i keep a dollop of toothpaste in my mouth at all times. i do not swallow nor spit it out, even during meals. i ingest it in the morning and toss it across my oral cavity without rest. it is only when night time arrives when I release the toothpaste from my mouth. i keep it in a locket hung around my neck so that I don't forget to ingest it tomorrow morning again.

Malays from Southeast Asia operate on another level from the rest of humanity, towering over the Scottish, the Australians, and even the Middle Africans, especially those that live in the countrysides. They just wake up, wear a curtain as pants, ride two highways out to meet their friends in a wooden shack in the middle of a durian orchard where one of them could get bludgeoned to death by a fruit at any given moment, and just drink tea and eat mangosteens.

i inhibit an unquestionable amount of violence inside me so much so that it manifests to my daily activities i don't just shower i purge my body of impurities. sometimes i wonder if my limbs are the parasites that contribute to my downfall

I always hated the "it's fiction they can do anything" arguement for fantasy or frankly, any story out there

King Crimson will rerelease old songs in box sets and twenty other compilation albums before actually putting In the Court of the Crimson King in streaming services

if i ever have a child i want him dressed classy at all times; drippin' like he just stepped out of the womb

A Futakuchi-Onna is a youkai that has two mouths. one on the front like all the normies and huge one on the back of the skull

You'd think that at some point, some companies would invent anti frizzling technology for pubes. Dick hairs and such. I don't want to solve a boys scout knot every time I try to scratch the itch on my sack. But no, there's no shampoo for ball hairs, no underwear designed to not catch your pubic hair.

Capitalism truly failed us 

nipples are inherently funny if you think about it without sexual connotations. it's just a pair of giant pimples sitting on som fun bags. like, imagine if you had nipples on your ballsacks, and they lactate semen.

a society built on foreskin superiority; the bigger and floppier and muskier it is, the higher your social status.

government audits go around checking for foreskin sizes to make sure everything stays in line

they are

the Foreskinspectors™

i can't believe ancient templars just start throat singing and vibe together while marching under the rain

public masturbation may be the most powerful move in society

there are some nationalities you simply can't diss for fun online. hating the french? that's fine. hating the japanese? uncommon, but alright. hating the chinese? less than ideal. hating the nigerians? now that's crossing the line a little, buddy

imagine that you're in a desert. you're dying of thirst. you'd sip moisture from a blanket pee'd on by a cancer-ridden elderly. you come across an oasis. there's water. there's water. you run towards it, only to find out it's made of ginger ale

that's it AlphaRetard is no more, back to BenJepheneT

i always hate discussing about my favourite piano composition because then i'd have to explain why the composer has the word bussy in his name