“ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT!”
The sirens blurted out on the bad side of the capital city. The dirty streets flooded with acid rain as spotlights patrolled where even the guard didn’t dare set foot. A dark alley blew trash in the wind briefly illuminated by passing patrol.
A cardboard box scuttled between two dumpsters while glass bottles smashed below it. The hook sliced straight through taped flaps of the box revealing Edward standing outside a power station. He felt winded, putting his hand over his chest and felt the artificial witches hard slowing to a crawl. He was rapidly losing steam and all hope of completing revenge. His eyes locked onto the fuzebox seconds before his hook.
“ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaap!”
The searchlights continued searching for the fugitive lurking on the loose with his purple colored crystal cutting murder machine tucked up his sleeve. He had a humpback and walked like a spent pimp. Edward was a prowler wearing a camouflage of trash collected on the road. His armor includes bent signs mixed with trash can lids and a tattered tarp draped over his ever expanding crystal cyst deposits. The hook was now permanently fused to him due to his evolving mutations. He could retract it into a pouch in his ever swelling cancerous stump of a hand. If somebody wanted to steal his precious treasure again it would be virtually impossible.
A massive neon sign marked this the “Players area.” A casino that still wore the significance of dead King Mardin the 4th. His majesty's approval rating was currently at record highs rehabilitated by nostalgia and time spent not returning from the dead. The outside of the building was littered with bums, with the bouncer asleep at the wheel. The posters of long lost blockbusters tacked with years of papers weathered beyond deciphering.
The kingdom hadn’t had a tre revolution to uproot Mardin’s seeds he had planted everywhere during his lifetime. All over growing wild here the coconut and palm trees littered growing from cracks in the curbside. Whilst the old man was still alive he had the entry covered in officially commissioned graffiti that had been long overcrowded with outsider artists.
Inside the dirty bar was filled with stale smoke, old gossip and wrinkly thin folk. The buffet had a few syrupy hotplates, fried food, and flies. Edward set forth a route down the yellow brick road of fading gold. He walked underneath a giant flying balloon painted in his fathers image, although they no longer technically shared the same bloodline. The poker tables sat unmanned full of dust. The ancient zombie piano player in the corner slowly hit his notes to a crawling bpm of 34 in D minor waltz. There were many neon displays flashing corny words, pretty ladies, and spinning prizes. The waiter carried out a tray of nachos with the cheese dripping onto the floor. A slot machine matched a picture of three Terp’s and a jingle began to play with flashing lights.
“Crystals are for all to worship, when we go they take us home, the more you expose yourself in life the better the chance of winning the odds for better reincarnation favors, you oddball getting paid by the house,” A voice sang accompanied by horns.
“Clink, clack, clunk.” the coins started raining into a nearby rewards tray.
An old geezer lifted a mask hooked by tubing to a small air supply crystal in celebration. His eyes were too preoccupied with growing greed to see the creature sneaking behind. The lady at the front desk spotted him though.
“Hello sir, can I help you?” She called, lifting up the phone and mumbling something shady to a third party.
Edward lurched out of the shadows revealing his mutations run rampant.
“I’m visiting a friend upstairs,” he croaked, still cloaked underneath the cloak made of tarp.
“Uhm sir the hotel portion is closed, all rooms are closed for renovations,” she said, holding her nose, before whispering something even lower into the phone.
“Do you need directions to the hospital sir,” a man’s voice called behind.
Edward lumbered past the front desk as she ducked for cover. A security guard had a knife in one hand and some kind of gizmo in his other. He cautiously followed the strange creature from a safe distance.
“I have a room upstairs, and I need to retrieve what’s mine,” hissed the aimless monster.
The hook shot out sailing over the man dolphin diving to the floor. The chain clanked as it retracted from the water fountain and the shooting fluid.
“Run,” said the guard.
The woman sprinted from the desk out of there with a janitor who ran from the bathroom. The hook clicked back into place. Edward aimed it again. He walked forward to close range and harpooned the pursuer to the floor. The taser he held shocked another victim to the final frontier.
“Ooo yeah gimme my juice,” said Edward, retracting the bloody corpse on the winch built into his arm connecting the hook via cable.
He kicked away the dead grabbing the prize he had been looking for.
“Zap!”
It wasn’t much, but the looted taser would keep him going for now. He walked past an elevator of screaming people as the door closed just in time for them to escape. The door to the stairs was kicked open. Edward climbed atop the railing and looked up. His hook shot after his gaze smashing somewhere in the roof it stuck. He zipped straight up climbing to the top with ease.
The door to the “Kings suite” was knocked off its hinges. The area was dark until the shudders over the lights were rolled back. The place was cleaned spotless and smelled of fresh mint. He walked forward. A big trunk in the corner shuddered. It began to rumble as he approached it. Edward cursed to himself clumsily fooling around with the lock. He smashed it in one fell motion. The truck flipped open revealing an elf tied and gagged in a princess costume inside.
“Well Hello there, it’s a good thing elf’s can hibernate for long periods of time in order to stay thin and don’t shit,” said Edward ripping off the duct tape over their face.
He cut off the ropes that bound them.
“I completely forgot the guys kidnapped you into the back of our tour bus so I could be forced to marry you. Oh well I’m sorry I used to be committed to such evil causes, but I’ve run out of time so it is what it is to get lost,” he finished, slashing the ropes off the hostage.
The elf ran away quickly. The coast was clear to get out the big guns. An “Eval” branded panel peeled away on input of a juvenile 8008 code hastily typed into a hidden keypad. In a secret alcove was a jet pack and an extremely convenient upgrade for the hook he possessed. He struggled strapping on the pack with only one human hand. The hook upgrade was a snap-on defensive accessory: a magnet combined with a defense crystal that was an emergency shield. He could pull things towards him in two entirely different ways now.
Outside the moons were full. The party of three sat behind the curtain at the end of the hallway, with one watching the walls, and two chewing into fresh lean meat. Edward left the building by smashing out of the skylight due to the overheating pack of magma propulsion power. Mickey rushed to the door to keep it open.
“Psst he's been cheating on you Nancy,” said Ratom, lifting up his bloody lips from the elven princess’s throat.
“Enough you runt,” said Nancy, the blind skeleton wearing dented elven plotting armor.
“Let's get out of here and see where he flies before we lose him again,” cried Mickey, his body folding in on itself at the seams.
Nancy tossed a Farc crystal into a panel, and hit the trigger. A portal opened into a wall, but she smacked the plaster nearby.
“This way,” said the leprechauns taking her bony fingers into the portal heading straight to the center of the planet.
Outside the figure sputters out in between the duel full moons. The jet-pack wasn’t holding up, and the figure came crashing down. A metal roof was ripped up as the creature armored by crystal scales landed in a hay bale.
Edward barged through a wall and sped into the next room. It was dark until he plowed through a register, and floated onto the street with dollar bills falling through the air. The monster continued its rampage down a nightmare alley towards whatever it picked to victimize as the next target.
A power station hummed ahead. This was a big one. There wasn’t any time to play any stealthy games with Killin Hood. Now was the time to strike head on, and while the element of surprise was an option. A set of three Knights had been deployed to guard the area. They patrolled in shifts, and only one was up after midnight. He smoked a corn cob behind the small wooden guard post. The light was on and the gate was down.
“Smash.”
The knight almost fell off his chair, but quickly recovered. He pulled a knob underneath his desk ringing the alarm. Then he ran out with his crystal cutting sword drawn. The electricity surged out shooting straight into his veins. It exploded into sparks. The streetlights stalled, and the record playing in the dinner next door skidded to a halt with the bus that crashed lamely. The two remaining knights were awoken. They came steaming out of their barracks towards the commotion. The creature rolled in the power station soaking up the gigawatts. His skeleton smoked, and his bones lit up with surges of juice.
“Ahh that's better,” hummed Edward, walking from the open electrode stone he had been fondling.
The knights aimed their guns.
“Halt, final warning,” said one.
Edward ignored them, and they started blasting him. He activated his magnetic shield. The bullets were stopped mid air by the purple bubble that formed with a yellow outline. The projectiles began to turn on those that had fired them. The knights tried to run as the bullets shot with the launched hook. The hook completely missed harpooning a car. The bullets filled both retreating knights with holes.
Meanwhile the multi day royal wedding had been put on hold on day 4 of twelve. Killin Hood had departed Capital City on an airship in the very early morning. Now he and his carefully selected posse flew towards their destination. They entered the desert biome by suppertime landing where dessert was served melting ice cream sandwiches with lime breading.
There were already several drop-ships parked next door gathering Isabella's dead body on a stretcher on route to the morgue. The tracks were being followed by blood hounds that barked happily to hunt. The tumbleweeds and birds were shot on sight and the cactus were already extinct.
“Sir, down the valley we have located donkey tracks,” called a voice over the crystal band Terp receiver.
“Alright I'll be right on down,” said Killin Hood, revving his big hog.
He drove his ivory motorcycle, with at least half of it constructed of endangered species and crystal. It revved ear splittingly loud moving five feet off a steel off the ramp from the cargo hold. The vehicle had sharp tusks that would impale anything that got in the way. The desert sat empty in the night due to every mammal hiding except the soldiers ahead that had thrown a flare at their feet a mile down.
The bike jumped off a ledge, and skidded down a rock ramp. It revved up a bend blowing up gravestones of a small cemetery under the spiked tires.
“See them tracks there sir,” yelled the special ops goon, pointing on the fast approach..
The bike purred stalking beside the soldiers. It flew out of the tall grass, circled them like a predator. The kickstand hit the ground.
“I think I have a pretty good idea of the final loose end that needs to be cleaned up before I get my happy ending,” said Killin Hood, crouching to the ground for a closer inspection.
“This isn’t the work of a normal donkey,” he finished, adjusting his hunting gloves.
He took out a fresh from the factory multi shot crossbow. It had bolts loaded with all sorts of crystal ends to snuff out life in different ways. The man would be a cakewalk to kill, but the other thing traveling with was the hunt of a lifetime. A one of a kind thing to be the only person to ever kill. He strapped the crossbow to his back as something vibrated in his pocket. The banana phone was ringing off the hook.
“Hello?” said Killin Hood, peeling back the receiver.
“Yes this is the morgue we have your dead witch here,” said the voice on the other end.
“Yes, get her back from the core at any cost, a zombie caster of a spell I desire to heed my commands going forward to raise more soldiers,”.
“Yes sir,”.
Killin Hood checked his messages. There were three, and the first two were ads he skipped through. The next one was an alert from his wife. His stepchild had gotten loose out of prison. She was ready to be controlled into a boss battle.
“Keep following this trail, and eliminate the two if possible, I'll have to continue following this thread a little later,” said Killin Hood, heading back.
“Yes sir chanted the men," a squadron of thirty seven more were hot on their heels. .
Killin Hood drove back up the ramp onto his airship. He boarded into the cargo hold, and quickly headed to the bridge. He stuck his head into the doorway.
“Scramble us back to the capital city on the double."
“Yes sir."
Killin Hood retired to his quarters where he had work to do. The brat was about to get cooked. He powered on an analog TV connected to a gaming console. Next he picked up a remote control, and slid the antenna out as high as it would head. The screen lit up with a blurry feed of Queen Elizabethy's cyborg eyes.
He pushed down the right bumper, and her chainsaw revved on a great delay. The other trigger shot flames from her jet-pack, and her into the sky. She had already been equipped with her zillion energy crystal belt that had all twelve crystals inside. A bunch of switches that only Killin Hood could understand. It was time for that luxury to shine through vaporizing what remained of the son that had gone rabid.
