Hi, y’all! Can I be real with you guys?

Lately, it’s been really hard for me to write. In April I made a mistake with Hearts and fairies, this story’s previous version. If you can still call it that..this mistake’s still hurting me to this day, and I’m sure some of you guys have noticed the rewrite probably isn’t as good as the original was. At first, I thought this was cus I switched to a new tense and cus of things like my life suddenly getting really…rough. But I know now that I never really moved on from my mistake, even though I thought I did. 

Ever since I stopped writing Haf cus of the mistake I made my self-esteem with writing hasn’t recovered, if anything it’s just been getting lower and lower. I started to feel like most people just weren’t enjoying my work anymore no matter what I did and sometimes I even had a panic attack cus I was worried I’d made the same mistake again, or that it was still too similar to either Tearforged or Haf so it was boring and I just wasted people’s time. I ended up rewriting several chapters, including the ending of last Friday’s chapter and even pushed some plot devices forward like the Oracle engine, which also would’ve been in Haf if it made it that far. I think that these rewrites were for the better but I still don’t know if it was really necessary. 

If it weren’t for my editor/proofreader and the comments made in Haf’s last chapter(and a few in other chapters) along with the comments in Daughters Of Fire I probably at least would’ve stopped writing this story several times over by now. The pressure of writing two chapters a week while feeling like I had to get back my original flow and prove I was still a “good” writer was really starting to get to me. And more importantly, the last thing I want is to waste people’s time especially when I just wanna entertain you and make you feel happy! 

This isn’t me announcing I’m taking a break or anything, I know that at least some folks like my work and that means a lot to me:) I just need to figure out where I’m going next! Though I’m afraid I need to reduce the upload schedule to once a week for a while, probably on Monday’s. it’s just too stressful to always get out a chapter twice a week right now, especially cus my backlog ran out a month ago. 

I was feeling a bit down today so I decided to read Tearforged again, then I read haf again to motivate myself (and cus I was feeling a little nostalgic) until I realized that at least to me, it felt better than the rewrite in some places. I also realized that I stopped writing for Haf’s not cus of the story, but because I was really sad and angry at myself. The story was actually in a great place I think! A Dance Of Fire is probably one of or my best chapter ever, it was meant to be the first chapter where the story really goes in its own direction, but it was basically the last. 

The rewrite, on the other hand, I think that despite sharing pretty much all of the plot points it wasn’t as much of a rewrite as it was a completely new story, for better or worse. I even changed the second mc’s name just to get as far away from Haf’s as possible! I was just so scared of repeating my mistake to see that I probably didn’t have to do any of that. 

I’m really, really sorry for all of this! For the rewrites, for the drop in quality, the delay for the 10k chapters, and also the switch to present tense if it and my pacing disoriented anyone at any point, I apologize. And for the rambling! I’ll get to the point now.

At the bottom there are a few polls, if you don’t mind you can vote there what you’d like to see or what you enjoy the most, like if you’d like to see an improved/edited and continued version of Haf here that picks up right where it left off, or if I should continue Daughters Of Fire, keep the present tense or change to past tense and stuff. 

We never wanted for it to get this far, I spent a pretty long time thinking about this because I wanted to avoid having to do anything like this but I and my proofreader are still really new to writing and the truth is, we don’t know what the right thing to do is here to make things right, just that I/we have to move forward.

I know it’s probably a lot of work if for example past tense is chosen, but I honestly don’t mind at all if it makes folks happy In the end:) so feel free to vote however you like!

Please leave a comment if you’d like to talk to me or if you’ve any feedback to give, I always love reading the comments and I’m really eager to improve! 

But whatever happens next, the Miri chapters are gonna get published!