When Andrew and Lary finally came out of the bathroom, they were surprised with the feast Regina prepared and the glares of all the irritated customers who were still waiting for their pizzas.

Meatzilla Madness, Veggie Volcano, Mac n Cheese Mayhem, Hula-ham Pizza - Regina made all of Papa Joe's bangers, complete with a side of Sour Power wings, garlic butter, and Cinna-magic buns, and all of them in the shape of cats!

Lary could hardly contain the drool in his mouth as he quivered with desire to immediately inhale everything in sight.

"Wow Regina, you shouldn't have." Andrew was touched. Although he’d worked here for over a year, he'd actually never had the Mac n Cheese Mayhem - he only ate free, failed orders that were never picked up and no one ever abandoned the Mac n Cheese Mayhem. Did that say something about the pizza? He was about to find out.

"Obviously it's for Lary, not you." Regina clarified. "Although I guess you could have some as long as you stop drooling."

Andrew rolled his eyes. Clearly Lary was the one drooling! Regina needed to get her eyes checked.

Lary didn't need to be told twice. In typical carnivore style, he tore his food to shreds and swallowed the chunks without chewing.

Regina's smile froze. Who taught this kid to eat like some beast? And how was he not choking?

On cue, Lary’s face turned red and he clutched his throat.

“He’s choking! Quick the Hindlick maneuver!” Regina called out.

Although there was a giant poster of the Hindlick maneuver on the wall, nobody had done one before, and everyone stared at each other and the poster in a panic, tensely waiting for someone else to step up.

While the humans were preoccupied in a battle of wits, Lary felt himself blacking out from the lack of oxygen. Although it was a bad idea, left with no choice, he shifted into a tiger, consequences be damned!

Once the food passed into his stomach he shifted back into a human child.

He peeked up at the humans, expecting the worst. But they weren’t even looking at him! They were all staring at the poster at the front. As Lary was about to sigh in relief he heard a screech from the tables.

"Holy mother of God! I just saw a tiger!"

Lary froze. Soulfire! Someone saw him.

Everyone whipped their heads around towards the voice. It was Gerald, the homeless drunkard who often came to shelter from the harsh winter, and occasionally bought the $5 Tuesday cheese pizzas.

"Somebody get him outta here!" Regina scowled. She tolerated Gerald usually, but usually he wasn't hallucinating on the premises, in front of a child no less.

"No! You've gotta believe me! There was...!" His voice grew distant as he was dragged out.

Lary's racing heart calmed as he saw that his secret was still safe. Lary shrugged. How strange he'd gotten away with it. Who knew what happened in these primitive animals’ minds? He had more important things to do, like eating. Shifting made him hungry. Luckily he had plenty of food left.

“Guys, I think he doesn’t need the Hindlick maneuver anymore.” The customer hollering into her phone paused her conversation to point out.

Her comment instantly reignited the bustling energy around her, like hitting the play button on a paused scene.

In the midst of the resumed hubbub, Andrew breathed a sigh of relief. "You need to slowly chew, then swallow your food, or else you'll choke. Don't worry, the food’s not going to grow legs and scurry away."

Lary chewed as he was told, while he contemplated how fragile humans were. Food that wasn't even alive could kill them! Speaking of not alive.. he eyed the pizza slice curiously. It didn't resemble any animal he'd ever seen. Was it a special beast only found in this world? He wondered how they moved, what they ate, and how they procreated.

Regina tapped on Andrew's shoulder and beckoned him away.

Andrew had been about to finally, after all this time, take a bite of a Mac n Cheese Mayhem. "What?"

Regina heartlessly yanked him by his lapel towards her office, while Andrew made puppy eyes at the pizza slice he dropped back into the box.

"Talk to me. Who is he?" Regina shut her office door decorated with cat and pizza sticky notes.

"He..." Andrew hesitated. He'd already decided he would be Lary's Big V and help him overcome his fears. But Regina was too straight-laced to understand. Which meant he would have to lie. And lying had never been his forte. "He.... is.... my neighbor's kid!"

"Evan has a kid?"

Andrew froze. He forgot that Regina had come around before and met his neighbor Evan. He was about to nod yes when he heard Regina say, "Isn't Lary a little too white to be his kid?"

Oh shit. Andrew thought about Lary’s pale skin, blonde hair and blue eyes. And Evan who was clearly black through and through. 

"Ahahha... are you joking? Obviously not Evan." Fuck. "A different neighbor... umm, Gary! He uh broke his leg yesterday and asked me to help him watch his kid."

Regina narrowed her eyes.

Something was fishy.

Lary's dad's name was Gary? What kind of sicko did that? That'd be like if she decided to name her cat Vegina! Captain Meowington was clearly superior. "If you say so...."

Cold sweat dripped down Andrew's back.

"So how long are you watching Lary for?"

Andrew let out a breath. "Who knows how long a broken leg takes to recover? By the way, are your eyes okay? You're squinting a lot."

Regina's eyes snapped open. "Oh yeah, they're fine. Seems like you have a lot on your plate. I can take him off your hands." Regina looked Andrew up and down, certain she was more equipped to take care of a young child. Nevermind that neither of them had stepped up to do the Hindlick maneuver earlier. At least she had coddled her sister’s grandchildren a couple times, in addition to raising a harem of cats. 

The last Mac n Cheese Mayhem slice Lary had been contently munching on suddenly flopped to the floor. Lary’s eyes were wide with alarm. What were the son of a Sun humans talking about? There was no way he was going home with cat pee lady!

He consolidated all the remaining food into one pizza box including the slice he'd dropped onto the floor. His small body teetered left and right as he barely held up the pizza box twice his size. He huffed his way into the office where the two defects were fighting for his custody.

"Lary? What are you doing here?" Regina asked, delighted.

"Share!" Lary slid the pizza box onto Regina's desk, smearing orange grease all over her custom made cat and pizza sticky notes.

Regina’s friendly smile faltered. She felt torn between wanting to cry from the damage and being touched by how considerate the little munchkin was. The cuteness won. "Wow so sweet of you. Thank you Lary!"

Andrew’s eyes lit up. Looked like there was still one Mac n Cheese Mayhem slice left! Although it looked a little mangled, it was probably from the rocky journey.

Andrew picked up the slice and bit in.

Why was it... grainy?

He knew it! Mac n Cheese Mayhem was just overrated.

He glanced down as he chewed and his eyes zeroed in on the long hair and flecks of dirt. Dirt?

Andrew sputtered out the pizza.

"Ew Andrew what are you doing? You just contaminated all the food!" Regina complained.

"Lary, was this on the floor?"

Lary shrugged and happily picked up the food Andrew spit out and put it in his mouth. Yum, extra tender. How nice of him to do the first round of chewing.

Regina gawked. What was wrong with them? Was she the only normal person around? "Scratch that, you two are made for each other. I’m just gonna go… slap some dough. Bye!" She said as she backed away from the two weirdos.

Andrew and Lary looked at each other, shrugged and laughed, enjoying the remaining food together in peace. 

 

 

-- Little Theater

Gerald: I swear there was a tiger T_T Why won't anyone believe me?

-- Little Theater 2

Andrew's neighbor, Gary: Wait! This is slander! I never had a child named Lary! I would at least name him Larry!