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Thanks.
You know, the DID thing sounds obvious now that you say it. That is out of character.
Any other ooc stand out?
Not really, that was about it.
You understand? I'd like to have something come back from before at the very end, but don't really have anything, ya know? I was gonna have an United Nation Interdimensional Task Force (UNIT-F) team show up to save/kidnap the Saintess right at the end to bring the cosmic war into book two.
Actually, here....
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fSsybZyFtWBvrGkwOTWmIrTK5n6bEHUj/view?usp=sharing
Dont worry about spelling or what not. Gonna feed it through a bunch of stuff to clean it up.
It's the ending.
I... just... Not quite sure how to wrap it up. It's gonna end on that cliff hanger. But... I need... I dunno.
I don't have any "And So"
I only have an "And THEN"
I'll give it a look today and get back to you :)
In chapter 122, when Arthur takes the RPG and his guards detain Pricilla, Lily, Lilith, and Monique; they all act out of character, just giving up without a fight. I mean Lilith at least should have gone ballistic, and tried to fight. This would also help with the ending of the story - the girls being too late to stop Arthur, watching him "kill" Ryan.
Maybe also include some internal dialogue between Ryan and Reed that gets cut off at a pivotal moment by the explosion. That should all give a bit more of an emotional impact to your cliffhanger. You could cause the girls to be delayed by the United Nation Interdimensional Task Force which would add some drama to the whole thing. Either way, Lilith and Monique would definitely not just sit around like damsel's in distress while Ryan was in trouble.
You could also try to include:
Character Arc Completion, Foreshadowing, Emotional Impact, a Twist, a Flash Forward / Flashback, or some Reflection.
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