So your story is interesting enough, I have no issues with it, it's definitely creative even for a genre and setting that has basically saturated novels to the point of normality. Normal in terms of setting and beginning, bringing nothing unseen before, so I won't, or rather I can't comment on this, because I do know how hard it is to be original in these times in dire need for originality, when there isn't any to give.

I can't really comment on your "writing style" because it's not the problem making it hard for me to read... primarily.

The fact that it hasn't been presented as a block of text is a positive for me however, the fact that the writing style and even the presentation changed by the next chapter, presenting to me no visual connection in my mind to the previous chapter is a little annoying personally.

Chapter 1 had me going down a line after barely reading a small sentence, which jars me a little, but chapter 3 is the perfect mix of slight blocks of text and a few singular lines. Chapter 2, well, it kinda goes back to how chapter 1 was presented which is the least desirable, whereas chapter 4 is almost like a different book in front of me, I even scrolled to the top of the page to check I was reading the correct story.
Novels don't just need consistency in the Storyline or plot, but in the presentation, it's to have it's own "look" so to say or to show that the DNA is it's own, like a fingerprint of sorts.

Basically, the way you write a chapter, is a like, part of DNA, when that DNA is altered, it usually doesn't go well, please keep the most basic part of the novel, the writing style, and presentation consistent.
I don't want to get blood tested to find out that because it's different I won't get to take that 10 million dollar prize.

I do have to say, though unlike your other novel and older novels you sent me drafts of, this has already improved leaps and bounds, the grammar is still and issue. Use of commas has been used way to much and in many cases absolutely unnecessary. The biggest problem you have is the excessive use of a comma after the word "and". In many cases they aren't needed, remember a comma is used to give a subtle break in a sentence, as if you were saying it out loud. The comma is also to give you a very small reprieve when reading in your head. 

Remove some, keep the necessary. I'm not an editor and I don't have the time nor patience to help these days I'm sorry, but this is the best I can do for telling you about the issues, as sadly, these are the same main issues you had a few years back. The thing I think you've improved a hell of a lot on however, is the wording and things like that, much more understandable and I'm genuinely happy you've gotten better in writing, unlike me who just consumes the books. Hopefully there will be a day when I finally decide to write a 200+ chapter long book to satisfy my own ego.

Now I know that this is basically not telling you anything, but it should be enough, because honestly, your improvement is much more than I truly expected. At least I know you still have sentence and wording structure issues, but that's only when your witting a novel and overthinking about it making mistakes from I'd say stressful imagining, because your able to talk on discord just fine and type in the chat's without issues, so hopefully you'll be able to fix the minor issues that actually plague you. Just try putting it into the "Grammarly online" thing and see what it says.

I haven't actually asked you but, if English ain't your first written language dude, I suggest writing in what ever may be your fist, then translating it to English... because then you have both... though, I'm only saying so IF English isn't.

Oh, may I also tell you, I know basically nothing of the fate series, I only really ever seen the one with the white haired archer being the future um... MC? That one fight against Gilgamesh on the bridge and also that one with the priest and the time stop guy. This is basically the extent of what I've seen of the FATE/ series not including spoilers and other things I've come across online... such as the many many many many King Arthur's in existence.[/quote]

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So far so good. Not much in the first chapter, but it is after all, a first chapter. I have high hopes for this novel.

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