A puff of smoke blew into my face; I gagged and lost balance, nearly falling out the bed of Sophia’s white pickup truck. Sophia’s boyfriend, Max Cooke, puffed his cigarette out the driver’s side window. I wanted to tell him off, but he would have crushed me; he was a 6 foot tall jock with a major attitude. Sometimes I got scared for Sophia; I was her neighbor and oftentimes she would have to sneak out and visit me just to escape his drunk episodes. I think that is why she invited me in the first place. I don’t know why she stayed with him. I think it was because his parents gave her a lot of money for uni, and probably to keep her quiet.

    On either side of me sat Alyssa, Quinn, and Danielle; Quinn was sitting on the cooler bullshitting with the other two about perfume. Quinn liked wearing both perfumes and colognes, which would have got him many odd looks if it didn’t fit him so well. He somehow slipped under the radar most of the time. Only we knew… well, Max didn’t, but he isn’t very bright.. He brushed his shoulder-length black hair to the side and passed a Coke down to Danielle. Danielle quickly snatched the drink and continued to talk. She had bright raspberry-colored hair whose curls twisted and twirled with the wind. Alyssa was holding a joint in her hand; she took a quick puff and handed it to Danielle. Alyssa had long straight brown hair. I was so envious of the length it got. Mine was still growing since my parents forced me to cut it, so it was just above my shoulders in a bob. To be honest, I felt out of place: I really didn’t have many friends outside of Sophia. It felt easier somehow hanging out with her. I felt I didn’t have to fake it as much. Still, it was so much harder with a group. I would constantly hear people mention me and talk about me. I hated hearing my name. It made me feel bare and hideous, like some freak experiment.

---

    Max turned up and parked in a clearing. A bonfire was already lit with a banner strung between 2 trees over the road. It was painted with shoddy spray paint that read, ”Thunder Bay Class of 2023… Bitchez'' 

    “Derek! Were here, now get your ass out of my car”

I winced. Max knew hearing my name fucked with me. So, he would constantly use it. He really needed to make everyone else feel like shit because of his tiny dick syndrome. 

    “Shut the fuck up Max.” Quinn said. He was the only one who could tell off Max without consequence.

    We jumped down out of the bed. We were just above the dirty beach of the lake. There were already a lot of people at the party. Every senior in Thunder Bay (who wouldn’t snitch) was invited. I guess a lot of those seniors also invited some plus ones. Almost everyone came to either get hammered on booze and weed, or get laid… oftentimes both. I still felt out of place. Everyone quickly got into their niche; Max quickly settled in with the lacrosse teams. Alyssa and Danielle found the goth/alt scene quickly. Quinn disappeared to god knows where. So, it was just me and Sophia.

I sat down a few feet from the fire. the warmth of the flames battered against my skin; it was just barely too hot. The smell of smoke assaulted my nose. I watched the fire dance on the logs, fading from one color to the next. I couldn’t look away. Honestly, I had the urge to stick my hand in the flame. It was an intrusive thought, but I felt so unhappy. Every day I had to hear my stupid name; every day I had to see a bunch of my classmates naked in the boys' locker room. undoubtedly slapping each other with towels and trying to stare at me change; every day was the same thing. I felt helpless.

I heard a whistle followed by a, "Hey sweetheart, wanna lick my popsicle?"

I turned. Next to me was a 6'2" man with brown, shaggy hair and dark brown, nearly black eyes. He had a smattering of stubble across his chin.

I stepped back and instinctively made a face in disgust. Sophia stepped forward. "They're with me, don't you dare cat call them."

From the other side of the bonfire stepped out Max, "What's wrong? can't a man have a little fun?"

Then he realized it was me. "Dude… what the fuck! that is a guy…"

My heart stung. I don't know why but something hurt. The man backed up, and left, ashamed. Sophia asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah… that was weird. I haven't had that happen before." That was a lie. I had stitches like that happen all through high school. I would be minding my own business when some creep (most often Max) would grab me and tell me how fuckable I was. It made me uncomfortable. I was lucky that they didn't go further. 

---

    We both sat in silence for a long time. I stared at the ground, moving the dirt back and forth with my feet. Sophia quietly watched the fire. I couldn’t help but stare; The way the firelight bounced off her pink wolf cut, how her freckles vibrantly danced with the flame, how her eyes lit up like emeralds sparkling with brilliant oranges and sweet ambers –It was all so beautiful.

    “Hey, do you want to do anything?”

    Well, I want to kiss you first of all– “Ummm… ummm…I don’t know, what do you want to do?”

    “Well, I want to get high, or drunk… or possibly both.” She giggled, “You wanna join?”

I tried to formulate an answer; I hadn’t planned on getting drunk or stoned tonight. This was mostly an excuse for me to keep an eye on Sophia. I do wonder what it would feel like though: maybe that low-level unhappy feeling of my life would be gone for the evening.

    “Uh sure! Could be fun. I –uh– haven’t tried any before.”

    “Then follow me”

    I quickly followed Sophia, she passed by the area where Danielle and Alyssa were. They dropped their conversation about art and followed Sophia, holding each other's hands the whole time. It was cute, I wish I could hold my best friend’s hand. We continued, somehow Sophia instinctively knew where Quinn was; he was very obviously flirting with 2 of the guys he snuck away from the jocks. Sophia quickly made him cut it out and he quickly followed us. Sophia took us to the map of the campground near the entrance.

    “Where do we go to smoke?”

    “There is a trail to an old cell tower near the lakeshore. we could go there. It overlooks the camp, but it is very secluded.” said Quinn.

    Alyssa and Danielle quickly agreed.

    “Finally, do you want to go to the cell tower?” Sophia pointed at me.

    “Uhhh… yes I would.” I squeaked.

I followed everyone down to the lakeshore. Sure enough, there was a small unmarked trail to the left. We walked through the dense summer brush. Sophia reached into her pocket and pulled out a phone. The trail was dimly illuminated. We all dodged every stray branch and thorn. Eventually, the foliage started to open up and we found ourselves at a small clearing; in the center stood a large cell tower. The red lights flickered against the inky sky. We walked toward the cell tower.

---

Sophia lit the joint, “Open your mouth.”

I opened my mouth. Sophia placed the joint between my lips.

“Take a small breath.”

I obliged. I took a small puff of the joint; I waited, at first it felt like nothing was happening. I took 3 more puffs over a few minutes. 

"When does it kick in?"

Everyone replied in unison, "about now."

As soon as they said that, I could feel it working. Everything felt softer… easier. I started to giggle. And I kept giggling, and giggling. I couldn't help myself. This felt so good, I didn't want this to stop. I laid down on the grass and rolled around

"I didn't expect that reaction, kinda cute though." Sophia replied. "You laugh like when I realized I was a girl."

I was stunned. "Wat?"

"You didn't know? I thought it was obvious. Tee bee aitch I also thought you were a closeted trans girl too."

"I'm not pretty enough to be a girl. I wish I could have been born one."

Sophia facepalmed. "1. you look just like a cis girl already and 2. you know you can just be a girl, right?"

Wait, wait, wait… I can just be a girl. I can just be a girl… I CAN JUST BE A GIRL!!! "I'm a girl!!! I'm a girl!!! I'm a girl!!!" I repeated the phrase while giddily rolling in the grass and stamping my feet in excitement. 

Sophia snorted. “Yup. Congratulations, you're a girl.”

Alyssa chimed in. "So, what should your name be? No rush, I bet we can find a–

“Charlotte,” I interrupted. 

Danielle replied, "It suits you, hi Charlotte."

"My name is Charlotte!!!" I grinned wider than I ever have before.

"Yes it is. Now, Charlotte, could you pass me the joint sweetie?" Quinn replied. 

I handed him the joint, which I had accidentally put out while rolling around. Quinn quickly lit it back up and took a huge puff before passing it to Danielle. Danielle took a long drag and held her breath. She grabbed Alyssa's waist and drew her in. She firmly pressed her lips against her and kissed her, blowing smoke into her mouth in the process. Alyssa let out a faint moan. That is kind of when I realized, oh shit, they’re dating. How am I this dense?

We kept passing the joint around; first Sophia, then me, then Quinn, and finally Danielle and Alyssa. We spend the better part of an hour just vibing together. I finally found where I belong. I was a trans lesbian and I belonged with this group, these people. My friends. Everything was going amazing. Tonight was the best night I had ever had. Nothing could ruin this night. Not even Max. Especially not Max.

Then, from the brush on the trail stumbled a very drunk, and very high Max.It was a miracle he made it to the cell tower without falling flat on his porcine face.

    “Hey Derek, *Hiccup* Sophia *Hiccup*, wanna fuck?”

Sophia replied, “First of all… She’s Charlotte now. Second, I told you I don’t want sex.”

“I don’t care *hiccup* what he’s called, and you look too cute not to *hiccup* play with.” Max slowly approached us. He reached for Sophia’s breasts and attempted to grab them.

“WHAT THE FUCK!?” 

Quinn stepped in, “Cut that shit out… back the fuck up.”

Max didn’t, he reached for my thigh and grasped it.

Sophia balled up her hand into a fist and forced it into his nose. I heard a loud crack and blood started flowing out of Max’s nostrils.

“FUCK YOU BITCH!!!”

Both Danielle and Alyssa got up, they both stepped up to face them. Quinn got even closer and hit him square in the jaw. Spit shot from his mouth. Quinn’s hand was covered in blood and saliva. “Fuck you fuckface.”

Max tried to fight back, but clearly he was more fucked up than us; both punches flew sluggishly through the air, being effortlessly dodged. Alyssa wound up a kick and hit Max square in the balls. He fell to his knees before Danielle Spartan kicked him to the ground. From there he assumed a fetal position; tears falling from his eyes mixed with his drool and blood, covering the concrete of the cell tower. Max whimpered, “I’m going to kill you! I don’t understand why Sophia hangs out with you queers. When I tell my dad what happened you are all going to prison.”

Sophia replied, “I am a queer, bitch, and consider you and I fucking over.”

“Not if I can help it.” Alyssa replied. She pointed to the phone leaning in the grass. “I knew you might pull that shit, so I started recording when you approached. You’re fucked.”

Max sat wallowing in his own misery for ten minutes. When he finally had enough dignity to get up, he didn’t go for the phone, instead he solemnly hobbled back down the trail.

“Hey Charlotte?” Sophia said, “Can I hold your hand?”

I nodded. 

“Thank you for being so nice to me all these years. You saved me from hurting myself… or worse many times. NGL, I think I have a crush on you… sorry if that is too forward. You’re just so pretty, and so sweet… I couldn’t help falling for you.”

My brain shut off. I never thought Sophia would love me in that way. I can’t lie, I had a crush on her for a while too. “I do too.” I blurted out.

Sophia blushed hard, “Can I kiss you?”

I blushed even more, “Yes, you can.” a tear fell down my face. I never expected to get kissed, period, let alone by Sophia.

Sophia pressed her lips against mine; it was heavenly, they were so soft and warm. I could feel her breath against my face. My heart raced, it felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest. I loved this feeling, I never wanted it to stop. My first kiss was with my best friend, and it was heaven. It was a moment that will be etched into my soul for the rest of time…

To Be Continued?