Artesia couldn’t just practice offensive holy magic without any actual field experience. She needed to be able to react on a dime, which was why she was now staring at the bottle in her hands. It was a gender bending potion, able to change your sex to the opposite one, and she was nervous. Gender bend potions were legal, while shapeshifting potions were illegal, so this one had been easier to get her hands on. It had been three days since she had tea with Greta, and she was…

Well.

Maybe she felt like everything was out of control. Maybe that was why she was doing this. She felt suffocated as the Saint, and couldn’t help but wonder if the original Artesia felt suffocated, too. Was that why she did what she did? At the end of the day, she had just been a teenager. It was hard to quantify. Hye-Su was feeling more and more like a teenager every day, but it was… different. Because she had all of the experience of her previous lifetime. Because she was doing better in this world, objectively speaking, even as everything spiraled out of control.

Daisy wasn’t a romantic, and she didn’t know what to do about that. Edwin was hovering around her in a weird spiral, and Mally, the extra, was ridiculously overpowered and the one person that made Artesia feel normal. And Georgina was dead. Georgina was dead, and she was scared.

Her hand tightened on the bottle, and she took a deep breath in. Without a word, she uncapped it and swallowed it down with a glug, and then she looked in the mirror.

He was beautiful. It didn’t do anything to her hair, which was still long and golden, but her face was sharper, and her brows were heavier. Her jaw was cut like it was made out of stone, and her chest was perfectly flat.

It was then and only then that Artesia realized that all her life, she felt like she didn’t fit into the body of a woman. She didn’t feel like she was correct, if that made sense, and she lifted her hand to touch the mirror. He was beautiful. Sharp golden eyes and heavy eyebrows, perfectly sculpted lips, a Greek nose and hair falling down in cascades. She drew back her hair from her face and tied it off with a tie, and then she sat down to just… stare.

Her whole life, she didn’t fit into the box of a woman, and she thought about nearly crying in the fitting room when she was shoved into that dress that fit her like oil. In Korea, out trans people were rare. The culture there was very conservative and solemn, and demanded conformity at all times. If you didn’t fit into a box, you didn’t belong. Many people fled the country to find happiness elsewhere, and she had considered it many times, though she didn’t know why.

She had been a 4B feminist before. She refused to interact with men, date them, birth children for them, live her life for them. It never occurred to her that that was because she wanted to be loved as a man loved another man, because when she thought of a man loving her, it felt disgusting and oily. The thought of being touched, being loved, being devoured whole by a man… It had always felt like there would be nothing left of herself.

This… this fit, she realized. This fit, and she wanted to cry. Tears bubbled up in her eyes, and she wiped them as she stared at herself in the mirror.

No wonder she hated being the Saint so much. She didn’t want to be a woman. Everything here was strictly gendered. Women wore dresses, and men wore pants. It had felt freeing to be dressed in robes.

Immediately, she started stripping, pulling off the stays and dropping them and pulling off her shift so she could stare at her naked body. The fat distribution was different. Her stomach was smooth and there was a member hanging between her legs, soft, and somehow, that fit, too. Everything fit, and she honestly wanted to cry. Tears slipped down her cheeks, and she furiously wiped them. This was perfect. She never thought of herself as perfect, even when she was in the body of Artesia, missing any and all blemishes, without a hair out of line, beautiful and perfect, with nary a bad hair day in sight.

But, this was perfect.

A hiccup escaped her lips, and she collapsed to the ground to cry into her knees. The door creaked open, and she looked up with teary eyes at Lisa, who paused at the sight of her.

“Oh,” Lisa said softly, and Artesia wiped her eyes.

“Hello,” she said weakly, and Lisa hurriedly shut the door.

“Your Holiness…” she said, and Artesia swallowed.

“Please don’t tell anyone,” she begged, and Lisa hesitated. “I don’t want anyone to know.”

Lisa stared at her for a long, long moment.

“Let’s get you dressed, Your Holiness,” she said, and Artesia stood. Lisa went into the wardrobe and pulled out fresh robes for her, and Artesia wondered if she would have to change pronouns now. She would need a new name. Maybe she could ask Mally for help.

“What brought this on?” Lisa asked, and Artesia cleared her throat.

“I’m going to be an adventurer,” she declared, and Lisa paused. “And I need you to cover for me.”

“Now why would I do that, Your Holiness?” Lisa asked, and Artesia paused.

“All of this offensive holy magic is useless if I don’t know how to use it,” she pointed out, and Lisa drew out the robes and undergarments before she handed them to Artesia, shielding her eyes from her nudity.

“You shouldn’t know it in the first place, Your Holiness,” Lisa said, and Artesia pulled on the underwear that was now a bit too snug and the pants, followed by the shirt, which she tucked in, and then her robes and tabard that gathered everything at the waist.

“I just…” Artesia trailed off, and then cleared her throat. “I need to do this, Lisa. I need to prove I’m not helpless.”

“Your Holiness, you are the most powerful woman in the Empire,” Lisa said, and it was like a shock to the system. “We have not had a Saint in hundreds of years, and the whole world will bow before you.”

“I don’t want that, though,” Artesia blurted, and Lisa pursed her lips. “I don’t… I don’t want it.”

“Power isn’t about whether or not you want it. It’s about whether or not you have it, and what you choose to do with it,” Lisa said, and Artesia broke.

“Then let me choose what to do with it!” she screamed, and Lisa stared at her, startled. “Let me define what it means to be the Saint on my own terms, not on the terms of everyone else! If I am so powerful, why can’t I just live my life?”

Lisa was quiet for a long, long moment, and Artesia furiously wiped her eyes.

“I am not a good persuader. I am not good at talking,” she said with a tremor in her voice. “Just give me a chance to be more than what I am. Because right now? I’m just in a cage, and I want out. Let me be out.”

Lisa folded Artesia’s cloak over her arms and studied her in silence. It felt like an anvil hanging over Artesia’s head from the old cartoons, and then Lisa spoke.

“I can only buy you a few hours,” she said, and Artesia’s face lit up. “Go. Before I change my mind.”

“Thank you,” Artesia gasped, and Lisa pursed her lips.

“Don’t make me regret this,” she warned her, and Artesia darted for the door. “Take the servant corridors. Don’t walk down the main hall, or you’ll be caught.”

“Yes,” Artesia gasped. “Yes, I’ll… I’ll be back in a few hours.”

With that, Artesia pushed out the door, and headed out.

She was going to the guild.

….

Mally stared at the young teenaged boy standing at the bulletin board. That was… obviously Artesia. With a gender bender potion. The golden hair, the golden eyes, it was all Artesia, and literally what the fuck was she doing? Did she seriously just join the guild? Mally had seen her exchange the two gold coin at the information desk, but… What? What was happening right now?

Without a word, Mally approached her… him, maybe? And stood on the other side of him.

“Artesia,” they said flatly. “What are you doing?”

Artesia leapt, and then blurted out, “It’s Silas.”

“Is that the name you’re using when you look like this, or…?” Mally asked, and she set her jaw.

“It’s my name,” she said, and Mally blinked.

Hye-Su was trans. That was… What? Mally didn’t know much about her outside of the manhwa, but there were never any signs that she was trans. What the fuck was going on right now?

“Silas,” Mally repeated dubiously, and remembered Edwin’s multiple warnings. “What are you doing joining the adventurer’s guild?”

“I… I thought…” Silas stammered as he colored, and yep, definitely Hye-Su. The girl, boy, had negative points in charisma. “I just… I wanted to practice. That’s all.”

It was mumbled more than spoken, and Mally stared at him in silence as his brain whirred to come up with excuses for this. Actually, putting everything together, it made sense. It did, in fact, make sense, but…

Mally was an idiot. Hye-Su was a real person, and he wasn’t going to behave in a way congruent with the novel when put in a real world situation, and Mally probably shouldn’t have assumed that he would stay the same when everything was changing so rapidly. Even so… trans? What even?

“I want to thank you,” Silas said and seized Mally’s hands, and Mally blinked down at his hands in Silas’s grip. “You… you opened my eyes.”

“... Huh?” Mally asked, and Silas swallowed.

“I’d never met another trans person before,” he said, and Mally blinked. Right. Korea. If Mally was going to be trans in Korea, he was going to be completely stealth.

“Oh,” Mally said slowly, and Silas’s grip tightened on his hands.

“No, you opened my eyes,” he insisted. “I didn’t realize I could just… not fit in a box. You saved me. Thank you.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Mally pointed out. “I was just… out.”

“And that was enough,” Silas said, and Mally pursed their lips. “I didn’t realize I could just… live, and you…”

“Don’t thank me,” Mally interrupted. “I was just there.”

Silas was quiet, still holding Mally’s hands, and Mally gently pulled his hands out of his grip.

“You need to pick a quest, right?” Mally asked, and Silas nodded. “It’ll be a while before you can ‘practice’, but it would be good to learn the lay of the land.”

“Oh, right,” Silas said, and turned back to the board.

“Work with Harkin,” Mally said and selected the option for the book delivery. “Do you have a horse?”

“Ah… I don’t know how to ride,” Silas said, and Mally nodded.

“You’ll have to learn quickly,” he said, and Silas paled. “They’re not as scary as they look. I’ll teach you on Rat.”

Why was Mally helping Silas? He needed to avoid him, but… At the same time, Silas was also a marooned trans person in the story. And Mally… Mally was weak. Mally was really, really weak.

“Let’s go, shall we?” Mally asked, and headed for the door.

“Oh, okay!” Silas said and hurried to follow behind him. “What are we doing…?”

“Going to deliver the books,” Mally said, and glanced back at him. “Let’s go.”

“Alright!” Silas said, and nearly tripped over his own feet. Mally caught him and steadied him, and Silas glanced down at him.

“Tall,” Mally muttered, and Silas flushed.

“Sorry,” he apologized, and Mally turned aside.

“Don’t apologize for your height,” he said, and pushed open the doors to the outside. “Get up on Rat, and I’ll ride behind you.”

“Oh, alright,” Silas said and stared up at Rat with trepidation. “Will he get mad I’m riding?”

“No,” Mally said, and patted Rat’s neck. “He’s very even tempered. Come on.”

Silas swung up onto Rat’s back with a heft of effort, and Mally climbed on behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist.

“When do you have to be back at the temple?” Mally asked, and Silas paused.

“Soon,” he replied. “Lisa can only cover for me for a few hours, and I have to pick up a potion to turn me back.”

Mally nodded and Silas carefully led Rat to back up and turn down the street, and Mally propped their chin on his shoulder.

“So, just he/him?” Mally asked, and Silas swallowed.

“For now,” he replied, and Mally nodded and looked down.

“Don’t hold the reins so tight,” he said, and Silas relaxed his grip slightly. “There you go. That’s better.”

“I, uhm, thank you,” Silas stammered, and Mally shrugged.

“It’s no hardship,” he said, even though it was a hardship, but he was rapidly coming to realize he was the main character now, and cursed with the trope of all the main characters hanging around him without an end in sight. Oh, well.

It was fine, right? Yeah, it was fine.