Chapter Theme Music: Fairy Forest ~ Rita Raga
<03/02/149,559 {Avion 148} - 17:41 | Corral Position, Genosis, Altiri Sector Space>
<Karnak to ACS414 Date Equivalent: 03/02/2003>
"I'm sorry. I just don't understand it." Sounding rather annoyed again, Ashiela tried once more to comprehend the reason behind my choice in persons of interest. Even though only two days have passed since I've seen Reed, I've been keeping close eyes on everyone in my mental notes.
"There isn't much to understand," I defended. "Reed isn't a female, nor does he behave in a manner presenting like one. That said, he also doesn't behave in any manner like the average heathen either. All aggression is absent from his mind. Any desire to control anything is also removed from his priority. Heathen or not, he isn't like the other students around him, and so he remains isolated, desiring friendship while failing to find it due to the rough nature of those nearby." It's not like I've done anything wrong, nor am I in any trouble from anyone. Still, there are four of us in particular who have zero tolerance and patience for anyone who even might be a heathen, so they weren't happy to hear when I told them that Reed was a male child.
"Would the four of you knock it off?" I wanted to hug Junko right then and there for being the voice of much needed reason. "We've observed countless heathens in our time of observation, and never was such an observation held against any scrutiny. If you do not cease hounding Lumina for her list of interests, I will personally put all of you in line." I have to remember never to get on Junko's bad side. She's quite a fighter, nearly impossible to defeat in most techniques.
The four of them, Fionne, Ashiela, Hurma, and Derria did in fact knock it off as Junko requested, though the conversation would persist longer, since Sherika was still curious about the matter. "I would still like to ask, in curiosity, what about this individual has peaked your interest so, especially considering his stable life and young age."
"That's just it." A majority of those who are most insightful usually have or used to have something significant happen to them, usually negative. Aside from the obvious fact that Reed seems to be alienated from every other student around him, given that his weirdness isn't well hidden, there are not many shortcomings in his life. His parents seem nice enough at least; I followed my view of him through the bus ride all the way to his house, wondering if I would have more clues there. From all of this, maybe I was wrong to think that it takes significant happenings to be an insightful person. At his age though, even I must admit it is rare. "Reed is strangely insightful about the world around him. I know I keep saying that like a broken record player, but you'd just have to see it for yourself to understand. The other three I'm tracking have a level of insightfulness about them as well, but it isn't exactly the same, I think."
Without more than a second, Junko stood up for me once again, even though Sherika's question held no other meaning or intention. "You have nothing to explain Lumina. There are going to be many weird or interesting people of the world. I don't know if we can say that people of the south are different from people of the north, but you were still correct all along, in assuming that our search would be worth it. Even I have found a few rare individuals, or hidden gems as you like to call them... Just be careful not to get too attached."
I wanted to argue that Junko had the wrong idea to think that, but it has happened to me before. I've seen woman of interest make horrible decisions, just after I started to care about them more than I should have. When I see someone suffering past the point of willful suicide, it's impossible for me not to wish I could somehow intervene. No matter what, we Altiri cannot intervene though. We can't send out a blip or signal to tell somebody to do something differently or to encourage them. It's the biggest downside to watching someone long enough with our clairvoyance. I don't want to fall into a depression like before ever again, so I know already not to let myself get too attached. "Oh Junko. I've since learned my lesson from before. Even if I prioritize or prolong my viewing of these specific humans, I'm not going to wind up in a desperate situation like before." I wish I could forget how horrible it felt, to watch someone die, to watch someone want to die, and have no power to stop it.
"I apologize Lumina," Hurma returned, uttering a phrase I almost never hear from her even when we should. "It was just unexpected is all. Having found a person of interest who is also a man—"
"A young boy," I corrected.
"—isn't what concerned me much. It's what you said after, that you thought he wasn't a heathen, which threw me off. You should know already that no male is ever safe from such influence. Even if he is innocent now, he won't be later. Some heathens are the way they are from nature, born to be evil from the moment they leave the womb. Others start out innocent, but embrace a never-ending influence of heathen propaganda prevalent in every corner of their world."
What Hurma was saying held some merit. I personally have yet to see one, a single heathen on Earth who danced outside of the core traits we identify them by. Rumor from other aggressor groups suggests that there are such people in that world, males who don't subscribe to an ounce of heathenism, though there is and always has been zero proof held to such a rumor. I personally do not buy it.
Perhaps this is the reason why my sisters and I have had a bit more interest lately in the children and some teenagers compared to the adults, as they usually are untouched and unaffected by the gross corruptions and faults of humans all around them, innocent until they grow up. Hurma has a point. Even if I am fully right, in that Reed has no hint of such traits in him, one day, the influence will hit him as well, turning him into some dumb man with zero respect for most others around him. It happens to everyone really.
Still, just because Hurma was correct, doesn't mean I wanted to hear her say it. "I know already, Hurma..." Suddenly, the weight of my sadness began to crush me more than I expected it to, enough that it flashed outwards to everyone else in every ship.
"What's wrong Lumina?" Junko was the first to ask, but everyone else wanted the same answered.
How do I answer though? Even I don't know why an obvious, unforgetful truth made me so sad. "Nothing." What else could it mean anyway? Every single person we watch and observe will one day break, one day be corrupt, or one day destroy themselves from the weight of a heartless society everywhere they go.
"Perhaps," Rose inquired after so long keeping silent, "the truth which has been stated is what saddens her so. Just because every male becomes a heathen, doesn't always mean they should. We've seen so much psychological damage these days that even women dedicate themselves to unspeakable acts now; humans of either gender becoming worse where morals are concerned. Lumina? We understand why you feel this way, but it is also the reason everyone urges us not to become too attached to any human individual. It isn't good for us, to watch someone slowly grinded away to dust from the failures to control all rationality. Humans are far more flawed than us, and their mistakes permanently change who they are as people, too often to count."
Even Rose has a very low standard of humanity. It wasn't high to begin with, in all of us really. Even though I didn't want to admit it, I think she was right on point. I wasn't upset because Hurma reminded me of the truth; I was upset because I didn't want this to be the truth anymore. I wanted at least a few people to become outliers and exceptions to the tainted reputation of humanity, and to outgrow the social boundaries of their own environment, becoming their true and best self.
Even I'm not that naive. Other aggressor groups, while not plentiful, will often purge a human being based on such hopes, and while it might work out for some, it doesn't work out for everyone's best interest. Purge number 13 is one of many examples of this. Some of those fools throw away so much, risking their lives, all to get nothing but potent despair in return. If the wish of a purge doesn't come true, the result is a curse I'd rather die than feel, based on what I've heard anyway.
"Listen everyone." Even if I know what I know, it won't change how I am to conduct current activities. I'll just have to be more careful. "Grateful as I am for your concerns, those who I decide to shadow and how I shadow them are my business and my personal choice. I will continue my efforts unchanged, and I will ensure I balance my focus between all four of my targets equally. There is no need to dwell on this any longer."
"If you say so..." Talor didn't sound so sure of herself, though I wondered if she was thinking the exact opposite way Hurma was a moment ago. She's always overly sympathetic, even when she doesn't need to be, making it a mystery to how she and Hurma get along so well.
Chapter Theme Shift: We Are One (Suduaya Remix) ~ Arus
With the debate out of the way, as time ticked on, everything seemed to continue the same for a while. That's what I told myself anyway. After enough time passed, we realized that the summer season of Georgia hits quite early on in their months, between late April and May, if going solely by temperature alone, and it lasts for as long as late October, with few exceptions occurring in September and August. As soon as it did, all of Georgia became invisible to us and other scryers alike.
I knew where all four of my previous targets lived, but once winter rolled back in the same year, I only cared about three of them. Time dragged on, this strange cycle on prolonged repeat, as days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, and months turned to years. Most of my other sisters changed their entire locational focus in order to keep up with the initial mission of this special project. I on the other hand wasn't ready to let go and see this story end.
I kept my eyes and ears in Georgia, despite being told I should just move on. I don't want to summarize all that happened in the years that followed, but explaining it now would be its own long story, one untold until later. As the years ticked on, the targets continued to mature and grow up, little by little. Lina, Mel, and Reed, who were the focal points of my interest, eventually became Lina and Reed. Before long, all I could focus on was the boy, whose exact element of interest was always hard to pin down.
I had nearly become disinterest in his background life at last, when change struck his quiet and calm family, his parents in the vice of divorce by the time he was only in the third grade. He went from Ovlar Elementary to Bereton Elementary, ascending up the ranks of grades, but descending down from happiness. As life became more uncertain, so did his faith in ever mingling with those around him.
I found it fascinating on its own, that all Reed wanted to do in his current life was find and establish genuine friendships with the others, even among those who never had the same interest on their agenda. He ignored the small level of bullying, the mental onslaught of social rejection, and any insult thrown his way, as if it simply bounced off him, and as he spoke aloud to himself more often, I quickly came to understand the plight of his blunder. He simply wasn't surrounded by the right kind of people, by those deserving of mutual kindness and minimal attention.
I was so certain by his constant refresh of persistence that I assumed he, the only child who was an exception to heathenism, would never change for the worse despite Hurma's warning. However, by the time he had reached the fourth and fifth grade, the constant lack of involvement with others dug into his sensitive heart like daggers, and somehow, despite sharing no psionic connection, I too could feel such pain from here.
Before I ever understood why, our heartbeats synchronized in pattern despite mine being much slower. With no identity to what held me in desperate attention to his surroundings, I watched Reed closer than I'd ever watch anyone else before, learning every detail, every trait, and every likely thought he must have had. I watched a beautiful art of true observation chip off, shut down by the perplexity in all life had not to offer him. Had I only seen this for a few months, I'm certain I would have been able to detach myself from his reality.
Instead, I became even more obsessed over the years, ignoring the concern brought on by my sisters who thought I was losing my mind, and perhaps I was. Years, I repeat, sitting idle and incapable of helping a hurting soul, slowly dying from that horrible feeling people realize when they are certain nobody loves them. Reed even tried on more than one occasion to change, just as Hurma would have warned me earlier. He tried to mask his own emotions, his own morals, and instead parrot the more popular heathens he observed nearby him. To some degree, his plan was beginning to work, but in both examples, for reasons I still yet to understand, he backed out of the change. It was clear he was fighting for something deeper inside himself, something I could almost feel but not see, and I only wanted to know more. In every aspect imaginable, I became encapsulated in his essence, his desires, his hopes, and his despairs. I cared not that this was all beginning to control me, my focus entirely on his situation and his world, rather than my own.
I of course only grew more desperate in wishing I could do something. Reed, the most kind-hearted male human I've ever seen in all my years of living, was left suffering in agony, wishing merely for social interaction. It might be something simple to the rest of people, something most would declare ease in getting over or ignoring such pain, or that it might be naive. But to Reed, it's all he can think about now; I just know it already. I didn't spend years watching him grow up to not understand how he feels by now.
Did I allow myself to get too attached and sympathetic to a single human subject, or did I merely wish to heal this one soul of a despair I still remember 100,000 years later? The solution he must make is simple, but if he chooses the easy way out instead, if he changes himself to become a heathen, like all other men nurtured into the role, there won't be a road backwards for him. I've seen it many times myself; those who grow up embracing the worst side of themself only to impress or influence others, they never change back.
I went into this project to determine if people from the south were different than the north. My conclusion after many years into it is: I no longer care.
I can't really explain why I feel this way, why I'm so hung on ensuring Reed never changes who he is. It wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be fair. He wants something that he deserves to have, something that should be easy to get, if only most modern humans were not so warped and twisted. He is so sensitive about everything, that even he understands this problem without solution. All he wants is someone more caring to talk to. All he needs is someone who will listen to him, someone who can share mutual care for, where his parents no longer share the role. All I want, is to help him achieve this need, before he breaks, before I break!
I know already what I'm going to have to do to resolve this, and I know my sisters will all oppose my decision. Even I know I'm not thinking clearly. I shouldn't be doing this at all. I shouldn't even be considering it...
But I must do something!
