It's been 12 Earth hours ever since we started our domination of this backwater planet. At first it was easy to take it over, all we did was come flying in with advanced (to them) technology making our presence known along with our intentions. 

Every country we visited. Seeing us moving at light speeds seemed to have left an impression, they immediately pulled back their militaries and it didn't take long for their feeble self's to submit to our superiority. 

Each of us was assigned a group of prisoners to observe and the rest was history.

Honestly, As a Leader I don't think there had ever been an easier invasion in history.

So why is it....

Why is it....

That the tables have completely turned! 

From the start

"Yo you people are called Zafrons, right?"

"We're called Xaphrons!"

"That's what I said, isn't it??"

"I can just tell you're not saying it properly!"

I sighed softly as one of my human prisoners got on my nerves. 

He appears to call himself Ezra. 

"Sure bro, but man it felt like today you lots took us over"

"That's because it was, Ezra"

He was scolded by Lucy, another one of my prisoners. She then looked up at me and smiled.

"Sorry Mr. Alien sir, this guy is an idiot. If there's anything and I mean anything you want me to do for you then I'll comply!" 

She said earnestly. This girl is so pure it warms my soul. But she seemed too happy... I'm looking to deep into it.

"Hmph, The heavens have spoken, you fools are already under hypnosis this alien has you under his pal..mms? What are those exactly?"

The last of my prisoners spoke up with a dramatic flare. I took only three since as the King I would have to do more work on the planet. Everyone else has more prisoners to look over.

His name appears to be Daniel but he told me to call him "Darklight" I decided not to probe him on it.

But it appears humans take on nicknames.

"Well these are... how can I describe them? I guess you could call them tentacles to make it easier" 

I gave a quick explanation and Daniel- I mean Darklight raised his hands to the sky and yelled.

"I've seen it! The truth flashing before my eyes! These aliens have always been here, they're octopi that have fully revealed their final forms... it's up to me... to stop them!"

Ezra and Lucy seemed to distance themselves from him as he said that. I did the same.

It appears humans have social norms that align with ours. 

Lucy then glared at Daniel- I mean Darklight and responded to his outburst. 

"How rude! His tentacles are nothing to fear, in fact they're beautiful! Look at the pinkish glow they have! and the faint purple spots!... and the curvature... and the way they retract... and the thickness... and the length... and the..."

I could almost feel myself tear up, even through her race was stripped of its autonomy, she still found it in herself to defend her captors. Though she did say some weird stuff at the end while her breath grew heavier...

It's probably nothing. She just got too excited defending me and ran out of breath. Yep, that's all! 

The two of them started an argument and even though I was in charge here, I still felt like there was nothing I could do to stop them. 

Ezra then pulled something out of his pocket.

"Bruhhh, these guys need to chill. Yo Zaff bro wanna take a hit?"

He then handed me what he called a "joint". I was going to decline but I may learn something about human behaviour and so I wrapped around it and brought it closer to my mouth.

"Now inhale while I light it" 

I did as he told me and...

"AHHHHHHGGGHHG!"

I rolled on the ground and crying in pain. At the sight of this all of them looked down at me with worry.

"What did you give him Ezra???"

"J-Just some molly, I promise!!"

"Hmmphh, Incredible thinking Ezra everyone knows octopuses are weak to marijuana!"

"You made that up didn't you?"

"You peddle falsehoods on my name?"

"What's your source then?"

"It came to me as a premonition... why are you cracking your fingers??"

I wish these two wouldn't argue while I'm at my deathbed. With tears in my eyes I watched as Ezra pulled something red out of his pocket.

"Why do you have peppers on you?"

"When I'm faded these snap me right back! Now open wide Zaffatron"

He forcibly put the peppers. Into my mouth and it... Worked!

The effects of the joint had subsided. I caught my breath from that traumatising experience.

"What. Was. That!"

I yelled out in fury. 

"It was just some weed bro" 

Ezra replied nonchalantly.

"Granted he is an alien so his biology should be different. But still... it was just weed"

Lucy responded to him.

"Hmphh, Not even handling a single puff... how pathetic perhaps, you weren't the superiors in my visions after all!"

Darklight added on.

All three of them looked at me like I was weak child. Having my own prisoners look down on me... especially one that calls himself Darklight, is depressing as the King of all Xaphrons. 

I wonder if the others are going through similar troubles with their prisoners.

Humans are a species that inhale toxic substances for leisure. 

But that tranquil moment lasted only a second before I could something burn up within my body and then...

"OWEUUAHAHHA!!!!"

I was back on the floor screaming my heart out. It burns, everything is on point, buzzing its feels like every cell on my body is buzzing.

I could feel sweat secret from every pore. My vision was once again blurry. 

"Ah? What is it now with this guy?"

"Maybe it's the peppers? But they were bell pepper pieces, no? Those are sweet?"

"Hmmph, everyone knows octopuses are weak to peppers! Another ingenious tactic Ezra!"

"What's your sourc— Wait that actually sounds believable?"

"Really? Because I made it up... Wait I'm sorry! Don't come any closer!"

I couldn't help but feel in between the pain that we'd already done this gag before. 

I could hear Darklight run off and during slight glimpses of my torture I saw him come back holding a container filled with a white liquid. 

"My fated rival, drink this to rejuvenate to your lost glory!"

I wanted to ask him when did we become rivals but the moment I opened my mouth He forcibly put the liquid down my throat.

I think humans have a habit of forcing stuff down others mouths. 

But I felt much better as a result. I slowly stood up while catching my breath and questioned softly, my previous energy from before gone.

"What was that??"

"Those were peppers? We usually eat them for spice but the ones Ezra gave you were the sweet kind"

"Y-Yeah bro, I don't know if I should be saying this to a King, but you're really weak? Maybe we should look over you instead??"

Ezra added on while Lucy and Darklight nodded in agreement. 

It really hurt my pride to have my own prisoners show genuine concern over my health.

"I'm Fine! Look just tell me where did these peppers come from? D-Don't tell me... you humans produce them naturally?"

I need to find out the origins behind these peppers. If it's something that's a part of human biology to grow then we need to look into changing their growing patterns long-term. Something so dangerous can't flourish. 

"Uhh? If by natural you mean out of our bodies the no, they come from plants as a form of defence from herbivores"

What Lucy said both made me feel relief but confusion.

"So you mean to say that humans eat something made to harm them... for fun?"

"Well duh bro! it's like super thrilling to experience! You should try scotch bonnets... actually they might kill you"

Ezra respond to me completely lax. I'm pretty sure he implied that there is something greater than the peppers I just ate. 

Which is to say that they are the weakest type I just ate.

It appears humans are by and large a suicidal species that tango with death. 

I think I just threw up.

No wait... not a thought.

I felt my stomach convulsing and vomit leaving my body.

"Great! Now what is it? What's gotten you messed up this time???"

Lucy yelled at me the same way a mother would her child. 

It's hard to believe I'm the King of a species when looking at an outsiders perspective.

"Ahh! It's the milk then, he's probs lactose intolerant"

"Hmpph, Using octopuses known weaknesses of milk to immobilise the enemy. Everything is according to plan!"

I'm seriously getting tired of these people.

"Hey Mr. Alien come with me, there's a forest over there so you can finish safely"

Well expect for Lucy. She's been sweet since the moment I met her. Sure she keeps glancing looks at my tentacles with slightly red face but that's because she's never seen a Xaphron like me before.

Being taken to a safe place, I manage to safely finish up without letting everything fall on the streets. Instead of standing up I stayed on the grass and caught my breath.

I looked up at Lucy and she seemed to be beet-red for whatever reason.

"Wow... Lucy. What was that... milk? Is that what Dani- I mean Darklight gave me to drink?"

"Ohh? You were looking at me because of that..."

She seemed disappointed for some reason but continued.

"Well it's just the liquid that female cows give to feed their offspring. Don't the females in your species do the same?"

"T-They do but..."

What she said made me feel disgust so I had to stop for a moment and I continued.

"Not from other species???"

It's a basic universal law. No two species are compatible so drinking stuff from another species biology is bound for failure.

But she seemed unfazed by what I said and shrugged her shoulders saying something about "we drink goats milk too".

Humans are a species that don't mind inter-species dieting.

Were they really the weak willed feeble beings I took them for? 

Lucy then looked down and joined me on the grass, creeping ever so slightly closer to me.

"But say... your tentacles are pretty cool..."

What's with this mood?

"Uhh thank you...?"

"Sayyy, what are the females in your species like?"

She asked a weird question. Not that I can't respond to it, but I don't know what to tell her. She then came closer.

"Have you ever wondered about other species females...?"

She grabbed my tentacles with a red face and came even closer to me.

I looked at her pure disbelief. All six of my eyes widened in a way they've never been before.

Even when I ate those peppers. Even when I smoked that joint.

"You- You don't mean..."

"D-Don't look at me like that! Look I'm not a weirdo it's just not everyday you get to meet a sapient otherworldly like being! Yes that's right it's just science! Science! I'm doing this for research!"

I couldn't even respond.

"S-Say something! I admit I may have been disappointed when I saw you were the slimey tentacle type of alien instead of the furry animal type ones. But even ones like you have your benefits! That's right I like all things!"

I listened to her rant in silence.

This human wants to mate with a being from a completely different species.

This human wants to mate with a being from a completely different species.

This human wants to mate with a being from a completely different species.

I repeated it over and over until it could make sense.

But why am I even surprised? If they drink the feeding liquid from another species why not breed with them too.

"Hey Lucy. Is there others like you?"

"Ohh? So you're into that! Well duh just look at any library. There's books about undead who kidnap girls into mansions and they slowly grow bonds or tales about beasts who have hidden hearts!"

I came to a realisation.

"Lucy. These type of stories are interesting right?"

"Well yeah? There's a vampire franchise that made over a billion pounds you know!"

"But let's say they were just regular humans then..."

"Well obviously that would just be boring... how do I explain it? It's about taboo of..."

I heard enough.

It's over.

I pulled out my septralapod and contacted everyone. It turns out I turned it off as I was instantly bombarbed with messages upon messages from my people.

All complaining about their prisoners and their quirks.

It appears it wasn't just me. 

I contacted everyone to round up and get ready because we're leaving.

"Hey Lucy. Close your eyes for me"

"Hmm? Ahh? A forced kiss? Are you the tsundere type? That's nice too!"

I didn't even want to understand what this girl was saying.

She complied nonetheless and I could hear footsteps approaching.

"Yo what's taking you two so long..."

"My rival? You haven't given up and ran away, have yo-..."

Ezra and DarkDanielLight walked in on Lucy with her eyes closed and puckered lips while dancing on the balls of her feet.

"Sorry to bother you"

"I see my rival has beaten me in female contact..."

"It's not what I looks Like!!!"

I yelled at the two of them. But it doesn't seem I'll have to deal with their antics any longer as the mothership was above us and the gravity beam lifted me up.

"Bye Bro! Stop by next time, I'll get you to try some alcohol!"

"Hpphm, running away I see? It appears even the King of octopuses can't stand in awe of my power!"

"Huh? Wait? NOO! Take me with you!"

I saw as all three of them gave their unique reactions to my departure.

On the ship I saw as my fellow Xorphans were giving accounts of their experiences with their human prisoners.

"One of them asked if I 'got that ocutussy tho?'"

"My prisoner took me a restaurant and gave me a McChicken. I passed out."

"My prisoner gave me some beer telling me it was a refreshing beverage. Now I have this weird shaped Tattoo???!"

"I told my prisoner I never had a Starbucks before and she ate my leg"

As I heard their stories one by one. I was grateful I made the choice of leaving early.

Humanity is a species that keeps pushing their boundaries to what's weird til it becomes normal, then they go 10X harder.

A group that purposefully inhales toxic substances, eats stuff meant to harm them and drinking the liquids of females that are not their own.

I can only call it a world the gods use for their enjoyment.

And that was the story of how the Earth was conquered in a day. And then subsequently relinquished in that same afternoon.

Hope you enjoyed!

And Yes I wrote this instead of Wish Breaker.