Hi, y’all! Can I be real with you guys?
Lately, it’s been really hard for me to write. In April I made a mistake with Hearts and fairies, this story’s previous version. If you can still call it that..this mistake’s still hurting me to this day, and I’m sure some of you guys have noticed the rewrite probably isn’t as good as the original was. At first, I thought this was cus I switched to a new tense and cus of things like my life suddenly getting really…rough. But I know now that I never really moved on from my mistake, even though I thought I did.
Ever since I stopped writing Haf cus of the mistake I made my self-esteem with writing hasn’t recovered, if anything it’s just been getting lower and lower. I started to feel like most people just weren’t enjoying my work anymore no matter what I did and sometimes I even had a panic attack cus I was worried I’d made the same mistake again, or that it was still too similar to either Tearforged or Haf so it was boring and I just wasted people’s time. I ended up rewriting several chapters, including the ending of last Friday’s chapter and even pushed some plot devices forward like the Oracle engine, which also would’ve been in Haf if it made it that far. I think that these rewrites were for the better but I still don’t know if it was really necessary.
If it weren’t for my editor/proofreader and the comments made in Haf’s last chapter(and a few in other chapters) along with the comments in Daughters Of Fire I probably at least would’ve stopped writing this story several times over by now. The pressure of writing two chapters a week while feeling like I had to get back my original flow and prove I was still a “good” writer was really starting to get to me. And more importantly, the last thing I want is to waste people’s time especially when I just wanna entertain you and make you feel happy!
This isn’t me announcing I’m taking a break or anything, I know that at least some folks like my work and that means a lot to me:) I just need to figure out where I’m going next! Though I’m afraid I need to reduce the upload schedule to once a week for a while, probably on Monday’s. it’s just too stressful to always get out a chapter twice a week right now, especially cus my backlog ran out a month ago.
I was feeling a bit down today so I decided to read Tearforged again, then I read haf again to motivate myself (and cus I was feeling a little nostalgic) until I realized that at least to me, it felt better than the rewrite in some places. I also realized that I stopped writing for Haf’s not cus of the story, but because I was really sad and angry at myself. The story was actually in a great place I think! A Dance Of Fire is probably one of or my best chapter ever, it was meant to be the first chapter where the story really goes in its own direction, but it was basically the last.
The rewrite, on the other hand, I think that despite sharing pretty much all of the plot points it wasn’t as much of a rewrite as it was a completely new story, for better or worse. I even changed the second mc’s name just to get as far away from Haf’s as possible! I was just so scared of repeating my mistake to see that I probably didn’t have to do any of that.
I’m really, really sorry for all of this! For the rewrites, for the drop in quality, the delay for the 10k chapters, and also the switch to present tense if it and my pacing disoriented anyone at any point, I apologize. And for the rambling! I’ll get to the point now.
At the bottom there are a few polls, if you don’t mind you can vote there what you’d like to see or what you enjoy the most, like if you’d like to see an improved/edited and continued version of Haf here that picks up right where it left off, or if I should continue Daughters Of Fire, keep the present tense or change to past tense and stuff.
We never wanted for it to get this far, I spent a pretty long time thinking about this because I wanted to avoid having to do anything like this but I and my proofreader are still really new to writing and the truth is, we don’t know what the right thing to do is here to make things right, just that I/we have to move forward.
I know it’s probably a lot of work if for example past tense is chosen, but I honestly don’t mind at all if it makes folks happy In the end:) so feel free to vote however you like!
Please leave a comment if you’d like to talk to me or if you’ve any feedback to give, I always love reading the comments and I’m really eager to improve!
But whatever happens next, the Miri chapters are gonna get published!
I've enjoyed this story just fine, and felt it was plenty different enough from the others that I don't have any issues. I really think it's fine, and writing is an iterative process anyway. I did a ton of technical writing in my last job and the amount of editing that a paper has to go through to get to a good polished state is... a lot.
I've always viewed the stories I read on here as mid-drafts. Probably not editing and polishing than a rough draft, but (usually) less rigorous editing, planning, and revising that a feature publication might see. Taking that into consideration, I think you should have realistic expectations for yourself and your writing. I can say without a doubt that I've read plenty of stories on here that I've had to drop because, despite showing great potential, the writing and plot was far too sloppy to do the ideas justice. I don't get that vibe with this story. I'm still sticking around.
And trust me, aside from the leniency I give a lot of the stories around here *because* there are many amateur authors getting their first start in writing, I'm pretty critical of what I read. A byproduct of years of technical writing, I'm afraid.
All that's to say that you're doing fine and you should keep going doing the best you can, because you want to. Your novel isn't going to be perfect. That's okay. It's not supposed to be. I think the issue here is mainly psychological. It could help to read some published books on writing from famous authors. Get a feel for the trials and tribulations of the writing process from those that have "made it" (so to speak). It might help you learn to engage with your writing in a more constructive (rather than destructive, as it seems) manner. It could be healthy to take a step back and revaluate your approach to writing -- at the least you should show yourself some more compassion.
Thank you for your feedback! I'm really glad to hear you're sticking around and didn't get a sloppy vibe cus I was worried the constant rewrites of chapters made the story look kinda bad I'll totally keep going and give it my best! I'll follow your advice and look into reading some published books and stuff! And you're right about the destructive part I'll use the reduced workload to work on my approach, and maybe try to get a backlog back up. Sadly I can be a bit of a anxious perfectionistic mess sometimes but it was really good to hear feedback, Im gonna try to be easier on myself from now on! Thank you again, it means a lot to me
I haven't read Haf, so idk how much weight my thoughts hold, but I do wanna say that I've been really enjoying reading through daughters of fire so far. Whatever you do end up doing, I'm sure it'll be great, and I think it's really cool that you're taking your readers into consideration and that you're taking care of yourself and reducing your workload. However things go moving forward, I'm really looking forward to it.
Thank you so much!! By the looks of things I’m just gonna rewrite/polish chapters 12-13 and keep going from there! Of course I mean, I write for your entertainment and happiness, and you guys are taking the time to read my stuff so you deserve to have a little input whenever I’m talking about big changes and stuff thanks I really needed to be a little easier on myself I think 2 chapters a week and so close together without a backlog just wasn’t working I’m so happy to hear you’re looking forward to the rest of the story though!! I hope you’ll like what comes next!