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/ Series / Elenora’s Academy of Magicka: Ken Granfold
Elenora’s Academy of Magicka: Ken Granfold
Elenora’s Academy of Magicka: Ken Granfold
11.5k Views 0 Favorites 0 Chapters 0 Chapters/Week 106 Readers
3.7 (15 ratings)
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Synopsis

YESSSS! I'm completely re-writing this story! So I've removed all of the chapters, I do apologize to that's that stuck around through my unreliable posting algorithm, but PLEASE BARE WITH ME AGAIN! There will be a lot of drastic changes in the next rewrite, so please be patient and wait

HOPE YOU ENJOY, AND THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!

Genre
ActionAdventureComedyFantasySchool LifeSlice of Life
Tags
Academy Battle Academy Battle Competition Beast Companions Calm Protagonist Childhood Friends Clubs Confident Protagonist Determined Protagonist Dragons Elemental Magic Fantasy World Human-Nonhuman Relationship Magic Magic Beasts Magic Formations Magical Technology Organized Crime Reincarnation Sealed Power Secret Organizations Summoning Magic
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        Mikah
        Status: 27. hot spring

        The story started with the MC Ken

        Spoiler

        being a super op boy capable of withstanding billions of volts of electricity and able to kick people's butts

        [collapse]

        After he got off the island though, he suddenly

        Spoiler

        turns into some lovesick boy but he's still op (able to knock someone out just by releasing his mana

        [collapse]

        Starting with the 

        Spoiler

        academy trial

        [collapse]
        arc though, he just turns
        Spoiler

        weak. Like anyone can just sneak up on him and break his token without him noticing. He's able to be subdued by his love interest who suddenly has a split personality.

        [collapse]

        Pros:

        I don't think there are any

        Cons:

        MC starts out op but suddenly is able to be beaten by everyone he meets

        Grammar was horrible in earlier chapters; it's gotten better but there are still many spelling and grammar errors

        Characters seem to be there just to create some 'competition' for Ken

        This technically isn't a con, but the plot is very cliche

        The world isn't very fleshed out

        Honestly, this story is not the best, and I hope it becomes better 

        Edit: I'm back because I realized that my critiques weren't helpful. Therefore, some suggestions:

        1) Fix all the spelling and grammar issues. That is probably the worst thing that dissuades people from continuing the story. 

        2) Flesh all the characters out more; currently they just seem like plot devices to push the MC forward. Give them more personality, if only to make sure that they don't just seem stationary

        3) Flesh the world out more. Most times the world is just as important as everything else. 

        If I think of anything else, I will update but currently I'm going to reread. Hopefully this is more helpful than the previous rendition. 

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        Kumakichi
        Status: chapter 16: forgers enchantment pt.2

        Oh my, where to even start.  

        This reads a lot like those anime/light novel series with a ridiculously overpowered protagonist in a fantasy story... which is also a high-school romance, which may or may not feature two or more girls fighting for the protagonist's affections. 

        Fundamentally speaking, the concept of a boy raised in relative isolation emerging into an unfamiliar world of magic mixed with modern technology does have potential. But it has been done before, and it has been done better as well.   

        There is really nothing about this that really sets it apart from a lot of other stories I have seen before.  I find this story quite poorly executed. Other than the blatant issues in regards to language (spelling) and punctuation (lots of missing periods and commas), the narration and the characters... leave a lot to be desired.  

        The characters themselves are astonishingly shallow, falling into obvious archetypes and stereotypical behaviour. They are not particularly fleshed out, and they feel more like cardboard cutouts than people.   Another issue is the information dumping, which usually takes place through dialogue. This is especially prevalent in chapter one, but also exists elsewhere.   

        Usually, people have a tendency of cramming lots of information into the paragraphs in-between the dialogue, using some sort of narrator to provide information about the world-building and on the direction of the character's inner thoughts.   

        Here however, the issue seems to be largely the opposite: A lot of information is crammed into individual lines of dialogue, causing a clunky and unnatural dialogue to form.  

        Overall, it's not good to provide *too much* information all at once, as it tends to disturb the flow of the story. However, there are also issues with including *too little* information in situations when the readers need that knowledge in order to get a decent grasp of what is happening in the story.  

        Here, there are some serious pacing issues - there are too many things happening too quickly, and too many things introduced in quick succession.  

        Here is one example from chapter 2: 

        Spoiler

        "Th-that's... a Thunder Emperor... " Edna stuttered in disbelief  

        "Wohhhh! He looks so cool!" Said, Vivian  

        Pointing at everyone, Ken introduced everyone "Volterra that's Grandma Edna, Uncle Mark, Big Sis Vivian, and you already know Grandpa August, everyone this is Volterra his a Thunder Emperor Dragon, "

         "Greetings humans" Volterra spoke tryna be polite  

        "Well, this is definitely a surprise, " Mark said, looking up at the mighty dragon. "How did you manage to tame an Emperor Class Dragon?"  

        "Well a few years ago, Volterra fell from the sky and crash-landed on this island. He was riddled with scars and open wounds, so I tried my best to heal him. A few days after that I told Grandpa about it and asked him to heal him properly, he said-  

        "This is a great time to teach you about responsibility, since you saved the dragon you take care of it" Ken explained.  At this point, Edna had her hands balled up tightly and vanes beginning to show

        "He even calls you 'Young Master" Vivan spoke  

        "Well after several months I was able to completely heal him, but he didn't want to return to Dragonhiem, so instead he suggested we form a Companions Pack-  

        Cutting off Ken, Edna grabbed August by the ear, pulling it to the point where it almost seemed like she was going to pull it off.   

        In anger she shouted "August Aelrindel Cliffered, why the hell didn't you tell me this earlier!? It was already bad enough that you were raising a child on such a dangerous island, but you let him keep an Emperor Dragon!? At such a young age!? Do you know how dangerous that is!? You don't know how much I want to kill you right now!"   

        [collapse]

        These paragraphs illustrate a whole lot of the issues in this story - the pacing, the characters, the spelling, the lacking punctuation.   

        Also, it makes the reader wonder: How did Ken manage to conceal this? And for what purpose? Also, what are Thunder Emperor Dragons and what role do they and/or other dragons serve in this story - other than to act as a makeshift taxi to transport the protagonist?   

        Anyways, I could go on (and on and on and on), but I won't. There are plenty of issues with this story, but fixing the grammar and spelling would probably improve it significantly.

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