The sun was already shining on the beach when Lirran awoke to the sound of gurgling and squelching, followed by splashing and smearing.
He looked up and saw Kaza standing in the waves, expelling more globs of slime into the water while chittering and rasping curses in her own tongue. Lirran’s heart jumped in relief when he saw his Navigator on the road to health. When Kaza noticed him, she came closer and loudly proclaimed her thanks to him and her regrets to herself for causing him such trouble.
When she was close enough to hug, she pointed at his face and said loudly “Oh, that is bad, is true?”
He noticed a tear rolling down his nose. “No no, this is not bad. This is alright.” Then he went to the waters to expel slime from his nose and wipe more tears from his face.
Lirran explained the last few hours to Kaza while she filled up on bland but harmless ship's biscuit. She remembered little but recognized his hand in getting her through the night. She showed interest in seeing that shell and he hoped that when he returned to the bay of dreams, it would still be there. She also told him that there would be many more shades for him to fight in the future and he had learned his first lesson in shielding himself from its influence, even if he had no control of it yet.
After that, he got to scrubbing the slime out of the interior of the boat, where it had splattered and dripped on nearly everything, while Kaza had gone for a swim to clear her gills and catch some fish. She came back with a full net and the two spent the rest of the day gutting and smoking fish, touching up the boat with pitch to close any gaps through which water had started to leak in and finally, also practice the shell script some more. The names and acts he had only halfway understood started to form a story to him. Many of the shells Kaza had bore the same longform symbols that was obviously a name rather than a single sound. Each type of shell was used for a different purpose, the limpet being only the most ubiquitous and apparent, as it was useful to determine places by the currents, winds or other nearby places as they did on the limpet maps. The long razor-clam shells contained simple statements that had a deeper meaning ringing very similar to the many simplistic lessons Kaza had given him. The more traditional fan-shaped shells and mussels were lists of events like “the merchants sold wine, the people rejoiced, happy tunes were played on some kind of instrument Lirran didn’t know yet.” Spiralling snail shells bore longer sentences that ran along the turns of the shell, running round and round. One set of various different shells Kaza had strung together formed stories where a place was named, events described and a lesson to be learned, similar to the fairy tales Lirran knew from his childhood, but it was obvious nobody was reading from these. Lirran shuddered at the prospect of having to transcribe and entire tale onto shell, drilling thousands and thousands of holes. No, it was obvious these would be used to remember or tell the reader what happened and then tell the story himself from that.
It was a lazy day, sort of. Having work to do did in fact beat sitting in the damn boat all day long. Having problems to fix was better than wallowing in self-pity and guilt of the past; there was no fear here, just the certainty of the task to be done. Just being in the moment, having something solid and specific to work on, that was worth almost as much as walking in the borderlands beyond reality in the realm of dreams and possibility and even when Lirran said that to himself, he found no fault in his thoughts.
When night fell, Kaza showed Lirran the constellations in the sky and how to navigate by them, at what time they would rise on what day of the year and what constellations would be up in the sky on the other end of the world.
Lirran fell asleep that night thinking little of the other side of dream, and so it came, that he was not aware his time in the sun was merely a dream until Kaza appeared, utterly misplaced in his little forest-edge village, hundreds of miles from the shore. She didn’t do much but observe him. He finally decided it was time to return to the bay of dreams, where she sat next to him.
Why didn’t you just awaken me from dream?
Navigator Kaza smiled. I think you deserve some respite once in a while. Just because you have to learn the darkness, that does not mean that we have to let the light die.
The words rang soothing and happy with Lirran and he nodded. Then he remembered the shell and looked around him. It lied right there, next to his hand. He picked it up and observed it. Against the rest of the bay of dreams, it seemed so real and solid that he wanted to hold on to it forever. What is it?
It is a hint of strength, Lirran, your strength. It is something that you and only you can wield. It is the beginning of your self-actuation.
My strength? But it came to me only after I begged Clossa and the moon to help me.
There is no weakness in calling for help, quite the contrary. It is by turning to a constant we can rely on that we find the foundation with which to stem our strength. The moon is important to all of us, it is a watcher that we can see without burning us as the sun does. To you, I am continuing your previous studies beyond what your old master was ever willing to teach you, that is your link to that deity Clossa.
Lirran continued to look at the shell. In the wind of the bay, it seemed oddly stable, but when he turned it and imagine it, he saw that some things shifted as he wished. The outside was grey and pocked like the full moon and the inside was iridescent like a rainbow pearl. He remembered the edge cutting into the shade, cutting apart the husk.
That thing had once been a human. Or another living, thinking being with a mind. He looked to his form and still saw dark stains on his mind.
Young learner, we cannot choose the way others die, we can only help them if we meet them at that threshold. Cleaning up after the ugliness in this world is not a pretty task, but you did what was necessary.
And still, the moth came for it and brought it across the waters. Lirran looked to the moonlight island where more moths still fluttered and waited.
Even the smallest remnant of a mind has a shape, and it is the shape that is important. All can be saved, even the worst, even you. As you drained the darkness out of that being, it felt pain, but in the end, it was thankful. You might not have heard it, but with its last remaining strength, it whispered thanks to you. Like pulling a thorn from your flesh is painful and causes more blood to flow, yet brings release and goodness in the end.
I still wish, it wouldn’t feel this bad. It reminded me of all the vileness I am capable of.
And that is why you must remind yourself where this darkness ends and you begin. I was able to inflict vileness upon you, please do not forget that. I too contain darkness, it is because I can keep it separate from the light that I can shine so brightly. A muddied lied can never be strong. A truly vile person will use good intentions and self-righteousness to drive their darkness. They cannot even see how it is evil that they do.
Because light is blind to the shadow it casts.
Exactly. Kaza put her hand on Lirran’s moonlight shell. You will be able to do great things with it once you learn how to wield it. Just like I wield my tool to impose meaning, my mind understands how it needs to work. She conjured on her hand that stone and bone tool she used to inscribe shells, then she expanded it into that spear witha white shaft and black tip she had used before. After all, mind and body are one at the foundation, so the principles of what you’re using must be apparent to both.
So, Now I need to learn how to fight with a shell?
No, not entirely. I know of others of your kin living even closer to the eternal ice, on the plains of icewater lakes and rivers. They plung their bodies into the frigid waters during the summers to prepare their minds for the hardships of winter.
And so I must be prepared. Have you not done that when you tricked me into thinking I was dead?
Yes and no. You must steel your body, both through pain and training. It will prepare the unity of mind and body you hold to react with calmness when the time comes to act with awareness and will rather than panic and hesitation.
Lirran nodded. I understand. I am afraid the boat is not the best place for that. I don’t think holding the rudder and sail can get me much more adapted to any of this.
We will think of something. For now, let us rest. There is still much ahead for us to travel. With these words, Kaza’s form blew away in the wind and Lirran let himself fall back into the sands of the beach.
