It’s been almost a week since the War of The Condoms concluded. My boss kept up his promise and got me a letter of recommendation to… “SIS company?”. Sounds really sketchy, but the pay is about the same and I got double pay for the time being. I’m not sure if Markus got fired, but I don’t care too much, it was a request made on a whim.

 

    Everything changed so fast. My job, life, routine… routine. “I should go see my beloved, it’s been so long,” and to think it all started there. If not for her, I wouldn’t be anywhere near where I am right now. “Given that this company has its headquarters near the edge of the city, I should pay my respects to my darling,” for I don’t know how often I may be able to see her from this point forward.

 

    30 minutes later

 

    There she is, bare and naked. Just how I like it. I remember the first day I came across her. It is as if it was yesterday, the sun still rising, because of my chaotic schedule, and me being lost because of having to wake up early. I took the wrong left, and I ended up towards the centre of the city. There she stood, then and there, the sun barely shining its rays upon her beautiful white stripes, as the asphalt imbued itself with the sunlight, due to its beautiful, black nature. *Who’s that weirdo?* *Why is he staring at the crosswalk?*.

 

    Don’t mind their talk darling, they don’t understand. What I, what we’ve been through, is hard to comprehend, isn’t it? I touch you to feel your cold warmth once more. I sniff you to get a good sensation of what you’re all about. Immaculate. When the skin of my palms feels the dryness, and at times the moisture of some people’s spit, I blush. If it’s wrong to feel this way, then I don’t want to be right. *Eww, why is he rubbing his face?* *Don’t look at him, he must be on drugs or something*

 

    “Take my step, and carry it along, love,” I don’t care about those weird looks, for you can’t understand me, so move away, make way for my love! And here I am, on the other side, crossing my dearest once more. It’s not like I will forget you, but I will have to take other crosswalks in order to get to work, so I hope you understand.

 

    40 minutes later

 

    I’m walking towards my workplace, scout a bit, see what I’m going to get into, and I notice all the crosswalks. Those that are well painted, treated with kindness by people with the least amount of spit and gums. Then, there are those near the edge of the city. Deprived of human touch, tarnished by the constant abuse of cars. This is simply no life for such wild beauties. I wish I could do something, but I’m not sure how legal it is to paint crosswalks.

    

    Let’s see now, geegle maps shows me that I have to go about two more streets, go across this crosswalk, by these abandoned looking blocks. Seems easy enough, and I get to enjoy one of the more old fashioned crosswalks, as these haven’t been repainted since thirty years ago. Knowledge like that is only normal to possess when you’re into what I am.

 

    “Drag him in there! We’ll show him who’s tougher!” a gang it seems. They got someone. They’re all dressed ‘properly’ so to speak. Low hanging jeans, cap on top of caps, tattoos, rings and chains around the fingers and necks. Certainly something I should avoid, however, there is no crosswalk to get me on the left side from where I just came. And I can’t go back, as I say ‘Never go back on your crosswalks after you just crossed!’ it brings bad luck. A small beating doesn’t sound bad by compari-

 

    “Are we doing it here boss?” one of the acolytes asks.

 

    “Yeah, no use in doing it in the bushes. We’re going it here, raw as it is,” I can’t tell what they’re talking about. Murder, something worse? Are gangs around here that bad? Maybe it would be more proper if I just broke my own tab-and they’re looking at me. “Watcha looking at, ya daft cow?”.

 

    “No-nothing I swear!” I’m almost shitting myself here.

 

    “Get along then, before I smack that dumbhole of a face,” glad to obey. As I pass by, they stare at me aggressively. I only caught a glimpse of their victim, a well built guy, he probably was just leaving the gym or something. “Get ‘im in there, fast. We must be done before the dogs are here,” probably referring to the cops. They go inside an alley between blocks. I try to hurry my step, get out of there and towards where my workplace is at before I get into further trouble, but then I hear it. *Sflap, sflap, sflap* the sound of skin hitting on skin. Now, call me dumb if you will, and I’m no expert, but punches hitting someone’s face shouldn't sound like a wet fart.

 

    “How do ya like that, wanker?” the big guy who told me to run along, presumably their boss, asks the one they’re… beating? What are they doing to that poor guy? *Sflap, sflap, sflap* more skin slapping skin! Are they smothering him?! Still doesn’t sound like it, such a unique sound. Damn it! Curiosity got the best of me. Looking around the corner, I tremble as I witness… dicks?!

 

    *SFlap, sflap, sflap, sflap, sflap, sflap,* their pants are down to their feet, their underwear also. And they stand in a circle, then… they slap their dicks from side to side! The sound in unison is quite menacing now that I’m closer to it. The buff guy is cowering below them in fear, so would I if I were a victim to a Dick Slapping Gang. They do it with such mastery too, carefully changing the way they move their lower portion so that the penis doesn’t hit too hard against their side, but enough to make that terrible, original noise.

 

    “Sflap! sfla-p sflaap sflap!” one of them is pointing at me as he communicates… through dick slapping?! I’m out of here! I can hear a couple of them behind me dressing up, chasing me. But after all that I endured since my day off, my legs can run at terrible speeds! *Huff, huff, huff* I hear from behind as their breath fades into the distance. Looking behind me, I can see them dragging the body of the guy they just assaulted, unconscious.

 

    “Ya better neva show yar face again, ya limp dick!” their boss screams from behind me. And while I would love to, there are only two paths leading here. And I doubt that the other one is outside their ‘territory’. I should devise a plan before this will get out of hand, I already know how far these things can get out of hand.

 

1 day later

 

    Let’s just say that I did not devise a plan, and I may have made myself happy with the deluxe lube to forget my troubles. “But!” today is a new day, thus, a new me. I figure that should be enough to convince those dick slapping lunatics to leave me alone!... probably not though. “Which is why!” boom. Smartphone, half empty bottle of deluxe lube, and, just to be sure, a leather belt around my waist! “With the power of these items, not even they can stand in my way!” and if it comes down to the worst case scenario, I still have my legs I’m so proud of to run away with. “Truly, nothing can stop me from getting to my job interview!”. First through, how do I tie this again?

 

    40 minutes later

 

    “Shit!” my old routine kept me dragging for time subconsciously. Before I realised, I left a few minutes too late! “That would normally not be an issue,” but I have the interview, and I can’t set a bad precedent, not after I got a recommendation from boss, which I hear is pretty rare. 

 

    It’s the first time I had to arrive at work on time and during normal hours. Something inside my head seems to shift, like the hour hand of a clock or the slow shift in the summer’s breeze as it becomes autumn. Strange… either way. I’m almost there. There is just the crosswalk, which yes, it’s on the same route as the previous day. I just can’t make choices. When it came down to it, I had to take the same road, it’s just in my blood, nothing I can do about it.

 

    I don’t see anyone though. And I mean, no one. Not on the streets, not anywhere. Damned be that old boss of mine! he must’ve chosen this place at the edge of the city on purpose. Get me as far away from him as possible, while still upholding his end of the bargain! Can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same if I were in his shoes, however, it doesn’t make it any less detestable. Well, I should be able to at least cross this crosswalk in peace. Then chaos may ensue, as those dick slappers might still be around, lurking in wait for me. Ahhh, only the simple reminder for those strange, abhorrent sounds makes my skin crawl.

 

    I take my first step, feels good, yet scary. This crosswalk is still a far cry from my beloved. Rough, tainted by spit and gum, the lines merging with the almost brown asphalt, also dirty with mud and other things. It doesn’t matter for now though. It could’ve helped me get some of my nerves down, but there’s only one crosswalk that can do that properly. I keep an alert eye on my surroundings, lube in my left pocket, phone in the other, aware of my belt around the waist. A few moments pass as I cross and… nothing. I’m on the other side, as expected, and nothing popped up, yet. *Sflop* was it my mind? I can swear I heard that terrible noise once more. *Sflp* again! It’s really silent, from far away maybe… up?!

 

    “Sflo-p sflop sfl-op s-flo-p,” a weird message in the dick slapping language from above. I can see a bunch of them, on the second, third and fourth floor of this building. They’re against the windows, some of them open, some of them closed. They’re smiling down on me. I thought of calling the police as my first response, but it’s their private property, what can I do?! “Limp dick,” their boss, I recognize him. His loose, rough clothes mask his musculature, while he stands there, penis uncovered, flaccid against the, presumably, cold window, yet long enough to almost put me to shame. Dark eyes, piercings in his lower lip and ornate teeth with, what I can tell is, fake jewellery, shown through his large smile. Large beanie covering his head, only small strands of hair escaping to cover some of his eyebrows, each with a cut at an angle towards his eyes.

 

    “If you come down to harass me, I will call the police!” I warn them from below, assuming they don’t know better.

 

    “And whatcha gonna tell em, ey? That you saw me naken in ma home? Or that you’ve been assaulted by naked dudes?” he thinks I will be too ashamed to confess my crime, but I’m no pebble to be tossed around by others, except maybe boss.

 

    “I will tell them exactly that!” a surge of confidence erupting once more like before. Am I changing?

 

    He clicks his tongue and signals his guys away. Such a fool though, now I know where he lives. Not that I can do much about it, since I got nothing on them, but as soon as I do, you can bet their soft dick slapping will go away.

 

    With that out of the way, I can finally arrive at my promised interview! I’m looking forward to it more so than before, now that I confronted a gang leader and told him to piss off. So-ahhh-, my knees once again. It seems like these spurs of confidence, pay their price on my body. I should keep that in mind, although that doesn’t matter now. “SIS company, here I come.”.

 

    As I enter, what hits me first from the reception desk, is the heavy smoke the receptionist expulses from her lungs. She seems to be in her fifties, a blonde almost turned white, bunch of wrinkles and baggy eyes. She takes a glance at me, sees my awkward posture and me trying to avert her eyes. “Christian, I presume,” her voice is more gentle than you would assume from a heavy smoker. It’s nothing like Elise, but not bad. “Philipe waits for you,” she returns her glance to the computer, “just past here,” she points with her left behind her into a corridor stretching for a bit. “Knock on the door twice and wait three seconds,” some sort of code? “If he doesn’t respond, repeat until he does,” so she says. Pretty odd, but let’s just do it. “Hmph, you might’ve been useful, but you’re too straightforward, not odd enough,” she gives her sentence upon me as I pass by her desk. 

 

    “I-I will try my best,” I manage to respond back, I hear a small shuffle, then another from her desk, me being already in the corridor. There is no need to tell me which door it is. It stands slightly cracked open, his name written on a golden placard on his door and a sweet smell coming from the inside. It’s really sugary, I can only take a glimpse inside. Many books and papers are thrown onto the floor. I do as she said, knock twice, wait three seconds, then repeat.

 

    5 minutes later

 

    Just how long does he plan to ignore me?! And the receptionist didn’t move at all. So they’re both ignoring me?! This is bullshit. No wait… I didn’t think about it after my mind wandered off, as it does when I can’t pay attention to what’s in front of me. What if this is a test?! Sounds plausible. The receptionist seems a bit annoyed with my knocks, but I have yet to hear from the inside. So, which is more probable? That I have to knock for a period of time, testing my patience, or should I be the one taking the first step inside, initiative? 

 

    10 minutes later

 

    Hmm… perhaps initiative. But I’m not-”Enough!” I hear a defeated voice from inside the room. “Either you’re a lost kid or you just can’t read the room,” so I should’ve entered earlier?! Damn. “If someone doesn’t answer, just step in and ask for permission to enter god dammit,” oh. Hopefully I can brush aside this, for now I enter!