Warning: This story is a work of fiction. Some materials may or are not accurate as in reality. Likewise, this story may contain explicit sensitive content: nudity, violence, gore, foul language, and etc. Despite some having mild censorship, some materials may be inappropriate or uncomfortable for readers. Therefore, please use discretion when reading, or skip if you feel uncomfortable. Thank you!
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Rain, the light rain, poured down onto every surface in Los Angeles. Night community coming to life. Buildings and buildings standing beside each other, people and vehicles commuted without bothering by these cloud tears.
Amongst the concrete kingdom, deep dive into this creamy white condominium standing tall outside the metropolitan area. A lone whiteish silver-haired woman sat on a plush velvet bed covered by a dark green blanket.
She hugged her knees as saturnine blood red eyes stared out to the city's night scene. Her exposed toned body and skin was covered by only a white shirt contrary to how cold her condominium room was.
Around and on her bed, there laid various revolvers on the left and right. They were well-kept and undamaged, ranging from Colt to Smith & Wesson, and various brands. All were unloaded and safely empty, except each speed loader full of ammunition laying beside their rightful models.
The woman's breathing was quiet, steady, and slow. Her face was almost expressionless, somewhat blue, and dull. Eyes were lost to the night beauty of the Hollywood empire bathing by shower rain, so did her mind lost to her own thoughts and past.
'How did I get here?... How am I still... here?...'
The woman thought, questioning her own current status, or perhaps her own mentality. Her mind swam back to where the life of this woman herself began. Though she still doubted it, it was not a matter to her anymore.
She was born to a wealthy rich family in Schleswig-Holstein region of Germany, so did her twin younger brother who she adored and loved the most. Both of them were born pure vampires, where they lived the same as humans in that world. Her real parents went missing after they were born, so other family members took care of them instead.
At first, they were generous and friendly. And when time progressed on, their raw instinct and true colors showed off. When the siblings were growing old enough, they escaped from so-called "family members" in the dead of night.
Moments later, they were accepted into the orphanage in Bremen, and got separated shortly as one family came to adopt her little brother. She knew something was suspicious as she resisted to take her brother away, even caretakers did too. In the end, this family's puissance won, and took her only family away.
Her anxiousness about her brother's well-being increased. Even though her caregivers were there to encourage her. Shortly afterwards, she got adopted by a stranger who she considered and loved as she could call with pride 'her real mother'.
Her mother was a worker class level. Her face and hands were uncleaned from hard-working shifts, yet emitting a beautiful aura, so did her mother's heart. She remembered that herself and her mother got along so well despite their struggle in their lives, even her mother helping her find her little brother. They shared, they smiled, they laughed, and cried together. A fortune came when they won the German Lotto at a huge price, and her power got unlocked accidentally.
At first, the silver-haired woman had a thought to use this newfound power to find her brother. She later changed her mind and tested on her mother first as she felt a sorrowful feeling from her. Then, she tested it on her mother while she was sleeping… and found the most unbearable tragedious past which was too much for a single woman who was her mother. She remembered she cried, wept, and embraced her mother who was driven by tears. She promised to her with a heartful tear…
“I promise you to protect you, and make you become the happiest mother in the world, mom!”
Time so went on, she remembered she was out alone on the street that one night. The silver-haired woman finally located where her brother resided, and turned out to be that “ family members’ ” mansion where they used to live.
Her anxiety and fear rose up, thoughts of her little brother’s bad fate running wild. She quickly sneaked into the mansion, fast and silently… Then… she found him… chained inside the underground dungeon, naked, beaten, tortured, and sexually assaulted.
She remembered, at that moment, she wanted to massacre them so much as her whole body shook in blood-boiled furiously anger and hatred she had ever felt. As much as she wanted to commit it, she suppressed her own feelings and quickly helped her brother to escape. She remembered her little brother telling her how much he missed her, and telling her to not to blame herself for what happened to him, yet his words couldn’t stop her regretful tears while she held him.
Afterwards, her ‘real’ family moved to Berlin until both the silver-haired woman herself and her little brother graduated, so his condition fully recovered. They moved to the United States, and started another fortune there. As years progressed, her mother finally achieved her dream of having her own restaurant.
Her little brother became a successful musician and actor, he also has a cute girlfriend who became his big sister’s best friend later. Lastly, the silver-haired woman herself became a successful novelist, and has a lovely boyfriend as well.
She remembered those memorable times when they had happy times together. Game nights, movies, picnic camping, and more. Especially those times when both brother and sister in law turned into a Gremlin mode, and teamed up to do silly things together to make both siblings lose in laughter.
Then, things went downhill to the dirt. Multiverse Theory became vividly crystal clear in the worst way when the extraterrestrial forces invaded the universe where she lived. They stole everything, captured and killed everyone mercilessly. Despite the wake of superpowered people, it couldn’t stop them.
She clearly remembered they captured her family, including herself, tortured and destroyed her family. She vividly remembered those filthy touches all over her body, including inside her, that she received from those evildoers, males and females.
She remembered how they killed her boyfriend in front of her, and threw him away like a meat piece. Next, they brought her mother in where the recaller herself got chained. They proceeded to mock, humiliate, and trample her. Worst of all, they did so-called “roleplay” with her mother… They did “that scene” where her mother and her first family had faced… They raped her nonstop.
With how much her precious daughter screamed, and cried, telling them to stop and used herself instead. Yet, they would not listen… and they killed her mother in front of her, followed by their devilish satisfied laughter… Her promise to her mother was completely shattered, she could not hug her, or tell her love anymore. Her younger brother’s and her sister in law’s fate were unknown…
Those men and women caged her as their pet and bio-weapon. They put her into the colonel rank position via painful training and oppressed routine she received everyday. It would not last long as the headquarters got liberated, yet those people who destroyed her family managed to escape away.
She thought she would be free, until the hidden reality of the liberator forces hit her when she saw how they treated those liberated prisoners, and when she met that General who she really hated as much. Time went further on, and she became a general who commanded an army group consisting of the-said liberated prisoners. Finally, they managed to fend the extraterrestrial forces off their homeland universe.
Despite the war having ended and civilization rebuilding… She felt lost, and desperate. Her home was destroyed, her family was killed, her brother and sister in law went missing, and her life was ruined. Everything was completely disrupted, even though she had her own subordinates who supported her. She later found out she stopped aging, and could travel to other universes.
She processed her thoughts on what goals she was going to do next, and came to the conclusion. She has decided to become a dimensional traveler, a loner one. She decided to find her remaining family members she thought were still alive, and ultimately, take revenge on those who did wrong to her family and herself.
Saying goodbye to her subordinates, she traveled and helped those seeking aiding. From smallest to largest, and from poorest to richest. She remembered those people who asked her help and thanked later.
She remembered those rewards they gave despite her resistance as she just needed meals, and she remembered those hospitalities she happily received. Not everyone she would help, especially those who greedily drank people’s blood.
She had to carefully consider them and their requests first before accepting it, and she understood now why she has some enemies after her. She also met some familiar faces along the way, and brutally killed three of ten targets who she took revenge on, referring to them as “life scums”.
She remembered how happy she killed them with her own hands, and how aware of what she was becoming. She always kept herself in check to not become… a monster she was greatly afraid of. Meanwhile, happiness from helping people and doing things she wanted to while traveling to each universe kept her sane. It has restored some hope within her to achieve those goals she set, and keep her living on. It also restored her positive perspective on social and life value.
Another precious gift which has come to her, and she still truly appreciated it nowadays, was an appearance of her own daughter from her own “specialized magic oriented” notebook. who supposedly died inside her mother's womb while she was getting tortured. Her daughter was a smaller, almost fairy-sized, version of herself, instead baby blue hair and Persian blue eyes. Both reunited in happy tears, despite her self-blame for not being able to save her own daughter though her daughter tried to calm her down.
Her daughter later explained that her soul got sucked into her mother's book. It created her form, and she grew, and helped her mother from behind. Their journey continued on. Time glided so fast, another ten thousand years later as her notebook showed on its page. Many countless moments both vampire mother and daughter drank, created an unbreakable bond they were longing for. The small steel cross necklace her daughter has crafted, she still has it nowadays.
Jumping through the universe to another universe, the mother and daughter found a person who they hadn't seen for several centuries. It was her sister in law and her daughter’s aunt who was now… badly abused, and in dying breath. She told them what happened to her, and the silver-haired woman’s younger brother even struggled to breathe. He got taken away, and she was forced to become their “pleasure” slave. She later got “deposed" when she became completely broken, and “unusable” as they said.
Both mother and daughter instantly understood what she said, and tried to save her with every spell and technique they have learned throughout the past years. It was… futile… and she died in their arms with a blissful smile for seeing her loved ones once again. She told both mother and daughter to live on worthily, and save her lover and cherish him, before she fell into an unawaken deep slumber… They mourned, and they had to move on.
She remembered that moment apparently when her notebook “went out of its control”. Both herself and her daughter managed to put it in control before it pulled any matter’s fragments onto its page, which meant harming lives in its radius. And this was the exact moment when they met their second family. All thanks to her own notebook’s method which she verily disapproved of, as it pulled their souls into its dimension. She may have forgotten their names, but their features and characters were long forged into her memory.
First one was a long pink-haired woman who was a bit taller than her, beautifully handsome and toned muscular. The pink-haired was once a general in the military before she died, neat and discreet yet she could be playful and cute. Second was a short blonde haired woman, the same height as her, majestically beautiful and courteous. She used to be a home nurse and opera singer, she was also a mother figure to everyone yet terribly in cooking.
Third was also a woman, twin tail red hair and chaotic energy aura. She was shorter and the youngest sister to everyone. She was a pink-haired’s daughter, a captain. Also, a sidekick of the silver-haired’s daughter too. Last one was a white and blue-haired wolf beastman, big, tall, and muscularly strong. He was quiet yet very friendly, and radiated a “father” energy.
They quickly got along so well, and have been traveling together since then. Also, she did not think of them as family figures, but real ones. Still, there was a self conflict inside her head, telling her to not “selfishly” keep them with her forever. Bothering her nerves so much, she vented this frustration out to others. They told her not to give a penny to that thought since they have ultimately decided to become her second family, and they were happy with it. Though the silver-haired was still worried, their warmth consolation suppressed her stress to ease, and made her sanity more stable.
As hard as she tried resisting those negative notions which tried to ruin her mentality for countless millennia, or millions of years, all support from her newfound family made her keep walking on, and they made her love herself more. It did affect the reduction of her barbarism and sadism as the silver-haired herself has claimed another revenge kill along the way, another four scums remaining left. Time was surely fast, so short that she was able to track them. Her second family was well aware and mindful about it. Good things were therapy and recreation were very helpful methods to treat her.
She was grateful to reunite with her daughter, and found a second family which they truly cared for and loved. She hoped one day, that one day, everyone will reunite once again, and live on happily after… or not?
They had learned much about each planet, universe, and a presence of dimension governments. It was a good thing, and a drawback for the silver-haired. Her family’s safety, including herself, was surely secured, yet her tracking was troubled due to those four remaining left hidden somewhere in a governed dimension, meaning those four have rights to protect themselves. She decided to put her plan on hold, and stay low to avoid them as she cherished living moments with her second family.
Funny thing she should have questioned herself a long time ago, and it just popped up inside her thoughts: Was it worth all the revenge she executed?
Surely, those scums have done unforgivable deeds to her and others, yet should she forgive them? Maybe they regretted it and tried to ask her for forgiveness, but she killed them first before they could have a chance?
Maybe if she gave them mercy at first, would she indeed forgive them?
Would they, including those four remaining left, really redeem themselves and not bite her back? Maybe it would stop her bloodlust which she could not control?... No, She had come this far, and she wouldn’t stop… and she was right.
She has foreseen those remaining scums’ rawly true nature, including those deceased's’, with ability she has newly achieved… They were always the same. Those deuced caitiffs she has known since day one, they always were. She now knew those deceased’s tears before their demise by her hands, were acted out by fear of getting caught, not regret.
Those kindness they acted out to others, was just a fronting. They were just born downright evil, reason was not even there. She was determined to eliminate them as she did not see any point for their redemption anymore. She had to do it quickly before they knew her move… Sadly, she was one-step late.
They noticed and caught up with her- No, they already knew her presence. Firstly, they tried to eliminate her, later changing their mind for something which fed their satisfaction. The government which governed the dimension her family was residing in was extremely corrupted, her family and herself knew it so well.
Bootlickers in the office feared of getting exposed, so they teamed up with those four scums, and executed their plan promptly. They trapped, and forced her family to fight their way out like stray dogs. It was an impossible attempt with how skilled and powerful they were, they could not win against the hungry dogs pack.
The silver-haired’s daughter and youngest sister managed to escape, and that painful moment repeated again… Those moments when they did sickening plays on her big sister and auntie, and degenerated her uncle.
Her hands were trembling in irate, agony, and sorrow whenever she recalled those unforgettable moments. She felt so useless, and helpless, not able to help her second family as prior.
If those four scums were still here, especially inside her room, she would shoot them all to death with her revolvers around her. She would shoot, mutilate, and chop them into pieces, over and over again.
Shockingly of all, she was forced to fight her own younger brother who she missed the most. Now, he was “well fully-trained”, drugged, overdosed, uncontrollable, and in unimaginable pain. In the end, his suffering was ended by her own hands with grievous tears and stricken screams she cried out while hugging his lifeless body. She could not do anything.
She was so helpless she could not do anything, even those bastards managed to put their hand on her own book. Turning it into a corrupted “programmable tool” where the book itself or its master was its own host, meaning, the silver-haired herself and her imprisoned family members were just selectable weapons.
She did not remember how long they had been “working” under them, how many times they got sold to other “masters”, or how long they had lost their own freedom. She only knew when what felt like time skip, her daughter and her youngest sister came to save them. The family finally reunited once again, but the damage was done.
Her older sister, auntie, and big brother, got completely brainwashed and behavior changed. They became strangers, losing their identity. She was glad they were free, at least, while herself… It could be said she almost became a mindless machine or has become one.
With all forcing, and enduring from non-stop harsh treatment, her feelings almost turned numb and her morality turned to zero. Trauma ate her all. Guilt and shame often wailed up in her as she kept blaming herself for what happened to her fellow family members, and those crimes she had no intention to commit.
Yet, it already happened. Those bastards controlled them all, and her book went rogue on its own… What bad omen did she get cursed with? Why did their happiness not last long?
Time has passed once again, with all effort from the youngest members of family to restore everyone back to normal, they finally met someone who was truly a savior to them. This young Japanese girl who would become a powerful figure in the future, the first person who truly treated them with kindness and attentiveness as sentient living beings, not tools.
This young girl managed to solve the book’s plagued error in exchange for her paralyzed legs. It could be treated later, and fortunate of all, the silver-haired’s family finally being truly free from the book’s control. There was one thing to completely remedy the book’s corruption… It was a sacrifice, and it was the silver-haired herself who did not deny her destiny.
Due to her soul directly connected to the book, so did where her power came from, all negative emotions were transferred to the book’s power source, filling up the already corrupted system. Meaning: She has to be “destroyed”.
Surely, everyone was strongly against this idea, especially her own family and those who sympathized with her. Yet, people in the dimensions’ government office said otherwise and they were really pleased with this decision.
Not only were those people relieved as she would not accidentally destroy everyone, they were also relieved she could no longer expose their disgusted deeds as her troublesome book somehow recorded them.
Everyone tried finding every way to prevent her “death”, and none available. The silver-haired felt so delighted with everyone’s effort despite her “death” having been cemented.
‘Huh… What a ridiculous bullshit retribution I had back then… What was the sense of my existence with everyone if no one could live with me peacefully?’
She desperately giggled with herself. So vigorous, yet she could not even change her predestination for better. Meagerly, her loved ones were saved and had a better life even though they were semi-immortal as she knew, or even there was no cancer clinging to their lives like her anymore. At least, her corrected book was now in good hands.
That moment she clearly remembered before self-destruction. Those tears from their eyes, those emotional screams, calling out her name, and pleading with her not to go. She had to do it, or no one else would live peacefully… She tearfully smiled at them once more, and everything went dark…
Everything came into her eyesight shortly later, finding herself in the strange new purgatory world. She remembered when she sighed to herself, knowing she would get punished and paid for all her non-intention crimes. Somehow, the punishment was just hard labor for centuries to pay for her sins, including others’.
She did not remember how long it was till her penalty ended. She only knew when her penalty was paid off, she was… no longer herself when she got deported to an unknown dimension.
A lone unguided ex-convict herself with an ill-twisted mind and uncontrollable attitude. No one was there to pick her, no one was there to bat an eye on her, and no one was there to support her.
She was all alone by herself. She was no longer any stronger anymore. Some said she was still strong, only in physical form. With shattered will and an unstable mentality, she has.. gone insane, badly worse.
Whenever she thought of her own families, she cried and wept. Whenever she thought of her enemies or those who she hated, she felt furiously angry and the killing urge kept surging. It sounded normal, except it was uncontrollable.
Insanity was now her master. Seemingly a hope has shone on her as her sanity was ironically still there. Even though her revenge was continuing on, she needed an emergency helping from someone who truly could help her, or she had to help herself, or else someday, she might kill everyone senselessly.
She remembered she had to keep her profile low as her past crime records had been spread widely and her targets were on the run, and non-trackable, so disguise was a must. Though her “death” has proved to be true, somehow, there was a group which was after her as they received a bounty about her. Her privacy got squeezed to nothing, or it was non-existence without noticing.
During hard times, surprisingly, there were some crowds who sympathized with her. Those crowds were who she had helped before. Despite having committed some crimes, which were forced by those miscreants’ threat and control, they tried to lessen her penalty which was set by the so-called “Dimensional Central Court”.
How nonsensical and headache. Was she going to serve in the prison once again? Did her previous punishment was not hard enough for her? Were those in the court office hated her as well so they wanted to deteriorate her?... Or they got paid by them?
However, her latest penalty got dropped thanks to the crowds’ effort. She later lived with them as they cured her in turn. She still helped people throughout the universes while fighting her own inner demon with people aiding her. She could stop if she wanted, but her trauma kept her going.
Some people she knew were un-aging, while some reincarnated yet still retaining their past memory. Strange concept which she confusedly accepted, and she knew she was cursed with immortal as she unsuccessfully committed suicide for hundred times. She tried, and tried, and failed to take her own life. She gave up with her attempts, decided to keep living on with a fragment of will she has.
The silver-haired did many things to keep herself moving while tracking on the remaining scums. Such as collection, interacting with others, treatment from people who she has helped, and even, trying to live like a normal person. Hibernation could help her a bit.
She just knew how old she really was when she recreated her own book and it showed her profile. It could be said she could live and be reborn ten thousand times when comparing it to her age, or her age could be equal as some hundred million light years between planets. So implausible, and overacted.
She remembered how she frustratingly laughed with herself when she finally found a cancer curse implanted into her magic core. It was a simple Bad Omen curse, yet it was a tiny fragment which she could not see and hard to notice. Anyhow, she has to get rid of it immediately.
Before she could do it, another misfortune took on her once again. She was accused of mass war crimes, mass holocaust, and various sickening arsons. Most shockingly of all, evidence videos of herself were there and shown to the public.
The protective people jumped into the action to prove her innocent as they did not believe she would do it. They all knew what her personality really was, and denied those videos as fake as the silver-haired was always with them all the time. Dates even were not accurate at all, but the storm has hit her already.
People called her a “monster”, people called her a “devil”, people called her a “witch”, people branded her a “lunatic filthy bitch”, and many more they hatefully would call her. They feared her existence would endanger their lives.
They insulted, disdained, and cursed her to suffering and death, not even caring on her feelings and countenance. They blindly believed it all, and some fell into the telephone game. It would not be surprising how they still branded her as a criminal… as they kept re-disclosing her past crime records which have been long judged.
Meantime, her bounty kept popping everywhere throughout the universes. Posse started to hunt her down for a beautifully large reward, and “animals” started to prey on her for their “pleasure”. She had to run, she had to run once again.
They did not give her a right to speak and proved herself, the media painted her as the worst evil woman they have ever seen and sold their publishing well like hotcakes, and people turned maniac and tried to rip her apart, and many more worse.
What was she going to do? Begging and pleading were not a suitable choice anymore with reaction from everywhere, fighting back might make things turn worse than before, even hiding could not conceal her privacy and safety anymore.
She would gladly accept a lifetime imprisonment if only the court let her in for her trial, or protect her from the posse. She would be fine if only the posse’s true intention was eliminating her, not things worse than death.
Those who protected her insisted the silver-haired to stay, telling her she would be safe here and they would protect her with their own lives…
No! She did not want this! She did not want those people who cared for her to have their life taken always just for protecting her, this cursed woman who has to live in suffering, loss, and alone with no one beside her!
She had to run, She had to run now! She had to run before that disastrous nightmare became true once again! She had to run to save those people’s lives from her uncured curse! She had to run somewhere, where no one could find her forever! She had to run, She had to run now! She had to run before it was too late!
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And a miracle did not come to help…
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They got massacred, those who helped her, their existence got completely wiped out, and the planet got entirely devastated, unable to revive back no more. The reason: Conspiration… No one was there to help or cheer her up, returning back to the hunted loner once more.
She remembered how long she had to run and keep running, jumping from dimension to dimension. She remembered how she had to fight her way off them, and escape from those who were hunting her.
No matter how exhausted and disheartened she was, her feet and her senses had to keep on moving. If she stopped, her freedom ended. If she fell asleep, that endless nightmare would come.
And that moment, that moment when she just let her own guard down. That moment when her own exhaustion claimed her strength, and medicated her to the false slumber…
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She failed.
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Those disgusted feelings she experienced to the core, those malicious auras which touched her skin roughly and harshly, and those sickening scenes which were always flashing inside her memory and what they have done to her.
That moment when she kept screaming, crying, and begging them to stop as they brutally raped her with weapons, and their own flesh. That moment when they scooped her eyes and carved her flesh while she was conscious, and ate it in front of her for mocking. And, that moment when they played with her mind and wrecked her nerves, until she went completely truly insane.
She did not remember how many times she had to endure it, nor did she fall unconscious. She only knew it took some time for her to fight them off and break free, and she let loose.
She remembered those flesh and blood spilled on her face, those strangely aroma of bloody smell kissing her noses, and lustful satisfaction from killing… She remembered that moment she had become a full fledged monster, no better than them.
She killed, and killed without any regret. Her smile widened every time when their bodies spilling out lives and collapsing onto the floor. She hunted every one of them like trophy games, slaughtered them like livestock.
There was no back down anymore for her as she accepted this unleashed disgustingly demonic side of hers. No pride, power, or honor, those words were so alienated to her. Only happiness she felt and enjoyment from her beyond redeemed acts.
She could vomit if she could with all recalling of her own actions to them, instead numbness she only acknowledged. Even though it was too much for killing them, they all deserved it, maybe more than she did.
Funnily, she regained her senses and sanity back and got rescued, and ironically, the court summoned her back and adjudicated her as an innocent. All thanks to evidence provided by those sanctioned dimensions who she has helped, and people in court who changed their mind when their deal with those four scums was a beneficial loss…
Oh? Finally? Finally they respected her existence, rights, and pride?
How fucking funny!
She silently thanked to her attesters before throwing a desk to the judge and jury team as a ‘fuck you’.
She privately thanked her counselor, who his planet got wiped out and was the sole survivor of that massacre incident, before vanishing from the dimensional governments’ eyes. Her safety was no more though her accused crimes were proven false, her bounty was still active.
Yet, there was something she had to do. Those four fuckers were still on the run, and summons could not halt their crimes… She wanted to slaughter them so badly.
And then, her desire became true. The first scum got his soul fragments sold to the black market, so did his body parts. The second scum was succumbed to forced power overdose by the silver-haired herself, and lost into the death loops for eternity. The third one, the most despicable bitch she hated the most of all and the one who impersonated her appearance for scapegoating.
The silver-haired manipulated this whore with unnoticed delusion, tricking this bitch into a nerve-wrecking trap and ruining her into insanity, and selling her off to the slavery. The silver-haired was deeply satisfied with this whore begging for her filthy life, and with how she cursed this bitch with immortality and how she robbed all her power off, so this bitch would suffer this punishment ever. And, the last one, she found him.
The fourth one, this man who damaged everything she held dearly, she ruined him the way he did to her, again and again. She made him fully insane like she did to that previous bitch. She pulled him to the lowest as she has been experiencing, and she would make him disappear like the first two.
When she felt content with her revenge, she left him there on the devastated planet, no limbs and sight left for him. She left him there to feed hostile creatures. He begged, and begged, but futile… He got eaten alive. He screamed for help and in pain, no way the silver-haired would be cared for. She walked away while listening to his scream with a gratified smile, and tears rolling down her cheeks…
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Her “Bad Omen” curse has been lifted, but her happiness and peace has not yet been found…
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She has to run, fight, and run, and run… and run… Run to the world where no one knew her. Run to the world where no one noticed her. Run to the world where no one harmed, disdained, and trampled her. And, run to the world where one was at least friendly to her… And here she was, in this medium-sized condominium room, silent and all alone.
The wetness of her tears on her cheeks still presented, it was normal for recalling those missed memories she had longed, despite those uneventful moments which still haunting her. She slowly wiped them with her own left palm and fingers, at least cleaning her face would calm her feeling, at least.
She dived down into her own thoughts once again, thinking about herself with all things she passed and being now. Yes, her physique fitness was well-balanced, though some scars had not been healed, and certainly, she was mentally unstable. Despite this, she was recovering by herself, and still could communicate with others or live a normal everyday life in this world.
Many things she has to amend, accept, or neverminded. Yet, one thing she denied the most with what she has become… The enjoyment and the wake of toxic fetishism inside her. This thing always ran around in her mind, and she wanted to tear it away from her mindset.
It should be resistance or pushing off, except she gave it in, and she was quite addicted to it. This was… so terribly wrong. How could she not be disgusted or even ashamed of herself? Well, she was, but she could not shake it off.
She enjoyed being a masochist, and she enjoyed being sadistic, only extreme acts could satisfy her. With all the horrible abuse and torment she received, it shaped her as this woman she was nowadays. She felt horrible, and still, this hammered horrific lustful taboo was hard to get off from the bottom.
She knew she had her personal belongings and other necessities, including these revolvers on her bed. Thanks to her not-newfound pocket dimension, at least her belongings were being kept safely. She still had money which could keep her paying, no matter how long she would keep breathing.
She bought various things to fill her self-happiness. She traveled to non-administered universes, avoiding authorities and finding her own private peace. She has helped many people, befriended them, and those who she hated were long dead… Where was that happiness? Or should she appreciate it more?
What would she do now? Reflecting her thoughts? Keeping on alert in case there were hostels nearby? Or, forcing herself to sleep and living another day? Well, no choices she could choose. Her brain was all clogged. She felt so tired and yet could not get herself to sleep. Maybe, things were still on her mind, or she was too tired to process anything further.
Catching up with her breath, her left hand reached out to pick an oiled leather big journal notebook from the headboard. It was almost identical to her previous book before she gave it to that Japanese girl, except it was newly bought and purely casted by her so it could record information as the old book used to. She rested it on her chest, and slowly opened page by page.
It contained various information of each universe and dimension, and records of her checked tasks and commissioned works. They could be seen on paper pages, or digital screens which popped up from those papers whenever she needed to recall or understand more. Strange, yet it did work effectively. She opened more, and more, and stopped on the specific title page.
It was simply called “Diary Memory Archive”, and its purpose was already read out loud. She opened to another page which was completely empty. It did not contain any content as it seemed, until the silver-haired used her left fingers rubbing it, popping out a digital screen. It showed a few document icons, and she clicked on one.
There, showing various pictures of people she had met, and families she used to have. It showed pictures of them having fun, being silly and such, and cherishing moments together. It also showed her presence on those pictures with others, those times when her happiness could be felt.
Those people and her families, they have fought, argued, cried, and been happy together. Now, just a passing memory recorded in this book. That one picture of herself smiling and holding a Pulitzer Prize award medal with her first family on her side, those hugs and happiness tears from them still linking to her feelings nowadays.
That one picture of herself and her own daughter taking a trip in Hokkaido, where both of them took a selfie in Farm Tomita. She still remembered those cheerful smiles of her little angel whenever they were together, whether in or out trips. Those moments always made her grin.
That one picture of herself in a dirty military uniform with a tired smile, standing amongst her subordinates, police officers, and armed civilians around her in similar or more expressive manner, with some standing on her tank in the background. This picture was taken after the Liberation of Gosha City.
Everyone was relieved with the freedom they finally received. Some lost, some lived, and they went on to end that war. At least, she cherished those little break moments with everyone she fought together, also with her tank which brought herself and her crews out of the battlezone.
That one picture of herself with her second family posing for the news team’s cameras. This was when they conquested Morkides Highland Region and freed its caged tormented people from hellish dictatorship. This journey forged their relationship closely and understood each other’s personal space more.
She giggled remembering those times both pink-haired and red-haired, including her own daughter, pulling a light-hearted prank on her and everyone singing a birthday to her, making her moved to tears. Oh! And that time when her big brother tried teaching her auntie cooking lesson, turning out to be a chemical experiment.
That one picture of herself holding the Cosmic Peace Award plate while posing with governmental authorities and people to cameras. This was the time when she resolved this galaxy conflict between each star and planet within it, resulting in a peace agreement and bloodless reunification in the long term. This is one of the greatest accomplishments she has ever done.
So, the lists went on, and on, and on… and on… whether good or worse. Then, here came another set of rain and her another tear.
Billion feelings boiled out of her eyes, shaking voice could no longer be contained.
She missed them. She missed them all.
Hugging her opened book to her chest tightly, with her whole body trembling in tears.
She loved them. She loved them all.
Guilty and regret reminded her what things she had not done, what things she had not finished, what things she had not solved, and what things she had not cleared or apologized to them.
She wanted to say sorry. She wanted to apologize to them all… except she could not do it anymore.
“God, I miss you all-hic!-I miss everyone! I MISS YOU ALL!!!”
She wept in a wage of tears that would never return. She missed them, and regretted, regretting what she did wrong to them, regretting she did not apologize to them enough. Regretting that she did not spend worthwhile time with them enough, and regretting she did not say love to them enough, and she could not say this simple-yet heartful word to them anymore.
“I am sorry! I AM SORRY!!! I thought I could save you all, and-and at least… At least, I could live with you all happily… But… But… God! Why? WHY!!!? THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG!!! It must be a result of my own actions, or my own chronic curse? Or… just my existence alone?... Ha ha… Yes, it may be me, the one who really caused everyone's suffering… Hah… I may be destined to live alone, and not cause anyone any troubles…”
Her friends would never return, her families would never return, and she would never see them anymore. And, would her brightness which got stolen return? So laughable, the silver-haired thought, why should she expect it? Why would she still be in denial? Why would she not accept what she really was?
“Maybe, if only I could blow my head off with these guns around me, and be permanently dead, Things would be better? If only I could hang myself, and no one give a shit about my corpse? Everyone would be happier? And if only I was not born in the first place, or at least my first parents killed me while I was a baby for whatever reason, and my existence has been erased since then, Maybe… Maybe… DAMN IT! WHO WOULD TAKE CARE OF MY LIL’ BROTHER IF THEY WERE GODDAMN FUCKING FILTHY LIKE THEM-... No no, there must be other kind souls who would adopt him, like our mom, right?... There would be… There would be…”
She knew how messy in tears and frustration she was now, she did not care anymore.
“Servillia, Rose… T-Theo… Sh-Shamal… I… I missed you all so much… I want to tell you how I met these people, a-and how amazing and friendly they are… I want to know how our young mistress, Hayate, is doing now. Has she finally found her friends and community, where they accept and respect her?... I want to know how Kristine is doing right now. Has my daughter finally bought that VR headset she really wants, has she fed herself with strawberry cheesecake ice cream which she desires? Did she… Did she still miss me?... Hehe, she would totally beat me if she found out I am still addicted to those BL and GL smut porn books… You know, I want you all to meet my family so badly… If only I could save them… FUCKING DAMN IT! IF ONLY I COULD SAVE THEM ALL!.....”
She let out a long sobbing sigh, accepting this bitterly painful truth she was facing at this moment, and the cause which she did not care anymore if it was herself or else.
“But, at least… everyone would be doing better than having my existence clinging on to them.”
And maybe, they would completely forget about me, forget about a cancer whore, who did not bring any joy to anyone, like me…
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Twenty minutes that felt like an hour, the sadness liquid was now dried. Accepting the situation she was in right now or not, she preferred not to say, but rather say she has made up her mind. The silver-haired was now calm, not for the rainstorm outside her window.
Her eyes swept around her room, and looked at the furniture and decorations she had decorated. Objects around the room were bought and made by longing dreams and inner child, and her own trauma. Plush couch, high-end gaming laptop, bakery and brewery hardware, and she would not mind if anyone told her it was childish for collecting dolls and anime character figures.
These revolvers as well, which did not include more firearms she kept in her dimensional pocket, a pair of shortswords, and door chain lock she installed by herself though the door itself has a keycard scanner. The California Supreme Court, or California Department of Justice too, may not approve her decision on her doings.
Well, could they blame her with how much shit she has been through? Or, would they even care about her safety, her PTSD? Or what about their own people, did they even care about them, those innocent people who were trying to survive everyday, and expecting their government to, at least, make their lives safer?
Right, she did not expect this state government doing their work. She did not doubt where all people’s tariff went, she was sure it was surely all gone wasted. She would gladly fly away if the state government found out and gave her a choice to move somewhere. Funnily, why would she choose this city in the first place for living and hiding? She thought to herself.
Shaking off all conflict thoughts inside her mind, shaking off all tomorrow's planning thoughts which were building up, and shaking off all those ironic thoughts that were submitting and overbearing into her mindset. Till then and now, at this present time, she better rest herself.
She truly had not rested since things went haywire at the Dimensional Court. Even in her sleep in those prior times, her eyes and consciousness were fully awake. She could not shut them off in any second, or else “demons” came to her.
Nowadays, she was grateful with her insecurity being controllable, yet not ease with her surroundings even in her own private room.
Things did not always go well, and she surely knew it, but not let panic control the situation.
She looked at her journal notebook once again, with a thought of naming it. She already forgot her previous notebook’s name, but that was not important anymore.
“Atlas may be a good name for you?... Later then. Just don’t act strange while I’m sleeping, okay?”
Smile formed on her face, and kissing on her book’s front cover. She placed it back onto the headboard, and sighing to herself as she finally felt sleepy. This longed familiar feeling she wanted to taste for how many years. Just this simple feeling, it made her happy and widely smiled, she missed it.
Only two revolvers presented on her bed as another two had collected into her said dimensional pocket. She placed them on each side of her head pillow. Ruger GP100 .357 Magnum on her left, and Colt Trooper Mark V on her right, both fully loaded. She was confident with herself that she would surely not discharge her guns in sleeping. That would be horribly gnarly if someone found her with her head blown off.
Looking around her room for more to make sure everything was in place, her back laid down onto the bed mattress, so did her head onto the head pillow. After all this time, she noticed she has rewarded herself with many things, well, many times. Problem was she did not appreciate them yet.
Maybe, she should do that tomorrow, or now with her sleeping as another form of self-reward. And maybe, she should stop blaming and start forgiving herself as some she missed has said. Not everything she could have, and not everyone she could save. This harsh truth she swallowed until her end came, if it happened.
Pulling up her blanket to balance the cold, and laying on her right side facing her room door, she noticed there were some shadows walking around in front of her room. Maybe, they were just condominium residents, or maybe, something worse. Not her concern if they broke in as she could send invaders to Hell with her revolvers, or her magic and abilities if they were from another dimension.
Better not stressing herself furthermore, her eyes closing down to the darkness. The silver-haired finally rested into her real slumber, and hoped peace and light would come to her tomorrow…
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“Yeah! Maybe, this room is where that beautiful silver-haired bitch resides!”
“I think so~… I wonder if she is sleeping or not. If yes, then this is a great opportunity for us~.”
“You are damn right! I wanna know her softness and tightness so badly~!”
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FIN
