The cabin in the dead wood rattled on its foundation.The putrid stale swamp air pierced by the screams of a pissed off small electric rotary engine. It sounded like a rabid cougar was on the prowl and was trapped in the garage that rocked. The single plywood door slowly lifted letting the dank smoke escape the beast inside. The light crystal mounted to the front of the bike was revealed cutting through the thick morning fog like a switchblade. The motorcycle's double custom exhausts shook, rattled, and roared.
The rider sitting atop his metal steed was only half human at this point and that was being generous. Edward wanked the twistgrip using the hook welded to his elbow outfitted in human leather chaps, a double rider jacket and on his good hand a single glove stitched together for him by Dr. Slyman’s wife (the black cat named Matilda). Her, and Jarvis waved from behind the window. Outside the Doctor covered his newly acquired classic V-16 Crystaillac with a tarp, and rolled stones on the edges. It was too large to fit inside the garage, but in the value of the trade he had come out far on top.
Last night, when the doctor asked for his age causing Edward to remember his 27th birthday had come and gone in prison. It was lucky for him there was a single piece of cake frozen in the icebox and a makeshift candle made out of Dr. Slyman's earwax. They had taken a break after the hook had been reattached, but there were still far more procedures left to go. After the candle had been blown the arch welder sparked back on in the backroom. The doctor welded away on his patient while the succulent smells of cooking wafted back to them. Matilda was the one who hunted and forged while her husband practiced his medicine.
The multiple operations proceeded until the morning, but was a complete success in the end. When the crows had gathered outside in the dawn the scraps of leftovers greeted them. For the first time in months Edward had devoured human flesh again. A fresh caught meal composed of an unfortunate store clerk’s liver, swamp onions, broad beans, and a splash of spinal fluid.
“Vroom, VROOOOOOM!”
The bike zoomed away. Edward rode with a full stomach, a six string strapped on his back, and a fuse box welded to the outside of his six pack. Whenever his heart was beginning to stop the device would automatically shock him with the hefty electric crystal bank strapped on the bike. He also had a sleeve wound around his good arm with four different tubes of fluid flowing. With the press of one of four buttons he would receive an IV of vitamins shot directly into his veins. The choices were vitamins C,K, D, and liquid cracked crystals (for emergency use only).
Edward pressed a button and turned into introspection. His head ran like a motor with too many thoughts racing and bouncing through his mind. A long ride was ahead of him, but there was one thing that couldn’t outrun the hourglass of his lifetime that was going fast like a flooded river. It was a one way trip to Capital City to get his revenge on the man responsible for breaking him and his mother.. Killin Hood would be killed and probably the kingdom. Edward would savor the dish best served cold and hopefully rest a little easier when it was done.
The bike splashed through the cattails and ripped at the moss. The shadows ran away from the lights in front, while the rear-view was nothing but dark in the fog. His mortality chased behind him just out of view, nipping on his heels. It wouldn’t be long before it caught up.
It was time for the power of music to strangle out the bad thoughts and shift him back into a flow state. He inserted a blue terp tape between the handlebars underneath a needle in the red. The part sticking out said “blues.” The ride cymbals and high hats joined in with a slow train beat with a harmonica that sounded like the same thing. A guitar entered via the voodoo scale moaning and crying like a hard living baby. The thick bass strings were slapped into the groove with a thumb droning on and on.
The locomotion sent a crocodile hiding underwater and an albatross soaring high over the salt marsh. The water, weeds, and breeze had turned to vinegar as he barreled towards the edge of the ocean. The clam flats sizzled on the pipes, mud speckled the windshield, and the motorcycle ripped up the bank. The drums crashed in synchronicity with the angry waves smashing offshore under the red suns.
The water cooled engine rapidly accelerated towards 100 miles an hour down a dirt road. The dust was kicked up and spurred into devils that danced alongside the ride. The waves of the red sea crashed to the rocks below the road blowing fresh air in his remaining hairs. Edward’s mutated skeleton was briefly visible as his heart was kicked into overdrive by sparks of electricity. He glanced out at the vast sea lit by a gut feeling. It suddenly looked like something was waving to him from the water with a siren call. He shook his head glancing ahead, and when he looked back what appeared to be a mermaid had disappeared.
The hours flew by and the coast was left in the rear view. Sundowns had begun as daylight departed. The night would soon arrive as the shadows closed in all around him. Edward tilted one leg to ground him as an anchoring peg. He cut the engine that sputtered to a stop and took out his lunch box. The bike sat directly in the center of a four way crossroad, flanked by a wide open desert. He began eating the leftovers chilled with ice. A loud clicking noise could be heard overhead, then the screeching of magma thrusters hauling a heavy load. A drop ship sped past, followed by a much slower airship hauling away a tanker between the two half moons.
“Huh, somebody just got repossessed,” Edward chuckled.
A familiar looking witch had the last laugh. She interrupted him with loud cackles as she escorted the vehicles flying her fancy broom. Edward spit out his lunch on the ground.
“Hey I know that hag,” he said, giving the bike some gas.
He flew forward scaring the vultures who had already gathered around the remains of a heart tossed by the wayside. The pack flew off the path and the bike followed flying offroad. A stream of sand flew behind the tires while the bike climbed, then it jumped a sand dune, and flew over five more. Edward crashed to the ground running, splintering apart a cactus. The fallen machine kept driving as the bike sputtered to keep up with the chase. Isabella’s neck cracked as she turned her head 180 degrees like an owl and glared at the pursuer.
“What!?!” she sputtered upon spotting the hook that she had thought was hung in her workshop.
The broom shook, sputtered, and rolled away from the pack. She diverted course behind an orange formation of hoodoos, vanished around the opening of a fairy chimney, and emerged through the opening in two pinnacles. She extended her wand on a bombing run, while the only thing pulled back was the white wisps of her hair.
“Now my pretty you will die hehe,” her voice reverberated throughout the valley amplified over a crystal ball amp. The fires crackled in her burning crazy eyes as she took aim.
“Boom!”
An explosion blew apart a formation directly in front Edward. The bike's window was cracked by flying rocks. He was temporarily blind, but kept rolling forward at full steam. Just as the dust was settling another fiery projectile was sent at him, but before it hit the tires launched over a rock.
“BOOOOOOM!”
It exploded underneath the bike, launching Edward sideways with it. He fell down a natural formation that was like a series of waves crossed with a halfpipe. The pain seared into his back while he was dragged underneath the bike. He came to a skidding stop at the bottom. Isabelal zipped overhead cackling, then zagged around for the killing blow. The electric machine hooked to Edward was going haywire, lighting him up with continuous sparks. The bike was smoking and so was his body.
“Arrrrggr,” he groaned, coming alive again, and struggling to free himself from underneath the heavy motor.
“Hehehe” called Isabella, slowly flying into the area.
Her wand crackled with pent up explosive energy as her eyes scanned for the target. The screen of her crystal ball formed a radar that bleeped and blooped with every scan. It picked up something traveling quickly behind her rapidly closing the distance. Her ears whistled, and her head slowly turned with the broom. Her bony old fingers twisted her wand to the defensive position while the hairs on her neck shot up in surprise.
“POp!” The defensive bubble instantly formed around her.
“Clang.”
Edward's hook bounced off with the deflection. It shot across the sky, and landed somewhere up high. Edward hit the winch on his stump, and pulled himself back onto two wheels. He revved the engine, as the tires left the ground and he was pulled quickly out of the through by the line connected to his arm.
“Boom.”
An explosion blew flames in his face where the hook had anchored, disconnecting it. He flew backwards down the wave as the tires screeched on landing. The hook slammed back onto Edward’s arm while the motorcycle threatened to tip over back at the bottom. Isabella squinted her ancient eyes to lock onto the target from her broomstick. The light of the double moons temporarily blinded her; she shot anyway, sending a fireball far out.
“Vrooom!”
Edward revved the motorcycle below riding a rock formation wave like a surfer. It jumped over one, and landed effortlessly into another naturally formed half-pipe.
“Hmfff.. Die,” hissed Isabella.
She had become so tilted on her broom that the next shot flew far over Edward’s head. He turned his head to the side with a shit eating grin and winked back in her direction. The explosive shots started flying rapid fire hot and heavy explosions all around. The tip of her wand composed of twisted magic material threatened to burst apart. The bike steamed through a sheet of flames that burned holes in the leather and bounced off the rider’s scales.
“Haha Pfffb,” Edward taunted with his tongue stuck out in defiance.
She smiled back at him, sheathed her wand and winked. Edward looked around confused why she wasn’t big mad anymore until he turned to see an incoming crash. The tanker truck swinging in the air was not far off from his face instead of being high above. He looked below and his mouth opened slackjaw as his bike picked up speed as it fell off the steep canyon he had driven off. The wind whistled, while the butterflies bounced around his stomach as he dropped. Edward shot towards a tiny dried out river that was getting bigger zipping towards a 1000 foot drop.
“One for the money, two for the show,” he yelled, smacking the electric crystal.
“Zaaap!”
As the final hit of juice surged through his body, he aimed the hook to the sky.
“Hehehe,” cackled Isabella, following every second of his fall with her wand.
She saw the hook shoot up and raised both eyebrows with glee. The fast approaching prospect of shooting out his last ditch attempt of a lifeline from him filled her with pleasure. As soon as the anchor was hooked to anything it would be blown apart, and the former prince would splatter. The air pressure changed as the shrill shriek of something big pierced her ears.
“Huh?”
The winds were disturbed as loud flapping intensified. A giant eagle almost ran over the witch spinning throughout the air out of control on her broomstick. She did a barrel roll and hissed as she thought she saw Edward mounted on the creature’s back.
“REEEEeeee where did he find that creature,” she fumed, angrily waving a fist, while her spit flew like venom.
The witch on the broom sped in the direction of the giant bird that had almost maimed her. Meanwhile Edward hung high in the sky slowly pulled toward the airship he had managed to hook. The motorcycle exploded into a tiny mushroom cloud far below his swinging feet. The air barge hauled the floating tanker full of juice in the other direction towards the Capital City with a special guest onboard for the royal wedding.
