.
Predictably, I didn't cover much ground before falling from exhaustion. However, I had foreseen this and planned the short sprint accordingly. I reached the other side of the small stone wall encircling the house, where I collapsed breathing like someone who had been smoking for fifty years.
As long as I didn't start coughing I'd be safe.
“…heard somethin' stirrin' 'round here for sure.”
The voices inside the house reached my ears in a muffled manner—
“Ya woke me up for that hullabaloo?! Of course you heard, it's the dang wind!”
All right, one of the voices was muffled.
“Ain't no wind makin' a sound like that, I tell ya!”
“Yer plum crazy, woman, is gettin' on my last nerve!”
Listening to them argue away had an oddly calming effect. It was strangely familiar. So nostalgic… That thought nearly made me grin. What a shit thing to be nostalgic about.
I was being remembered of my childhood in the most random of ways. Human conflicts sure know no bounds, even in another world, they look the same… People compete to see who can scream a louder opinion. An act, where they do not try to understand, just to be heard, not to find common ground but to plant their flag on the superiority hill.
It's like a battleground of fragile egos, where logic is the casualty and emotions the infantry. In the past, hearing those kinds of spectacles unfold as a spectator had become a routine. At least it taught me that no one really wins an argument. We are all just playing a part in a tragic comedy, with the script written by the biases of the involved. Oh boy, that was some arrogant rant if I've ever seen one.
While waiting for the couple to return to sleep, the passing time allowed my lungs to get back to their usual state.
Just as one problem seemed to be resolved, another presented itself. This body had the inconvenient tendency to grow sleepy as soon as the sun began to set. Despite taking a nap during the afternoon to avert potential disasters, the time I spent doing nothing before entering the house had already consumed my reservoir of wakefulness.
Blinking heavily, I contemplated my next move. Remaining in the same spot just to make sure they'd be sleeping carried the danger of succumbing to sleep and being discovered. On the other hand, if I went on my way right now I faced the risk of being spotted.
This sure was the dilemma of the century… What century are we in this world anyway? Do people even count centuries here? You'd assume the years would last the same amount of time, but actually, it all depended on how far away this world was from the sun… or how big it was. I mean… even the moon is bigger than it was before… How big was it… before…? How do… they… count… hours…?
“Palinspastic1To understand the geological history and evolution of a certain area, the process of palinspastic reconstruction restores the geological features of the place to the way they were at a specific time in the past, taking into account the effects of crustal movements and deformations.!”
I nearly dozed off right there! Okay, I won't last much longer in this state. With that thought, I began to crawl towards the end of the wall. After getting up, I cast a final glance at the ‘rich’ house to bid my silent farewells—
Making eye contact with the woman standing right in front of me.
