"He tumbled into my life and claimed a spot in my heart and I can't bear to kick him out. So in there he stays, for all eternity."

It was an impulsive decision to accept Kai as my disciple, which isn't really how I operate, but Kai brings it out of me. And surprisingly, I don't mind it.

My monotonous, predictable and peaceful life has taken a chaotic turn because of my new kitten who demands all my attention and is a swirl of contradictions all squeezed into a small child's body. Yes, I call him kitten, no, not to his face. Although I'm tempted to because I know it'll draw out that sweet, delicious shade of red that scratches at the doors to my heart. 

I can tell he has all the makings of a dangerous panther, who will stalk his prey with expert ease, pounce with deadly precision, and kill with cruel efficiency. But not yet. For now, he's a little kitten, with tiny claws. He's jumpy and quick to hiss and scratch but he's also hurt and scared and longs to be held. 

I noticed him from the very first step he took through the doors of my domain. In the sea of bubbly excitement, he was the one child on edge and afraid. A jagged bump in a sea of smooth. I tried to ignore him, but my passive esscenting kept snagging on his spiky emotions. I could've let the curiosity go and continued my well worn routine, but that day, I paused my meditation and inspected the incoming cohort of fresh young Sprouts. All were ruddy cheeked and starry eyed, except for him of course. He was easy to spot with his haunted, soulless eyes trained on his feet. He was wearing gold and red, the colors of the Mystic Canvas sect.

"An interesting cohort this year." Menora, the Pillar said from beside me.

"Yes, it seems so." I wonder what that child has seen that has crushed his soul. But I let any further curiosity drift away with the gentle breeze. He too shall find his path. Whatever will happen will happen. 

Over the next few days, I become familiar with that jagged bump mixed in with the sea of emotions that rise and fall like the tides of the ocean. He has become part of my horizon, ever present and steady, like a little cliff in the ocean. 

"Grand Elder Sect! Do you know where the Pillar is?" Sage Jean is nearly in tears. 

"He's stepped out to the Mirage Forge sect for a meeting. What's the matter?"

"There's a Sprout from the Mystic Canvas Sect who isn't waking up. I think something's happened."

My heart tenses. Mystic Canvas. Is it that kid? I search for that jagged bump in the sea of emotions. The moment I find it, my clenched heart relaxes again. I realize I care more than I would've expected. I don't want anything to happen to my little cliff. Although bullying is tragic and I wouldn't want it for any Sprout, it particularly pains me to imagine the little kid with the haunted eyes experiencing any more pain. An unexpected sense of protectiveness bubbles up, and this time I don't let it drift away. I hold onto it. Temporarily. Just until I know that he'll be okay. 

The cliff no longer merely exists on my horizon. I watch it. I inspect every jagged bump and shape and color until I am intimately familiar with it. And when I find it spiking with fear I stop what I'm doing and rush over to it. I hope I'm not too late.

I get there and see the little boy, his emotions raw and trembling with fear. But his head is held up high. He is threatening, bluffing, scaring the bullies bigger and stronger than him.

I'm surprised. I meant to intervene but instead I watch. In amazement and awe at the crazy contradictions I'm esscenting swirling and synergizing within him. I see an injured kitten, prepared to draw blood with its tiny claws. I see the terrifying panther he will one day be, and the fear, trauma, and his trembling determination to rise above it all entwining together. It's both beautiful and heartbreaking. I have no words, I can barely breathe as I take it all in. Wondering how such a small body can hold so many strong emotions. My heart that has long settled into calm beats for centuries is pounding, captivated by the intensity of the emotions the boy is radiating.

My stare is too intense. The boy senses it. He looks up and our eyes meet. He has beautiful purple eyes, with so much depth. In that moment, his emotions spike again, a tsunami of so many different feelings I can't make sense of what he's thinking. But I see it settle into a determination. He collapses, teary-eyed. 

When I realize he's retracted his claws and is ardently acting like a harmless little bunny, it's so cute I can't stop a chuckle from escaping. 

I'm relieved to see that he's okay, and can take care of himself. That the little kitten has claws he knows how to use. I'm filled with respect for this young child who's going to grow up and make ripples in the world. The world will know his name. And my work here is done.

I depart, leaving my protectiveness behind. I can see that he has his path, and I have mine. They don't intersect. I am ready to let my fascination of him drift away. Return to being the sturdy rock floor as the ocean of the world flows around me.

But no matter where I go or what I do, the little kitten has started following me around. I can feel that he's both far from me and nearby. It's hard to ignore when he's staring at me with such intensity. It fills me with a sweet breathlessness that squeezes my heart to sense the kitten always there, following me at my heels, padding around on his tiny little paws. 

I expect his new obsession to only last a few days. But with each passing day, my fondness for him grows bigger. I find myself thinking about the little kitten pretending to be a little squirrel and wondering if he would like some nuts. I don't even know why I put them in my pocket when my plan is to continue pretending I don't notice him.

But I'm glad I do. Because I'm meditating alone and his intense adoration through his stare is so distracting I finally give into my temptation. I can already sense him emotions, but looking at him, I can see the little boy with big purple eyes through the squirrel as we stare into each others eyes. 

My heart thumps loudly. I feel as though I'm possessed as I pull out a nut. I'm filled with a sort of thrill as the squirrel draws near. I can feel the turmoil within the boy, of the gripping fear and need to flee, while the part of himself in the squirrel honestly follows his draw towards me. 

The tremor of his soul as he resists his longing and then gives in is addicting, and the way the squirrel splays out without any of the boy's normal barriers is so heart wrenchingly sweet and adorable I want to hold onto this moment forever. 

So when I'm interrupted by a Sage with a question and my kitten tries to flee, I don't let him. Not yet. Don't worry, my little kitten. I pat the little squirrel in my front pocket as I mist relaxation. 

After guiding the Sage, I seek out the boy. It's easy to find him, that little ridged cliff in my horizon that I've become all too intimately familiar with. 

He's huddled up in the middle of a rock formation - something I hadn't even known existed on my turf -- pulling his hair out. It's so endearing and I can't help my hand that reaches out to pet his hair. It's so soft. I feel a tingle in my heart, a spark of joy and warmth that spreads to my fingertips at finally making this real connection with this kitten that has taken up way too much of my thoughts lately. 

He looks up at me with those beautiful purple eyes and my heart flutters a little. 

"Julian?" his voice is soft like he's more talking to himself than me, but it's so funny and intriguing that he calls me Julian in his mind. I would've never known we were already on first name terms. 

I see the beginnings of a blush peeking out from his collar, and I can't help but want to tease him more. I pull out his creathure, a part of his soul, and gently scratch it behind its ears, my eyes trained on the boy the entire time.

I'm both overjoyed and thrilled as I see the instant warring that happens within him, of both melting under my touch and combusting with a pressing need to push me away and flee. The piece of him in my hands is honest though as it nuzzles my hand for more and I can feel the sheer pleasure gripping him as I oblige, and it's setting me on fire. Some need in me awakens from its deep slumber. I don't know what it is, but as I watch my little kitten snatch up his creathure and flee from view, my eyes follow him until I can't see him any longer. But of course I can still feel him in my mind. Always. As long as he's on my turf.