One big prismatic bubble was all it took, and suddenly Draco's quite symmetrical features were effectively warped, causing his left eye to visually distort into one giant blue planetary glare.

They'd been in the grandiose clawfoot tub for a meagre fifteen minutes, and already Audette's hysterical laughing and childish games were getting on his nerves.

"What are you snickering at now?" he sighed heavily and raised his chin to squint at her from an angle which only worsened the hilarious disfiguring effect.

Slugging from a red wine bottle he rested his neck on the porcelain lip, arms bent out of the water at his sides, trailing his fingers casually in the hot bath.

"It's Christmas day, and that calls for an astronomical application of bubbles," she sat up in gleeful tears at the scrunchy look on his face, oozing out a buttery slew of giggles.

It was impossible not to fall into an even worse bout of snorting when his eyes narrowed, following her arm shooting out of the water to paw at the Hickinbottom's Barmy Bubblebath Brew on a nearby stool, "No. Cease acting obscene. Have some wine and relax."

He held out the bottle encouragingly but she shook her head.

Instead of popping off the cork of the wine bottle, she instead went for the cork of the soapy formula. In a dramatic, pressurized thunk, it blew skywards like a champagne bullet and pinged with a ferocious crack off of one of the elaborate ceiling mirrors.

"Now look what you have done. Miniature dementor," Draco hissed in disapproval, raising his eyes to the growing splinter with a dark glare.

From the opening of the bath brew a rather splendid hodgepodge of pink sparks and aromatic swirls began to snap into the air.

"I claim not this adult energy you rudely impose upon me," Audette held it to her nose with a devilish grin on her face, threatening to slip additional soap into the currently teeming bathtub.

"The sheer insolence," Draco frowned ridiculously, reaching out of the foamy chaos to brush his sopping white hair back, "We do not need more. You've already overflowed the tub several times, not to mention the property damage you've incurred."

She stuck out her bottom lip in a dramatic pout, "But that was ten minutes ago. Now it's all gone flat and I'm having no fun at all."

Truthfully though and in all fairness to his mood, nothing had gone flat.

If anything, the bubbles had died down to a manageable level once again.

But Audette was in the mood for mischief - afterall...it was Christmas day.

Little did the strict boy know she'd already peed the tub in tandem with the soapy assaults.

"Please Draco, nobody fancies a dull wet mop," she chewed her lip and let a few drops go, raising one eyebrow tauntingly as he broke out into a responsive monologue.

"A contradictory insult; the performance of a mop is entirely contingent upon a thorough soaking. Ergo, if I were a mop and I were suitably wet, then I would be considered a valuable launderer. Give that bottle to me at once," he outstretched his arm, fingers bending tensely to wandlessly yank the soap container from her.

He was too late to notice that while he was busy ranting, Audette had already begun pouring the proliferating potion into the water where it was holy unnecessary, squealing in entertainment as the bubbles divided endlessly at the speed of a jet engine.

In seconds the lavatory was in absolute anarchy, sound-tracked by Audette's raucous sniggering as a world-consuming bubble bath beast ballooned out in all directions.

Draco completely disappeared somewhere on the other side of the bath, scoffing in detest, "Alright that's quite enough! I'm getting out before you suffocate me."

Like jello, the blob of unified bubbles wobbled back and forth as he swatted the nihilistic ebullition to procure a visual path to her.

"Oh but you're delightfully sparkly!" Audette clapped a hand to her mouth when a clear tunnel formed between them, Draco reappearing sporting a snarl and unnaturally glittery skin. His stunning platinum hair looked like it had just been dipped into a snow globe.

A defeated curl appeared on one side of his mouth, "You're lucky that I am susceptible to your ridiculous charm. Give me the bottle Audette, or as your Lord, I shall banish you from utilizing the lavatory for the remainder of your stay."

"And as your Lady that's all positively criminal by me - I'll resort to pissing on those garish rugs in the bedroom then. At least we may consider one upside to everything being as black as a rotten corpse in here. Besides, the vial is empty," Audette dropped the purple vessel in a chirpy tone.

Before both of their eyes it bobbed bottom up for a few seconds, glugged in place, then took on enough water to finally sink into the depths of castile.

In satisfaction Audette collected pink bubbles against her bare chest and popped one dainty little ankle out of the water, pointing her toes directly in his handsome face, "Let's play footsies. Pass that wine then."

Draco swerved away more of the invasive suds standing tall in the air around them before locating the wine bottle on the classic black and white tessellate Valencia tiling.

He sat back and subtly crossed his cerulean eyes over the bridge of his nose, coolly dismissing her painted golden toes wagging before him, "About...how we've been...concluding our intimacies..."

"You mean, in astounding climaxes?" winking at him, she flirtatiously ran her toes down his fit chest, purposefully sitting up straighter as she gulped back wine with intent for her breasts to fully bob out of the water.

"That's just...it..." his deep voice dropped away, mouth parting as her soapy, pink nipples came into view, staring at them floating before him in boyish transfixion as if that's where her eyes were instead.

Her heart fluttered in satiety as he phased out for a good few seconds.

He swallowed and tilted his head gently, shutting his eyes, "As pleasurable as your willing crudity has been - in view of the political circumstances, we're not exactly in the position to play Russian roulette with your fruitfulness. You will understand that I require concrete confirmation on your status."

On her...status?

Puzzled momentarily, Audette retracted herself below the water after finishing off the wine and letting it loose off to the side.

What was her status exactly?

Oh god...her fruitfulness.

His somewhat vague insinuation came into focus as he retrieved his wand and twisted it in front of his toned pecs, his blue eyes flickering between her body somewhere below the wavering surface and her quizzical expression.

She crossed her arms defensively, feeling as if she were being accused of a crime, "I've repeatedly informed you that I have a protection charm cast in place. Surely you don't think me so scandalous as one of those tramps you've been with before."

"I haven't been with any tramps before," Draco held his fortitude on the topic, speaking tersely, "Forgive me if I harbor obvious trust issues, because you've been nothing but unsuspectedly scandalous with me for months. You won't mind the few seconds it will cost to substantiate your claims of protection."

"Oh I mind, but I see that it is not a choice. Best get on with it then," she snapped curtly, unfolding her arms demonstratively at her sides as if to indicate she were an open target.

"Don't get snippy with me. I will not father a child into this world right now, not in this state," he smiled sarcastically at her with deadpan blue eyes, muttering a spell under his breath which produced a winding golden medical thread from the tip of his wand.

It slithered gracefully below the bubbles towards her naked form, and although the resulting diagnosis was blurred by the soapy ceiling of floating castile, the submarine flash of green over her abdomen was all that was needed to verify said claims.

"Satisfied, my Lord?" Audette stared at him rather contumaciously that her word had not been trusted, pushing her tongue into the inside of her cheek as he placed his wand back on the shared stool they were utilizing as a makeshift table.

He was right though, at the end of it all, that much she could not argue.

At such a tribulating political hairpin in time, Draco's worries regarding childbearing between them were not unjustified in the slightest. Audette realized as much, imagining the horrors of having her first baby in the same household as Lord Voldemort's council being held mere floors below their private wing.

"Exceptionally satisfied. In fact..." his dazzling bright eyes grew hooded and flirty once more, catching on her supple cleavage and collarbones.

She felt his long fingers clamp down on her extended ankle below the water, tugging her six inches closer in one rough go, "In fact, I'm feeling rather more impatient than ever to rid myself of this cleansing activity. I insist we spend all day in our bed - clothing itinerant, upon your spirit."

Our bed.

What a statement that was to digest.

He massaged her foot in soothing swirls, eyes swimming with predatory reverie, "What say we aspire for more of those astounding climaxes, my Lady?"

It did sound dreadfully splendid; spending the entire day overblown on bubbly and chocolate, in their bed, all wrapped up in his burning warmth.

Just spotting that masculine gleam in his eyes - one that was irrefutably feral and dangerous - sent her soaring into a hormonal tizzy.

Audette sucked on her lower lip, eagerly imagining an agenda for the festive day...aside from delectable bursts of undeniable sexual pandemonium.

She took in a deep breath of sudden sadness as she recalled precisely why they were in that bath in the first place - having changed over the water multiple times to rid themselves of the bloody reminder that was his near death experience an hour prior.

They were in that bath due to the indulgent - and apparently offensive - consummation of their engagement. It was almost as if they were prepared to disregard the assassination attempt on his life linked to such indulgence, heading right back to it as if nothing had occurred.

She clung to her position at the opposite end him, almond fingernails curling around the tub lip. Her gaze danced between the new green star on her left paw to his sweltering scrutiny in worry, "Just how are you feeling, Draco? Are we not going to talk about what happened?"

The room tinkled with a symphony of incessant popping from expiring bubbles as Draco's expression twisted uncomfortably.

"And what exactly is there to talk about? I told you I'm fine," he shook his head, directing his pointy attention away. Her foot was effectively dropped, and so was his enthusiasm with the change in topic.

His sharp side profile told a story of poignant weariness, and she could sense underneath it all that he hoped for one specific response or else he was about to resort to sheer avoidance.

"How unforgivably mortifying the actions of Theodore Nott have proven to be, that's what's to talk about," Audette gulped, batting her eyelashes down at the lather collecting between her knees and breasts, then to his forearm which had been sliced open and poisoned, "I'm...Draco I'm afraid I'm incapable of forgiving him this time. He might have very well killed you, and my concept of him will forever be stained."

Thank Merlin for those phoenix tears - having not only saved Draco's life at the last possible second, but now the site of the injury was as flawless as if he'd just been to a spa for a week.

She shrugged lightly when he continued to remain eerily silent, her spine tingling seeing that his beautiful eyes lingered downcast away from her, "I should apologize for not placing more protective heed on my fiancé, instead of focusing so much on my ex-boyfriend."

"Oh no, you don't say?" Draco scowled in hideous resentment of just how many months it had taken for Audette to reach this obvious conclusion, "Why don't you go back to worrying solely about him, because he's going to need all the protection he can get after what he's pulled."

She swished around bubbles in guilty torment of his prickly response, quietly considering that Draco might retract his agreements which outlined not harming Theodore in return, "You have my word that worrying about your health and wellbeing shall never be misplaced again. I've been improperly biased, and I see that now."

"Well isn't that a most irregular amendment," Draco pressed his lips together, still refusing to face her, his eyes darting in split-second glances at Audette as if he lacked trust for the support being supplied, "Don't forget, Nott knew you would be here to witness my demise when he sent that gaudy fowl from hell."

She glanced away with a jittery exhale, "You're right; it was a cruel thing of him to do, especially after all of the comforting words I afforded him last night. When I thought you were gone...that was an anguish I hope to never experience again. All I can think...is that he must have still been quite inebriated at the time of his despicable decision."

Draco rolled his eyes, "Excellent - remind me next time I am planning something diabolical that getting outrageously potted first will make it all forgivable."

Audette hummed in fatigue, "You know that is not what I meant. I never implied forgiveness, merely mindful deconstruction."

Draco had derided the living hell out of Theodore Nott for three-quarters of a year. It was sensationally unfair to act shocked at the arrival of a nuclear mental break down originating from the broken boy.

Of course Theodore had reached a point of murderous hysteria, but pointing this out was not only counterproductive on her behalf, but also dim-witted.

"Do you want to know what that note said, Audette?" Draco squinted at her suspiciously, as though she'd bore some responsibility in it's scripture.

He paused long enough that her heart fell in feverish dread within her chest.

Holding her eye contact in caustic rigidity, he fumed on in a smoldering tone, "It said: She betrays you in the end. Enjoy it while you can."

Audette shook her head at his critical silver glare, long waves of blond locks wet at the farthest reaches, swirling around her shoulders with the grace of a mermaid.

Her stomach spun as if food poisoning had unpacked it's bags in her gastric tract, "That is absolutely preposterous. Unless you're proposing to act so reprehensibly that I cannot return from your choices, there is no possibility, I assure you."

An unspoken reflection lingered between them like a stale cloud of invisible smoke, Audette feeling quite lost for provisional pamper without greater illumination.

Could this parlay be rooted in veracity, possibly stemming from a functioning time turner? Or was it nothing short of intended, pernicious disharmony?

There was no possible method in which to confirm such a taxing accusation.

This comprehension in mind, Draco brooded for a hot second, his gaze longing and heavy against the slippery grains of the porcelain cask, "Let us hope for your sake that it is a load of balderdash. I am equally as cruel as I am generous. You mustn't forget that many aspects of my role lay outside of my control - Merlin pray your dedication remains constant as I battle through whatever becomes expected of me."

Both of them were rendered speechless then, pensive and chapfallen in the bath.

He sighed heavily for a long second before gradually raising those freezing blue eyes, his fingers trickling up and down her leg below the bubbles, "I should express my appreciation for you preserving my life, although you certainly did your best to produce a blasted mess. It looks as if a tornado touched down in my office."

Audette grinned tight-lipped in relief that his nasty side had contained itself under the pretenses, "Hmm, I thought I'd keep you around for a bit longer. You know, to continue doting upon my every whim."

"Think me a slave, do you, Wonderland?" Draco's expression softened stoically.

"Undeniably," she turned her face to the side interactively, "You are right about one thing; a tornado did touch down in your office. Tornados do tend to unearth hidden troves, so it is rumored. Care to explain the bountiful surplus of suspiciously labelled Polyjuice potions I discovered in my frenzy?"

"Alright," Draco snorted air softly out of his nose to her surprise, before tapping the side of the tub in three perfectly timed knocks.

Audette yelped in shock when the submarine apparatus shook them in place like a dog wringing out wet fur, then in groaning metallic screeches it proceeded to walk them - water, sponges, bubbles and all - towards a diamond-carved wine rack mounted to a nearby wall.

When they were firmly planted before the supreme depository of intoxicants, the tub shuddered once, then - as if it had developed a hidden blow-hole - a huge blast of discourteously expelled bubbles shot out from the center of the water towards the ceiling tiles.

The once opulent lavatory could now pass for a fifth grader's science experiment; dripping top to bottom with suds and soap and empty bottles, playing host to an animated bathtub with clicking nails that apparently had taken a liking to Audette for overfeeding it.

It was the sort of wonderful witchy mayhem that belonged to such a monumental occasion as Christmas day.

Everything was warm and silly, and the room smelled of sugar cookies, candles and booz.

Draco reached up mindlessly and grabbed at a third wine bottle, "You snoopy little sleuth."

"I had no choice, it's not as if there was a neon sign flashing potions yonder," she defended.

As he drifted his fingers over the various labels, Audette's eyes remained transfixed on his slim athletic figure, "You really can't keep your claws off of my private possessions, can you? First my bedside drawer, then my nursery, and now my office. I think you'd better invite me back to that dilapidating castle of yours so I may return the favor of invasive meddling."

"You shall spend all your rakish time there ruffling through my lingerie drawer and making fun of the Bellarose Biodome. Don't think your insulting hamster trademark went undetected to me all these years," Audette quipped with her eyebrows raised, pressing her toes into his abs in a repeated prod.

He ripped out the cork on a priceless Montrachet Grand Cru with his ivory teeth and passed it to her, his vivid gaze sly and promiscuous, "Sure, because I'm just dying to sift through your Victorian bloomers."

"I've got plenty of racy panties too," Audette defended herself in a high pitch that was not remotely convincing. She really did not - he'd already seen all three pairs she happened to own...one of which she'd worn for the first time ever the night prior.

"Riiight, and I've invented an elevator to the moon - shall we go for a ride in it afterwards?" he sent a sarcastic sneer at her that made Audette feel extraordinarily abashed about her inelaborate underwear collection.

He quickly moved on when her smiled faded, "Well in any case, that Biodome is slated to be in my possession one day. I harbor no lingering reason to throw it under the broom, nor label my fiancée as a hamster. As for the Polyjuice - I owe my first kiss with you to that potion collection, and I'll be damned if even you could guilt me."

Audette received the wine bottle with her jaw dropping dramatically, pausing with her fingers on his during the transfer, "You great lying bastard. Our first kiss was during that Quidditch match in September."

"Tell me you can't recall at least one instance that was bizarre between you and Cosmos?" Draco leaned far back, crookedly smiling at her until his veiled remark caught traction.

She looked straight into those imploring blue orbs in jolting recognition, sitting up straight in the water, "No you did not, that day in February..."

He shrugged theatrically, tugging at Audette's frail wrist to draw her into his lap sideways, "Perhaps I was exhausted waiting about for any fragment of relief."

She slung her legs over the lip of the tub so that her silky calves shone in the candlelight, facing him in breathy shock. From her suspended toes soap and water dripped onto the already saturated tiles below, and the large bottle of vino settled between them with it's neck hardly clearing the suds, "You absolute imposter. It's indefensible."

"Oh it is quite defensible, I assure you; I was going restlessly mad with unquenched desire. I could only break so many bones on the Quidditch field before a full-blown murder occurred in the name of frustration," Draco raised one eyebrow at her in a sinister, and utterly beguiling manner, his fingers tickling up her bare ribs to cup and pinch at her breasts.

"I'm still frustrated," he began to press his lips against her neck, his breath heavy and riled with each exhale, to match with the stiffness growing below her backside.

His hands slithered everywhere across her chest in romantic tenderness, squeezing in a subtle grace that left him gasping quietly and left Audette positively dizzy.

She hung her head back in responsive bliss, meeting her mirror reflection on the revealing ceiling above, watching with bright green eyes herself being ravaged splendidly by a beautiful pale boy.

The warm water around them was now an opaque murk of chalk and resilient bubbles clinging to the sidelines.

His fingers appeared here and there just hardly above the calm surface of the bath as he drove her perky breasts upwards, trickling as far as her shoulders in groping waves.

"I will always hunt you if you run from me," he hushed to her in a throaty tone potent with lust. Suddenly that hand which was partially submerged shot to below her jaw, clamping down against her jugular just hard enough to promote mild, promiscuous discomfort.

"The greenhouses? That was the day?" she breathed in helpless swoon.

A glistening call of droplets followed suit her fingers dragging from the water to imbed into his long hair from behind.

"Yes," Draco's hot breath tickled her collarbones in confirmation.

One outrageous occasion in their fifth year, only once, Guy Cosmos had blatantly kissed Audette, yet she'd always shrugged it off due to the environmental circumstances.

After that day they'd never truly talked about it again; partly because Audette felt guilty, and partly because Guy had acted as if it was a total fable when she even dared dance around the idea.

"Kiss a girl? Detty darling, keep your saucy dreams to yourself. I'd sooner snog a Blast-Ended Skrewt," he'd scoffed at her ludicrosity.

Now looking back on the memory, his evasiveness all made sense.

Audette recalled thinking that Guy's Slytherin robes had been phenomenally devoid of chocolate and burn holes that day, yet historically not one set of his Hogwarts-issued attire had ever survived unblemished from his bad habits.

That Saturday morning in February she'd been eating alone in the Great Hall, seeing as the rest of the Slytherin girls were off plucking out inappropriate costumes for the secret Imbolc pagan party coming up - skimpy outfits that Audette regrettably was banned from wearing.

No point in dragging herself along to window shop in wanton agony.

She'd been enjoying reading the school paper all on her own anyways, specifically finding an article entitled Dumbledore Vs Dolores; Decree Delirium to be quite funny.

Of course, it was only a matter of time before Dolores Umbridge banned the school newspaper as well.

The issuance was a notably bold, Gryffindor move by Colin Creevey to scrutinize her hysterical employment of educational decrees.

A new perfectly framed rule popped up on the wall outside the Great Hall nearly every day or two at most. Akin to a Snellen chart hanging in an eye doctor's office, they were designed with dynamic lettering that kept getting tinier and tinier towards the bottom until whatever clause she was unable to avoid became unreadable.

Filch had risked snapping his spine just to please the frumpy woman by balancing on unsafe ladders he himself continued to extend in his private time.

Reaching well beyond a staggering six meter height now - in violation of every possible safety standard - his gurgly endeavors procured quite an audience of stunned students each time he climbed the wobbly creation to nail another decree in place.

The latest proclamation that had been discovered bright and early that morning read as such; All Students Wishing To Darn Personal Garb Shall Submit Their Full Wardrobes For Review Prior To Departing Private Quarters.

Unfortunately, Dolores Umbridge was the Debutant Director in the Wizarding ton, and as such Audette was not unfamiliar with the wicked spinster.

The only positive that came of the circumstances was that the barbaric oppressor keenly approved of Audette's eccentric and courtly day wear and had thereby left her virtually alone.

It was either that Audette had yet to do anything to set her off, or that Dolores was atypically afraid of stepping on the toes of someone else much bigger than her at the British Ministry For Magic; Montgomery Bellarose.

It was worth noting that only an imbecile wouldn't be deathly terrified of Audette's father. After he taught as a guest one day for Care of Magical Creatures in their fourth year, the student population began to coin him the Monocle Monster.

This singular occasion had instilled electrifying horror into more than half of the class, who had walked back to the castle trembling and quiet.

The batty High Inquisitor's severe regard for old aristocratic ways dating several centuries back, meant that she not only dressed like a Victorian Era settee herself, but that she felt the need to impose these standards on literally everyone.

Or, the barely legible fine print at the bottom of the latest decree stated, students were encouraged to wear their Hogwarts-approved attire seven days a week in place of suitable alternatives.

At a minimum, Audette would no longer stick out like a sore thumb.

She had been lost staring at the lineup of tense and unhappy faculty members pressing through a late morning meal, each one properly pissed off after having to put up with Dolores' rigmarole reign for months, when a voice caused her to spill cold tea all over her lap, "Exciting times for Bellarose...can't be heckled anymore for her ancient attire. Think Trippy Trelawney could have predicted that before she was finally booted from the property?"

"Make yourself scarce, Malfoy, you sore tooth," Audette's left eye began to instantly twitch in irritation, rolling her face to where he had just slipped into the bench across from her.

If she had accompanied her then boyfriend over his weekend excursion, Theodore Nott, then this run-in would have been superbly avoided.

The handsome genius was not exactly a friend to Draco anymore - viewing the boy as boorish and libertine - and Audette had been instructed to respect his wishes to maintain clear boundaries.

He'd departed that Friday evening for a technomagical conference in Rome. It was set to debate the moralities behind producing "Sentient Elastomers."

It would be a whole load of scientific gibberish and magical words Audette could never comprehend; men in withering hats with long beards shouting in ancient dialects and women with intricate sorcerous jewelry all fighting with one another...

No thanks, that sounded like an awful weekend.

Until a certain prince of darkness decided to show up and accost her out of the blue.

Draco was entirely alone, separated from his posse of hectoring nitwits for once, reaching forward to jam multiple green apples into his pockets as if the commonplace fruit was a delicacy he hadn't seen in multiple years.

How he did not give himself acidic stomach aches from chronically consuming the stringent, fibrous fruit had always remained a mystery to Audette.

Silver rings glinting from the sunlight streaming in through the tall windows, he pulled his droopy verdant hood over flawless platinum hair which seemed to be bleaching whiter every passing year.

She frowned as he tisked under his breath, "Merely pointing out that you're in luck fossil fashion has come back into style."

"And what are you, the All Amazing Alliterating Arsehole?" Audette cussed back, grabbing up the school paper to create a flimsy vertical divide between them.

She knew better than to entertain him, especially after the latest incident at his birthday the past summer.

This had led to several months of bickering between her and Theo, of which such misunderstandings had finally begun to soothe and vanish.

Theo's jealous inquiries were like Jack In The Box jump-scares; every time Audette thought that the interrogating was over, another round of hateful questioning sprouted up to ruin the next day.

Audette closed her sparkly eyelids behind the protective cover of the tabloid, coined in witchy terms Sabbat's Spiel, fighting off the urge to ball up the parchment and whack those manicured eyebrows clean off Draco's face when he burst out laughing on the other side.

If he wasn't careful, she was going to end up blowing up and throwing the entire bowl of green apples at him from a two foot distance.

"See Goyle isn't the only one who can't read around here," he snorted aggressively, using his wand to pull down the center of the newspaper.

Audette had not even realized she was holding the stupid thing upside down whilst pretending to read so he would go away.

Blushing hot pink as his frosty gaze crept over the fine edge of the newspaper, she childishly blurted out a nonsensical defense, "As it so happens, I'm reading upside down on purpose."

"Is this one of Umbridge's latest punishments? Have you worn your bow a little too loosely?" Draco harassed her without a seconds hesitation, balancing his chin in his hand with a snide grin on his face. His eyes trailed around her head to where a silk bow was interlaced perfectly tightly into her blond strands, then to her humiliated expression.

"Well if you must know, I was exercising the dexter..." she blinked through Theodore's nearly misplaced explanation of cranial hemispheres, the newspaper slipping flat to the table in humiliation as her fingers grew limp, "...the dexter lateral of my brain..."

Eesh, was that even a thing?

Oh no...

"Ohoohooo, let's have a show of your gobsmacking skills then, Detty," Draco arrogantly sneered Guy's nickname at her, his hot-blue eyes drilling straight into hers in response to the obvious fabrication.

"How dare you call me anything other than Bellarose. Mind your manners," Audette grew wise to the fact that she was once again sweating buckets from a familiar nervous sensation when in his presence.

If history was any indicator, she had about a two minute time span before the surface of her skin was one million degrees and she was knee-deep in stinky fibs and sheepish circumspection.

"Fine, Bellarose," Draco shrugged, his eyebrows animated in clear entertainment, "I'll read from this end, and you'll read aloud upside down without bunging it up. This whole paragraph here on Globetrotting Giddysnappers should do it, lot's of complex terminology to prove your point."

"Actually I've arranged to meet with Cosmos in the greenhouses," Audette did her best to swiftly escape the corner she'd back herself into upon noticing the dizzying verbiage in the selected paragraph, which even if she attempted reading at a normal angle would be tricky.

"Curious. I could have sworn I spotted him heading into the village with that parade of Slytherin hussies not thirty minutes ago. Suppose you've been savagely ditched," Draco commented confrontationally as Audette packed up her possessions, "But if you're feeling lonesome and seeking company-"

"-Then I shall seek out one of those miserable, weeping Forest Squonks over-"

"-Over the likes of me. Pity, you can't think of anything original, rather than repeating the same sentence," Draco conceded dryly, watching her stand in a shaking mess, "You've already used Forest Squonks twice this year."

"If only the message sank in I would not be forced to repeat it. Good day," Audette stubbornly adjusted her pretty turquoise umbrella dress before sticking out her tongue at him like a child.

She grabbed up the newspaper, then abruptly decided to fling it into his chest.

Before she had made it but three steps she spun on her heel to glare her twitchy eye in manic regard, seeing that his face remained blank and calm, "Correction; bad day. Have yourself a bad day, because you're a bad, bad boy."

"What an elementary conclusion. Yes, I think I might spend it exercising the dexter lateral of my brain," Draco chewed on his tongue as several neighboring Slytherin students sniggered along with him.

Audette was flustered beyond belief when she reached the greenhouses to cool down, which were exactly that in the middle of February; cool.

The three amalgamated, glassed structures reeking of soil, sap and an abundance of plant slimes were maintained at a minimum centigrade that prevented the vegetation from perishing. However it did little to warm the skin, and normally she would not be caught freezing her hair bows off in there during the wintry months.

Alas, she daren't return to the common room in case Malfoy was hanging around to point out her idiotic claims from earlier.

"Look at me, I can read upside down," Audette dually facepalmed herself, both hands flat to her burning cheeks.

She groaned theatrically and kicked her slipper at a metal-frame table. It was supporting an army of clippings from the dying whomping willow that the seventh year students were attempting to propagate independently in pots of fertile Mooncalf dung.

A whole load of the grumpy flora shook in place, some going so far as to form tiny spiked fists of outrage which provided direct insight into which exact specimen they had been retrieved from.

She passed by another section of potted trees with lovely palmate fronds, roped off and guarded by a lopsided warning sign reading, "Beware of the Musaceous Malforms."

What looked to be nothing more innocuous than clusters of multi-stemmed finger banana shrubs was in fact a series of magically mutated treelike plants that when stimulated incorrectly, tended to burst their hanging fruits like slimy grenades.

"Stupid wisecracking bastard," Audette crossed her arms over her weighty Victorian dress as she drifted tepidly through aisles of mysterious botanical specimens.

Still, even though disgruntlement was now the flavor of the morning, she could not help succumbing to the agrarian scents and calming bewitchery presented by the organic essences proliferating in the air.

She closed her eyes and fell prey to the auditory similitude of trickling water all around, disentangling her angry posture to run her fingers along ferns and leaves as she wandered by.

The glass façades of the geodesic domes were tinted with green specked molds, weathered by cracks, and overrun with groveling vines as thick as a grown man's biceps, blotting out certain corners in such thick conglomerations that the sun or stars - depending on the time of day - were left masked from interpretation.

"Psst. Psst. Psst..."

Curious magical flowers twisted their pistils after the pretty, troubled girl, perhaps debating what sort of weed she was based on the fringes of her gown, hushing to one another in pitches that the human ear could only delibly capture before the age of twelve.

Audette found a large oak tree in the center of Greenhouse Two, which held the honor of governing it's very own tree pit. The soil was mounded to cover an extensive root system, retained by a low limestone brick wall covered in trailing ivy, spanning an astounding ten meter radius.

Below it's base was dotted a myriad of bright red and pink mushrooms with cordate caps.

She balled up her long skirt in both hands and clambered presumptuously over the wall, then through the blue flowering carpet, all the while careful to avoid squashing any residing fungi or blossoms, then fell against the base of the magnificent specimen, and shut her eyes.

Her thick embroidered skirt fanned out in all directions, and Audette kicked off her matching powder blue slippers recklessly. The opaque white stockings she was required to wear under all gowns by her mother and governesses would be stained mercilessly by the rich soil afoot, but there was plenty more somewhere in the world to replace them, surely.

Silence...

No pressure to correct her attire from an outside source.

No pressure to study for topics she couldn't care less for.

Only the voiceless sigh of residing verdure...

...for a few solitary minutes...

"Who's a stupid wisecracking bastard?" Guy's comforting voice brought her about in surprise.

She opened her right eye in confoundment that once more someone had snuck up on her in a dreamy state.

There he was; her bestfriend, yet quite unusually clean.

He was presenting with bright blond hair and blue eyes that he rarely ever selected for his daily physiognomy - traits well selected by Draco considering that if the effects of the Polyjuice began to fail he would have time to escape before peripheral features began to fail his disguise.

He'd trickled in after her, hands jammed into Slytherin robe pockets. He lifted one foot to balance athletically off the masonry wall in a boyish mannerism unfamiliar to Guy, who was known as the class clutz.

His quaff appearance and coordinated movements aught to have been a dead giveaway as to who it really was below that familiar figure, not to mention how he knew where to find her and how he had managed to impossibly return to the castle from Hogsmeade in the blink of an eye.

T-T had emerged from her pocket and plunked down in her lap, rubbing at his black beady eye with a quite unpleasant growl, "Snakes do tend to shed their skin in earnest vulnerability, although we'd best identify in some situations the opposite doth occur."

Theodore had gifted him his first bowtie for New Year's Eve; a golden adornment he now refused to remove, sitting there with silly poise as if he himself were a genius as well.

"What a load of hogwash. Go back to sleep, it's only Cosmos," Audette had responded flick of the wrist, scooping up the biting bear to bury him back in her pocket despite his efforts to resist. She sucked on her finger where he'd bitten her twice, sure that he would poop in her pocket before the day had concluded, "I thought for certain you'd gone to the village."

He blinked and squinted up through the foggy lens of the greenhouse roof, "Well I thought it unfair you were left alone today after all."

"Charming of you, after that rant about your frivolous costume design," Audette frowned suspiciously, holding closed the top of her pocket where T-T was clawing for his freedom, his pipsqueak voice trilling advice from within his fabric imprisonment.

Audette smirked at Guy wickedly, "You're being awfully quiet, has something occurred I don't know of? Did you tear another pair of those Houdini brand panties? I've told you to stop scratching your arse so often."

Guy snorted and contained a chuckle, shaking his head, "I'll have to remember that fact. Move over."

"Would you be careful? You're trampling all the pretty fungi," Audette had cried when he carelessly picked his way towards her. Three of the mushrooms when stomped upon produced rather noxious plumes of pink gas, little hearts popping off in mesmerizing snaps in the air.

Suddenly they were surrounded by the bizarre scent of chocolates.

He pressed his back against the tree and wrapped his arms around his bent knees, staring down at her reverently, "It smells just like Honeydukes. I figure should bulldoze this whole bed."

Audette wrinkled her nose in shock of the sugary scent, starting to feel rather warm and oozy, "How peculiar indeed, it's like Christmas desert. What if it isn't safe to inhale?"

"What if it isn't safe to inhale?" he mocked her voice in a high squeal, laughing obnoxiously.

Her heart had begun to beat rather fast and intensely, little hums escaping her lips as she watched him kick at multiple more meaty blooms with boyish animosity, "Cozzy I wouldn't go doing that. Don't you feel strange from it?"

She'd never known him to express a need to smash at things like a brute, much rather tiny, helpless mushrooms. When he turned to look at her with a glistening gaze she had her answer that he too was out of sorts, "Relax, Bell-Detty, it's not even killing them, they're like sponges, look."

The mushrooms were more than sponges, they were actively snapping up tiny white fibrous roots and reburying them below the moss, slowly crawling towards the pair.

Audette sucked up her knees towards her chest to protect her socked toes, "Now you've enraged them."

"Aw, afraid of a few active Amanita?" he placed a hand on her knee and raised a devilish eyebrow at her.

Although this finally ceased the attacks, it seemed to be too late.

Without Cosmos' jabbing prompts, poofs of pink spores were now independently being produced by the toadstools, whether or not this was out of spite or natural stimulation. The cloud around them grew so thick and opaque that vision beyond the planter wall disappeared altogether. 

"Oh my..." Audette sighed, drunk on the dizzying sensation the gas was creating in her blood stream. She hung her head against his shoulder, and buried her nose in his crooked hood.

Hmm curious, pine and smoke for once.

An entire army of the little mushrooms had stopped at their toes, bobbing up and down excitedly and spewing vapors like boiling tea kettles.

She realized she was losing control of herself when the thought crossed her mind that his robes smelled delicious that day. He seemed to be on the same page, now blowing warm breath into her hairline like a dog sniffing for a bone.

They wordlessly intertwined their hands in his lap.

Her voice left her throat slow and dopey, "You know I...do love you."

"I love you in ways you cannot begin to imagine," he'd whispered back to her with his cheek against her forehead.

He began to rub her hand with his thumb in small circles, and this caused Audette to hyperventilate, experiencing a baffling electric angst.

It was absolutely overwhelming, the desire spiraling through the spore-infused air. 

Panting just as nervously, he slid his free hand under her chin to raise her nose to his, "You've gone all doe-eyed, haven't you gorgeous?"

"Don't be silly..." she swallowed deeply as a longing of indescribable root overtook her body, shutting her eyes in the pink cloud of intoxicating spores all around them. Everything was tingly and warm, and her tummy was sick with trembling nerves as they rubbed their noses together.

Not a cell in her body or mind bothered to remind her that this was Cosmos - blech - for whatever reason. It must have been the seduction of the magical spores, assisting her with blindly seeing past the façade of who she was really was cuddling with.

The wee fungi began to tweedle in miniature singsong voices, stretching up and down vehemently, "Kiss, kiss, truuuue love, true love, kiss!"

"True love, true love!"

"Kiss!"

Before she knew it his fingers had trailed to the back of her neck and his tongue was ebbing into her mouth, and it felt good, utterly ambrosial. The kisses were soft and wet, and hot...very hot.

They snogged until their lips were tingling and their intertwined palms were sweaty and slick, only halting when Professor Sprout's shrill gasp and a dissipating spell pulled them out of the haze, "What in tarnation is all this? Those Valentoads are meant to be for Valentine's Day next week, not a private party of two! Shoo! Out of there you rapscallions, and mind your bloody romping step!"

As the sugary smog cleared so did Audette's conscience, leaning back with her mouth wide open in horror, "Oh Cozzy what are we doing? I have a boyfriend, and you're...you're gay."

With a sly smile on his face he'd shifted his eyes off wards, "That was unexpected...obviously the mushrooms..."

He did not seem disappointed nor disturbed, but Audette was certain she was going to vomit.

"Don't be preposterous, that is not how Valentoads function! You two have some serious matters to address if those toadstools were this enthusiastic," Professor Sprout was now leaning far over the lip of the planter wall, the curly point of her green felt hat hanging between her eyes as she beckoned all of the Valentoads towards her in single file with her wand, "This intrusion is idiotically risky with that High Inquisitor roaming about - haven't you both heard, six inches between boys and girls!"

Back in the clawfoot tub, Audette opened her eyes to the glass ceiling again in wonderment, tugging gently on Draco's hair, "You know, I felt so irregular around Cosmos after that run-in. All that time it was you."

"And you still haven't read anything for me upside down. I've been waiting patiently for that circus trick," he leaned back and twisted his arms over the tub sides.

As she shifted to straddle him hungrily he swore in a low whistle, "So much for six inches between boys and girls, hmm?"

"Perhaps we aught to change that to seven inches between this boy and girl," Audette placed aside the wine and reached into the bubbles and began to stroke him eagerly, staring tantrically into his flickering eyes while sucking on her bottom lip. She felt beautiful in his lap, with her long wet hair swimming down her shoulders.

Now she was horny, really horny.

Draco raised one eyebrow at her before clamping a hand onto her forearm to stop her, "Easy there tiger, better slow down. Not here."

"You cannot convince me to slow down ever again," she forcibly continued pumping his rocky boner until his nails dug fiercely into her skin and muscles.

He tensely puffed out air from his nose, obviously aroused as well, "The elves are eavesdropping - haven't you noticed yet?" Sapphire eyes slid to the side coyly, directing her gaze towards the black doorway to the main corridor.

There, all along the wide gap at the base, was a series of adorable stubby pink toes.

Now that it was silent, Audette could hear eager whispering and giddy snickers, the pairs of toes stepping on one another as they shuffled around. Tiny thuds against the wooden egress perhaps represented their efforts to cup their large pointy ears against the surface to gain better audio.

Draco laughed lightly at the side of her face, brushing her twisted wet hair behind her ear, "They've never seen a young girl in the house before. Probably never heard the sort of noises we produced in my bed earlier either."

Audette could care less.

She glanced between the doorway and back to Draco, then naughtily raised herself over his throbbing member.

With a gigantic splash his hands shot out to grab her backside, holding her just hardly up, his face sweltering in shocked bliss.

"Ssshhh," he whispered to her seductively, gradually allowing her to slide down further, one teasing inch at a time.

They stared tantrically into each other's eyes, mouths parted wide, panting gently as she slowly took the full length.

Audette gasped and Draco raised a hand out of the water to clamp over mouth, "Ssshhh, breathe."

The tips of his fingers ran in tickling subtlety down to her waist to guide her hips and ride her over his cock rhythmically, hissing air in through clenched teeth.

With her perky breasts in his face Audette caught her rasping breath, the core of her body tight and trembling from his splendidly deep penetration she had yet to acclimatize to.

He shut his eyes in erotic bliss, his hands dropping even lower to grab and spank at her rolling backside as the lapping sounds of the water mysteriously become the dominant noise in the room.

They both smirked breathily as the house elves gossiped noisily, doing their best to moan as silently as possible through the feverish euphoria.

Oh yes, she liked that position a lot.

She bit her lip as she started to coil tighter on his hard member and he searched her eyes in understanding, their soaked bodies pressing flat together as she clung more and more to him.

Audette whined subtly, hanging her head back as an orgasm developed rapidly, disheveled sunny waves crawling to the base of her spine.

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders tightly and went along for the ecstatic ride, swallowing down the animal desire to cry out loud.

He bit her neck roughly where hickies and teeth marks had already blossomed like a garden of guilty blemishes, then buried his sweaty face in between her lush bosoms to release in gravelly exhales.

As they shook there, coming down from the high and kissing, a frightening bang of the double doors erupted in the outside hallway.

Audette's mood shot from elated to downright scared to death, her eyes bulging down at Draco who pressed his finger to her lips.

He turned his face sideways to listen for the intruder, his other hand supporting the small of her back.

"Out of my sight, you filthy vermin, what is the meaning of this congregation?" Narcissa's luxuriously cruel tone appeared just there beyond the lavatory door, hissing away the snoopy house elves.

It was not hard to imagine her white knuckles as they pounded passionately on the heavy plank, "Draco Lucius Malfoy, what in the seven hell's is this mess the elves are sanitizing from the corridor runner?"

Inhaling deeply in a vain effort to calm his exasperated breathing, Draco closed his eyes harshly, "It's nothing, mother. I might ask you what in the seven hell's you're doing storming around in my private wing." 

"Mind your sharp tongue, it will be quite a while yet before you command Lordship over this residence. I know precisely what it is on that carpet, explain. Are you at all injured?" Narcissa accused from the other side of the door. When she wrung at the knob to find it locked, Audette threw herself around Draco in humiliation and buried her nose in his hair. 

If Narcissa saw her bare chest she would faint from irreversible embarrassment.

 "Don't you dare! I'm indecent!" Draco growled defensively as Audette whined into his jugular, pausing for a second to think, "I spilled a vial of imp's blood. As I stated, it's nothing." 

Narcissa intentionally said nothing for far too long, allowing them to stew in her judgmental silence. She spoke again in a much darker and curt voice, "Then that would make you an imp. How fitting. Regardless, clean yourself up and meet me in your secondary drawing room for our annual Christmas tea. Do not make me wait like that tarty girl of yours." 

As Narcissa's pointy shoes clip clopped down the corridor Draco groaned heavily and hung his forehead into Audette's shoulder, sliding his hands up her back, "Fun's over princess."

Audette sat up quivering, shaking her head as if someone had just dropped a live toaster into the bath, "No, no I can't go out there. I've got nothing to wear. Draco, I'll be stuck in this washing room for an eternity. You heard her just now, that tarty girl..."

"Well don't start weeping, you'll get the bath all wet," Draco grunted in hilarity, pushing Audette off of him to climb out.  She crossed her arms to her shoulders in the flat water in dread, watching him shake a black towel over his bright hair carelessly, "You've got to face her sometime in this setting. Besides, you can be my Christmas present to her." 

"Excuse me?" Audette's face contorted in offended confusion. 

He knelt on his heels against the lip of the tub and crossed his arms there, tapping her nose gently, "You can be my present to her. All she's wanted from me for years is an official engagement. Make sure you show off that ring, tarty girl."

Audette dropped her eyes to her engagement ring, which was reflecting brilliant glittery patterns in the glassy surface around her, feeling that same tendril of unease creeping back into her tummy that she was nothing more spectacular than an object of political trade.